Lost Inside

Marauders Era.

Shonen-ai pairing of Remus/Sirius.

I don't own any of the characters etc.


"Moony, come on out with us, we're not the four musketeers without you, besides, who else have we got to stop us from doing anything wholly stupid?" James persisted through the curtains of his friend's bed.

"I can't, I've got too much work to finish off for next week and two of the days I won't be able to do anything and you know why. Listen, I'll try and make it out later ok?" he resigned glancing up with a pale withdrawn face as he attempted a reassuring smile.

"Alright. We're just worried about you Remus. You haven't been out of your room for ages, it isn't good for you." James' brow creased into a frown as he spoke softly before leaving. Lupin knew he had been spending way too much time in the confines of the bedroom and library but he had no other choice. He let out a sigh and dropped back onto the bed, playing with the covers in between his delicate fingers. He hated lying to his friends but what else could he do? There seemed no other reasonable option other than to stay away from his friends as much as he could in order to keep them safe.

Feeling around for the leather bound book that lay scattered on his bed, he picked it up. 'The Ultimate Witches encyclopaedia to the Werewolf.' Was displayed on the spine of the book in gilded golden letters. He opened the thick paper pages, tanned slightly from age and looked over it with glazed eyes. Pictures of transformations and habitual representations jumped off the page and into life in front of him, creating the scene. Of course, he had seen all this before though. His eyes had explored this book several times already, but he still kept re-reading it in hopes that if he did, the book would let him in on secrets it had been hiding from him. Unfortunately, the book did nothing more than it did last time but he could always hope. He closed his worn-out eyes briefly. It seemed that everything was beginning to take its toll on the werewolf. His whole body felt tired and overloaded with information and he didn't know how much longer he would be able to control the werewolf that seemed to no longer be happy only coming out two times a month.

It was getting harder to know what to do. He had searched all the books in the library and had gotten nowhere with it. It seemed like a hopeless pursuit at times like this. He was cordoning himself off from all other life and yet it seemed to not be helping him at all. The only place he hadn't searched was the forbidden part of the library where no students were allowed. Was that his last option? To do something entirely out of his character? It made him think that perhaps some of James' and Sirius' characteristics had rubbed off onto him. It certainly seemed like something they would do, though not for the same reasons he guessed.

If he hadn't have fallen for Sirius perhaps all this could have been avoided. That day when he looked at Sirius, he found a lust driving through him that he had never felt so forcefully before. If he had not have hastily made his departure, he knew without a doubt that he would have jumped that dark haired beauty. Everything he felt was more animalistic than human, as if all his emotions were heightened; they were raw feelings, no thoughts.

He groaned and threw the book across the room, hearing it make contact with a dull thud before burying his head into the covers of his bed. Even thinking about Sirius was affecting him badly. Well now he knew there was no way he was going to get to sleep any time soon.

He could hear the silent breathing of his fellow dorm mates echoing in the silent room. The occasional snore reverberating from behind curtains. Pale moonlight through the glass window was his guide as he slipped his feet out of the covers and onto the bare wooden boards on the floor. His friends had assumed he was asleep when they returned earlier on in the night. They had called whisperingly to him, and at the sound of no reply, they had left him. He had heard their quite words, their jokes and playful banter and it was painful to him. He wanted to be part of that, he wanted to join them once again but he couldn't, not knowing that at any time he could lose his sense of self to the animal inside him.

Pushing the thoughts out of his mind for the time being, he grabbed the marauders map and wand. Tapping his wand delicately against the parchment, he quietly murmured the well-known words. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." With that the parchment took to life in a haze of ink, the makers names spilling out up the top of the page. He smiled in recognition as the names; 'Moony, Padfoot, Wormtail and Prongs' appeared, bringing back the memory of when they had first created such a handy device. Thankfully as he stared down at the dots on the page, most of the people were in their rooms. The caretaker was dutifully doing his rounds but luckily he was presently on the other side of Hogwarts. Taking a final look at his sleeping companions, he took a deep breath and swiftly took off down the stairs and out of the tower. His heart was beating heavily as he travelled the corridors every so often checking down at the map, it was a wonder to him how no one else could hear the drum it was that loud. He had never done anything like this without his best friends before and he missed having them at his side to reassure him that everything would be alright and joke about their current situation.

A shrill whistle that carried its way across the air broke him out of his thoughts not long after. Remus gave a small gasp as he glanced down at the map to see a dot coming his way. If that wasn't bad enough, the name next to the dot was Lucius Malfoy, a prefect from Slytherin and a thorn in the side to say the least. He was one of the people determined to bring him and his friends down and harshly so. Taking a quick look around him, he dove behind a marble statue and curled up, his brown eyes wide as he watched the tall slitherin turn the corner. He seemed to stop short as if he knew someone was there. His dull grey eyes narrowed in suspicion, causing Remus' blood to freeze and his breath to hitch in his throat. He knew this was a bad idea and now he was going to get caught by Malfoy. It seemed ages until Lucius was satisfied enough to carry on his patrolling. Remus let out a gush of air he had not realized he had been holding. Taking a moment to collect himself, he double-checked that no one was coming his way before hurrying along to the library.

"Lumos." His pale face shone in the light of his wand wearily as he shuffled forward, holding out the wand in front of the shelves, skimming over the names. His finger stopped on another book, 'Control the wolf in you.'

"Hmm, that seems more like what I'm looking for" he said, pulling it out and setting it down on the vast mahogany table and opening it up. His eyes widened immeasurably as he stared at the book, his cheeks tinting a rosy colour as he realised what the book was actually about.

"I never thought of you as someone who liked those kind of books Moony. I'm seeing a whole different side to you."

Lupin jumped with a yelp of surprise that was suddenly cut off short by a callous hand wrapping firmly over his mouth.

"Shh, It's only me. We don't want the whole school alerting to your little escapade do we?" Remus didn't need to turn around to see the smirk on Sirius' face; he could hear it in his voice well enough.

Yanking himself away from his friend he turned around. "Does James know you have taken his invisibility cloak?" Remus rebuked, folding his arms lightly across his chest in an irritated manner as he watched Sirius suddenly appear out of thin air and flash a mischievous grin.

"No, it's not like he needs to know is it moony?" In a sickly sweet voice.

Remus just rolled his eyes. Sirius knew already that he wouldn't tell. He always got his way with the brown haired wolf. Turning his back to his friend he began placing some of the books back on the shelf. Only for Sirius to pull them back off again.

" 'Werewolves of the ages', 'Werewolf mysteries revealed', 'Were Help?' Remus what is going on here?" Sirius seemed more baffled with each book and Remus just tried to ignore his questions, engrossing himself in other things. Sirius was having none of it though as he closed in on his friend, grabbing his shoulder to twist him around. "Answer me. What are you not telling us Moony?" he ordered.

Remus just stood immobile, his mouth moving but no words coming out. What was he supposed to tell his friend?

"You haven't been yourself for ages, we have noticed you know. We're your friends, let us help."

Coming from Sirius it sounded so much like a plea. Something that was unusual for the joker. Remus shifted his head, brown eyes soft as he looked up at Sirius' serious face, knowing that the other would not let it go until he had gotten what he wanted from the young werewolf. He soon found himself divulging the details of his recent behaviour and how he felt like his animal side was taking over and he was losing control. Of course, he conveniently forgot to mention the part about what he wanted to do with padfoot at the moment. For despite how understanding Sirius was being now, he didn't want to think of what the other would do if he found out about his true feelings towards the lithe young man.

"I'm sure when we talk to Prongs and wormtail tomorrow, we will all be able to work a way around this just like when we did for the werewolf thing in the beginning." Sirius spoke confidently.

Remus' hazel eyes widened and he grasped Sirius' upper arms. "No, you can't tell them, please I don't want them to know yet. Can't it just be our secret for now?"

Sirius seemed to consider this for a moment before nodding. "Fine but let's get back, it's too late to be searching in here now and you look tired."

It was true, Remus was completely shattered, mostly due to all the worrying he had been doing the past few days. But now he had unloaded some of his troubles, everything seemed to catch up with him and he gave a small smile to his friend. "Yes, lets get back-" he stopped mid sentence as he saw Sirius pick up the book that had earlier made him blush. "Why are you bringing that? It won't help me." He pointed out.

He grinned wickedly. "I never said it was for you…"


I personally don't really think much of this beginning.I tend to suck at them sometimes and its somewhat stagnant. Anyway, I just hope the other chapters go better.