Anyone up to read the rulebook of Marching band? Something completely random and should remind some of you of the wacky events of your band… I've been seeing these kinds of stories pop up all over the other categories. Why not for band?

The rating is because there is some… er… questionable stuff in here… XD It's not really that bad, though.

We may not threaten to try out for the football team because we think we are better at football than the football players are.

Even if we are

That would make us miss halftime

Since the football team misses it anyway

We may not say that trumpets want to take over the world

Even if they do

Nor may we tell this to the flutes, which will have the rumor all over the campus in under a minute

We may not taunt the athletic kids with our supernatural abilities

Even if we have them

We must stop thinking about having supernatural abilities

'Meet the Parents' or any movie like that is strictly forbidden from the band bus

We may not question the director about that

We may not skip pep rally days to prove that the band makes the pep rallies happen

Even if we all are sick

This also goes for football games

And practice days

We may not bring food into the band hall unless otherwise repealed by the band director

If food is allowed, we must be careful when we buy a bowl of nacho cheese for our chips

We may not drool over the DCI marching band guys

Even if they are cute

We may not approach said people and tell them they are cute

We may not have our faces painted for homecoming

It would get paint on our uniform

We may not beg the uniform manager for the keys to the uniform room

Or the custodian

After doing said act, we may not burn the concert season dresses and tuxes

Even if they are more dorky than the marching uniforms

We may not act like band is our life

Even though it is

Football games are not social time.

Not that we have any friends outside of band anyway

We may not dance stupidly to drum cadences

We are to act like mature teenagers

If there even is a such thing

Talking about band is okay

Talking about band to annoy others isn't

Band Camp must be taken seriously

Even though a certain movie makes us think differently

We may not tease the flutes about this

Saxes are not instruments of torture

We are not allowed to say they are

This also goes for trumpets

Throwing around objects that make everyone dodge them and giggle are not allowed on the bus

We may not sneak R rated movies on the bus

'Lights out at midnight' should be taken seriously

That does not give us the right to switch seats

Or to get close to a 'friend' of the opposite gender

Whatever happens on the band bus, STAYS on the band bus

This does not give the tubas the right to stalk the flutes to make sure they aren't talking about said events

Even if the flutes do

Or any other instrument for that matter

The dance team should not be targets for flying objects

That includes the color guard flagpoles

Even if the dance team has fake flags that they use during the show that make the color guard mad

We must think of the safety of our instrument before we act

This includes revenge schemes

We may not mess up the dance team song on purpose

Even if they make us look bad

Wearing underwear on top of your head does not imitate the hats the tuba players wear

Since they can't wear a plume

Even if the hats look like that

Plumes are not to be used for any activity outside of marching band

We must not make up our own drills

Even if we thought a big blob was a good set

We may not switch places with other people during a parade

Especially if we are in uniform

We may not wear pink sunglasses during a parade

Even if the sun is shining directly in front of us

We may not paint the marching field with glow in the dark paint

Even if we can't see where we are going during morning rehearsal

Obnoxious noises during early morning practice will get the police called on the band

Just because the temperature falls under freezing does not mean we can roll around in the grass like snow is falling to get out of practice

We must listen to the seniors

Spit valves are to be emptied before halftime, not during

'All You Can Eat' buffets are not to be used for pizza eating contests.

Or any other food contest

Even if that bass drummer can shove two pieces of pizza in his mouth at the same time

We are to net tell freshmen their plumes are on backwards

Even if we want to

This includes drum majors

We may not come unglued when the dance team is imitating the drum majors during practice

Or any other time of day for that matter

We may not walk out of the band hall with our uniform jacket on backwards

The boys may not run down the halls in their boxers when their changing

Even if their suspenders were stolen by another guy

This goes into play when school is in session

Especially if people are in the middle of switching classes

The mascot is not a drum major. Therefor, we must not laugh at his attempts to be one at the games

Trombone slides may not be used for the hitting of anyone's head

Bass Clarinets are not saxophones

We may not confuse people not in band by saying so

We may not hide the piccolo case in a tuba case

Even if it fits with plenty of room

Or because it's funny when the piccolo player flips out

Tripping during the scatter drill to go off the field is not funny

Although we think it is

Color guard is to keep their flag poles away from the main group while marching

Especially the flute section

Tripping the entire flute and clarinet section while marching isn't funny

Since they are all going backwards

Although we still think it is hilarious

When a drum major says 'One lap around the school!' we must obey

We may not walk during said lap

Or drive our cars around the school

Or make fun of the freshmen actually running

The color guard suits are not to be made fun of

Even if the guys in it are wearing blue glittered outfits

'My instrument ate it' may not be used as a homework excuse

If your instrument has a name, you must keep that to yourself

Glow sticks are not a valid replacement for plumes

Even if they look cool

Blankets are for the weak

We are all weaklings

Throwing chips around the bus is strictly forbidden

Even if the school district would rather give the dance team a charter and the band some three old yellow buses

We may not throw a tantrum if said events take place

We may not teach the dance team the wrong way to march

Even if they are freshmen

Only pass your can of soda down the bus if you aren't sick

If you are, make sure to warn the people about to drink out of it

Hatboxes are not trash bins

We may not use them as such thing

Any music player is fine

Just make sure you're not listening to it during halftime

Cell phones should not be on vibrate during halftime

Just incase you get a call, and your phone is in your jacket pocket

We may not stuff the skinny sophomore in the tuba

Or anybody in any other grade for that matter

Even if he wants to be shoved into a tuba

We may not shove a dance team member in the tuba

Oops. They wouldn't fit

We must stop talking about the dance team that way

Although we have the strong urge to

The color guard may not practice in the band hall anymore

Or any other area with breakable light fixtures

And trophies

Marching percussion instrument lockers are not to be locked with anyone in them

Unless said person locked in was in orchestra

We must scratch out that last one, giving a full apology to the orchestra

We may not put make up on any guy while he is sleeping on this bus

Or put shaving cream on them

Or any other item that could cause potential embarrassment

Especially the drum majors

Or the guys that are okay with wearing make-up

Pictures from the band bus may not be used as blackmail

Guys may not go into the Claire's store in an out of town mall and ask where to get some glitter

Or Victoria's Secret asking for who knows what

Girls cannot be dared to go into a sports store and ask for male sports gear

That last one goes for guys as well

Band people don't need those

We may not speak of false events at band camp

Gum will not fix everything

Including instruments

Reeds may not be used as money

Even if they are expensive

We may not have dates with our instrument

Even if we spend every Friday night with it

The director isn't afraid to leave anyone behind

This includes the trumpet soloist

We may not put any thing brown on one of the drum majors' seat

Or any other color liquid

Even if it's funny that their white pants stain easily

We hereby accept these rules and adjustments to our current behavior and understand why this is a necessary action to take

Signed,

The bands of the 2006 marching season

xxx

What do you think? Should I continue with one for each section?