I didn't know where I was, or what day it was. I had no idea of how long I had been running, no memory of the number of hours I'd slept or the amount of sunrises I had seen.
All I knew was that I couldn't get away.
Even after running for hours, days, weeks, I could still hear them in my head. I could still hear their thoughts, even if they did not try to talk to me personally, and as far as I ran, I still could not get away.
So there was no solace for me in my wolf form. I'd phased back near a dirty looking café on the side of the road and had finally found relief from the voices in my head. But the original pain, the reason why I had phased into wolf for so long, hit me with full force.
Bella. Bella and Edward. If he killed her…
I wasn't cold, even in just the pair of thin trousers I had 'borrowed', but I was hungry, so I made my way towards the café. It was only as I cautiously walked through the door that I realised I had no money. Yet the café was hardly busy, and I didn't think they would mind me sitting there for a bit. I could even work there, for food and shelter, I thought.
It was hardly surprising that the café was empty, though. The window faced east, and through it I could just see the night sky lightening, showing the coming of the dawn. Sighing, I headed for a table by the window, as far away from the other tables as I could get.
What would I do if that leech killed her? Would I try and kill him? I tried to keep my rage under control as I thought – I didn't want to turn into a wolf here, in the middle of a café, after all. But my blood boiled at the thought. If he killed her… I couldn't help but decide that I would kill him, it if ever came to that.
But there was the other side of the coin, too. What if he didn't kill her? What if he successfully turned her? What would I do, if my best friend, and the girl that I loved, turned into one of those leeches? What would I do if every time I saw her, her scent tore at my nose, her very presence made me want to kill her?
Would it be that she ended up dead, whatever path she took?
"Are you okay, dear?" I turned around, startled. I hadn't heard the kindly woman standing behind me approach.
"Erm… Yeah, thanks."
"Do you want anything?" I realised she must work there.
"I'm sorry, I have no money," I said. "If it's okay, can I just sit here please?"Can you leave me alone?
She smiled, seeming to hear what I hadn't said. "Sure." Nodding to me, she turned away and headed towards another table, where a young, scruffy couple were sat. I turned back to the window.
I wished I had imprinted on Bella. I wished that I was everything she needed. I wish that she had ended up with me instead of the leech more than anything else in the world. Because if she had, she would be safe. She would have a long, happy life, and would die at her rightful time. If the leeches hadn't been around, maybe that's what would have happened.
Apart from the imprinting thing, of course. I sighed. I had tried to imprint on her, but it had not worked. It just did not work that way. But we would have been happy.
What if you had been like Sam? a small voice said in my head. What if you had imprinted on someone else? What if you had broken her heart, like the leech did when he left? I sighed. At least the leech loved her. If she had ended up with me… I don't know whether I could have loved her all her life.
"Here you go dear," the kindly voice behind me said. This time, I jumped. I really needed to be aware of what was going on around me. Turning, I looked at her. "Here's a hot chocolate for you," she continued.
"I didn't order it…" I started, but she winked at me.
"On the house," she said. I looked at her for a moment, then smiled.
"Thanks," I said, taking the warm drink from her fingers. I didn't need it, but it was nice to feel the warm cup in my hands, and to remember back to when I was just human, with no wolf involved, when I used to hold a cup of hot chocolate in my hands on a cold winter's day and talk and laugh.
But the memory wouldn't stay forever. As I turned back to the window, my thoughts fled back to Forks, to where Bella was. Her and the leech.
And they were getting married. She and the leech were getting married. I remembered the wedding invitation, and the letter that the leech had sent to me. Would I even go? I frowned. I didn't want to be where they were, and there were going to be a lot of them. The whole family would be there, for a start, and although we worked well when facing off those others… They were leeches, and they were taking away Bella. I didn't know if I could face it if I went.
But could I live with myself if I didn't go? I bit my lip as I stared out of the window, watching the sky become gradually lighter. Could I live with the fact that I had missed one of the most important days of Bella's life, and one of the last where she would be human? Could I live with myself if I didn't give her just one more chance…?
And Sam had told me – had asked me – to come home when I could. I should head back, I decided. When the sun first reared its head from below the horizon, I would head back to Forks.
"Excuse me?" I heard someone say behind me. I frowned. Yet another person who I had not heard approach. I wondered whether to just pretend that I was deaf, and continue to watch the eastern sky, waiting for the moment when I would go. But that was rude, and the sun was not far off now. I turned.
If I was anyone else, I would probably have recoiled from the person on sight, even just slightly. He looked maybe a year or two older than me, and was tall and very skinny. His eyes were wide and haunted in his gaunt face, and his hair was long and lank, and could possibly be dark blond when washed. He shivered in his pale jeans and thin t-shirt, and was eyeing the hot chocolate in my hands with a hunger that could have frightened me.
But I wasn't anyone else, and when I saw him, all breath was knocked from my body as an overwhelming sense of protectiveness filled me.
"Can I… I mean, I have no… and you're not…" I handed him the hot chocolate silently, my brain working on overdrive. I wanted to protect this strange, scrawny creature, I realised. I wanted to hold him in my arms and never let the world touch him again. And I realised, as I watched him sink gracelessly into another seat at my table, gulping the lukewarm drink, that this strange feeling was far stronger than anything I had ever felt before in my life. It was like… He was more important to me than anything that had ever happened to me before.
I remembered what I had said to Bella, when I told her about Quil and Claire. 'When you seeher, suddenly it's not the earth holding you here any more. She does. And nothing matters more than her. And you would do anything for her, be anything for her… You become whatever she needs you to be, whether that's a protector, or a lover, or a friend, or a brother…'
The only difference here was the gender. The only difference here was that Claire was a girl, and this… and he was not.
As the first fingers of light shot above the horizon, I realised that it was time for me to leave. But I couldn't. I couldn't just leave himhere.
"Thanks," he said, reclining into the chair and relaxing slightly.
"What's your name?" I asked. I had to know his name.
"Amadeus. My mum… bit of a classical freak."
"Are you okay?"
"I…" His eyes narrowed. "Yes."
"You're not." I knew he wasn't. I just knew. "You need food and shelter and somewhere warm."
"So do you… well, you look like you do." I realised I was just sitting there wearing a pair of trousers and almost laughed. Of course, he didn't know that I didn't feel the cold.
"You need it more," I said. "I… I'm actually just about to head back home. You… You want to come with?"
My heart sank before he even opened his mouth. I knew what he was going to say by the further narrowing of his eyes, by the tightening of his grip on the cup he was still holding, by the stiffening of his muscles. I lowered my head. "Never mind," I said. "You don't want to…"
"Wait," he interrupted. I looked up, frowning. "Wait… I…" He shook his head. "I… goes against all logic, but…"
"You will?" He nodded, and I had to refrain from phasing into wolf and howling for joy. Instead, I smiled.
"Come on, then." I stood and held out my hand. After tentatively looking at me, he took the hand and allowed me to pull him to his feet. I'm coming home, Bella, I thought. And I'll come to your wedding. I shouldn't be late.
But there was something I had to do first. As I led Amadeus out away from the shop, I remembered that I was further from Forks than even Iknew, and I probably could not get back in time by normal means. I stopped and turned to him.
"Before we go," I said, "there's something you should know about me."
"You're… don't… don't kill me… are you?" There was real fear in that voice, and my protective instincts flared up.
"No," I almost growled. "I'm not going to let anything hurt you." I tried to get my racing pulse under control and took a deep breath. "But that's not what I meant. I…" I paused. "It's easier if you see this. Just… Please don't run." Stepping away from him slightly, I turned away from him and pulled off my trousers.
"You're…" Amadeus started, and I heard him take a step back, but before he could go further than a step, I phased into wolf, keeping my mind carefully blank. I turned to see him staring at me, his mouth half open, but he wasn't running any more. I took this as a good sign, and turned around again to phase back and pull my trousers back on.
"You… what…" I heard him gulped. "Well, that was… unexpected."
I turned around, biting my lip. "You won't run?" I asked.
For a long moment, Amadeus just stared at me. Then the tiniest smile began to form on his face.
"I won't run."
