Title:
"Butterflies"
1/1
Author:
Lena
Fandom:
Buffyverse
Word
Count:
610
Warnings:
Mention of Character Death and suicidal thoughts
Rating:
PG-13
Disclaimer:
Joss Whedon is God, and I'm just a lowly worshipper. None of this is
mine...blah, blah, blah.
Summary:
Takes place b/w Season 5/6. The rest of the gang are helping Giles
pack up his apartment after Buffy's death.
He wrapped each glass individually in newspaper, placing each one carefully in a box. He had always told himself that this day would one day come. One day Buffy could die, and he would have to leave and return to England. Knowing that this day would come did not help how he felt about this. He felt as though he had failed Buffy. He had failed her as a Watcher. He had tried to protect her from everything that could hurt her, and, as he had watched her throw herself from the top of that rusted pile of metal, he realized that there was one thing that he had neglected to protect her from: herself.
He knew that she was tired of living at point. He could see it. In this past year, she had lost both Riley and her mother, and both had been crushing blows to her. At the idea of losing her sister as well, she had jumped. Giles could see the allure of it, though, to just quit. In the ensuing summer, he had felt it several times himself. He knew what other Watchers had done once their Slayers were gone, why their journals ended so abruptly. They had followed that pull.
Now he was following another pull: to be alone. He couldn't stand to be in Sunnydale anymore. He couldn't take how everything and everyone reminded him of her. Every time he saw one of her friends, he couldn't stop himself from thinking back to years gone by, of all of the children laughing together in the library. When he saw Dawn, he could feel the hate growing inside of himself. Despite what he knew to be true, he blamed Buffy's death on her just as much as if Dawn had pushed her over herself. Buffy did it to save Dawn from doing it herself. When he walked around town in patrols, every place made him think of Buffy: the remains of the high school, the coffee shops, even the graveyards seemed to have a lingering essence of Buffy. Even his own home still smelled of her perfume.
Giles couldn't handle this, anymore. He'd break if one more thing reminded him too much of Buffy.
"Are you sure about this?"
Giles had forgotten that Xander was even there. He remembered that Tara and Willow were packing up his books in the other room as well.
"Yes….yes, I do believe that this is the right thing to do." Giles taped up the box of glasses that he had just packed, even though it wasn't quite full just yet. He had noticed that something was out of place.
"Giles, is everything ok?" Xander asked. Giles didn't seem to hear him as he walked to the kitchen counter, where a small barrette was sitting.
Buffy had worn it over last winter. It was a butterfly-shaped barrette with rhinestones on it. He had always thought that these things detracted from her natural beauty, especially with all of the glitter. She didn't need things like that, but she wore them anyway. After a night of patrolling, she had stopped by here on her way home. She had removed it from her hair while she "raided the fridge."
He picked it up, twisting it around in his hands. He remembered watching as her silky blond tresses tumbled out of the barrette, and how she tossed it onto the counter carelessly, quickly forgetting about its existence as she told him about her patrol for the evening while she made herself something to eat.
"Giles?" He felt Xander's hand on his shoulder.
Giles let his head hang down as he started to cry.
