Tapping my pencil nervously against my wire bound portfolio, I glance down at my watch for the hundredth time in the past fifteen minutes. Life as I know it is over, my hard work and dedication thrown out the window. I realize this sounds melodramatic but that's just how I feel, and I've been known to overreact to situations that leave me feeling helpless.
Savagely I rake my hands through my tousled blond curls and stare death rays at the back of the head of my new arch nemesis. Yet just as I was going in for the kill she turns around in her seat and mouths the word "sorry." Her lips are bee stung and sparkle in the afternoon sun filtering through the open classroom window. I avert my eyes, trying to rein in my hormonal observation of the overly vivacious Alice Cullen. As usual I was lying to myself - arch nemesis indeed - more like the fucking sun of my world burning me with her very existence.
I don't want to think about tomorrow, I just want to survive this hell hole they call detention. Then go home and curl up in the fetal position and think of ways to convince my mom to let me transfer.
Ahh, why is my life so cursed? Of all people to find my personal notebook, why did it have to be Alice? What is she going to do with her newfound information? Will she photocopy all the pages and stick them up all over school? Or maybe she'll just laugh at me every time she sees me, which is worse.
She's very popular but I've never seen her be anything but cheerful and friendly to the whole student body, including me. So I'm hoping Alice will show me some mercy and let me fade back into the woodwork .
As schools go ours is pretty much like every other school in the world. There are the jocks and the cheerleaders, the rich kids, the rough crowd, the over-achievers, the nerds, and the forgotten. And unfortunately for me I seem to fall into the last three categories pretty easily.
I guess I should be grateful really, I can walk down the hallways without constantly looking over my shoulder, answer questions in class without someone snickering and go to gym class without being wedgied or finding myself stuck in my underwear because someone thought it would be funny to swipe the "losers" clothes.
Yeah, I sure am lucky. I let my eyes slide back over Alice's petite form as my right hand forms a fist around my pencil. Sighing wearily, I try to get back into my artwork, disgusted with myself and my crush on her. The picture I'm currently sketching is a likeness of her angelic beauty but not even Van Gough would be able to replicate the sweetness of her, nor the almost hypnotic gaze of her eyes.
I'm such an ass wipe, I waste all my time writing poems, drawing and daydreaming about all the "what if's". But I know there's no way Alice will be interested in a nobody like me. The girl was an angel and I was, well, Jasper Hale. That guy you go to school with all your life but can't seem to remember his name.
My day started the same as always. Except for the part where I couldn't find the leather-bound book I keep my collection in.
Flashback
I had searched franticly around the house for it ransacking my room but still hadn't found it when I heard the bus horn blaring outside. The whole bus ride I tried to remember when the last time I saw it was. And I kept going back to the same time, after football practice. I had been watching Alice flitting around doing gymnastics and practicing her cheers along with the rest of the squad. As it came closer to the time for them to start heading to their cars, I'd scurried away not wanting to be caught drooling over the babes in short skirts like a common pervert. Her eyes had met mine as I stood up but I turned quickly and practically bolted to my friend Edward's car.
Ed wasn't there, so I lounged against the side, impatiently waiting for his emo ass to show. As I slipped in the earbuds to my mp3 player I finally spotted my best bud in a very compromising position. He had the Swan girl propped up against the side of the library, their groins bumping and grinding to their own tune.
Geez, thanks for the display guys I'd thought and rolled my eyes . I acted like I wasn't fazed but deep down I seethed with jealousy over the fact that a slime ball like Edward could get a nice girl like Bella to act like a complete slut.
Girls just never seemed to see me as anything except brother-like material or non-existent. It was fucking insulting really. I'm not a bad looking guy. Okay, so I'm no supermodel but I have character. Or at least that's what my mom tells me.
Oh, God I'd turned into a pansy in my own internal dialogue. I definitely needed to get laid or at least see a real boob before I graduated. Hell I'd settle for a bra covered boob…..
After I'd turned the music up full blast I'd glanced around and noticed Alice staring off in the direction of the two love birds. Now Ed and I had been friends for years. We just clicked somehow and he's actually a pretty decent guy, I just liked to knock him down a few pegs every once in a while. But he and Alice are stepsiblings so whenever I went over to visit I saw her. It's so different when you see your crush outside of the normal environment. Most of the time, said crush becomes more human, more fallible. But not my Alice. She became even more desirable. Because she's even sweeter, and her house is drenched in the scent of her.
As she averted her gaze I could see that her cheeks were slightly pink and I found the fact that she was embarrassed intriguing. Alice has dated several upperclassmen but I'd never heard any gossip claiming her to be anything but chaste.
She spotted me and came skipping over, a wide smile on her face.
"Hey Jasper! Seems like Ed is kind of busy, you want me to give you a ride home?"
She'd smiled up at me and kind of bounced up and down on her toes, making her chest jiggle in the tiny little sweater they call "team spirit."
"Sure thanks." Great, I sounded like Foghorn Leghorn; I'd been living in Forks since I was ten but still haven't been able to kick the southern drawl.
As I trailed behind her I couldn't help but ogle her legs in the short skirt she's wearing. Fucking shit like that should be banned, man. It can't possibly be considered healthy to allow teenage boys to walk around with wood every time they went to a game or happened to see a hot-bodied little cheerleader bounce by.
I shook my head to clear it and slid into the passenger's side. Alice was fiddling with the dials of the radio, then let out a screech as one of her favorite songs came on.
"Don't you just love this song Jasper?"
She looked at me expectantly but too absorbed in the sleekness of her thighs to really pay attention to something as trivial as the radio it took me several seconds for her words to register in my brain. I smiled at her and tried to mentally slap myself out of my sexual haze. After I'd gathered my thoughts and enough blood flowed into my brain, I'd shaken my head in agreement.
"Yea, this song is pretty good." I'd already turned off my own player and stashed it in my satchel.
Our houses were pretty close to campus so it hadn't take any time to arrive, much to my disappointment. She put on the emergency break as we pulled into my driveway and continued to chatter her little heart out.
Alice was one of those creatures who is just naturally at ease in any environment. She's talking to me, sharing some tidbit about the school dance committee deciding to go Sadie Hawkins style, singing along with some of the songs and tapping her fingers on the steering wheel, all while a huge smile stretched her cheeks and allowed me to get the full affect of her dimples.
Yup, she should definitely come with a warning label. I had chuckled to myself slightly as I envisioned her sitting on a store shelf with a warning label attached to her arm. "Warning: Item is extremely excitable, may burst into pop tunes at the drop of a hat. Please take extreme care as item may cause uncontainable giddiness and cheerful outlook on life. Should not be purchased by the eternally gloomy or depressed without seeking the advice of a physician".
"You have a beautiful smile Jasper. You should smile more often."
Her voice had been so small I'd barely heard her and wondered if it was my overactive imagination. But she smiled and placed her small hand over my much larger one. My mind was telling me she was just being kind but my heart galloped out of control, hoping that maybe she really had mean it. Of it's own accord my smile had grown wider as I looked down at my lap where our hands laid.
She'd gently squeezed my hand and had begun to say something when a sudden car horn made us both jump and look out the rear window. My surprise turned to fury as I saw Edward grinning like a mad man and beckoned for his sister to hurry up.
The moment gone, I slipped out of the car, whispered my thanks and left. Her face looked confused and a little sad but I hadn't allowed myself to dwell on it. As I closed the front door I heard her back down the drive and turn onto the street.
Making a beeline for the kitchen I'd dropped my bag on the floor noting that it was unhooked but unconcerned at the time because my brain was swirling with images of Alice.
"Hey honey how was school?"
Surprised to see my mom home so early I'd given her a little wink and opened the fridge.
"Pretty good, what are you doing home so early?"
"I wanted to start dinner for you before I have to head back out sweetie. I know I promised we'd go out tonight but Mr. Snyder asked me to come in later for a conference call. But hey, I shouldn't be too late and we can go out for ice-cream or something, okay?"
My mom is a single mother so she's always feeling guilty about how much time I spend alone. I love her with all my heart though, she's the best person I know.
I'd went over and kissed her forehead and told her ice-cream sounded great. She smiled like she could see right through me.
"What happened?
"Nothing, I swear. At least nothing serious. I promise."
"You know I'm here for you baby. Do you want me to cancel the conference call tonight? I will".
"No mom, it's okay. If there was anything wrong I'd tell you."
"Okay, but if you want to talk…" she hugged me again and slid off the barstool.
"Smells good! I'm starving, should I set the table?"
"Yea if you don't mind. Then go wash up and start your homework. Dinner should be ready in an hour."
She'd flipped the dishtowel at me and shooed me away.
After a delicious dinner, mom called and said she would be later than she first thought so I finished my homework and laid down in bed, allowing the sounds of classical music to wash over me. I drifted in and out for awhile but there was something troubling me and I couldn't put my finger on what it was. That was until I woke up this morning and started to pack my school bag and noticed my most treasured possession was gone. Trying to remain calm, I'd ransacked my room. Still fighting panic, I searched in the rest of the house and the cabana, but to no avail. Shit, shit, shit! Where could it be…..?
I asked the bus driver, thinking I might have dropped it yesterday morning but he said he hadn't seen it. I had a sinking feeling in my chest and I was trying to talk myself down from the edge of hysteria. Be calm Jasper, just hold it together. But if anyone found it I'd be mortified. How could I have been so stupid? First of all, making a whole portfolio on Alice Cullen and then to lose it? Jeesh, stupid much!
As we arrived at school I bounded down the stairs practically taking the doors off when the driver didn't open them fast enough. Almost hyperventilating, my eyes scanned the crowd of cars pulling into the parking lot. She was already there, leaning against the side of her car, staring right at me with a timid smile on her face.
Squaring my shoulders I made my way over to her.
"Good morning Jasper, how are you?"
She was always polite but this was put on - I could see the strain around her eyes. I took a steadying breath and held out my hand.
"Give it to me."
She turned and opened the driver's door and pulled out my death certificate. Nervously she kept her eyes to the ground as she handed it over.
My hands were trembling as I snatched it away, a feeling of guilt washing over me as she looked up at me, hurt over my harshness.
"You opened it, didn't you"? My voice is almost unrecognizable, I'm trying so hard to keep it together.
"I didn't mean to pry …. it's just when I saw it lying on the floor of the car I kind of opened it automatically. I'm sorry, really I am, please don't be mad Jasper, please".
Her eyes are full of tears and I know she isn't to blame I KNOW IT, but I can't stop myself from being mean. But it's just to cover my embarrassment.
"Yea whatever, cause God forbid anyone would be mad at you for looking at stuff that's none of your Goddamn business."
My voice was steadily rising and I was getting in her face. She backed up to the car looking at me as a single tear slipped down her cheek.
Alice kept saying she's sorry, so sorry, but I could only see red. It was one thing to have this ridiculous crush and write down all my feelings in poems and songs. It was one thing to draw pictures of her and write down all the places I wanted to take her, and all the things I wanted to say to her. But it was quite another thing for her to know.
I slammed my hand down on the roof of the car and snarled under my breath as I pushed away from her. As I turned, I saw our principal striding over towards us, a look of determination on his face.
Fuck me, just what I needed. I glanced around and saw looks of apprehension on most of the student body. Students and teachers alike were gawking at us and I'd felt my face flush.
"Mr. Hale of all the people I could get a call about harassment you are the very last person I would have expected". He looked at me in utter disappointment then turned toward Alice, his face melting into a mask of pure adoration.
"Oh Miss Cullen, are you quite alright? I assure you this case will be looked into thoroughly."
"No, no I mean yes I'm fine. Jasper and I were just having a difference of opinion, nothing's wrong, really Mr. Leonard." She'd put on her best girly smile and batted her long black lashes at the old geezer. And of course he fell for it, what a loser.
"Well if you're certain…." He looked at me skeptically for a moment before shrugging his shoulders.
"Never the less, I will have to take some sort of action against you Mr. Hale, as much as it pains me to do so. You are one of my top students but this school can't give the impression of playing favorites. I'll see you after school for the remainder of the week for detention, is that clear young man?"
He said the last part louder so the people within earshot could hear him.
Through clenched teeth I took a much needed lungful of air.
"Yes sir, of course sir. And I'm sorry for this disorderly display, I swear nothing like this will ever happen again; I hope one day to earn back your respect."
Giving me a genuine smile he patted my shoulder and turned to leave the scene. Breathing a sigh of relief I'd turned to go into my first class.
"Wait Mr. Leonard, please, that's not fair sir".
I'm going to kill a pixie. I'm going to kill a pixie. My new anthem played in my mind as I scowled at Shorty.
"I mean this is as much my fault as his, so if he's going to get punished I should too".
"Well this is new; most people are begging to get out of detention ... Well you do have a point Ms. Cullen, but that means missing out on practice for the rest of the week."
"I'm aware of that sir, but it's only fair."
"Alright then I'll see both of you after school for detention. Now get on to class; you still have a little time before the first bell."
As he walked away I glanced down at little Alice Cullen- the most beautiful woman in the world. And I hated her; hated her for making me feel like this. But most of all I hated myself for allowing my emotions to get the better of me. My mom was going to be very disappointed; I've strived to maintain a perfect GPA and I'd never been in trouble before. But it was all out the window thanks to the tiny little Tinkerbell that stood next to me.
She'd reached over and clutched my shirt sleeve her voice barely above a whisper.
"The pictures are lovely, and you write beautifully. You make me feel special, thank you Jasper."
I felt my eyes well up and had quickly rubbed my hands over my face, erasing any traces of moisture. Just what she needed to see me blubbering like some lovelorn Romeo in a girly flick.
"Don't patronize me Alice; I don't think I can stand it. Leave me with a little dignity."
Pulling away from her had been one of the hardest things I'd ever done in my life, especially since she was crying openly at that point.
"It's not like that Jasper, please give me a chance to explain myself."
But I was already walking away, with my heart a broken shell and the ripped up pieces lying scattered under the dainty feet of Alice Cullen.
End Flashback
Thinking back on it, my guilt is overwhelming. I may have been upset but that didn't give me the right to be such an asshole to her. But what can I do now? I'd been ignoring her all day and even shut off my mobile so she'd stop messaging me.
So here we sit, bored out of our minds watching the minute hand on the clock crawl by. I see her glancing at me every few minutes but I make sure not to look in her direction directly. She had been scribbling on a scrap of paper that she now has folded into a tiny square. Looking around to make sure Mr. Leonard is occupied elsewhere in the classroom Alice quickly flicks the tiny note onto my desk.
Looking down at it, I debate about whether to open it or to just toss it in the trash can. I weigh the pros and cons internally and decide to grow up and get over myself . I slip the note into my hands and unfold it under my desk.
Dear Jasper,
I' m so sorry, please believe me. I would never do anything to hurt you or embarrass you on purpose. I know we don't talk a lot but I consider you a good friend. The things you wrote are beautiful, truly. And you have such an artistic eye. You'll never know how much I appreciate that you think of me like that, it's humbling, and so sweet.
So please, don't be angry at me, I don't think I can stand to lose you. And don't think I'm just saying this to put you at ease. I really like you Jasper Hale. Can you meet me after school? We need to talk and I want to show you something important. Just let yourself in, my mom and dad will be at work and Edward is at Bella's house. I hope we can at least still be friends. Thank you for reading this, and I'm sorry again.
Love, Alice
I reread the note several times before I look up at her expectant face. I push down my nerves and nod, and give her a tentative smile. The smile that blossoms on her face is like the sun coming out after a violent storm. It seems to wash away all the hurt and confusion.
As she leans towards me slightly her eyes zero in on my mouth. Gasping slightly, I'm taken aback by the look of worship on her face. What the hell was that? Is Alice Cullen actually licking her luscious lips and moving in to kiss me?
Just as her hands grab hold of the front of my desk, Mr. Leonard clears his throat loudly and tells us to go home. Alice pouts and flips her hair behind her back.
"So you forgive me right?"
"Of course, I was just embarrassed, I'm sorry I was such a jerk."
Rolling her eyes, she pats my hand and smiled, "I understand. I'd be pretty pissed if someone read my private thoughts, but on the upside sensitive guys are sexy."
My responses are slow thanks to her little remark about sexiness. "Sexy huh? That's umm, good, right?"
"Totally good. So do you want to come over later?"
"Yea, but I need to stop by my house first, okay?"
"Of course, see you later Jasper."
And with a wink and a wave she glides away, hips swaying, singing "Candy man" under her breath.
Yep it's official ladies and gentleman, Alice Cullen is a witch. Or at the very least, some kind of mythical creature with magical powers of persuasion. Because as mad as I'd been at her not half an hour ago, I want nothing more than to shower her with gifts and make her the queen of my world. Oh yea, I'm screwed….
