ReGeneration

Disclaimer: I no own, you no sue, k?

Chapter One: Initium

Part One: The Eternal Return

The clunking sound of heavy boots on hardwood flooring echoed in the eerie atmosphere and icy breaths of the lone visitor subtly disturbed the air. The skittering of rats, roaches, and small monsters tickled the visitor's sensitive hearing. Shadows were tinted electric blue by Mako bright eyes. Those eyes were the only source of light in the dark mansion. The footsteps stopped in the room that held the secret stairs, which led down to the basement.

"I'm here again," the visitor said to no one. His voice sounded harsh in the haunting silence of the old Shin-ra Mansion. "Why the fuck am I here again?" Whispers from the Planet, for Cloud Strife certainly knew the difference between Gaia and the now mostly gone Jenova, urged him on. "I don't want to go into the damned basement," he grumbled. "I think five years of hell down there was enough." The whispers turned scolding. "You're not the boss of me." Cloud didn't care how juvenile he sounded. He didn't want to go down there. He tugged at his golden, spiky hair in agitation.

"Really Cloud, it's been thirty years..." Aeris Gainsborough's voice said, hushing the Planet. "Long enough to not care, right?"

"Funny, thirty years didn't help Vincent any," Cloud snipped. "I hate this place. You're lucky that I even came to this damned village."

"This village was your home." Aeris sounded sad, as if she couldn't believe Cloud could hate his home village.

"You'd better believe I hate this place. I've hated it since I could understand what the villagers said about my mother and me. I was upset that Sephiroth destroyed the village, no denying that...." Cloud paused and softly continued after another moment. "And yet a hidden part of me loved it.... was cheering at the twisted, ironic justice of having those xenophobic bastards burning because of my hero." He let out a bitter laugh. "This hasn't been my birth village in over thirty-five fucking years. The real Nibelheim was destroyed a long, long time ago. And I'm glad. Glad, glad, GLAD!" He shouted the last word. He felt Aeris' presence vanish in shock from his head.

Cloud stared hard at the hidden door.

000

Fuck.... now Cloud felt guilty about shouting at Aeris. Her and her saintliness whatever. Shit, she was too perfect, made him want to scream from the familiar feeling of inferiority. He knew that she didn't do it maliciously, didn't have a malicious thought in her mind.

"You know Spike, you've turned into a grumpy old man," Zack Fair's voice softly whispered in Cloud's mind. "Aeris' completely shocked at how grumpy you are nowadays." There was a hint of disapproval in the dead man's voice. "Didn't have to shout at her, you know."

"Shut up Zack," Cloud muttered aloud. "I'm here in the fucking basement, ain't I?"

"Yeah, yeah. Well, you ain't going to chase me away with your grumpiness. Gods know you were always grumpy back when you were a cadet."

"Whatever," the blond swordsman snapped. "Maybe if you didn't mess with me all of the time I wouldn't have been grumpy."

Zack's laughter echoed in the empty spaces in Cloud's head. "I loved messing with you, Choco-boy. Man, you are so easily ruffled."

"Don't fucking call me that." There was no heat in the blond's voice this time. He sounded vaguely frustrated with a hint of affection from the old nickname. "Always calling me that, you damned nuisance. That or Spike…"

"Now, now, Spike. You're cursing like that Cid guy. Must come with being old."

"Asshole, you'll always be older than me."

"Yeah but I'm dead so I'm stuck at the super sexy age of twenty-three with the hot body of an eighteen-year-old."

"Idiot, I'm the one with the body of a twenty-one-year-old after thirty years."

"Oh yeah..."

Cloud reluctantly smiled. "Dummy," he said with a rough laugh.

"So, do you know why old Gaia sent you here?"

"Hell if I know."

"You're being awful slow about it. Don't want to be in the basement library, huh? Don't blame you, Spike."

"Pipe down, you," Cloud muttered. He finally made his way to the door that led to the labs and library. He paused in front of it in indecision, his hand hovering over the doorknob. "I don't want to do this, Zack."

"I know."

"Really Zack, why am I here?"

"I can't answer that yet, buddy. Sorry."

Cloud shook his head. "Why am I not surprised?" he wondered aloud. His hand rested on the doorknob. "I don't know which is worst; being a puppet of Jenova or being a puppet of Gaia." The blond sighed. "Fine, whatever." He twisted the knob harshly and shoved the door open. The rotting wood shuddered and partially crumbled from the abuse.

"Wow, you are in a piss-poor mood, Spike." There was a pause. "Ain't you gonna go in?"

"Your grammar is atrocious, Zachary Fair. And I'm working on it, alright? Don't be rushing me for your own gratification."

"Aw c'mon, I ain't bugging you for myself. I'm bugging you because you're slow. And my grammar's just fine, thanks."

The blond swordsman smirked. "Says you. And the reason I'm slow is because I'm reluctant," he said. He carefully crossed the threshold. It almost felt like Zack was holding his breath in anticipation. Cloud was pretty nervous himself. He could feel the shorthairs on the back of his neck rise up. The never-aging warrior licked his lips and shuffled a little bit further in.

"Just treat it like a band-aid, the faster you rip it off the quicker the pain goes away," Zack announced, nearly making his living friend jump.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Cloud shouted, removing a shaking hand from the hilt of his sword. "Don't do that! Scaring the shit out of me isn't healthy for anyone!"

"Sorry, sorry!"

"Ye gods, the things I put up with..." Cloud muttered darkly as he walked more confidently into the lab. Apparently whatever boogieman the blond had been expecting was not there. Of course if he saw Hojo or Sephiroth, Cloud would have completely freaked.

"You okay there, Cloud?"

"I would be if I knew the reason for my being here," Cloud said. "Now what in the hell am I supposed to look for?"

"Seriously, I can't say anything..."

"Well, if you're not gonna be of any help, then go hang out with Aeris or Angeal or gods forbid, Genesis."

"Aww, tired of me already?" Zack's pout was so obvious in his voice within Cloud's head. "And I don't wanna hang out with Genesis. I would put my fist through his face within the first few words of Loveless out of his mouth."

"Zack, seriously, go away. For once I don't want voices in my fucking head."

"Fine, I'll go bug Angeal." A pause then Zack spoke one last time. "Hey Cloud?"

"What?" Cloud pointedly skirted around the Mako tubes to go into the library. He stood in front of the desk, waiting for Zack to finish.

"We're friends, right?"

The blond stopped breathing for a moment. Then he sighed. "Always, Zack. What brought this on?"

"I just... I'm worried about you. You barely visit with Tifa and the others even more than what you used to. Hell, I was surprised when you attended Marlene and Denzel's twelfth wedding anniversary party."

"It's just... they look so old and I still look so young. They're going to die and me? I'll live forever. It's better this way."

"Cloud..."

"Don't you get it, Zack? I'm immortal. I'll never be in the Lifestream; hell I'll just taint it thanks to Jenova and Hojo. There's no heaven, no paradise for the damned. I'll wander Gaia for the rest of eternity. My fate is beyond hell, beyond anything. Tifa's moved on, everyone has. And I'm stuck like this. Even Vincent has gone back to sleep within the Wutai mountains; he can't stand his immortality. But I can't sleep, I don't have that ability to hibernate for decades on end."

"Do you want to sleep?"

"Zack, what the hell are you talking about?"

"I don't know anymore. Hey... if you could go back, would you?"

Cloud stared at the deteriorating wood of the desk. "Zack, explain yourself," he said angrily. "Why am I here?"

"Aeris really doesn't want you to do this, you know."

"Get to the point."

"Hah well..."

"Zack, you're stalling." Cloud sighed and walked over to a bookshelf. He unbuckled his sword harness and tossed both First Tsurugi and harness gently to the floor. The blond pressed his back against the shelves and sank down to sit on the dusty floor. He stared up at the cracked ceiling. "Zack?"

"Just answer the question, Spike. If you could-"

"Go back, would I? I don't know. Besides, that's impossible and you know it."

"Nothing's impossible, just improbable."

"Oh? When did you get smart?"

"You know, Cloud? You can be a real asshole. Come on; take me seriously. If you could go back, would you?"

"If I could go back..." Cloud shook his head. "Yes I would go back but only if I managed to keep the knowledge I had now while going back or else it wouldn't be worth it."

"Would you do it right now? With no regrets?"

"Yes."

"I'll be seeing you then."

"Wha-"

Lifestream shot up and before Cloud could scream he was engulfed and then...

Cloud Strife disappeared.

000

Part Two: Phoenix

Cloud Strife hated being a child again. He had not expected to be reborn literally; as in being born again by being pushed through his mother's birth canal. Highly traumatizing for a normal newborn, ten times that for a newborn with the mind of an adult. He was sure that he would have gone insane being stuck inside so helpless a body. Breast-feeding... well let's not get into that. Crapping himself wasn't pleasant either. He had been ecstatic when he could eat solids and use the toilet.

The five-year-old sighed and tried to refocus. But there was just so much to do and so little time. He only had eleven years now. Eleven years until Nibelheim burns. Sometimes the blond could see fear flash in his mother's eyes, as if she knew the darkness in her son's mind and heart. Leave it up to him to live up to his name of Strife. Damn, he was getting sidetracked again.

"Sky... what are you doing?"

Cloud grunted. "Nothing, Mother. I am just reading," he said. He shut the meaningless children's book that he had been pretending to read as a guise for plotting his next move. He remained seated at his little desk. "And I want to be called Cloud."

"Why must you insist on rejecting your name, Sky?" Thyra Strid sighed. "There is nothing wrong with it."

"It's Cloud."

Thyra clucked her tongue. "Sky means cloud in the old language so there is no difference." She shook her head. "I worry about you."

Cloud stiffened though he did not turn around to face his mother. "There is nothing to worry about, I promise."

"Why do you lie to me?"

"Mother, you don't understand..."

"Sometimes I think that you are not my Sky but Loki born again!" Thyra stormed away to her garden in the backyard.

"Damn it," Cloud hissed. He pushed and chair back and stood. He couldn't stand much more of this. His mother was going insane from his cold distance. But Cloud wasn't used to having a mother again. He didn't want a mother. He loved Thyra; there was no doubt of that. Yet he couldn't stand being treated like he was a mix between a mad dog and a helpless child. Cloud had what his grandmother called 'all-knowing eyes'. He knew he had the gaze of a world-weary adult; Grandmother Strid had recognized and accepted it. The Mako glow in them just supported the theory of his 'all-knowing eyes'. His mother on the other hand had no idea how to deal with a too adult Cloud who was stuck in a child's body.

Whispers rose up into Cloud's mind. The Planet attempted to sooth his frustration. He could also hear the distantly insidious hiss from Jenova high from the Nibel Mountains within the Mako reactor. It was strange and a little upsetting to know that he could still hear her voice. It was a reminder that he would never be free of her, even now. Jenova's essence and the Mako in his blood that had been trapped in his old body had been transmigrated along with him.

"Sidetracked. Always sidetracked," Cloud mumbled. He slowly began to gather his winter and summer clothes. He couldn't stay anymore. The boy who really wasn't a boy, at least in his head, had no choice in the matter. He didn't want his mother to hate him but Cloud didn't want to be held back either. He folded and rolled his clothes so that more could fit into his rucksack. The blond knew his mother would stay in the garden until it was time to cook supper. "Sorry, Mother. I'm sorry I couldn't be the boy I should have been." He then snuck to the kitchen to take some dried fruit and meat.

Sky Strid then crept out of the house and ran for the Shin-ra Mansion. And became no more.

000

Cloud skirted around several monsters and crept up the stairs. He had to get to the secret stairs that led to the basement. The blond knew that without an adult he would be defenseless and who better to help him with that problem than Vincent Valentine. The dilemma was getting to Vincent's coffin in one piece.

'I don't think I thought this through as carefully as I should have...' Cloud thought to himself. 'Maybe I should have waited a few more years. Ah, too late I suppose.' He breathed a sigh of relieve when the entrance to the basement opened with only a small creak. The little blond licked his lips and slowly began the treacherous descent that would lead to Vincent Valentine.

000

TBC?