Wonder
Crescent moony
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if you were still here.
I wake in the morning and look out my window and see the rock faces in the distance and just wonder. When I'm in my kitchen making my ramen I wonder. Even when I'm on missions for the village I wonder. It's not that you were really loud or that you even stood out in a great way. You were just there. You were always watching. You weren't invisible or anything. I mean all of the girls always threw themselves at your feet and you just picked your way around them. You walked right past them on the street and wouldn't even give them a passing glance. Then you would see me and pause. You would glare usually. Some days you would just nod an acknowledgment. But all of the girls who saw would glare at me no matter what. I'd grin and walk up to you ready for what ever you would throw my way.
You'd give me that odd sort of glare-but-not-really and we'd walk off to train. All of the girls still looking on. When we were far enough away you would give a small smirk and I'd grin outright. We barely spoke. Most probably because conversation would end in a brawl.
It was nice though. Missions were too. It was quiet except for my words and Sakura's occasional random outburst at me. She didn't quite understand us. I liked her, but that slowly faded. Didn't she understand that we were friends even though we fought? Couldn't she understand? I guess somethings even she couldn't decipher. Even now she doesn't understand. She acts like I can't possibly miss you. Like I can't wonder. Like she is the only one who feels and worries.
I just can't let her know. I can't let her know that everyday I wonder. So I hide it behind a smiling face. I keep it to myself, and late at night, when no one can see, I think. I think about all of those times. I try to decipher what it all really means. I wish that I could just understand it all, but it's out of my grasp. All that I know is that you're gone and I couldn't stop you.
I'm lost sometimes. I wander the streets late at night. I show up on your doorstop and wonder that maybe if I knock loud enough you'll come to the door. I awaken on a mission and look around the camp, eyes searching for you, but you're not there. I almost believe somedays that you'll never be there. I give up hope and just lay back down. I close my eyes and hide my fears. I stop listening and wondering if maybe when I next wake that you'll appear. Cause you're gone and you want to be that way. You chose to leave and when you're ready if you ever are you'll return.
But in the meantime, I'll just stand here at my kitchen table, at the village gates, on the street, on your doorstep, on my latest mission and wonder.
This just wanted to be written so I gave in. I hope that you enjoyed it. Please review and let me know what you think.
