A/N: And now back to your regularly scheduled awkwardness! This follows up Save Water, Shower Together, but that doesn't have to be read to get this one-all you need to know is that something happened in the shower. This is a continuation of what I call "Awkward Conversations with Burt Hummel-the series". Thank you all for reading, I love every favorite/review/alert that I get! I'm trying to respond to reviews now, so if I haven't gotten to you yet, it's coming! You're all so kind and I wish I could give each of you a hug, seriously. :)
Disclaimer: Glee isn't mine.
Finn walked into the kitchen, ready to approach Burt. He really didn't want to do this, but he was pretty sure Kurt had broken the whole no shirtless making out rule by the sounds that had been coming out of their shared bathroom when he had gotten home from football camp yesterday.
"Um, Burt? I need to talk to you about something…"
Burt sighed and smoothed out his newspaper. "What is it Finn? Girl trouble?"
"No," Finn replied, "it's about Kurt and Blaine."
Burt inhaled sharply, before asking, "Were they playing shirtless monopoly again Finn?"
"No, but um…I don't know how to say this…"
"Spit it out Finn. You can tell me-do they make you feel uncomfortable? Because we could always ask them to tone down the PDA, I mean, you and Rachel would have to as well, but we could ask."
"No," Finn said nervously, "I think I heard them having sex."
"What!" Burt had stood up and slammed his hand against the table. "I'm going to kill that boy, he probably forced poor Kurt into it."
"Um, Burt, it sounded like they were both pretty into it."
Burt stared at Finn, his eyes narrowed. "When did this happen, Finn?"
"Yesterday, I had just gotten home from football camp and went up to take a shower. Kurt's door was closed, and then I heard weird…moans and stuff coming from inside. And I heard Kurt say something about showering together." Finn shifted awkwardly.
"What! Kurt wouldn't do something like this! Where are they? When I get my hands on that boy, I'll-"
"What?" Blaine and Kurt had just walked through the door. "Did someone mention me?"
"You," Burt growled, "violated my son in my house! IN MY HOUSE!"
"You lied! I knew he could tell!" Kurt looked at Blaine, who was staring at the floor. "He knew! We're so dead…"
"So you did violate my son," Burt was looking at Blaine like he was going to kill him, "I knew I couldn't trust you! Leave you alone for two hours and you decide to have your way with him and-"
"Dad," Kurt interrupted meekly, "it was my idea. I asked if he'd take a shower with me."
"What! No, no, he forced you into it, you don't have to protect him, Kurt."
"Honestly dad, we both agreed to it. He didn't force me into anything. He wasn't even expecting it to go as far as-"
"La la la," Finn had stuck his fingers in his ears and was dancing around the kitchen.
"It's not like we had actual sex!"
Finn and Burt stared at Kurt open-mouthed, while Blaine studied the floor even more intently. Carole walked into the door, arms full of groceries.
"Hey guys," she said cheerfully, flitting about the kitchen, "I got stuff for burgers tonight, I thought we'd grill out! Blaine, are you staying for-"
She had finally put all the groceries down and saw the scene in front of her. Finn and Burt were still gaping at Kurt and Blaine, both of whom had turned spectacular shades of red and were avoiding eye contact.
"Okay," she sighed, "what happened?"
"They broke the rules," Finn squeaked out, "I heard them doing…it."
"We were not Finn Hudson," Kurt shrieked, voice jumping an octave higher "I don't know what you're talking about!"
"Kurt, obviously something happened," Carole said gently, "otherwise I doubt your dad would look like he was about to murder Blaine, and Finn wouldn't look like he's about to throw up."
Finn started his story again, gulping, "When I got home from football camp yesterday, they were in the shower…together. And they were making noises…like sex noises," Finn shuddered, "and I wasn't going to tell Burt, but they broke the rules! They were doing it!"
"Tattletale!" Kurt yelled, "YOU told him! I'm going to kill you, but not before I get you back! By the way, Carole, Finn lost his virginity to Santana Lopez about a year ago-I thought as long as we're sharing secrets, you should know that one!"
"Finn Hudson," she gasped, "we will be talking about this! You could have caught something…"
"Dude, you suck! That's low!"
"You tattled on me, Finn, you had to know that I'd get you back!"
"Still low! I'm going to kill you!"
"Not if I get you first!"
"Boys!" Burt stepped between them, "Stop this! This is not about getting even!"
"YES IT IS," Finn and Kurt chorused in unison.
Blaine cleared his voice, backing away slowly towards the door, "I think I'll just go," he mumbled, "this seems like a family issue, and I would hate to intrude, so I'll be-"
"No," Burt growled, "table now. Finn between those two."
"Seriously, Dad, it's not like we're going to-"
"Well, you're obviously comfortable doing it when Finn is in the house-"
"We didn't know Finn was in the house!"
"Boys," Carole said sternly, "table, I don't care where you sit, but we obviously need to talk."
They all sat at the table, Burt and Carole on one side, Finn, Kurt, and Blaine on the other side.
"I don't see why I have to be here for this," Finn grumbled, "it's them who broke the rules…"
"Can he please leave," Kurt asked, "I really don't want him to call and tell Noah Puckerman about our love life again."
"Fine," Burt mumbled, "but we'll have a conversation about protecting yourself later, young man. You're not off the hook yet."
Finn quickly got up from the table and ran up the stairs. They heard his door slam, and loud music start. He obviously didn't want to hear any of the conversation that was about to begin.
"So," Carole said lightly, "showering together?"
Kurt buried his head in his hands and Blaine just stared at the tabletop intently. Neither would answer the question.
"One of you is going to have to tell me what went on yesterday," Burt growled, "or else I start taking privileges away."
"Fine," Blaine breathed, "we decided to take a shower together, and things got a little heated."
Burt stiffened in his seat. He was sure that that kid had pressured Kurt into it-Kurt would never think to do anything like that.
"Why did you pressure my little boy?"
"Dad," Kurt sighed, "I already told you-it was my idea."
"Now, I don't believe that for a second, you wouldn't-"
"Burt," said Carole quietly, "I think he's telling the truth."
"So you just showered together?"
"Yes," they both replied a little too quickly.
"If that's all that happened," Burt asked dangerously, "then why is Finn able to describe in great detail what you two were saying?"
They both blushed bright red again.
"Sir," Blaine began, "if I may-"
"Blaine, honey," Carole warned, "maybe you're not the best to tell this one. Let's let Kurt take it again."
"Well dad," Kurt mumbled, still not making eye contact, "we took a shower together and then Blaine...gave me a blow job...and I jerked him off."
"What!" Burt had turned purple, and Carole gasped. "THAT BOY DID WHAT?"
"I wanted him to," Kurt murmured.
Burt was standing now, pacing behind the table. "In my house," he was muttering, "in my own house! My son decides to be with his boyfriend…no respect…I'm gonna that boy…"
Blaine gulped and grabbed Kurt's hand, which Burt stared at intently, then went back to pacing.
"Hide the body in the backyard…that would work…lock Kurt in a tower forever…"
"Dad," Kurt stood and crossed to his father, "I didn't mean to make you so angry-"
"Angry? Who's angry?"
"Honey," Carole grabbed Burt's arm gently, "maybe we should continue this later-this isn't good for your heart."
"Okay," Burt agreed hesitantly, "but for now, Kurt, you're grounded, and all your time with that boy is chaperoned by Carole or myself, you hear?"
"Take Blaine home honey," Carole whispered as she escorted Burt out of the kitchen, "I don't think it's a good idea for him to stay around here."
Kurt frowned, but then thought about what his dad had said about hiding Blaine's body and nodded. He took Blaine's hand and led him out of the house before pulling him close to his chest.
"I thought he was going to kill us," Kurt whispered to Blaine.
"No," Blaine murmured back, still buried into Kurt's chest, "he was going to kill me-you'd get to live in a tower for the rest of your life."
They both looked at each other and started to laugh.
"A tower? I think my dad has been reading a few too many fairy tales!"
They walked hand in hand to Kurt's car, still giggling about Burt's minor breakdown."
"You're lucky I love you," Blaine said, "otherwise I wouldn't stick around."
"And you're lucky I love you," Kurt replied, "because if I didn't, I would have let you walk home.
"HEY!"
"It's true," Kurt continued, "you'd be hitchhiking right now, waiting for some semi-"
Blaine squeezed his hand over the center console, "Dork."
"You love it."
"Yes," he retorted, "I do. Now, I do have a proposition for you…"
"Yes," Kurt asked, eyebrow raised.
"My parents don't get home until next weekend," he winked, "maybe we could have a repeat performance of yesterday."
Blaine reached over and was stroking Kurt's thigh. "I'd be okay with that," he half-gasped, "but stop that right now, or I'll crash the car!"
"Maybe we should pull over."
"You're awful."
"You love it."
