I haven't left my bed in over two weeks. Not since the funeral. I haven't been this way since before Augustus came into my life. It was him that made life mean more to me, and now that he's gone life has no meaning again. The short period of time that I had with him was the best of my life. It was our little infinity.

I'm ripped out of my thoughts by a sudden wave of nausea. I quickly, well as quickly as a person with a cannula can, run to the bathroom and throw up what little I had in my stomach. For the past three days or so, I stopped keeping track, I've had awful nausea and stomach pains. It's probably from grief or depression or whatever the hell I've been feeling.

"Hazel? Are you okay, honey?" I hear my mom ask from the other side of the door.

"Fine, Mom." I answer in a flip tone. I'm sick of my parents over reacting to every little thing. Oh, Hazel scraped her knee we'd better take her to the ER.

"Maybe we should go to the hospital. Just to make sure." My point exactly.

"I said I'm fine, okay? I just haven't eaten much today is all." Or yesterday or the day before or the day before that. The act of eating, of actually putting food into your mouth, seems much harder now than before.

"How about I make you some of your favorite soup, huh? Does that sound good?"

"Sure. "I say hoping she'll go away if I agree. From the sound of her footsteps walking away I assume she left. Sighing, I lean my head back against the bathroom wall. Why Augustus? Why not me? Augustus was a breath of fresh air and a people person. People actually miss him. Who'd miss the rude, sarcastic, depressed girl?

Digging underneath the bathroom sink I look for the Pepto-Bismol, but stumble upon something that makes me stop cold. In my hands I hold an unopened box of pads. Mentally I calculate the last time I had my period. With a shock I realize that it was before Amsterdam. Before the night of the Venn Diagram. I couldn't be, could I? No, of course not. I've gone a month or two before with my period skipping, but not in two years.

Coming up with a plan, I hurriedly take a shower and throw on random clothes. When I walk downstairs both of my parents look shocked to see me.

"Hazel! It's so good to see you up and about." My dad says setting down his newspaper.

"I need to go to the store." I blurt. My parents look at each other then at me, not sure how to handle my sudden change in attitude. From laying uselessly in bed to wanting to go out in public.

"Okay. What for?" My dad asks grabbing his car keys. They're willing to do anything I ask I guess considering what's happened.

"Isaac's birthday. I want to get him something." I lie walking to my dad's car.

I'm not really sure how I convinced my dad to leave me at the store while he ran errands, but I did, thank god. I speed walk to the aisle marked 'family planning' and grab as many pregnancy tests as I can. My dad gave me a one hundred dollar bill before he left and told me to spend it how I liked. I only hope they will continue with the sympathy if I am in fact pregnant.

I never thought that five minutes could ever feel so long. Waiting to know if your life's going to change forever. The timer on my phone goes off and taking a deep breath of oxygen for my suckish lungs, I flip the first test over.

Positive. The next one. Positive. All of them, positive.

I sink against the bathroom wall in Wal-Mart and start to cry. How can this be happening? I can't have a baby. A baby that will never know it's father and may very well lose it's mother. But this baby, this baby growing inside of me, is a part of Augustus and I love them already.

After drying my tears I rush out of the bathroom and find something to pass as a gift for Isaac. As I walk to the checkout I pass the baby section and I stop. I pick up a cute teddy bear onesie, and place it over my still flat stomach imagining my baby. I imagine a blue-eyed baby boy with his daddy's face and my brown hair. I see him toddling around the house on short little toddler legs. I see him smiling and calling me 'Momma'. And then I see him around nine years old dressed in black hold the hand of someone in a coffin. Me.

My eyes flash open and I return the onesie back to the rack and hurry to the checkout. I don't have to wait long until my dad pulls up and I decide then that I will tell my parents tonight. They'll find out soon enough, but I want to tell them. I regret treating them so badly because even though my baby is probably only a centimeter long I know how distraught my parents would be to lose me because that's how I feel about this baby.

I'd told my parents that I had some important news to tell them at dinner and then went upstairs to think. I lay on my bed wondering all of the endless what ifs. What if I die trying to have this baby? What if this baby has cancer as well? What if my parents disown me for having this baby? Eventually I'm pulled out of my depressing thoughts by a knock on my door.

"Hazel, dinner's ready." My mother says opening my door. I take a deep breath to build my confidence and walk down to the dinning room.

" Well, what's your news?" my dad asks once we're all seated. It's now or never so I take a big breath of air and blurt,

"I'm pregnant with Augustus' baby."