Disclaimer: I do not own Yuu Yuu Hakusho nor do I make any money from this piece of fan fiction.
AN: I tried to make this fic 100 words, but I couldn't. I needed more words than that to really convey what I wanted to say. So, I wrote it as a penta drabble. As for the story itself, I've read so many stories where Kurama tells Shiori the truth and she's so happy and accepting of what Kurama says that it got me wondering, what if there's an actual reason why Kurama couldn't tell her?
Her Happiness
Another late night, another case. Kurama tumbles through his bedroom window, silently glad that he kept the window so well oiled.
You should just tell her the truth, Fox.
Hiei's words ring in his mind every time the kitsune guiltily returned home from a mission. There were so many close calls, so many near deaths that Kurama wished he could tell Shiori the truth. Just so she would know why her son died in case one of those close calls was too close. In case one of those near-deaths wasn't.
And, to Kurama's credit, he did try.
And every time, it was as though his throat stopped working until he thought about something else to say.
He had tried writing it down in a letter. But he could not. The words refused to be written, no matter how hard the kitsune tried.
After a few repeat incidences, Kurama came to the conclusion that he could not tell her. And it wasn't until he had an argument with Hiei a few years ago that the truth came to him.
"How do you know that she would be happier not knowing?" The half-Koorime had asked at the time. "How do you know that her ignorance will grant her happiness?"
And it was that simple last question that gave Kurama the small spark of insight he needed. The Forlorn Hope. The theft and the wish seemed like an eternity ago. But that was the only answer the fox could come up with. He had wished for his mother's happiness. At the time, he was so focused on her wellbeing that he did not realize the true ramifications of that wish.
And so, he will continue to live, hiding behind half-truths and near misses, knowing that he can never tell her the whole truth. Knowing that the truth would make her unhappy. Knowing that she could never love his true self.
And yet, the misery was not something he could escape. Because his suicide would also cause her pain and suffering. No, he must continue to live behind an eternal façade. The façade of an impossibly perfect son.
And he also knew that he would have to betray his heart and his lover to fulfill that wish. Because grandchildren would bring her happiness. Because there was no escaping the mirror. Because in making that simple wish, he had eternally bound himself to her happiness, regardless of its toll on him, regardless of its toll on those closest to him.
So he will continue to live, telling white lies and half truths, knowing that he will have to deceive the very woman who made the biggest difference in his unnaturally long life. And so, while she will have her happiness in life, he shall forever be bound to the misery of the cold hard truth: She will never love the youkai behind the human face. She will never love Youko Kurama. But he must continue to live anyway.
Because nothing matters more than her happiness.
