'Allo all of you people out there who have managed to stumble across my story. Prepare your minds for confusion as well as love. That is right, I am a hideous little fangirl. Read on, I demand you!

I do not pwn Invader Zim, all rights belong to Viacom. (Not Jhonen as some people believe.)


"I've got you alien!" Dib screamed as he ran through the street. Zim was about 20 feet in front of him running. But Dib was catching up fast to the small Irken. His leather trench coat flew in back of him, caught by the wind, and Dib started laughing gleefully. "I can catch you this time, you're nothing without your pak."

Zim ran ahead, dodging people. All the time he was aware that using his spider legs would ruin his disguise and expose himself to the dirty humans, so his pak remained basically useless.

"You'll never," Zim huffed, "catch me, Dib-smell!" Zim tried to run faster but his legs were giving up on him, and Dib was quickly filling the distance between them.

Dib leapt up in the air and landed, elbow first, into the back of the Irken. Zim uttered a loud oomph before falling under the human's weight. Dib lay on Zim's back, his hands on the aliens shoulders, his face close to the alien's neck.

"How about surrendering now?" Dib whispered into Zim's face. He had won, Dib had finally caught Zim in the open, where everyone can see his victory!

"Never!" Zim screamed as he rolled over pinning the human to the ground. "How about you give up?" Zim chuckled and Dib grunted as he tried to push the alien off of him.

"Mommy, what are those two men doing to each other?" A small boy with blonde hair and wide green eyes stood near them. Dib chuckled nervously when he saw the angry look he was receiving from the boy's mother.

"Nothing dear, come on." She grabbed her son's hand and muttered, "Fags everywhere, honestly…"

Zim was still chuckling, unaware of the situation as Dib tried to wrestle free. His face burned with embarrassment, how could she think that about him? Clearly they were fighting! But Dib noticed how Zim was laying on him. Zim's waist had landed almost perfectly in between Dib's legs and as Dib tried to move away it looked as if Zim was thrusting the boy.

"OH MY GOD! GET OFF OF ME!" Dib's face turned a scarlet red as he screamed. The only thing he could think of was that Zim was, well, HUMPING him. "Oh my god, get off, stop it, ZIM! RR…" Dib was overcome with the need to scream the word rape, but managed to stop himself.

"Do you surrender?" Zim smiled and leaned close to Dib's face. Dib could feel Zim's hot breath on his lips and found himself staring at the smooth green skin of his rival. If it was possible, Dib grew even more embarrassed. His back arched slightly and Dib noticed his 'mini-me' starting to stand at attention.

"I surrender for today." He said quickly, his face and body felt like they were on fire. He wanted to be out of this situation as fast as he could.

"Good!" Zim stood up and started walking away. "I have won!"

When Dib stood up he ran home, not stopping along the way. He crashed into a few people and yelled a quick 'sorry'.

'He was on me, touching me… We were both so close.' Dib had mixed emotions about this encounter. 'He was rubbing me…there! And I, liked it?!' Both disgust and excitement rushed through Dib's brain.

When he got home and ran inside, Gaz stood in his way. Dib stopped quickly, holding his stomach and his mouth.

"Where were you?" She glared at him. The world around him spun, stopped, and spun again. His mind was jumbled and confused.

"I think I'm gonna be sick…" Dib uttered the words quickly before vomiting on the floor.


Upstairs in his room Dib lay on his bed. His vacant eyes stared at the ceiling. His thoughts kept drifting back to Zim: his breath, his skin, and the feeling of his weight on Dib's body. Since when did Zim's touch take on a different meaning? They had always fought by pouncing on each other, their bodies had always touched, but today was strange. Dib hated himself for what he was feeling, for the burning in his face at the thought of Zim's touch. But most of all Dib felt fear.

"I can't be a fag." Dib shuddered at the word.

"I don't know if you're queer but you're definitely a pussy." Dib bolted upright to see his sister standing at the door to his room. Her left eye was lifted in questioning and she held a tray with a bowl of soup on it.

"GAZ!" Dib shouted.

"If you don't want me hearing things, stop talking to yourself." She put the tray on his bed stand, precariously balancing on top of his alarm clock. Dib just gaped at her and she sighed, annoyed as usual. "Listen gay-mo." She chuckled slightly and Dib frowned. "I brought you some soup and Dad's new robo-maid cleaned up that disgusting mess. So shut up, eat, and sleep." Gaz turned and walked out of the room.

Dib pulled the tray over onto his lap and started sipping slowly on the hot broth. The warm moist air rising off the soup hit Dib's face and an image of Zim popped into his head. "AH!" He shrieked. Dib reached up and held onto both sides of his head, his eyes squeezed shut. The soup flew off of his lap and landed on the floor.

"Stop it!"

But images of Zim kept flooding his mind and Dib found himself wanting. "It was one time, one incident, that's it. STOP IT! Oh my god, stop! I'm NOT GAY!"

"I SAID SLEEP!" Gaz screamed and punched Dib in the head. He fell backwards against his pillow and everything went dark.


"So do you think he is an alien?" Dib smiled eagerly, searching the girl's face for an answer. She just smiled back at him and brushed her short dark blue hair away from her eyes.

"I think whatever you think, Dib." The girl leaned forward, her face getting closer to Dib's. His heart skipped a beat and he felt his stomach leap to his throat.

"Kiss me," she said.

When their lips met Dib felt a part his heart melt while the rest of him grew hot.

"Oh Tak," he reached up and grabbed her face, when it transformed.

Sitting before him was the Irken beauty. Her violet eyes shimmered in the sunlight. He found himself stroking her antennae.

"You are so beautiful this way." He smiled at her.


Dib jolted awake. The memory of Tak still hung in his mind, but it was slowly drifting away. "YES! I'm not gay! HAHA!" Dib was thrilled over his new-found heterosexuality. "I like girls, I'm not gay… I like girls, I'm not gay!" Dib did a little dance in his bed, wiggling around.

He had dreamt of a girl, and not Zim. An alien girl, yes, but it was a girl! He had even kissed her! Maybe what happened that afternoon was a mistake. Yes! That had to be it, a stupid mistake. Dib had just gotten carried away with what that old lady had said to him.

"If I'm not gay, then old ladies can't make fun of me. And I can defeat Zim!" Dib grinned and looked at the clock. "Damn, 6 AM. Only two hours until school." Dib frowned and settled back against his pillow, willing himself to sleep.

'Why would I think of Tak? It's been so long since I have seen her.' Tak had been missing for over four years. When she was in school with him, he had a crush on her. Sure it was a little kid's crush but it was the only one he had ever had. Even when he had found out she was an Irken he didn't care. He saved the Earth, it was his duty, but he still blamed Zim for her disappearance.

"Tak," he whispered before falling into a quick, dreamless sleep.


The next morning his alarm went off, jolting him awake. Dib rubbed his eyes and went to his closet. He picked out the same shirt, pants, coat, and shoes he wore every day. After getting dressed he stumbled downstairs while putting on his glasses.

"Eh.." Gaz garbled between bites of cereal.

"Good morning to you, too." Dib said, yawning and grabbing the cereal box. He poured a good half bowl of cereal and sat down to eat. Suddenly a loud bang erupted from his backyard. His house shook and Dib ran to the window.

What he saw in the yard was the large satellite dish from his roof and a small green dog.

"GIR! Get up here or else the humans will hear you!" Zim screamed from the roof. GIR stood up and saluted Dib before rocketing himself to the roof. The boy ran outside, his breakfast forgotten, and he saw Zim.

"What are you doing, Irken scum?!" Dib screamed. Dib started shimmying up the drain pipe to reach Zim.

"What I am doing, pig smell, is none of your business."

"It's my house Zim, don't make me kill you."

"Oh You can never kill me, I am amazing! And I won over you! YOU SURRENDERED!"

"I surrendered only for yesterday, I'm back to fight you!" Dib struggled up the side of his house and landed with an oomph on his roof. Zim was standing tall, undisguised, his hands rolled into balls on his sides. He smirked at Dib's inquisitive glances.

"Why the hell did you cut off my satellite?"

"For this of course!" Zim propped an Irken flag in the spot where the satellite once stood. Dib grew angry at the sight of the enemy's flag. He walked past Zim and ripped the flag off.

"What are you doing, Earth boy?"

"What do you think I'm doing, ZIM?" Dib crumpled the flag in his hand and threw it at the alien. The red ball smacked into Zim's head and fell limply to the ground. Zim hardly flinched, he just stood staring at the boy. Both alien and human stood still, glaring into each other's eyes.

"Are you gonna kiss or can I watch TV now?" Gaz stood on the roof, readjusting the giant satellite with GIR's help.

"Gaz, how did you..." Dib stopped mid-sentence with an Irken-slap to the face.

Zim launched himself on Dib and they both rolled off of the roof, landing with a thud on the ground below.

"And the groping starts," Gaz said before leaping skillfully off the roof and onto the front porch.

Zim and Dib rolled around the backyard, tugging on each other's clothes and grunting loudly.

"I will kill you, human."

"Not before I kill you first!" Dib flipped Zim over and landed on top of him.

Dib was splayed over the alien and was staring at his face. Something about Zim's eyes made Dib's heart leap into his throat. They were so beautiful, so deep. Before he knew what was going on, Dib leaned forward and pressed his lips to the Invader's.

Zim lay on the ground beneath Dib, confused and frozen in shock. When Dib finally grew aware of what he was doing to his enemy he leapt backwards. Dib wiped his lips furiously while Zim lay on the ground in a comatose state.

"Oh my god, no, no, no!" Dib yelled. Zim slowly stood up.

"A kiss is a human form of hideous affection." Zim made a slight gagging sound. "You feel… love for me?" Zim wiped his own face where the spittle from Dib's mouth slightly burned.

"No, definitely not love," Dib backed up against the wall, "I just did it, on impulse…"

"It hurts," Zim's wide eyes turned into a menacing glare. "You did it to hurt me." Zim smiled. He walked up to the boy. "And apparently it also hurts you…"

"What? No, it doesn't, don't be stupid…" Dib was sweating lightly and he felt like his face was burning.

"You are red in the face and out of breath." Zim leaned up against Dib, their torsos touching, his hands on either side of the boy's head. "You must be hurting."

"My head is hurting like hell." Dib said out loud to himself. He was hoping to God that a neighbor would walk out, see the alien, and call for help.

"It hurts you more than me," Zim considered the idea. He leaned his face in closer and whispered, "this is a powerful weapon." Then he forcefully pushed his lips against Dib's, crushing their faces and bodies together. Dib felt the smooth skin and hotness of the alien's body. He tried to push Zim away but Zim held Dib's hands tight against the wall near his head. Dib felt himself loosening up, giving up the struggle.

His entire body felt warm, like it was floating, his mind went blank and absorbed itself in the feeling of the Irken against him.

When Zim released Dib, the exasperated boy sank to his knees. Zim stood up tall and smiled.

"I like this power human, I have won once again."

Dib flopped over into the ground.

'You won something, Zim. And I definitely lost.'


Yay! The end of the first chapter! Dib is all confused and such, heehee. I want all of you people who read this to comment. Let me know how you feel. If this sparks any ingenious drawings please send them to my email:

And if you ab-so-loutely hate slash then let me know that too.
Tak will be involved later in some way, as she is already included here in a small part.
I wrote a short piece where Dib and Zim argue with me and insult slash which I shall post in a seperate livejournal at some future date.