Title:
Hamangyeon – Seishirou x Subaru Style
Rating:
Angsty/ brooding so stay away if you cant handle angst well
:P
Pairing(s) (if applicable):
Seishirou x Subaru of course
Genre: Dark
Romance
Chapter: One shot
Summary:
Subaru's thoughts as he returns to the bridge, written in
line to the lyrics of Hamangyeon which suits him very well IMO. Ah,
thats the lovely song featured in "Jewel in the Palace" the
korean drama taking Asia by storm now, maybe I should upload the song
somewhere so people can hear it and see why I think it fits
Subaru? Please listen to the song while reading, then it will all make sense. Not too sure if FFnet allows me to post URL here, so I'll just put the link under 'review.'
Note: Hamangyeon is a poetic
language in Korean that means "too far away… daze… boundless…
limitless".
Icy
shades of blue
Morose
and alone the pale young man wanders, bloodstained coat once a pure
white fluttering in the chilled winds as he gazes into the depths of
the waters…
I've been true to you
He
thinks back fondly to the happiest times of his life; to those years
so long ago when his twin had still been alive. And how his special
person still remained 'special' to him, despite all the hurts and
pain he had caused…
A bittersweet smile slowly curves the young man's lips as he barely whispers the name of the one still dearest to him…
Shaped
my world on "soon"
He
recalls the shock and pain of losing his twin, and the vehement
declarations of vengeance he swore against his special person then.
"Soon…
soon, I'll kill you. Your death will be of my doing. Soon…"
He
had told himself that, chanted it over and over like a mantra to get
by the loneliness of those nine long years.
Prayed
to ghostly moons
He
remembers how the moon had always reminded him of the Sakurazukamori,
and of the illusions the other always wove.
How
he had hated the moon then, yet in his own strange perverse way he
loved it because it was a symbol of his special person, the dark side
of onmyoujitsu.
The Yin to complement his Yang.
So again on this particular night, the young man finds himself gazing longingly at the moon as he did all those nights so long ago…
Deep
and dark it preys
He
lets the loneliness eat away at him, lets it prey on what's left of
him as his pained heart continues to pine for the one so
dear…
Bleak and stark, in greys
The
world had ceased to exist the day he died; life no longer
holds any meaning for him with the very color of existence itself
faded into monochromes…
Love's a shark at bay
The
anticipation of meeting his special person was what that had kept him
going all those years… The thrill, the joy, the feeling of
uncertainty which constantly wore his mind thin was surprisingly, the
only force that had kept his heart going.
Til your
heart's betrayed
But
now… he has nothing. All those years he had endured, just to end up
with… nothing.
Except
to turn into a bitter person who feels broken, empty…
Betrayed.
Oh,
the curse of men and war
Dragons
of Heaven…
Dragons
of Earth…
The
battle for the End of the World…
Destiny…
Do these even matter to him?
No… in the end, nothing matters because he had lost it all.
My
hero's cry is empty, forlorn
The
tears had spilled, flowing in copious amounts as he mourned the
passing of his special one but nobody understood. Not even Kamui.
Nobody would ever know how bereft he felt.
In the silence I
concede
He
had given up trying to make them understand because he knew they
never would. He concedes that he may be the only one to have
understood his beloved as he left his comrades without so much as a
farewell.
He had taken off into the Silence of the night.
My
heart can't flee
He
had tried to numb the pain by drowning his sorrows but even that
didn't work. Seishirou still haunted his thoughts, every waking
minute of it as much as he did his dreams…
This
hopeless dream must be or vanish
He
knows it pure foolishness to pine for one no longer of this world,
for one who had scarred him so bad that all that remains is a mere
shadow of his former self.
Yet he still can't help it…
Foolish love
Subaru
had long ago given up rationalizing his feelings; his twin was right
afterall.
'Only
the heart knows what the heart knows.'
Once
you promised distant shore
He
remembers the numerous proclaimations of undying love Seishirou had
made during the Year of the Bet, and how he had promised that he
would always be there for him.
And
oe'r the waves you'd lift me once more
A
wistful smile curves Subaru's lips as he relives those sweet
memories again; memories
of Seishirou guiding him, comforting him, holding him tight when he
needed a shoulder to cry on…
Of Seishirou spurring him on.
Now
my pain brings no reward
What
was the point of it all?
His
suffering had been for naught as the only person who had ever
mattered to him was gone.
'What is the point of it all!' he asks aloud for the umpteenth time that night.
Your fate's bound and sworn
Seishirou
was still being kept apart from him; his very existence severed by
the grip of Death itself, and Death was a possessive bitch that was
wont not to let go.
Was it then the Sakurazukamori's fate to be killed by the one who loved him most?
To be separated from the one who loved and still loves him most?
From
afar I wish you near
Subaru
wishes Seishirou was still alive, despite the futility of it because
the dead always remain dead, due to that untranscendable boundary
between Life and Death itself.
He knows Seishirou is far… so very far away…
As
far as the Moon is from the Sun,
As the Heavens are from the
Earth.
Yet
he can't stop wishing, hoping… praying…
That maybe, just
maybe, there would be a Miracle this time.
And with
each breath, I tremble with fear
He
holds his breath in anticipation as he beseeches the Spirits,
awaiting their response.
Hope
wells up in him that maybe this time, he'll get to speak to
Seishirou yet he shivers when his psychic link with the otherworld
was suddenly severed.
Subaru feels the first beginnings of fear stir.
Was it possible Seishirou did not wish to see him?
For
in spite of how I bleed
He
feels his already bruised heart shatter into a thousand pieces, like
the shards of a broken mirror never to be salvaged again. The pain of
being rejected by your special person even from beyond… It
was too much to bear and he starts weeping as never before, weeping
the tears of his heart's bleed.
My heart can't
flee
He
weeps for himself, for his lost love, for all that could have been
and yet was not meant to be…
For
the foolishness of his heart, for knowing there was nothing he could
do.
For the utter helplessness of it all.
This hopeless
dream must be or vanish
Subaru
stares down again into the murky depths of the water into his
reflection, and sees someone else standing beside him. With that
smirk he came to love so much.
That special someone he had wanted most to see…
"Seishirou!"
Foolish
love
Subaru
turns around in anticipation, but the Sakurazukamori was nowhere to
be seen.
Was it all just then another figment of his imagination?
He feels his heart plummet as reality sinks in.
My heart can't flee
He glances back to the water, and sees Seishirou there again. Only this time, the Sakurazukamori was gifting him with a saccharine smile instead of his usual trademark smirk.
Subaru's breath stilled as he savored the moment. It was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen, a genuinely sweet smile gracing the Sakurazukamori's lips for once, the likes of which had never been glimpsed before, not even in his moment of death. And to think it was only meant for him!
As if reading his thoughts Seishirou nodded, twin pools of amber sparkling mischievously while he extended a hand out as if to beckoning him in…
This foolish love
Subaru
smiles happily.
To think Seishirou actually came back for him- it must mean the Sakurazukamori loved him afterall. The man he loved, loved him afterall! Loved him so much to return from the dead for him, just for Him!
He makes a grab for Seishirou's hand and falls deep into the dark water, into the embrace of the one he loved above Life itself.
End
