I was watching old episodes of TVD and I always wanted Damon and Elena together. This is set in season 3 after Stefan almost drives Elena off Wickery Bridge and she sends Jeremy to Denver.
I don't own anything.
Dear Diary,
Things have been so screwed up lately. We spent the whole summer trying to find Stefan to bring him home, and now he is back and he is no longer under Klaus' compulsion, but he is no longer the Stefan that I fell in love with. I can't believe what he put me through tonight just to get to Klaus. To make matters worse I told Damon that he couldn't kiss me again when all I wanted was for him to take me into his arms and do exactly that. He has always been there for me even when Stefan wasn't. I don't know what to do. I still love Stefan, but it's not the same as it was before. I don't want to be like Katherine, I don't want to come between them as brothers, but no matter what I do one of them is going to get hurt. Stefan told me tonight that he lost me when he left town, maybe he was right.
I can't help but think how alone I am now that Jeremy left for Denver, Damon compelled him to go to keep him safe and Bonnie was so mad at me for it. I have no one left. It hurts so much to send Jeremy away, but I can't lose him for real. My family is dead, he is the only one left and I have to keep him safe. Ric will be here still, I am so thankful for him; he didn't have to take on what he did for us.
I stood on Wickery Bridge for a long time after Matt left, he helped me say goodbye to the old me, the girl who went over the bridge with her parents. I just kept thinking "what do I do now?" I'm so lost. I started walking around afterwards and ended up in front of the boarding house, but I couldn't bring myself to go up to the door. I know what I want, but I also know what it means. Stefan told me he doesn't care what I think anymore, but I know he still cares and if I go to Damon like I want to I'm afraid we will lose Stefan again after everything that we went through to get him back. I can't put Damon through that I can't be the reason he loses his brother.
Thoughts of Damon consume my mind. What I feel for him isn't the same as what I once felt for Stefan. He got under my skin, and ignited a fire inside of me. He's passionate and dangerous and he lets me see the human part of him. I feel safe with him. I used to feel that way with Stefan, but things have changed with him. Damon kept me going after Stefan left, but I think I loved him before that, I just couldn't admit it to myself, because I was with Stefan and I was afraid of being like Katherine. I remember wanting to say it to him and chickening out when he was lying in bed dying of a werewolf bite and he told me he loved me. The best I could give him was telling him I like him now just the way he was, and then I kissed him. I might have said the word if Katherine hadn't interrupted with the cure, although I have never been so happy to see that woman when I saw what she was holding. I don't know if I could have handled losing Damon.
I wish that I was strong enough to just go over there and be honest about what I want. I am such a hypocrite. I'm always going on and on about honesty, and I can barely be honest with myself. Damon said it was right just not right now, but why can't it be right now? I want to be with him. I want him to hold me in his arms and make all the bad things in my life go away, even if it's just to make me forget for a little while. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Damon, he has saved me so many times, and I hate that I can't just go to him. What would happen if I just said screw it and went over there right now and threw my arms around him and just allowed myself to be happy for the first time in months? Would everything really fall apart just because I was happy? Would Stefan turn into the ripper again if he saw that I was in love with his brother? Why am do I always have to be so worried about everyone else? Why can't I be selfish for once in my life?
Elena stares down at her journal looking at the words written on the page in front of her. There it was. The answer was in front of her the whole time. She was in love with Damon Salvatore. She looked at her phone lying beside her on the window seat. She wanted to call him, wanted to hear his voice after the last few terrible days she has been through. She picked up her phone and scrolled through her contacts to his name and pulled up his number, her thumb hovering over the send button. If she called him and asked him to come over he would, she knew that much. She put the phone down and stood up from her spot on the window seat, wandering over to her bed she grabbed her teddy bear and curled into a ball and let the sobs overtake her body. Once she started crying she couldn't stop. She felt so alone, she just sent the only family she had left to Denver, and all she wanted was to find comfort in the arms of the man she loved, but he didn't know she loved him, and she couldn't tell him, because she was afraid of what it would do to his relationship with his brother.
She heard her phone start to buzz from its place on the window seat but she didn't care right now and just let it go to voicemail. It started to buzz again a couple minutes later and she thought maybe she should answer it in case it was an emergency, but she really couldn't deal with anything else right now so she just laid there and continued to cry.
A breeze from the open window brushed her bare shoulders as the tears rolled silently down her cheeks, and she shivered slightly.
"Elena?"
She startled and tried to wipe the evidence of her tears from her face before turning to face those piercing blue eyes.
"I tried to call but you didn't answer. I wanted to make sure you were ok after everything that has happened the past couple days." Damon said making his way over to the bed where Elena still sat with her back to him.
He sat down and touched her shoulder, and she finally turned towards him and looked up into his eyes. There was so much love and tenderness in them that she broke down all over again and collapsed into his chest. Damon wrapped his arms around her and held her to him while she buried her face in his shirt and cried.
"It'll be ok. Jeremy won't be gone forever. We'll find a way to beat Klaus and he'll be able to come home. I know it's hard but we did the right thing to keep him safe."
"I'm all alone Damon. My parents, Jenna, John, they're all dead. Jeremy was the only family I had left."
"Hey, you're not alone. You have your friends, you have Ric, and you have me Elena. I meant it when I promised I would never leave you again," he said kissing the top of her head and rocking back and forth with her in his arms to try and calm her down.
Elena sniffled and looked up into his eyes. They told her what his mouth had wanted to say again but didn't, that he loved her. She wanted to hear him say it, wanted to tell him that she loved him too, wanted to feel his mouth on hers again.
"Will you stay with me tonight?"
Damon nodded and pulled back the sheets tucking her in, before he removed his leather jacket and his shoes. He climbed in beside her wrapping his arms around her as she snuggled into his chest. He placed a soft kiss in her hair and stroked her back until he heard her breath even out and he knew she had finally fallen asleep.
"I love you Elena," he whispered, and saw her smile slightly in her sleep as she snuggled closer to him.
Damon watched her a little while longer before he closed his eyes and let himself drift off to sleep with the love of his life in his arms.
