A/N: So this is really just a pointless one shot that I felt the need to write… so…. Enjoy!
Blaine had suffered through a long and lonely first day at McKinley High School.. He had just recently moved from a school, and it's not like that he ever had anything there, but it was different. He liked Dalton but now, he had to start out brand new in a school he already didn't like for his junior year. Things were not looking up for one Blaine Anderson.
Things really had never looked up for Blaine, actually. He lived in a household where his parents didn't accept him for who he was and he had no friends or no life since he was eight. Blaine had a best friend at age eight, and ended up falling in love with him. They did everything for each other. They helped each other come to terms with being gay. They both supported each other when the other needed it, like when Blaine's parents being nasty, or when the other boy's mom died. When Blaine finally worked up the courage to tell his mother and father he loved this other boy, and that the other boy loved him back, Blaine was told he could never see this boy again. He had been shunned by his family and was afraid to make friend ever since, in fear he'd fall in too deep and be left in the dust again. Since that day, Blaine absorbed himself in music, in school, and in fictional books, in hope that one day he'd magically find his friend again that he was still in love with after all of these years.
Blaine was organizing his locker in the empty, quiet hallway when he heard a faint voice down the hall. He couldn't make out words, only pitches. He furrowed his eye brows and cocked his head closer to the distant sound as he tried to make out the sound. He quietly shut and locked his locker before he grabbed his messenger bag and walked slowly down the hallway. With each step, the words the voice spoke grew louder and clearer. They admitted chills on Blaine's arms; it was absolutely beautiful. Blaine was close enough now, where he could hear the words that the mysterious voice sang.
Sometimes tears say all
There is to say
Sometime your first
Scars don't ever fade, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin
Blaine knew and absolutely loved this song. He slowed his pace as he focused on the perfect and beautiful pitch of the song being sung. Blaine knew music well, and he was really hard to impress. This voice, however, gave him chills.
It's the end
End where I begin
It's the end
End where I begin
Blaine felt he heart break a little for the unknown person as he could hear the choke up in the voice. It was a high voice, but Blaine could tell it was a man's. Blaine walked faster towards the doors of the auditorium as he heard the song approach its end
Sometimes we don't learn
From our mistakes
Sometimes we've no
Choice but to walk
Away, away
Blaine had just reached the auditorium doors as the song ended. He flung the door open, and only caught the glimpse of a shadow as it walked off into the wings of the stage. Blaine stood at the back of the auditorium, paralyzed by shock. He missed the voice. He missed this person. Blaine, completely shaken by his thoughts, ran down the aisles of the auditorium and to the stage to try and find this man who just poured more passion into a song then he had ever been able to do himself. He hoisted himself up on the stage and shouted.
"Hello?" He yelled into the now silent auditorium. Though there was a slight of his voice in the hosue, he heard no response. Blaine felt his heart sink. He was already so dedicated to this voice, to this person that had already moved him so much, and he didn't even know his first name. Blaine sighed and sat on the edge of the stage, legs swung over the side and hanging in the air. He turned to his side and saw a red notebook on the stage. Blaine slid his body across the stage and to the notebook, curious to see what it was. It had to have belonged to the person who was just singing. Blaine couldn't refrain from picking up the notebook, though he felt guilty about invading the privacy of someone he didn't even know. He reached for the notebook and read the cover.
PROPERTY OF KURT
Those three words were written in black sharpie boldly on the center of the cover. Kurt. Kurt was the name of man who just singing. He opened to the next page, where a simple quote was centered on it, written not in sharpie, but in pen.
"Music Is Enough For A Lifetime, But A Lifetime Is Not Enough For Music."
My kind of guy. Blaine laughed to himself. He flipped to the next page where part of it was filled with a note in the same handwriting as the last page was.
"You can learn a lot about someone by the lyrics they sing, or the songs they like. I think the concepts of diaries are stupid. Music is enough of an escape for me. But when I can't sing, and when I can't perform, I can write. And so, this book is filled with the song lyrics that depict me. And when I feel down again, and I can perform, I'll have the perfect song at my fingertips."
Blaine furrowed his eyebrows. Not knowing what to think, he shoved the notebook in his messenger. He sat and stared off into the dark auditorium. He was going to come back tomorrow and find out who Kurt was. He needed to know.
Blaine dried off his soaking wet curls and sat Indian style on his bed. He stared at the tiny, red notebook that sat directly across from him. The three, bold face words on the front ate at his conscience. PROPERTY OF KURT. That meant he shouldn't open the notebook. It wasn't his to look at. He should just take it back to the auditorium at the same time tomorrow , in hopes 'Kurt' will be there and he can return it to his rightful owner. Nothing could ever be that simple, however; why was curiosity killing him? Blaine looked around his empty room in paranoia, as though someone would see him reading the journal, before he snatched the notebook and flipped the front cover open.
He skipped the quote and tiny explanation he had already read before he got to the first song, lyrics written by hand. While the whole song was written, certain parts were highlighted, as though there were of more importance than the other words.
Well, it's not hard to see Well, it seems like so long ago I had a chance to settle down
Anyone who looks at me
Knows I am just a rolling stone
Never landing anyplace to call my own
To call my own
But it really ain't you know
I started out a crazy kid
Miracle I made it through the things I did
The things I did
Someday I'll go where there ain't no rain or snow
'Til then, I travel alone
And I make my bed with the stars above my head
And dream of a place called home
Get a job and live in town
Work in some old factory
I never liked the foreman standing over me
Over me
Rather know the things I know
See the world with my own eyes
No regrets, no looking back, no goodbyes
No goodbyes
Someday I'll go where there ain't no rain or snow
'Til then, I travel alone
And I make my bed with the stars above my head
And I dream of a place called home
I read the bolded lyrics over and over again my head and tried to decipher what they meant. Kurt wanted to go places. I didn't even know the guy, and I knew he wanted to go places, just because he wrote this song down. But why does he think he'll travel it alone? I furrowed my eyebrows and flipped to the next page in the notebook.
I'm in the boot of a car breathing air through a hole Now he's showing me mercy as much as he can
He's driving me down to the river
He'll watch over me in the tears in his eyes
Couldn't dig my own grave any deeper
He's pushing me blindfolded down to my knees
But his finger still shakes on the trigger
He's untying my hands though I gave him the rope
This is so much harder to leave him, leave him, leave himWhen you're forgiving but you can't forget
Feels like you're drowning but you still got breath
And we've been tryna lay this ghost to rest
Oh but there ain't no getting out of this mess
No there ain't no getting out
There ain't no getting out
There ain't no getting out of this mess
He's letting me live with my demons
Oh but still he looks back, he looks back
But he's leaving, he's leaving
When you're forgiving but you can't forget
Feels like you're drowning but you still got breath
And we've been tryna lay this ghost to rest
Oh but there ain't no getting out of this mess
No there ain't no getting out
There ain't no getting out
There ain't no getting out of this mess
No there ain't no getting out
No there ain't no getting out of this messWhat's done is done
Can't resurrect the setting sun
What's done is done
Oh you can't reverse the bullet from a gun
What's done is done
Can't resurrect the setting sun
What's done is done
Oh you can't reverse the bullet from a gun
Blane sat about ready to burst with tears at the lyrics. He knew this song. It quickly dawned upon him that Kurt had been involved with something. Something bad. He forgave but he couldn't forget. Is whatever this is about the reason (or one of many reasons) Kurt kept this journal? Blaine read the lyrics over again as he sang them in his head, when he noticed he changed the pronouns in the lyrics. He changed them to he's. It slowly dawned upon Blaine that Kurt was involved with a man.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Some days I can't even trust myself 'Cause though the truth may vary Hey! Hey! Hey! 'Cause though the truth may vary Hey! Though the truth may vary You're gone gone gone away Hey! Though the truth may vary Don't listen to a word I say Though the truth may vary Though the truth may vary Though the truth may vary
I don't like walking around this old and empty house
So hold my hand, I'll walk with you, my dear
The stairs creak as I sleep, it's keeping me awake
It's the house telling you to close your eyes
It's killing me to see you this way
This ship will carry
Our bodies safe to shore
Well tell her that I miss our little talks
Soon it will be over and buried with our past
We used to play outside when we were young,
And full of life and full of love
Some days I feel like I'm wrong when I'm right
Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear
This ship will carry
Our bodies safe to shore
Don't listen to a word I say
Hey!
The screams all sound the same
Hey!
This ship will carry
Our bodies safe to shore
I watched you disappear
All that's left is a ghost of you
Now we're torn torn torn apart, there's nothing we can do
Just let me go we'll meet again soon
Now wait wait wait for me
Please hang around
I'll see you when I fall asleep
Don't listen to a word I say
Hey!
The screams all sound the same
Hey!
This ship will carry
Our bodies safe to shore
Hey!
The screams all sound the same
Hey!
This ship will carry
Our bodies safe to shore
This ship will carry
Our bodies safe to shore
This ship will carry
Our bodies safe to shore
What killed Blaine the most, after the song, was the little handwritten note to the side of the lyrics. I miss my little talks with him.
The emotions Blaine felt were overwhelming. He felt guilty for reading the property of someone unknown. He felt curious about who 'Kurt' was and why he kept this journal of lyrics. He felt excited that this man could possibly be gay, this man that blew me away today. This man that he just couldn't admit he was falling for, even though he barely knew anything about him. That was the issue. Blaine didn't even know his last name. He flipped to the next page, purely out of nerve. Blaine wished he never did, because he was not mentally prepared for what he read next.
My hands are cold, my body's numb And I hurt so bad, that I search my skin I'm falling through the doors of the emergency room Marks of battle, they still feel raw I've got all the baggage, drink the pills I'm falling through the doors of the emergency room Marks of battle, they still feel raw I'm falling through the doors of the emergency room
Im still in shock, what have you done?
My head is pounding, my visions blurred
Your mouth is moving, I don't hear a word
For the entry point, where love went in
And ricoshad and bounced around
And left a hole, when you walked out
I don't know how much more love this heart can lose
And I'm dying, dying from the Exit Wounds
Wooounds! Where their leaving, the scars you're keeping
Exit wounds
A million pieces of me, on the floor
I'm damaged goods, for all to see
Now who would ever wanna, be with me?
Yeah this is living but without the will
I'm backing out, I'm shutting down
You left a hole, when you walked out yeah
Can anybody help me with these Exit Wounds?
I don't know how much more love this heart can lose
And I'm dying, dying from the Exit Wounds
Wooounds! Where their leaving, the scars you're keeping
Exit wounds
A million pieces of me, on the floor
Can anybody help me with these Exit Wounds?
I don't know how much more love this heart can lose
And I'm dying, dying from the Exit Wounds
Wooounds! Where their leaving, the scars you're keeping
Exit wounds
Blaine felt tears race down his cheeks as he read over the lyrics. This song was all too close to his heart and to the heart of close friends who endured the problem. Blaine cried for all of them, and for all of their pain. Now, he cried for Kurt, a man who he didn't even know, because it looked as though he endured or was enduring the same thing. Blaine shut the notebook, and in rage, threw it across the room. He couldn't read it anymore. He decided he was going to find out who Kurt was tomorrow, no if, ands, or buts about it.
Blaine shrieked at the cold sensation that took over his face.
"Welcome, new kid!" A burly man in a lettermen jacket laughed.
"Just another fag to deal with." Another said as he high fived his friends.
"Leave him alone." A voice called. Blaine tried to wipe away the red dye that clouded his eyes, but he still couldn't see.
"Want do you want, Hummel?" One of the jocks asked. Blaine's heart froze. He knew that name from somewhere. Hummel.
"I want you to leave him alone. Now." The voice said. The group of jocks slowly but surely stepped away from Blaine.
"Here, new kid." He said bitterly as he threw Blaine a towel.
"You'd better get used to it, I guess. It happens to most of us." He shrugged. He patted Blaine on the shoulder and walked off down the now empty hallway.
"Wait!" Blaine yelled. He rubbed the towel on his face and turned to face the man who helped him.
"How'd you know?" Blaine asked. The other man shrugged
"I saw them coming with slushy's. I thought they were for me, but when they passed me, I knew they were going for someone else. I keep a towel in my locker. I just followed them to you. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm late for class." The man shrugged bitterly. He sighed, showing his annoyance, before he turned around and walked off.
"Wait!" Blaine yelled again.
"What do you want?" He asked, his voice rose as he stopped and turned around again.
"Sorry…. Just… thanks." Blaine said quietly. The other man shrugged and walked off, not saying a word. Blaine rubbed the towel on his face again and went back to his locker. Another bad start to what would be another bad day. The only thing that he looked forward to was hearing the voice of 'Kurt' again.
Blaine procrastinated at his locker as the hallways quickly cleared at the tone of the last bell. He aimlessly shuffled books around on different shelves and cleared out papers that were not needed or wanted. It was only a matter of a few minutes before the hallway was completely empty. Blaine shut his locker door and leaned up against it, listening intently for the music he heard just yesterday. He smiled a little bit when he heard a thumping bass line coming from the direction of the auditorium. He walked slowly down the empty hallway and listened as the music became clearer to his ears.
As Blaine crept slowly down the empty McKinley hallway, he reached down into his messenger to grab the red notebook that belonged to the singer in the auditorium. Blaine felt butterflies in his stomach. He didn't understand why he was so nervous to meet 'Kurt'. Blaine walked a little bit faster down the hallway, but paused when he heard the same voice from yesterday singing a very grim song.
I close both locks below the window
I close both blinds and turn away
Sometimes solutions aren't so simple
Sometimes good bye's the only way
No. Blaine's heart raced faster. His legs moved quicker, and now he ran for the auditorium doors as the man continued to sing.
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you
Blaine might have not known Kurt to face, or to a full name, but based on his notebook, he knew Kurt was struggling. It only took a couple of sad songs to figure that out. And if this song was in the notebook like the others, Kurt felt this way. Blaine felt his heart crack. Blaine reached the auditorium doors and opened one as Kurt sang the next verse.
In cards and flowers on your window
Your friends all plead for you to stay
Sometimes beginnings aren't so simple
Sometimes good bye's the only way
Unbeknownst to the performer on stage, Blaine stood at the back of the auditorium, half in awe and half in tears at the emotional performance on stage. Blaine couldn't help but shake the feeling that he knew this man from somewhere. He was the most beautiful man that Blaine had ever seen; his hair was coiffed perfectly on his head, his clothing, designer, and the passion he presented on the stage was more than Blaine had ever seen in his entire life.
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you
After the second time the performer sang the chorus, the recorded accompaniment stopped and the auditorium was silent. Blaine heard the faint sniffles of tears from the man he thought was Kurt.
"Hello?" Blaine called out. His voice echoed in the auditorium. The man on stage quickly wiped his tears and took a deep breath
"Who's there? The voice called out. Blaine walked down the center aisle and towards the McKinley stage.
"Are you Kurt?" Blaine asked. The man on stage froze
"If you're Kurt, you left your notebook in here yesterday. I heard an amazing singer when I was at my locker, but by the time I got here to find out who it was, he was gone and all that was left was this notebook. I decided to keep it safe and then return it when I saw you again." Blaine quickly explained. By now, he was at the edge of the stage and at the feet of Kurt.
"Oh… Thank you." Kurt answered awkwardly. Blaine handed him over the notebook. Kurt turned to walk away when Blaine spoke.
"Wait." Blaine said. The boy on stage turned around to face Blaine
"I have a confession to make."
Kurt raised an eyebrow and walked back over to the edge of the stage
"I read your notebook." Blaine whispered quietly. He waited for a fit of rage from the beautiful man in front of him. He waited to be scolded, screamed at, but he got none of it.
"Oh." Kurt whispered silently. Rather than walking away, Kurt slid down and sat with his feet hanging over the edge of the stage. Blaine hoisted himself onto it so now he was seated next to Kurt.
"You can learn a lot about a person and by the music they listen to, Kurt." Blaine said. Kurt simply nodded.
"You're not doing these things, are you, Kurt? Especially the song you sang today." Blaine asked. He looked into Kurt's eyes, the most beautiful he'd ever seen. Why were they so familiar? Blaine watched as they filled with tears.
"Music's just not enough anymore." Kurt whispered softly.
"Why?"
"You wouldn't understand." Kurt cried, his voice louder than a whisper.
"But I could try to."
"You don't even know me." Kurt argued
"You don't have to tell me anything, Kurt, But I know you want to tell someone. You're bursting at the seams. And I won't and can't judge you. I barely know you." Blaine explained. Kurt sighed and wiped way a stray tear.
"I had a friend, a long time ago. We were really young. And we loved each other. I know, it's silly, but it was special to me. He helped me come to terms with who I was, and I the same for him. But one day, I was told that he wasn't allowed to see me anymore, and I've never met another person like him. And after all this time, I still love him. And growing up…. He would've understood me. I just know he would've. He would've understood the bullying and the torturous words and he's stop me from doing all of this stuff I've done to myself. I can't take it anymore. If I had him, or just someone LIKE him, it's be worth it. But he's gone. And I'm alone. So nothing's worth it anymore." Kurt cried. Blaine stopped and stared at the boy next to him. Kurt. Why was that name so familiar all of a sudden? And the eyes were so familiar and…. Then Blaine knew.
"Kurt, what's your name?" Blaine asked
"You just said it, Kurt." The performer said bitterly.
"No, what's your last name?" Blaine asked almost desperately. He needed to confirm what he just put together.
"Hummel." Kurt stated
Blaine felt his heart pound out of his chest. He couldn't help but smile at the boy next to him. Kurt Hummel. He knew who Kurt Hummel was. And he had never forgotten him.
"Kurt." Blaine said. Kurt turned to Blaine and looked at him through his teary, blue eyes. Blaine smiled and felt tears weld up in his owns eyes.
"It's Blaine." Blaine said, his voice slightly choked up. Kurt's eyes widened
"Anderson?" He whispered. Blaine simply just nodded. Kurt simply stared at Blaine, in astonishment, and happiness, and shock.
"I found you." Blaine said. He smiled at Kurt, who had his jaw dropped.
"But how did you…" Blaine cut Kurt off. He knew what he was asking. And Blaine knew just how to answer it.
"Hummel. The jocks said Hummel in the hallway today, and though I couldn't see well with slushy in my eyes, I saw enough of you. Just not enough to recognize you there. When I saw you were the performer, and obviously Kurt… Kurt Hummel… I could never forget you." Blaine cried. "You changed my life." He whispered softly
Kurt put one of his hands over his mouth and let out a sob of surprise. He couldn't form words even if he tried. Blaine grabbed Kurt's other hand and rested it in his.
"Kurt I…. I still love you." Blaine whispered as tears flowed freely down his face. Kurt sobbed and Blaine simply just pulled Kurt in his arms for a giant and tight hug.
" And I still love you." Kurt whispered into Blaine's shoulders. Blaine squeezed him tighter and continued to let his tears flow faster.
"You're all I've ever had, Kurt. You're the only person who cared, ever." Blaine now sobbed into Kurt's shoulders. Kurt rubbed his back and tried to comfort Blaine like Blaine had for him.
"It's okay now." Kurt whispered as both of them cried to each other. Those words had never been truer for both Kurt and Blaine. Everything was starting to look okay away.
Neither boy knew how long they sat in each other's arms, feeling as though something finally went right in their life.
"Kurt?" Blaine asked quietly as he pulled away from his embrace.
"Yes?"
"Kiss me." He demanded, firmly enough to prove he wanted it, but still gentle enough to be refused. Kurt nodded and simply moved in closer to Blaine, his eyes flickering from hazel eyes, to lips, back to hazel eyes. Kurt stopped just before his lips touched Blaine's.
"You found me."
Post A/N: The songs I used in this story do not belong to me. They belong to whoever they belong too. Their titles are as follows, in time order.
The End Where I Begin- The Script
A Place Called Home- Kim Richey
Bullet Of A Gun- The Script
Little Talks- Of Monsters & Men
Exit Wounds- The Script
Shadow Of The Day- Linkin Park
