HELP! I'm stuck in a limbo. I feel only partially here.

My name if Finn Sharkey and 2 months ago I lost my beloved girlfriend Sambuca Kelly to a brain tumour and now I feel like a part of me died with her. I know it's a cliché but I am unsure of how I'll ever recover or how my life will ever go on without her.

I may have great friends; Josh; Lauren; Kyle; and Amy; but that's it apart from them I'm isolated. I live on my own in a house that makes everyone look twice. I used to love where I live. There'd always be parties, alcohol and we'd always have a laugh. But now it's empty even when everyone comes round it's still a lonely and isolated place to be. Why? Maybe it's because Sam was always the one who was always round, the one who I could tell everything to or the one that I loved more than anyone else in the world. The only one who loved me? I know it's true when I fell off the bridge 6 months ago my parents only visited me in hospital and then they had to jet back to la and when they found out that Sam had dies the closest thing I got to an sympathetic conversation was over Skype one evening when Josh rang them telling them that I couldn't get to sleep since I was crying so much. No they've never loved me; to them I've always just been that nuisance headache that you can't get rid of. And if I'm truly honest with myself I don't think I've particularly loved them all that much.

But this was it the first day back at Waterloo Road and I couldn't let my bad-boy attitude drop. No one else could know simply how much I was still mourning Sam's death.

As I walked through the gates it felt like nothing had changed and that Sam'd come running into form late because Denzil hadn't woken up on time. At one point I even thought I saw her but then Josh reminded me that my memory was just playing tricks on me. I was hallucinating and seeing exactly what I wanted to see. And how I wished that what I thought I was seeing was real.

If only.

That was it the downer on my day I sat on my day. I sat on my own at lunch and kept calling her phone just to hear her voice mail. Just to hear her voice. I had her phone it was laying at home on the table next to my favourite picture along with her favourite necklace and some of the things left in her locker.

I missed Sam. I missed her more than I missed my family. I missed her because I knew my family were alive but she wasn't. No. I mostly missed her because she was the only person in the world who I felt I could turn to. The only one who wouldn't judge me. The only one I had ever really loved.

But now she was gone and I felt even more isolated than ever. Even though I knew that all of her family and Josh, Amy, Lauren and Kyle were going through pretty much the same thing. But even though they were, they weren't. Besides Lauren and her family none of them were as close to her as me. And they all had other to learn to; I didn't it was just me.

But that was it. She was gone and part of me had to. I had to get away. I couldn't stay here where there were so many reminders of her.

So I guess this is it goodbye. Like Sam, no one around here would ever see, hear or remember me again. I was done. A clean break. Somewhere new. Away from Rochdale.

Goodbye. Love Finn Sharkey.