Note from moi. This is basically exactly like my fic I Never, except with Truth or Dare in place of the slightly more obscure (and frankly complicated) game of I Never.
Yeah, I know, I know. . . the Truth or Dare fic is (I assume) the oldest fan fic cliché in the book. But hey, I did a sex in the elevator fic. Literally nothing is beneath me. Besides, it's fun! That's what it's all about, amirite?
This could work as a standalone fic, but it's actually the first chapter of a 2-parter, mostly because I had an idea for another fic and this one could work as a handy lead-in. Anyway, hope I wrote it at least well enough that you could suspend your disbelief enough to enjoy. xo, atd
House and Thirteen were in his office, looking over a patient file when Cuddy came storming in. Without waiting for a break in the conversation she yelled at him:
"Your budget report is three weeks late!"
House looked at her.
"My dog ate it," he said.
"You don't have a dog," she said, folding her arms.
"My goldfish ate it?"
She glared at him.
"You don't have a goldfish."
House patted the pockets of his pants.
"It must be in my other pants. My budget pants."
"You'll be wearing your overnight-shift-in-the-clinic pants if I don't have it on my desk by the end of the week," Cuddy said. And she strode out of the office officiously.
Both Thirteen and House tilted their heads to get a better view of her ass as she left.
"What a woman," Thirteen said, admiringly.
"If you like that sort of thing," House said.
He went back to the patient file.
"Do you think she might be a lesbian?" Thirteen mused.
House almost dropped the scan he was holding.
"Cuddy?"
"Why not? Powerful woman. Ball buster. No boyfriend that I know of."
"I have it on pretty good authority that she's not gay," House said.
Thirteen squinted at him.
"You fucked her didn't you? I've always thought there was something between you two."
"First of all, even if I had 'fucked her,' as you so eloquently put it, it would be none of your business. And second of all, no," he lied. "I have not had sexual relations with that woman."
"But you want to."
"Not as much as you, apparently," House said, with a gleam in his eye.
"She's sexy as hell."
"I do admire how sexidextrous you are," House said, smirking at her.
"How we going to find out if Dr. Cuddy is equally . . . flexible?"
"I have no idea. But if the answer is yes, I'll need proof. Preferably in video form. Maybe some sort of oil could be involved."
Thirteen smiled.
"So help a sister out, will you?"
"How am I supposed to help you out?"
"Bring Dr. Cuddy to my party this weekend."
"That assumes two things: One, that I was planning on attending your party this weekend. And two, that Dr. Cuddy would go with me."
"Actually I assumed you weren't going. But I've clearly piqued your interest."
"My interested is definitely one of the things that is piqued."
"As for getting Dr. Cuddy to go with you, you're a smart guy, House. You'll figure something out."
"What's in for me?"
"The prospect of me and Dr. Cuddy getting naked together with a video camera in the room is not enough incentive for you?"
House raised his eyebrows at her.
"What time did the party start again?"
Thirteen smiled.
"8 o clock," she said.
#####
"My team thinks you're mean," House said to Cuddy later, over lunch.
"That's because I am mean," Cuddy said.
"They think you're a killjoy."
"That's because I am a killjoy."
"They think you're boring."
Cuddy, who was about to bite on a carrot stick, stopped, mid-crunch. She kept it, poised, in her mouth.
"I am not boring!" she said, defensively.
"That's what I said. Definitely not boring. But they're convinced. Also, Kutner asked me how old you were and he was surprised to find out that you're only 38."
"I look young for my age!" Cuddy said.
"His exact quote: She looks 30. But acts 50. . . Fifty!"
"If they got to know me better, they'd find out that I'm actually a lot of fun," Cuddy sniffed.
This was going to be even easier than he thought.
"You have a chance to prove it, Friday night."
"What's Friday night?"
"Thirteen is having a little shindig at her place. Informal. Just the team, plus Chase, Cameron, Wilson and his enormous shadow with boobs—Cutthroat Bitch. She asked me to invite you."
"You're going to an office party," Cuddy said, skeptically.
"Dying to see Thirteen's Bitchin Bisexual Abode."
"Thirteen is bisexual?"
"Duh," House said.
"Wow. Missed that completely."
"So you'll go to the party?"
"I don't know. . .I probably shouldn't fraternize with my employees."
"That's what Kutner said you'd say."
She rested her chin in her hand, looked at him.
"What time does it start?"
######
Somehow, House knew he was in for a memorable evening the minute he saw what Cuddy was wearing: A fuzzy pink sweater and a pair of tight jeans—he hadn't seen her dress that way since college.
House walked right up to her.
"Pretty in pink I see," he said.
"Too 80s?" she said, wrinkling her nose.
"No, it's cute. Very Molly Ringwald."
She sighed.
"God, maybe Kutner was right. I feel completely out of place at this party."
"The key is drinking heavily," House said, handing her a glass of spiked punch. "Very very heavily."
"Yeah?"
"That's what I always do."
"Cheers to that," she said, taking the plastic cup from him and clinking it soundlessly against his. She took a large gulp, then made a face.
"Yikes! It's strong!" she said.
"It's what the kids are drinking these days. Unless you can't handle it?"
"I can handle it," she said. Then, nervously, she said: "I should probably mingle, huh? That was the point of this little exercise."
"Go forth and schmooze," he said, watching her with a smile.
Thirteen passed her, on her way to the bar.
"Love the sweater, Dr. Cuddy," she said, practically leering.
Cuddy looked down.
"Thanks. . . and call me Lisa. And thanks for inviting me to this. It's not often I get to socialize with my staff. It's. . . fun."
"Hopefully, the fun's just getting started," Thirteen said, with a dirty grin.
Cuddy gave her a curious look and kept walking.
House walked up to Thirteen.
"How's Operation 'Does Cuddy Swing Both Ways? going?" he asked. "Has she promised to spread her legs for you yet?"
"You make sure she's good and tipsy. I'll take care of the rest."
"I'm on it," House said. "That punch I gave her? I added extra rum."
Turned out, Thirteen's strategy for getting the truth out of Cuddy was a time-honored one.
At about 10:30, once everyone was fairly well lubricated—a joint had also been passed around, which Cuddy took a few tiny tokes off of—she announced they would all play a game.
"What kind of game?" Taub said.
"A dangerous one," Thirteen said, raising her eyebrows.
"I love danger," Kutner said. "Count me in."
"First, a show of hands: Who else is in?" Thirteen said.
House's hand shot up. Then, quickly, to prove how ballsy she was, Amber's hand shot up too. Wilson shrugged, and raised his hand sheepishly. Obviously, any game that House was playing, Cameron wanted in on, too. She raised her hand. Chase followed suit. Not to feel left out, Taub raised his hand. (Foreman had drawn the short straw at work and was back at the hospital, tending to the patient.)
Now the only person who hadn't raised her hand was Cuddy.
Everyone looked at her.
She eyed House, who was smirking in a "you'll never do it" sort of way.
Defiantly, she raised her hand.
"Excellent," Thirteen said. "Gather round my lovelies."
They all sat around the coffee table, some on the couch, some on the chairs, some on oversized throw pillows Thirteen had placed on the floor.
"This game is called Truth or Dare."
"No way," Cuddy said, starting to stand up. House grabbed her arm and literally dragged her back down to the throw pillow next to him.
"Uh uh uh, Cuddy. You pinkie swore."
They glared at each other.
"It's actually a modified version of the game," Thirteen continued. "Spin the bottle meets Truth or Dare. We take this bottle"— she held up an empty beer bottle triumphantly—"and we spin it. Wherever it lands, they have to answer a truth or a dare."
"I have a bad feeling about this," Wilson said.
Thirteen grabbed the bottle, spun first.
It landed on House.
"Alright House. Let's show them how it's done. Truth or dare?"
"Let's ease into this," House said. "Truth."
"Have you ever slept with any of your fellows?"
"That would be no," House said, definitively. "Sorry to disappoint."
"How dull," Thirteen said, feigning a yawn.
House spun the bottle. It landed on Cuddy.
"Great," Cuddy muttered.
"Truth or dare, Dr. Cuddy? As if I even have to ask. "
"Dare," Cuddy said slyly.
House smiled. Again, it was too easy.
"I dare you to give Thirteen a real kiss."
Cuddy shot him a look.
"Really?" she said, ironically.
"You said dare. To a guy. What did you think I was going to ask you to do: sing the National Anthem?"
Cuddy got up, slowly approached Thirteen, who was waiting eagerly.
She gave her a tiny, chaste peck on the lips.
"Bzzzzz," House said. "Insufficient."
He turned to Kutner: "How does the Indian judge rule?"
"Not a real kiss," Kutner said.
"And the Jewish judges?"
"Not a real kiss," Wilson and Taub said, in unison.
"Fine," Cuddy said and knelt in front of Thirteen, and started to give her a longer kiss. Of course, Thirteen took control of the situation and grabbed Cuddy's face and began to kiss her passionately. Cuddy resisted at first, but then succumbed, even slipped a bit of her tongue in Thirteen's mouth.
House watched them, his mouth hanging open.
"Anyone else need a bathroom break?" he said, only half joking.
"Satisfied?" Cuddy said, sitting back down on her pillow.
"Not even close," House said. Then he handed her the bottle. "Alright Cuddles. You're up."
Cuddy spun the bottle. It landed on Wilson.
"Truth or dare Wilson?" she said provocatively. She was getting into the game, which House found adorable.
"Truth," Wilson said, nervously.
"When did you lose your virginity and with whom?"
"Lame question," House said. "But answer it Wilson."
"I was 16," Wilson said.
"Liar!" House said. "You were probably 35."
"No, I was 16. I was at a camp for the gifted and talented. Her name was Rhoda Rosenberg. She played the oboe. And she was very gifted and talented, if you know what I mean." Then he smiled: "Rhoda, wherever you are, you made me the man I am today."
"Job poorly done, Rhoda," House said.
"I'm up!" Wilson said, rubbing his hands together gleefully.
He spun the bottle and it landed on Cameron.
"Truth or dare, Cameron?"
Cameron glanced over at House.
"Dare," she said.
"Yes!" Wilson joked, pumping his fists.
"I dare you to make out with Amber," he said, looking proud of himself.
"Why do men always go for the lesbian kiss?" Amber asked.
House and Wilson looked at each other and shrugged.
Cameron got up and kissed Amber. Unlike Cuddy, who had been genuinely uncertain and then genuinely succumbed, these two were putting on the kind of show that you often saw in bars across America: The straight girls pretending to be into each other to turn the men on. It worked, for the most part, but not on House. He was still thinking about Cuddy's kiss with Thirteen.
When Amber and Cameron stopped kissing, all the men applauded raucously—and Amber did a little curtsy.
Cameron looked over at House, noticed his indifference. She frowned.
Cameron spun the bottle. Much to her delight, it landed on House.
"Truth or dare, House?" she said.
"Truth," he said.
Crap.
"Assuming you've fantasized about every woman in this room. . ." she started.
"That would be correct," House said, matter-of-factly.
"Which one of us have you fantasized about the most?"
"The answer's obvious, right?" House said.
Cameron thought she knew the answer, just needed to hear it to confirm.
"Humor us," she said.
House looked around the room.
He stopped at Amber: "Hot, but too tall," he said.
"How will I live with the disappointment?" Amber said.
"I love how tall you are, honey," Wilson said.
Amber smiled at him beatifically.
Then House looked at Thirteen, "Also hot. But too skinny."
"I'll start eating carbs immediately," Thirteen cracked.
He turned to Cameron. "Beautiful . . . but too nice."
Cameron's face fell.
"I. . .I. . ." she started, but didn't know what else to say.
Then he gestured to Cuddy. Looked her up and down lasciviously. "Now that, boys and girls, is just right."
Cuddy tried to suppress a smile, as Cameron tried not to burst into tears. (In her mind she was making a calculation: Was it better to be called beautiful or hot? Amber and Thirteen had lost to Cuddy, too. But they had been called hot. She decided that when you wanted a man sexually, it was better to be hot. )
Chase frowned at her. It was like he was reading her mind. She looked down.
"Me again," House said. He spun the bottle ferociously—it took several minutes before it finally slowed down and landed on. . .Taub.
"Hoo-ray!" Taub said, jokingly.
"Taub. . . truth or dare?"
"Both prospects are equally terrifying but I'll take a dare."
"I dare you to kiss. . . Robert Chase."
"No way!" Taub and Chase said, in unison.
"It was fine when it was straight women kissing," Amber said, quickly.
"That's different," Taub said. "We're . . . dudes."
"Come on Taub. Chase is way prettier than any woman you've ever kissed," House said.
"On behalf of my wife, I object to that." Then he looked at Chase. "Although it's not completely inaccurate."
"Let's just get this over with," Chase said.
Their eyes shut tightly, they gave each other a close-mouthed kiss, both holding their breath.
"Alright I've seen enough," House said.
"That blew," Amber said.
"Not. Hot," Thirteen agreed.
"Let us never discuss it again," Taub said.
He spun the bottle and it landed on Cuddy.
"Truth or dare, Dr. Cuddy?
"After that display, I'll go with truth."
"Which of the men in this room are you most attracted to?"
Both Wilson and House looked at her, somewhat expectantly.
Cuddy bit her lip.
"I'll pick the guy who picked me," she said quietly. Then pointed shyly at House. "Him."
"Excellent choice," House said, with a cocky grin.
"Get a room, you two," Kutner cracked.
Cuddy took the bottle, spun it. It landed on House.
"Truth or dare, House?"
He squinted at her.
"Dare."
"I dare you hand in your budget report," she said. Then she laughed. "Just kidding. I dare you to answer the question we've all always wondered: Boxers or briefs?"
"Boxer briefs," House said. "Next!"
"No!" Cuddy objected. "This was a dare, not a truth. We need to see!"
"You're asking a man with a hole in his leg to drop trou?"
Cuddy suddenly felt her face go red.
"Don't be so sensitive," House said. And he unbuckled his belt and dropped his pants, just low enough so that everyone could see his black boxer briefs, but not his scar.
All the women in the room stared brazenly.
"Congratulations to the next woman who has sex with you," Thirteen said, dryly.
That line even managed to embarrass House, who pulled up his pants hastily.
House spun the bottle. It landed in between Cuddy and Cameron.
"I think that's me," Cameron said, hopefully.
"I'm pretty sure it's closer to Cuddy," House said. He turned to Kutner.
"Head judge's ruling?"
Kutner got down low, stared intently at the bottle, like he was a scientist tackling an important research project.
"I do believe the bottle is closer to Dr. Cuddy."
House grinned.
"Truth or dare, Cuddy?"
"Dare," she said.
"Your underwear. Let's go. I showed you mine, you show me yours."
Cuddy laughed. She was drunk but not drunk enough that she was going to strip down to her civvies in front of her employees.
"I'm not getting undressed in front everyone."
"Okay," House said. "A private viewing then. . .in there."
And he jerked his thumb toward the closet that they could see through the door of Thirteen's bedroom.
"Ahhh, 7 minutes in heaven," Taub said, dreamily. "Another classic game from my youth."
"Is that even allowed?" Cuddy said.
"Commish?" House said to Thirteen.
"You may use my closet for the completion of this dare," Thirteen said, in a mock grave voice. "But your time alone is not to exceed seven minutes. The clock starts. . .now."
House popped up excitedly and Cuddy, rolling her eyes a bit, followed him.
The closet was just big enough for them to both stand in it comfortably without touching. But it was pretty dark. The only light came through a small crack in the door.
"What are we supposed to do for 7 minutes?" Cuddy whispered.
"You're supposed to show me your underpants," House whispered back.
"I'm doing no such thing!"
"It's how the game goes. You can't break the rules of the game!" House said. "Besides, it's dark in here. I'll barely be able to see anything."
Cuddy looked at him.
"Fine," she said. "Look but don't touch."
Much to his delight, she unsnapped her jeans and slid her pants down. She was wearing a pair of lace thong underpants. House couldn't quite make the color. White or maybe. . . pink? The tiny swath of fabric was all that stood between him and Cuddy's honeypot. He had a sudden urge to rip them off with his teeth.
"Now turn around," he said, hoarsely.
She turned around. There was just enough light in the room so that he could see the two voluptuous moons of her gorgeous ass. This time, he couldn't help himself. He reached out and caressed her.
"Hey, no touching!" Cuddy snapped, turning back around.
"I swear. I had no control over my hands," he said, holding up his hands in mock protest. "They had a mind of their own."
"Yeah, I'll bet they did."
She pulled up her pants.
Then she noticed the giant bulge in his jeans.
"You going to be alright there, pal?" she said, with a grin.
"I'll be fine. And feel free to both look and touch," he said.
"Dream on," she said.
"Oh Dr. Cuddy, you tease."
"Just playin' the game!" she said. And she opened the door to the closet.
She walked back to the living room. Sat down.
"Where's House?" Cameron said.
"He's . . .straightening some things out in the closet," Cuddy said, with a chuckle.
A minute later, House came out, sat down next to Cuddy.
"I color coordinated your scarves," he said to Thirteen, as everyone gaped at him, dying of curiosity as to what had transpired in the closet. Then, he said, breezily, to the group: "Where were we?"
"It's Dr. Cuddy's turn," Kutner said.
"Right," Cuddy said. She spun the bottle. It landed on Kutner.
"Kutner: Truth or dare?"
"Dare! And I'll kiss anyone with a vagina!"
"Get ready, Wilson," House said.
Cuddy smiled, grabbed a hot pepper that was a garnish to the guacamole dip.
"I dare you to eat this hot pepper," she said.
"Again," House said. "Lame."
"I'm Indian," Kutner said. "This pepper is like a piece of candy to me."
"You were raised by a nice Jewish couple in the suburbs," Taub said.
Kutner shrugged. He put the pepper in his mouth. Started to chew. At first, it wasn't that bad but then his face turned red, tears began forming in his eyes, and sweat began pouring down his forehead. He finally managed swallowed it, then ran straight into the kitchen.
"Water!" he screamed.
"Milk would be a better idea," House said.
Kutner took the half gallon of milk out of the refrigerator and guzzled it straight from the carton. It poured down his chin.
"Dr. Cuddy you're an evil woman," he said.
"I had no idea it would be that hot," she protested.
Kutner wiped his face, sat back down.
"Gimme a minute," he said, catching his breath.
Finally, he spun the bottle. It landed on House.
"Me again? Does the room have a tilt?" House said, looking down at the floor.
"Truth or dare, House?"
"Truth."
Kutner squinted at him.
"Have you and Dr. Cuddy ever gotten it on? And I don't mean whatever just happened in Thirteen's closet."
House eyed Cuddy, who looked back at him anxiously. She was sending out telepathic messages: No, no, no, no, no. . .
"Why does everyone think we've had sex?" he said. "As I recently told Thirteen, I have not had sexual relations with that woman."
"Thank you, Bill Clinton," Wilson chuckled.
House spun the bottle. This time it did land on Cameron.
She bowed her head, smiled in anticipation.
"Truth or dare, Cameron."
"Dare," she said, batting her eyelashes at him.
"I dare you to say something mean about someone in this room."
"Laaaame," Cuddy said, taking another gulp of her drink.
"Not lame. Brilliant. Cameron is incapable of being mean."
Cameron felt her neck turn red. It was clear that House had zero interest in her as a woman. Zero.
"You're an ass," she said to House.
House shrugged.
"Not quite what I had in mind, but I'll accept that. Spin."
Still sulking a bit, she spun the bottle.
It landed on House.
"Is this one of those trick bottles?" House said.
"Truth or dare House," Cameron said, testily.
"The ass would prefer a dare."
"Kiss me," she said, her eyes flashing.
Chase looked at her in disbelief.
"You pocketing any secret hypodermic needles?" House said.
He stood up, took her hand, and gently kissed it.
"My lady," he said, bowing a bit.
Then he sat back down.
"That's not what I. . ."
"You never specified where," House said.
"Thank you, House," Chase said, still glaring at Cameron.
House took the bottle, flipped it high in the air and caught it behind his back.
Then he put on the table and spun it hard.
It landed on Cuddy.
"I've got the Midas touch," he said. "Cuddy, truth or dare?"
"Dare," she said. "Oh shit! I mean truth! Truth!"
"Too late. Rules say, we must go with your initial response. I would like 7 more minutes in heaven please."
"Technically you were just in there for 5 minutes last time, so you have 9 minutes left," Kutner said.
Everyone looked at him.
"Hey, I take my role as the head of the rules committee seriously," he said with a shrug.
"After you," House said. And he winked at the room.
Once they were alone in the dark, Cuddy said. "Thank you for not telling everyone about Michigan. I know how much you're a stickler for the rules of the game."
"Truth or dare isn't about the truth . . . It's about the truths you're willing to reveal. And the dares you're willing to take."
"So now what?" Cuddy said.
"You already showed me your thong. So now you show me your bra," House said, confidently.
"I will not!"
"C'mon Cuddy. If you didn't want to spend more time with me in the closet, you wouldn't have said dare."
"It was a slip of the tongue! I meant truth."
He took a step toward her.
"Take off your sweater," he said.
Even though they were both quite drunk and even though they had more or less openly admitted (at last) their mutual attraction to each other, he still wasn't entirely sure how she would react.
So he was relieved (and more than a little excited) when she began to slowly pull her sweater over her head.
It was a white push up bra. It nearly glowed in the dark closet.
Her cleavage was spectacular.
He wanted to bury his face between her breasts.
Instead, he said, evenly, like a man who expected to get what he asked for: "Now take off your bra."
"I already did the dare," she said.
"This isn't part of the game," House breathed. "This is me asking you—as a man."
It was so dark and intimate in the closet, they could almost forget that a party was waiting for them just a few feet away.
Cuddy looked at him. She gulped a bit. Then she unhooked her bra strap and let the bra fall to the floor.
He could make out contours of her breasts, just the tiniest shadow of her nipples in the dark. It wasn't enough.
He pulled a lighter out of his pocket—ignited it to get a better look.
Half naked Lisa Cuddy illuminated by his lighter was the hottest thing he'd ever seen. The intensity of his own desire overwhelmed him a bit. It felt dangerous.
"I don't think I want a flame that close to my breasts," she cracked.
"I would never burn anything so precious," he said, not really joking.
In the dark, she could see the lust in his eyes, which, of course, only fueled her own lust.
"Okay," she said. "This time you can look and touch."
He quickly shut the lighter, stepped toward her, began to caress her breasts, slowly, reverentially—cupping their softness and weight—then started to finger her nipples with his thumbs. Feeling her nipples grown hard under his touch was too much for him.
"Oh my God," he said.
On instinct, he dove for her chest with his mouth.
Much to his dismay, she took a step back.
"We've already taken this too far," she said. And she hastily put on her bra and sweater.
Shit, shit, shit.
This time, she waited for his hard-on to subside before they both walked back out to the party together.
But the group had disbanded while they were in the closet.
Chase and Cameron were having an intense discussion in the corner, with Chase doing most of the talking. He looked very upset.
Taub and Kutner had left.
Thirteen was already beginning to clean up.
"I guess the party's over," Cuddy said.
"I thought I was going to have to put a cot in there," Thirteen said, with a chuckle.
"Sorry about that," House said.
"No problem. I think we established tonight that Dr. Cuddy may be in the closet. . .but only if you're in there with her."
"I tried to tell you," House said.
"Worth a shot," Thirteen said, with a shrug.
"I have no idea what you guys are talking about," Cuddy said.
"Private joke," they said in unison.
END OF PART 1
