Hi, so before everyone gets excited thinking this story is back, it's not. Not really. It is, however, being worked on because I'm trying really hard to finish my unfinished stories (all 1,000 of them).
My question to you all is (since people have been asking about this story so much): do you want me to post the five or so chapters that I do have finished for this story (keeping in mind that it is undergoing a rewrite and thanks to a complex character...deal (I don't know how much I can say without giving it away) I have to write a good part of the story before posting it)? Or do you want me to just leave it until I'm done (which, in all honesty, will take a long time because I am more drawn to write darker stories now)? Anyway, let me know in a nice way. And obviously, if I am rewriting it it is because I am unhappy with what I have so far or I wrote myself into a corner. Trying to convince me to not change it is not going to help me if I feel stuck.
There are rules in life that a person must adhere to if they want to make it out alive. Simple rules like: don't put your hand in fire, always look before you leap, and do not, under any circumstances, call a girl you have zero interest in because you want cuddle time. The last rule is more about being a decent person, because toying with someone's feelings is a jerk move.
Emily Fields loves rules. Loves them. She's a stickler for them. She doesn't cross the street unless the lighted man tells her it's okay. She doesn't drink milk that has passed its expiration date even if it's just by a day. Every rule is followed, meticulously, all in the name of self-preservation. Convinced that if she follows every rule, she would never get hurt. In any way, body and heart. To say that she was guarded would be an understatement.
Naturally, being the lover of rules that she is, she knows the rule about not leading people on. And as she sits in her empty house — idly flipping her phone in her hand — guilt is already rearing its ugly head. This was beyond Emily's comfort zone: debating dialing the number of the only person she breaks rules for.
She tried to not call again, she really did. Her mom left about an hour ago and in that hour Emily had collected almost every blanket in the house, including the sleeping bags. She wrapped, twisted, and pulled her collection of blankets around her as tightly as she could, but while she was warm — uncomfortably warm — she still felt like something was missing. After successfully freeing herself from her blanket cocoon, she darted around the house collecting pillows. Propping the pillows on the couch to give her something to lean into. She was satisfied, momentarily, with the work that she had done and went back to the arduous process of coccooning herself again.
For a half hour she laid, fitfully, on the couch feeling a tad claustrophobic from the blankets and pushing back against the unsatisfying firmness of the goose-down pillows. Then, with an exasperated groan, she admitted defeat. She picked up her phone, flipped it in her hands, and with great apprehension, pressed the call button.
"Would you be willing to come over?" It didn't get much more pleasant than that. Sometimes she added a "please". Sometimes it sounded more like a demand, "Come over." How pleasant did someone need to be when making what was basically a booty call? Actually, more like a snuggle call, as no booty was ever exchanged. Words were never really exchanged either. It was treated more like a business transaction, with Emily getting to be held like she needed. She worried sometimes that her call would go unanswered and what she would do in that situation. She figured at that point she would call a girl that she had recently gone on a date with, even though that seemed more complicated. Emily rarely went beyond the second or third date. Matter of fact, she never went passed the third date. On the fourth date, feelings might be discussed and that was something she didn't want with anyone. Ever.
When she heard a polite knock on the door she jumped to her feet then paused for a moment. Jumping up seemed to eager and it was important to remind herself of her rule about not getting overly excited. Calmly and casually she stuffed all but a couple of the blankets in the coat closet then answered the door.
On any given day, Paige McCullers could be found wearing the most ridiculous Spider-man shirts; owning a collection of seemingly never ending variations: cartoon Spider-man, artistic Spider-man. Sometimes it was just Spider-man's torso giving Paige the appearance of having pecs and chiseled abs. If it wasn't Spider-man, it was some obscure science reference that Emily always had to put thought into before rolling her eyes. However, at this moment Paige was just in her charcoal sweatpants and plain black t-shirt. Her auburn hair was pulled into a messy bun, glasses sitting low on her nose. Emily wondered why she couldn't dress like this all the time; she almost looked...desirable. Almost. "Hey," she said in a low, raspy voice giving Emily the impression that Paige had been sleeping before she came over.
"Hi, Thanks," Emily replied and that was it. That was all that would be said between them until it was time for Paige to leave.
It was like a choreographed dance: the way they moved about the house together, getting ready to cuddle. Paige would throw the blanket across the back of the sofa before lying down. Emily would wait patiently for Paige to get settled. When Paige took her glasses off and set them on the end table, it was Emily's cue to lie down. She would lean against Paige, both of them pulling their knees up at the same time. Paige would then grab the edge of the blanket, placing it on top of them, before she wrapped her arm around Emily's waist.
Emily was pretty sure that Paige always feel asleep during these times. Clued in by the steady rise and fall of Paige's chest against her back. She never asked Paige why though. Why Paige never stayed up to watch the movie with her. She imagined that Paige didn't like scary movies and since that was usually what she was watching, Paige probably just found it easier to sleep.
Honestly, when she thought about it she didn't know much about Paige. She assumed Paige was an only child or if she did have a sibling there was a large age difference. One time, when Emily saw Paige with a lunch tray, she noticed Paige opted for chocolate milk. Three things that were obvious though: Paige liked comic books and Elvis; and she was in love with Emily. Has been for quite sometime, much to Emily's dismay.
One evening, a year ago, Emily enacted another rule: no kissing. Everything was business as usual, although their cuddle dance wasn't quite as perfect as it is now, but when Paige pulled the blanket over them she kissed Emily's neck: right under her ear. Emily hated the feeling, because that kiss was the epicenter for the soft trembles that rolled through her body. It made her feel like she wasn't in control. And to make it worse, it was Paige that caused it. With her lips, Paige had erased the history of kisses that others had given Emily. And not just on her neck. "Never kiss me again," was all Emily said. Paige didn't respond, but, thankfully, she never tried to kiss her again.
Liking that kiss was added to the long list of feelings that Emily would never admit to herself. Emily would never admit that Paige's body bent around hers perfectly, like a river that has spent years carving its way through the landscape. How Paige provided the perfect amount of warmth. She knew it was wrong to keep selfishly turning to Paige, but it was only Paige's body that ever felt connected with hers. Sure, Emily had other girls that she could call, but Emily was taller than the average girl and always had been more athletic than the girls she would date. None of them could provide the feeling of being secure like Paige did. Paige was similar in height to Emily - an argument could be made on any given day who was taller. Paige was also strong, although something else Emily didn't know about her was why she was strong. As far as Emily knew, Paige wasn't on any sports teams at school, but when she was in her arms Emily knew Paige was undeniably athletic.
Still, she had no desire to be with Paige. She didn't understand her: her jokes, the way she dressed, or how she was so open with her feelings. It annoyed Emily how forthcoming Paige was about her desire to be with her. And while Emily was always nice about rejecting her admirer, Paige seemed to be unfazed about being turned down. It might stop her proclamations of adoration for the day, but the next day she would be back to her old ways. Her self-confidence seemed to be limitless or maybe she was too foolish to realize she should be hurt.
The cuddling came about by accident at sixth grade camp. That is where eleven year old Emily met eleven year old Paige. Emily was homesick even though she had her three best friends - Spencer, Aria, and Hanna - in the same cabin with her. She hated how dark the woods were, the bugs — especially the bugs, and the way she was expected to have a camp boyfriend.
Paige was sort of the outcast of the cabin. While the other girls were gossiping about boys, Paige had her nose buried in a book, carefully identifying various plant species. She smiled easily and would carry on conversation when prompted, but she couldn't keep up with talk about hairstyles and no one understood why she thought the Hercules beetle was so exciting. "Geek" was a label that was given to her within the first couple days of camp and she wore the badge proudly. Anytime someone yelled "geek" at her, she would tuck her thumbs in her belt loops, smile broadly, and thank them for the compliment.
It baffled Emily how Paige could be so cavalier about being teased. After all, Emily didn't want to talk about gross boys, but she wanted people to like her. She picked a celebrity - Paul Walker- and claimed him as her future husband for the rest of camp. Paige, though, appeared to have no idea that it was best to fit in with the group. She didn't pick a future husband, only stating that she "wasn't interested in boys at the moment". When she was forced, though, she said Peter Parker. No one knew who he was. With questioning eyes on her, Paige just chuckled and went back to checking off wildflowers she had spotted that day.
After watching her for a couple weeks Emily decided that she would never be friends with a peculiar girl like Paige McCullers. She was so sure that they had nothing in common and therefore, attempting a friendship would be pointless. Besides, Paige seemed happier alone.
One night, during a rare summer thunderstorm, Emily was jolted awake by a cabin-shaking crack of thunder. Terrified, she leaped from her top bunk, searching for the comfort of home. Having three best friends to choose from it wouldn't have been too hard for her to find. That is why it was such a shock to her when her legs carried her to Paige. Without permission, but never feeling unwelcome, Emily crawled into Paige's bed and curled into her. Two wiry arms circled around her even though she was sure Paige hadn't woken up. Emily feel asleep almost as soon as her head hit Paige's shoulder and stayed even after the thunder stopped. Simply put: Emily has been toying with Paige's love for the past five years.
Spencer Hastings - although now an extremely bright and accepting person — was the first person to find it a little strange that Paige treated Emily the same way a husband would treat a wife. Carefully, she would study the rare interactions between the two, but mostly she watched Paige. She watched her because no one else was watching Paige watch over Emily. Frankly, it concerned her. The boy that tried to kiss Emily without her permission ended up with Poison Oak in his sleeping bag. Paige was sure to walk in front of Emily on hikes, kicking rocks off to the side to make the trail a little less hazardous. When Emily eventually did trip — on a root, not a rock- and sprained her ankle it was Paige that deposited a bouquet of wildflowers next to Emily's bed while she was sleeping in the medical cabin.
Emily never seemed to notice what Spencer noticed and Paige never made a big production of the things she did. So when Spencer woke up to find Emily sleeping in Paige's bed the morning after a bad thunderstorm; Spencer could only assume that Emily was there against her will. She screamed at Paige who just started at her with wide-eyed confusion. "You can't be her husband. You're a girl," she shouted causing tears to build in Paige's eyes. After all, it was Emily that crawled in bed with her. But Spencer didn't ask and Emily never corrected her. Then, with Hastings-like determination, she marched Emily to the Camp Directors office and demanded that Paige be kicked out of the cabin.
Life in her new cabin was fine for Paige. Everything went along as usual: people teasing her, her nose stuck in a book. Seeing Emily was rare for her now, but when she did see her she would smile brightly and try to not let the fact that Emily never returned the smile hurt her too much. She optimistically told herself that Emily did not see her and next time the girl would smile back. Only that return smile never came and during bonfire night by the Lake Paige witnessed Emily get her first kiss — from Poison Oak boy. That time she let it hurt too much. The only thing that cheered her up a little was that when no one was looking Emily wiped the kiss away with the back of her hand. Paige wondered if Emily knew that she had other options if she still would have kissed the boy. Paige would have liked to be Emily's first kiss; and maybe Emily only kissed that boy because she didn't know how Paige felt about her.
With a poorly thought-out plan, Paige rushed back to her cabin; took out her book of knots and went to work. With a heart knot in hand and love clouding her already immature judgement she marched right up to Emily, gave her the heart knot, and said, "My heart is yours to keep."
Now sixteen year old Paige is pretending to sleep while spooning sixteen year old Emily because she hates scary movies, but she loves that Emily loves them. It's business as usual, so Paige can count on Emily eventually forgetting to put her guard up. She'll start absentmindedly drawing patterns on Paige's arm and quietly hum the tune to Spider-man. That's when Paige is reminded that giving her heart to Emily was worth it.
