DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER.
"Ok, Wormtail. So here's the plain," Voldemort said, "I'm going to dress up as Harry Potter's grandmother. Then Potter will come to the house with a basket of goodies for me. The, when he least expects it, I'LL KILL HIM! HAHAHAH! HAHAHA (snort) HAHA!"
IN A RANDOM COTTAGE SOMEWHERE VERY CLOSE TO HOGWARTS
Harry was skipping – er, I mean, walking toward his grandmother's; he was talking to himself to pass the time.
"I can't believe I got a letter from my grandmother. I thought she died years ago! She must be, like, a hundred years old or something!" Just then, he came across a cottage. It boar a sign: "Granny's house; no, this is not a scam set up by Voldemort to kill Harry Potter!" Harry reread the sign. He shrugged his shoulders and went inside.
"Grandmother, I'm here! I brought you a present!" Harry called; he shut the door behind him.
"I'm in the bedroom, my dear!" Voldemort said in an old woman's voice. Harry entered the room. He saw (what he thought) was his grandmother. What he didn't know (how stupid could you be?) that is was really Voldemort with a gray and white wig on, a pink flowery nightdress, and a quilt covering her – er, him.
"Grandma, what's with the gray skin?" Harry asked, sitting in a chair by the bed.
"Oh, I, er, forgot to tan! Prices are sky high these days!" Voldemort squeaked.
"Grandma, what's with the snake-like eyes? They're all, like, red and stuff." Harry said.
"Oh, I have Chinese in my blood. And, er, I was making eggs yesterday and got salt in my eyes!" Voldemort replied, showing his ugly yellow teeth.
"And Grandma, what's with your nose? You like, don't have one." Harry said.
"Oh, I thought I'd try the Michael Jackson look. It's all the rage today!" Voldemort said, starting to lose his patience.
"And Grandma, what abnormally long fingers you have!"
"All the better to finger you with, my dear!" He said.
"Excuse me?!" Harry said outraged.
"Oh, I, er, er, I – I mean, all the better to, er, go through your hair!" Voldemort tried to cover up.
"I barely have hair." Harry said, looking suspicious.
"Er, all the better to go through your doll's hair!"
"I don't own doll's. Are you sure you're all right? You don't look –"
"What's with the 20 questions, eh?!" Voldemort burst out, in his normal voice. Harry looked taken aback.
"You're Voldemort! I must kill you!" Harry screamed. Harry was looking for his wand, Voldemort laughing all the while.
"Looking for this, Harry?" Voldemort laughed. He was twirling the wand in his hand. He pointed the wand at Harry.
"Say your prayers, Harry." Voldemort whispered. But Harry noticed something about the wand that Voldemort didn't; Voldemort was holding the wand the wrong way, so that it was pointing at himself. Harry smiled.
"AVADA KADAVRA!" He yelled. Green light flashed, not at Harry, but on himself. Voldemort dropped dead.
