"You're stood on this line between life and death; most people run away from it but not you. You stand on it and wait for a strong wind to blow you one way or the other. You're careless with your life; you might not be drinking yourself to death or slitting your wrist, but you're careless; probably because of what happened to your mom and because your dad turned into a waste of space when you needed him. The problem is, you still focus on that; on being careless because you think that no one on this planet cares about whether you live or die anymore. And if you don't watch out one of these days you're going to be so careless that you'll die because of it... and I don't want that to happen Kate... There are people out there who care about you, who are invested in your future... and you just have to accept that, take it in and move with it... because Kate; I love you and if you die, it'll kill me too."
She stood on the opposite side of the room, tears brimming in her eyes as he paced a circle of four steps each way against her kitchen counter. He ran his hands through his hair and she almost smiled at how it stood up on end as he dropped his hand back to his side. She blinked rapidly to dispel the wetness from her eyes before stepping forwards and resting her hand lightly on his shoulder as he moved past her.
"I know Rick… I know I'm reckless and careless; but for such a long time there hasn't been anyone around who might be even the smallest bit bothered if I ended up on the wrong side of that line. Dad might be better now but," He stared at her as she sucked in a deep breath and reflexively tightened her hand around his arm as they stood facing each other.
"When he was drinking… he had no idea what was happening around him, no idea what was going on. He barely made it to her funeral because he'd gone out drinking the night before and I didn't know where." He shifted closer to her and placed his hand lightly over hers; when she was caught up in her memories he knew how easily she could hurt him if he moved too suddenly. He'd spent a week with a black eye the last time when he'd jolted from her memories too sharply.
"He said, he said a lot of things when he was drunk… and you're right, you know, it did feel, does feel sometimes, like no one cares… because the one person who should have cared; he didn't."
"Kate…" As she paused, he tightened his grip on her hand and slowly led them towards the coach. He kept his voice low but she shook her head as soon as he spoke.
"Let me finish, please." He nodded and kept a hold of her hand as they sat down. " He might have been a waste of space… but I felt like one as well; and I know, I know, that's not true now… but at the time… everything was going wrong and… it was just easier to go through the motions, not caring about myself because no one else did."
"You can't carry on like that Kate… We can't. There's too much at stake now."
"I know Rick… this, this baby means more to me than you'll ever know and I promise you, I promise you, I'm not going to put myself at risk anymore. It's not just me to think about now, I'm carrying this baby, your baby, and for your sins you care about me…" He tugged her closer and she came willingly, resting her head on his shoulder and both of their hands drifted towards her still flat stomach.
"I love you Kate… I have for so long, and this baby is just another part to the puzzle that you've helped me build." She giggled and he wrapped his arms around her tighter.
"Always the writer Castle."
