Sooo... this is a story all about how Tony's life got flipped, turned upside down... now i'm going to tell a story just sit right there about how tony got kidnapped, saved and sent to a school called * Shield high*

this is a teen-vengers story and there may be slash ( i'm not sure atm ... nut i shall leave it open ... because i used to be a die hard pepperony fan and then i started reading some slash stories * which i wasn't going to read because it went against my OTP of ironman ... but then i read anyway* and now i'm convinced there should be slash in the avengers ( whether or not i write slash or not depends on where the characters take me) but if you have a favorite pairing let me know :P

also ...

disclaimer notice:

as much as i wish i did own the avengers and all the other marvel owned characters i sadly do not... if i did we would have a second hulk movie and loki would join the avengers ( after some long heartwarming action filled story (35+ chapters or a 2.5-3hr film) about how he just wants to be loved * and they accept him because he blackmails them in the end* :D )


I used to find it stupid when people talk about their near death experience and how it changed their lives. We've all watched one of those stupid talk shows where the host is usually some mid thirty's ( or older) cougar ( with half their boobs hanging out ) or washed out celebrity who has a bad nose job or Botox and speaks with a really annoying voice, you know what I'm talking about. However, it's not the near death experience or even the talk show host that annoyed me; it was the person's claim that at their last moments they saw 'their lives flash before their eyes' and when they were brought back they were suddenly a whole new person.

I used to think it was all bullshit you know... there is no way anyone can change that quickly and how do things you have already experienced (that have already shaped you life) re shape you life. These people go on air and talk about the experiences that they relived in the couple of seconds or minutes that they were close to death and that has never made sense to me, how could a whole life of experience be relived in a few minutes and how could that change your life.

However, at this very moment I understand, how time seems to slow down to what feels like hours (even though it's probably been a few seconds since my head was pushed under water).

As the water weighs you down, you have time to think whilst you struggle to breath and start to slowly lose consciousness, it's somewhat nice to be able to let your mind wander, to stop feeling like shitt. As morbid as it sounds accepting that you are going to die eases all that stress of continuing the fight for life, it is oddly peaceful accepting you fate and in a way accepting, the hand you were dealt in life.

For instance, I've spent a lot of time thinking about my mother and how if she was still alive I wouldn't be here, I would be home by now, probably poor but still alive, safe and loved.

Pepper and Rhodey... my only too real friends who I'm quite sure will start dating now that I'm out of the picture ...I took them both for granted, Pepper more so than Rhodey. if I could do it all over again I would try and be a better friend ... Hell if I had a will, I would leave them everything I had to my name ( which isn't much considering I'm only 17 living under the shadow and smooching of my cold and heartless billionaire father) .

Happy who has been there for me all my life and is much more than just a driver and security guard, as it turns out I've taken everyone who matters in my life for granted.

Even Dr Yinsen and how he's been more of a father to me than Howard ever has. The Good doctor has done more for me in the three weeks and four days that I have known him than Howard has for my 17 years of life. Dr Yinsen saved my life, he cares about me, he encourages me and supports and believes in me and it's ironic that sometimes whether it's just me and him in that dingy dungeon or in front of our captors that I feel a lot more safe when he's around than I do at home with Howard.

Mostly though I think about Howard and how I was never good enough, how I'm still not good enough for him to rescue me, it all about Stark- fucking industries.

I think about how I tried, I really did to be the son my father wanted.

But I wasn't smart enough

I wasn't charming enough

I wasn't good at following orders

I wasn't the son he wanted

I was never good enough

I was too proud

I was too arrogant

I was too selfish

I was too 'social'

I was too snarky

I was too sarcastic

I was too spoiled

I was too self absorbed

I was never good enough to be Howard stark's son because...

I wasn't worth his time

His effort

His attention

His acknowledgement

His affection

His approval

His love

I will never be good enough.

I know that now.

I will die not being good enough.

I will die because someone out there mistook Howard for my father.

They mistook him for a man who gave a damn about a son he clearly never wanted.

That he will never love or care about.

I've been gone for three weeks and four days and they have clearly sent out their demands.

And Howard he hasn't even acknowledged that they have taken something from him.

I've heard the guards talk; he has refused their demands...

That's why...

That's why I'm going...

... To die...

Suddenly coming to terms with my fate, letting Howard take the blame, my head feels lighter... in reality it's probably the fact that I can't breathe and the water rushing into my lungs, which is causing me to...

...

...

...

...start getting a bit woozy ... hehe ... woozy funny word ... you'd think with an IQ as high as mine you'd know a lot of funny words but... hehe ... woozy...

...

...

... It rhymes with Doozy ...that was a doozy Betsy...

...a right doozy...

...

...

... I was thinking about something...

...something important...

...internal monologue...

... Where art thou?...

...hehe shake shere... wait that's not right...

...Howard always hated his plays...

...

...

...

...

...

... I should probably join a play...

Just to piss Howard off...

Hehe.. Fuck Howard...

...

...

...

...

...

...

... I don't think I can stay awake for much longer...

...

...

...truth is ...

...I don't...

...

...

... I...

...

...

...don't think I want to ...

...

...

So this is the last internal monologue of Tony Stark, genius, billionaire, playboy and somewhat of a philanth...

...

...


if you have made it though that whole first chapter then congratulations... that probably wasn't my best work and my grammar and punctuation probably sucked...

So... i'm a bit rusty ... haven't written a story in what feels like ages ... so feed back is welcome :)...

if anyone is interested in being a beta ( for my teen-vengers story) then let me know...

i wrote this today and its kinda like a preview of what i plan to work on ... ( i am afraid that this is going to be a slightly tony-centric story but the others will be heavily featured and more than likely have their own side stories... hopefully)

...yeah... so most people won't read this ( because i know i usually don't ... i get distracted easily)

but for those interested to know why i posted this up ( even though i probably shouldn't have) ... it is because ( if you've read any of my other stories you might of already guessed this) i go through fazes of extreme obsession with something and i write stories about it ( then forget i wrote them) and then when i'm over the fandom or just can't think about it anymore i'm left with a whole lot of unpublished half stories ...

so in short ( you could have probably skipped over all of that just for this one sentence...) i'm posting it up so that i will continue with it...

i'm already half way into completing chapter two... i'm gonna aim for 1 chapter a week (but if not it will at least be 1 chapter every 7-10 days) :P