Author's Note: This came about while I was on a flight last week. The idea wouldn't leave me so I popped it down into notes and this was the result. Huge thanks to Blood-Sucker-1428 for proof reading and giving me some pointers. Let me know what you think, I hope you enjoy reading.

Disclaimer: I do not, nor shall I ever own Sherlock. This is very sad.

Sometimes words speak louder than actions/Words are all I have

(I had two titles floating around for this, if you have a preference let me know)

Anthea sat at her desk at home and stared at her laptop screen. She loved Mycroft, she truly did, but damn he was an arse sometimes. This wasn't always his own fault he didn't have the most conventional of upbringings and his life hadn't been a bed of roses, and just like his little brother he couldn't see that someone actually loved him and would do anything for him. She and Molly often confided in each other about being in love with a Holmes and its many pitfalls.

She couldn't do it anymore, spending all day, every day with him but not being with him. She had promised herself that enough was enough but she just couldn't let go and this led her to where she was now, staring at a blank email page. It was Molly who had given her the courage to do it. She had after John and Mary's wedding told Sherlock in no uncertain terms that she loved him and wanted a life with him. Sherlock naturally went into buffering mode for a good while but after a pep talk from John, Mary, and Greg, he told Molly he would try to give her all that she desired. That was 3 months ago and Sherlock true to his word was trying with all his might to be the best version of himself. It was now her turn to take that leap of faith… She began typing.

Mycroft,

They say actions speak louder than words but in this case I feel words are all I have.

What if you didn't see sentiment as a defect?

What if you didn't see caring as a disadvantage?

What if you didn't close yourself off from the people who care about you?

What if you let your caged heart be free?

What if you didn't hold everyone's burdens on your shoulders?

What if you let that mask drop just once?

'What' and 'if' are not words that can cause distress or worry when they are used separately but when they are put together they have the power to haunt you and all the decisions you make.

You see, I ask myself on a daily basis what if I didn't love you. (Yes Mycroft someone loves you, loves you for you). What if I was free from you? What if you loved me back? The answers I give myself are I could never stop loving you, I don't want to be free from you, and I would give my life to be loved by you. However I know better. So just like you I built walls, but my walls have cracks. Cracks that I can't fix.

This is all probably making no sense to you, but I had to get my thoughts out, write them down so they are no longer fighting inside of me.

From the moment I started working for you I knew you were different. You were nothing like I had ever known before, you introduced me into a new and exciting world. I met people that are now like family, experienced things never in my wildest dreams would I have dreamt happening, and most importantly I fell in love with the most incredible man I've ever known, will ever know.

My heart is yours if you will take it. I'm not asking for the world, I'm not even asking for a normal relationship, because that's not you and I would never want to change you. All I'm asking for is an acknowledgment of something that gives me hope. Hell, if Sherlock can do it that gives me hope in itself. Yes, your little brother has surprised everyone and some of that can be credited to you, whether you believe that or not is up to you.

I know I'm rambling and you hate that, but just think it could be worse. I could be giving you all this as a speech.

You see, the thing is I can't keep doing this, and by this I mean being with you 24/7, quite literally and not really being with you. Unlike you my heart is free and it's hurting. I need that hurt to stop.

There is a quote from one of my favourite films that sums this all up very nicely and I'm going to use it, so you can roll your eyes as much as you like at my use of pop culture. "I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love me".

I won't be in work tomorrow. I can't do it. Make of that what you will.

Yours, always

Anthea

Anthea hit the send button before she could change her mind. She then quickly shut her laptop lid, knowing Mycroft would still be up and would receive the email almost instantly. She pushed herself away from her desk and climbed into bed not bothering to undress, she curled herself tightly into a ball and pulled her duvet all the way over as if to protect herself from the outside world.

Author's Notes part 2: Hopefully you enjoyed the read as I was super nervous about posting it, having not written anything in such a long time so all reviews will be welcome and any constructive criticism gratefully taken.

Shortblondeone

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