(Pop-up)

What to Call a Beautiful Woman

Look her in the eyes and tell her she is a patootie, peach or Venus.

WTF? LoL! Yeah, like I really want someone to look into my eyes romantically and call me a patootie… god… that was funny…

Oh, and for the disclaimer, I own nothing in this 'fic (except the plot) and am making no profit whatsoever off of this. The songs were made by Fall Out Boy.


It was Valentines Day, and couples were everywhere, making the boy and girl blend in perfectly as they strolled down the snowy street hand in hand. Feeling that fortune had smiled upon him, the boy glanced over to the girl on his side, clinging to his hand. He couldn't resist looking down at her curvy body. A smile spread across his face as his eyes glimpsed her legs.

80808

I used to obsess over living
Now I only obsess over you
Tell me you'd like boy's like me better
In the dark lying on top of you
This has been said so many times that I'm not sure if it matters

80808

'HeeHeeHee...' he thought savagely, feeling his face grew hot.

"Harry? You still with me? You look dead…ish..." she asked.

"Nuh? Huh? Wha?" he responded quickly, pushing his fogging glasses back up his nose.

"'K, good. Thought you left me for dreamland, heh heh..."

"Never."

The boy felt the girl's hand shaking so he stopped and turned to her. When his eyes caught sight of hers, he felt the familiar, wonderful rush of affection towards her. Her pink lips, looking oh-so kissable, her blue/gray eyes that were filled with life and energy, her beautiful, delicate skin that was snowy white with cheeks made rosy from the cold. The boy noticed a snowflake in her short, shoulder-length white blond hair.

He reached up to brush it out of her hair, feeling the soft strands fall through his fingers. As he withdrew his hand, he allowed his fingers to caress her cheek gently before letting it fall back to his side. He saw her shudder at his touch, making the boy smile.

He couldn't stop himself.

He grabbed both of her soft warm hands, brought them slowly to his face, and pressed his lips against them. He could taste the sweetness on her skin.

80808

And you're just the girl all the boy's wanna dance with
And I'm just the boy who took too many chances
I'm sleeping on your folks' porch again, dreaming
She said, she said, she said, "Why don't you just drop dead?"

I don't blame you for being you
But you can't blame me for hating it
So say, what are you waiting for?
Kiss her, kiss her!
I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late

80808

He heard the girl gasp and saw her lip tremble as he stroked the hands within his. That's when a sudden and random theory popped into his head.

'I wonder if her lips are as soft as her hands…'

The boy then had a burning desire to find out. And so, not thinking of the outcome, he drew the shaking girl towards him, placed a hand on the nape of her neck and brought her lips toward his.

80808

'So say, what are you waiting for?
Kiss her, kiss her!
I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late

80808

As their lips connected, he felt a wonderful feeling in the bottom of his…stomach? Since his eyes were closed, he didn't see, but felt the girl intertwined with him had become rigid.

'Damn, this is heaven…she tastes really good…and her lips are so soft…WHY DIDN'T I DO THIS BEFORE, DAMMIT! Ooh…'

80808

Turn off the lights and turn off the shyness
'Cause all our moves make up for the silence
And oh, the way your make-up stains my pillowcase
Like I'll never be the same

80808

His fingers slowly started groping down her back, bringing the girl out of her shock. At his touch, she tried to free herself, struggling to wrench herself from his embrace. At first, the boy wouldn't let go, not wanting to end his kiss with her, but reluctantly released her as she continued to flail.

She pulled away from him and stepped out of his reach. The boy was at first paralyzed with confusion, then hurt and grief hit him like a tidal wave.

'So…so this is what it's like…to be…to be…rejected?' he thought reaching out for the girl. Her only reaction was to back up to further the distance between them.

80808

Joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of "just friends"
We're the kids who feel like dead ends
And I want to be known for my hits
Not just my misses
I took a shot and didn't even come close
At trust and love and hope
And the poets are just kids who didn't make it
Who never had it at all

80808

"Daena…" he whispered, savoring the sound of her name as is passed his lips.

The girl looked down. Suddenly, a new feeling washed over the boy. Fury now boiled in the spot where the pleasant feeling had just resided. The boy clenched his fist in anger and the fury erupted into a reckless fire in his stomach.

" What-the-hell . . . What-the-hell-did-I-do?" the boy asked dangerously through clenched teeth.

The girl looked like she would burst into tears at any given moment.

"H-Harry…you—" her voice faltered. Before starting again, she took a deep breath. "—You d-didn't…you didn't do anything at all Harry …" The girl's voice faded away. Her words did nothing to calm the fire burning away inside the boy. Anger got the best of him.

"Lemme guess! Now's the time you tell me that it's not me, but it's you, right? RIGHT!" he shouted sarcastically, flailing his arms about.

"But—but Harry …it's not you, it is me..."

"PAH! Do you know how clichéd that line is getting!"

He grabbed her shoulders. If she wouldn't give him a kiss, then he'd just take one. (OMFG! RAPE!)

80808

It starts eyes closed to fingers crossed
"To I swear, I say."
To hands between legs
To drinks at the club to the bar
To the keys to your car
To hotel stares/stairs to the emergency exit door
To the love, I left my conscience pressed
Between the pages of the Bible in the drawer
"What did it ever do for me?" I say
It never calls me when I'm down
Love never wanted me
But I took it anyway
I left my conscience pressed
Through the keyhole I watched you dress
Kiss and tell
(Loose lips sink ships)

80808

"Harry…Harry…" she whispered as his face got closer to hers.

He ignored her.

"Harry, wait…"

Their noses were touching.

"WAIT!" the girl shouted pulling herself off the boy. Couples around them stopped in their tracks to watch. ("Ooh! A lover's quarrel!" "Are they breaking up?" "Huh?" "Did he cheat on her?" "What's wrong?")

"WHAT IS IT!" the boy yelled.

"Harry…There's something…that I need t-to say…uh…" she grabbed his hand. "Um…I—I don't know how…how to say this…but…but…"

The boy had suddenly forgotten all of his anger. A mix of suspicion, concern and curiosity replaced it. "You're—you're not…pregnant!"

The girl went red. "Ah! No! That's…not it…I couldn't be…pregnant…"

The boy's shoulders slumped with relief and he nodded.

"Th—that's good…but…hold on, what was that last part?"

"Eh? Uh…um…I, uh…couldn't get pregnant…"

"Heehee, because you love me so much, right Deana?" the boy said, putting his arm around the girl.

"Nuh-uh…that's…not it…"

"Oh? Oh…well then, why, dammit?"

The girl sighed and took the boy's arm off her shoulders.

"Um…can I, like, just go home…or something?"

"Deana…what's going on?"

The girl looked into the boy's green eyes…the green eyes that had captivated her ever since she first caught sight of them in Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions... Captivated yet again, the girl leaned in on the boy, but drew away quickly.

"If you knew, you'd freak..."

"HA! SO THERE IS SOMETHING GOING ON! But…Deana…tell me, please. I'm freaking right now…I want to know."

"No, you don't want to know…Harry, if you knew…you'd never speak to me again…you'd hate me…I don't want that…I want to be with you…Harry …Harry…"

The boy chuckled. "Hate you? Don't say such stupid things, Daena…I want to be with you, too. I could never hate you. I get mad, like I did earlier. But I won't leave you. Ever. Not even for dreamland."

The girl still looked unconvinced, though, so to prove his feelings, the boy gently grabbed the girl's chin, tilted it upward, and brought his lips upon hers. It wasn't a rough or sloppy kiss like the boy had been hoping for, but rather a small, teasing chaste peck on the lips. This time, however, the girl did not draw away, but sank into the kiss, pleasing the boy to no ends. In fact, it was the boy who drew away, not the girl. He was satisfied with the kiss at first, but now his curiosity had threatened to overwhelm him.

"You'll tell me, won't you, Daena?"

The girl made a few squeaking noises that sounded vaguely like, "die" and "go to hell", but nodded.

"Harry…I just want you to know that I never meant things to get this far…Hell, I never meant things to go anywhere with you…but, I just—well, I loved being with you. I never got to do this with you before. It was meant to be a joke at first, ya know, just something to laugh about…but—something just kinda clicked, ya know? I couldn't get enough of you. I always wanted to be with you. I guess I kinda knew that from the first day we met…But that wasn't how it was supposed to be. It was just supposed to be a one-time thing. To laugh about…ya know? I wasn't supposed to…fall in…love…"


A/N: (Fall in love? Pssh, that line is so clichéd…)

(K, getting bored…I'm gonna freak things out now…)

(That must've been when I became really, REALLY sugar-high/hyper/drunk…after this point, it becomes really scary…it made Aly-sama cry and Sober-me hyperventilate…it will do funny things to your mind! DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE PURE RANDOMNESS!)

By the way, the reason I wrote this was because I found a pop-up online about 'What to Call a Beautiful Woman', …and I burst out laughing when I read what to call them! 'Patootie', 'Peach', and 'Venus'! So, just for shits and giggles, I wrote a fanfic about it to show how saying that to you're lover could totally ruin a magical moment. But somehow, Harry got involved…

Damn, this was supposed to be a short, few paragraph story…but now, it's, like, 10 pages…or something…