Notes: This story is meant for mature audiences only. There will be language, and everything will lead up to an eventual lemon. I'm thinking it will likely be three chapters or so, but I'm not sure. Updates will probably be slow, and I apologize for that.
"It seems there is a certain problem that needs to be handled."
The brunette pulled down the glass of beer from her lips and glanced back at the woman standing behind the bar. "Yeah, I've noticed it, too. It's time we took action."
"Can you help get our agents in place?"
"If you can handle the distractions, then I can handle the . . . education . . . of our target."
A wide grin spread across the white-haired devil's face. "Then let Operation Supernova begin."
Natsu POV
I had no idea what I was getting myself into that day when I walked into the guild.
The morning started out normal enough, with no sign that anything weird was happening. I started a fight with that stupid ice-loving stripper, made a mess of the guild's tables and chairs, and got beat up by Erza after some debris fell in her strawberry cake. It seemed like a typical day.
I was standing by the guild board and looking at available quests when Lucy walked through the door. A smile sprang to my face. Just the sight of her could do that to me. Even when she was yelling at me for breaking into her apartment or kicking me out of her bed, being around her made me happy.
I raised a hand in greeting, and I was about to ask her to join me and Happy on a job . . . only for Mirajane to swoop in and whisk Lucy away, proclaiming that they were going to have a much-needed "girls' day."
I blinked, staring after them in disappointment. I had really wanted to spend some time with Lucy.
Oh, well, I told myself. If I can't go on a mission with Lucy and Happy, then maybe I can go fishing. Happy will like that. The thought made me perk up a little. I just needed to figure out where Happy had gone.
"Natsu?" a female voice called, drawing my attention.
I looked over at Levy, who was wearing the biggest smile I'd ever seen on her. Her eyes seemed oddly bright as she stared at me.
"Can you come help me move some books?" she asked sweetly.
I glanced at Gajeel, who was ignoring us. Normally, he would be the one Levy asked for help. But it didn't really matter, so I shrugged and grinned. "Sure thing, Levy!"
"Great!" Levy said, grabbing my arm. "Now, come on!"
And so it was that I was dragged to Levy's room in the Fairy Hills dormitory. If I'd known why everyone stared after me as I left, I might have disappeared for a month. But I didn't know, and I had a lot of embarrassing moments ahead. Starting with this one.
"Do you know what sex is?"
"Uh, wh-what?" I stammered, staring at Levy, who was sitting in a chair across from me. I had been staring around her book-filled room in curiosity (I'd never been in the girls' dorm before), but now my interest was completely on Levy.
Her glasses were perched on the end of her nose, and there was a slight flush to her cheeks, but she was obviously trying to put on a scholarly air. "Sexual intercourse. Have you learned anything about it?"
I rubbed the back of my neck and looked down, feeling my cheeks turn warm. That was not what I had expected.
Knowing I had to answer, I muttered, "Makarov taught me a little." There had been something about my little dragon and a female's "special hole." I hadn't ventured to ask for details. The conversation had been uncomfortable enough as it was. I had heard bits and pieces in the guild throughout the years, of course, but I had tried my best to ignore all the talk. My nose had given me enough information about who was spending a lot of time together and about which women should be avoided due to the monthly shift in their scent. I hadn't wanted to learn more than I already knew.
"What did he tell you?"
"Umm, I don't really want—"
"Let's just assume he didn't tell you anything," Levy said, pushing her glasses back on her nose. "We don't want to miss something important."
I groaned. I did not want to be having this conversation. "Why do we have to do this?"
"It's necessary if you're ever going to have sex with Lucy."
I fell out of my chair. "What?"
"I know what you think about her."
Sitting up, my face hotter than it had ever been, I said, "She's my friend—"
"So you don't want her to be your mate?"
I looked down at the floor. There was a lump in my throat. "I, err, well, I didn't say that exactly—"
"Natsu," Levy said gently, "we've all seen the way you look at her."
I gave her a sharp look, but I didn't say anything.
"She's precious to you, isn't she?"
I swallowed. I was tempted to simply leave and put the day behind me, but I knew Levy was only trying to help. And so I answered honestly, "Ever since the Future Lucy died, I've known what it was like to lose my partner. Even though my Lucy was still here, it felt like I'd failed her. I never want to feel like that again. I want her to be in my life forever. I . . . I want her to be happy."
"You love her," Levy prompted.
"Umm, yeah. Yeah, I, uh, I guess I do. I think that might be what this feeling is anyway. It's almost like a pain, though, at times. Is that . . . is that what it's supposed to be like?"
Levy smiled. "Love can manifest itself in different ways. I think you do love Lucy. And it's because of your feelings that the guild is going to educate you. You're going to learn about sex, and you're going to learn about how to treat her right when she's your girlfriend."
I paused, staring down at my feet. My cheeks felt hot. "Umm, can we start with that second part first?"
"Yes, Natsu. I think we can."
I wiped my brow in relief.
If I had known starting with how to treat a girl right meant speaking with Erza, I might have chosen to begin with the sex education instead.
"First," the terrifying redhead said, "you must ask her to be your girlfriend. The most important item will be your outfit. If you wear the same sort of clothes you wear every day, then she will not feel as if you are treating her in the special manner she deserves. Now, do you know what that means?"
"Umm, no?" I responded anxiously. Why were we talking about clothes? I thought Lucy liked what I wore just fine.
"That means we have to go shopping."
Oh, crap.
The clothing stores in Magnolia had likely never seen such a flurry of activity before. Erza saw fit to drag me all across the shopping district, to stores and stalls and even a few alleyways where some rather suspicious exchanges were taking place. It was a horrifying experience.
At last, however, the seemingly insatiable Erza was satisfied. Armed with a pair of slacks, a white button-up shirt, a red blazer, a belt with a flame-adorned buckle, and a pair of ridiculously shiny dress shoes, we finally completed our shopping extravaganza. I was grateful that Erza hadn't decided to go with something more complicated—she had been eyeing a male suit of armor with particular fervor, and I had almost attempted to slip away while she was distracted. (Actually, I had attempted to slip away three times, but I hadn't tried very hard. If I had really wanted to get away, I would have done it ninja-style, and there would have been nothing Erza could have done to stop me. Or so I told myself anyway.)
"Now you will be acceptably attired when you ask Lucy to be your girlfriend," Erza proclaimed triumphantly.
"All right," I said, looking down at the bags I held. It didn't seem quite so straightforward to me. "So, how does this work, exactly?"
"It is simple. You treat Lucy like a princess and give her lots of strawberry cake, and if you ever break her heart, then I will destroy you. Do you understand?"
I gulped. "Uh, yeah, I think I understand." I understood that Erza was not the one I wanted to go to for advice. If I spoke with her much longer, I would likely be too terrified to ask Lucy to be my girlfriend. Not that I knew what that meant exactly. I thought it meant there was just lots of kissing involved (why that was so important, I had no idea), but I really wasn't sure. Maybe the next person would be able to help me.
"Oh, Juvia is so excited that you mean to ask out Love Rival!" the water mage cried out, hearts in her eyes as she clasped her hands together and rocked from side to side with joy.
"Erm, yeah," I said, picking at an invisible piece of lint on my shirt. Sometimes, Juvia could be so weird. "So, how exactly do I ask her to be my girlfriend?"
"Juvia knows just what you should do!" She tilted her head, obviously taking a mental trip to Juvialand. "You must choose a romantic restaurant with lots of tablecloths and flowers and a violin playing in the background. There, my darling Gray will get down on one knee and ask Juvia to be his for all time! It will be so romantic!"
"Uh, Juvia, I thought we were talking about me and Lucy?"
"Oh! Juvia is sorry. You must take Love Rival to a romantic restaurant, give her a kiss, ask her to be your girlfriend, and give her lots of presents. She will have no choice but to say yes!" Juvia paused. "But if she says no, let Juvia know immediately . . . so she can take her dear Gray far away from Love Rival."
"Umm, yeah, I'll be sure to let you know."
"You're making this too complicated," Lisanna told me with a smile. "You just have to wait for the right moment to ask her to be your girlfriend. A nice restaurant like Juvia suggested certainly can't hurt, though."
"All right," I said. I still felt like I was missing something.
"More important is what happens afterward," Lisanna said. "Remember when we used to play house, Natsu? Happy is still a lot like your kid now, isn't he? Just think about when you and Lucy will have lots of little children running around underfoot! They are going to be so adorable! You must let them come stay with their Auntie Lisanna a lot. I'll be sure to spoil them while you and Lucy take a little time to yourselves to really play house, if you know what I mean."
"Eh-heh-heh-heh, yeah," I said, though I really had no idea what she meant.
"What's especially important is that you learn the right way to kiss her. Have you ever really kissed a girl? I mean, truly?"
"Erm, no, not really—"
"It's all about the lips and tongues," Lisanna said, ignoring the heat that jumped to my cheeks. I couldn't help but wonder just who she had been kissing that had given her such an intimate knowledge of the activity. "You'll want to caress her lips with yours at first, and when it gets more heated, then you can try to bruise her lips. The same sort of thing goes with your tongue—try to gently trace her lips with it before you actually plunge inside her mouth."
"Uh, Lisanna—"
"And then, as you really feel the passion start to grow, you can bite at her lips and tug at them. Watch your teeth, though, I know they're sharp—"
"Lisanna—"
"And on occasion, you can try to suck on her tongue. Some girls really like that, though I haven't really ever been a fan of it."
"Uh, thanks, Lisanna, but I think you've taught me enough about kissing," I said, giving a nervous laugh. I wasn't sure who I would rather act as my kissing teacher, but for some reason, it sounded rather awkward coming from a girl I used to play house with.
"All right," she said cheerfully. "Now, let's talk about how you can be a good husband to Lucy!"
"Taking her to a restaurant is the lazy man's choice," Freed said with a disdainful sniff. "What you really need to do is cook her a meal yourself. Steak and asparagus make a good choice for the beginning chef; you can grill both of those, which you should not have much of a problem with due to your affinity for fire. Pair it with garlic bread for a little something extra, and crème brûlée will make the perfect end to your meal."
"Uh, yeah, cooking, sure. I'm really good at that." I wasn't sure I had ever told a worse lie. "But if she had a special restaurant she loved and really wanted to go there, that would be fine, right?"
"I suppose it would be."
"Is there anything special I should know?"
Freed lifted a hand and began ticking off his fingers. "Always open doors for her. Always pull out her chair to help her sit down. Ask her if she would like wine. Order her favorite item off the menu for her. Make sure you have your napkin in your lap. Make sure you use the proper silverware for each course—"
I swallowed. "Umm, should I be taking notes?"
"Yes. Compliment her hair. Compliment her dress. Ask her about herself—"
"You liiiiiiike Lucy."
"Shut up, Happy. What do you think I should do to make her like me?"
"I would give her lots of fish."
"Does that help with Charle?"
Happy looked down sadly. "No." Then he suddenly perked up. "But maybe it will someday!"
I gave my friend a pat on the shoulder. "Yeah, maybe it will, little buddy."
Charle wasted no time in telling me that this "education" was foolish. "If you want to find out what Lucy likes, you should ask her yourself."
This honestly had not occurred to me. "But she's used to dating all these guys who already know this stuff. What if she gets annoyed with me for not knowing?"
"If she gets annoyed with you that easily, then maybe you are not meant to be after all."
Sometimes, I thought I preferred a scary Erza to a grumpy Charle.
"Well," Wendy said, looking embarrassed, "I don't know a lot about grown-up stuff like dating, but I do know that massages feel really good!"
"Massages?"
"Yeah, you just massage her shoulders and back whenever she is feeling tense, and that will really help her relax! When my feet hurt, it sometimes helps when those get massaged, too."
"Can you, uh, give me some tips on how to do it?"
"Sure! Just turn around!"
As Wendy began to massage my shoulders, I received an exasperated look from Cana and a glare from Romeo. I didn't know what their problem was, but at least I was going to be able to enjoy this part of my education.
And now for a sneak peak:
And in the quietest voice I had ever heard from him, Gray said: "Ice Make: Penis."
As I stared at the crystalline approximation of a man's "little dragon," I suddenly understood why Gray had pulled me out of the main part of the guild hall and into a storage room to talk.
"Unwrap the condom," Gray said, avoiding my eyes.
Fingers fumbling, I did as he was told. It was a rubbery ring that had been covered in some sort of liquid, and quite frankly, it looked disgusting. It also felt kind of weird.
I frowned down at it. "Are you supposed to eat it?"
"What? EW! NO! Of course not!"
End of Chapter Note: If there's a guild member you'd really like to see a snippet of advice from in the next chapter, please let me know. I can't guarantee inclusion, but it can't hurt to ask. Reviews are a writer's lifeblood and are always appreciated. Thanks for your support.
Book Rec: I recommend the Hunger Games trilogy to anyone and everyone. There is some great fanfic out there for it! When the Moon Fell in Love with the Sun is especially fantastic.
Anime Rec: If you haven't seen Inuyasha, what are you waiting for, anyway? Watch it!
