Disclaimer: I don't own anything, this is a parody of a parody of a parody. :)

AN: All I can do is hope that this comes out at least mildly amusing. I absolutely despise beginnings, they're so awkward. Either way, this is the opening to the multichapter parody that's been beating me in the head lately


Light's Inferno

-Prolouge-

Light Yagami was about sixty-four percent sure that he should have been dead. No, scratch that. Last time he'd checked, being shot five times and then collapsing onto a dirty stairwell as your heart stopped beating ensured death. But then again, last time he'd checked, Matsuda didn't have the balls to swat a bumblebee, much less shoot someone five times. (Five! That was more than Biggie! Technically.)

Either way, death was supposed to mean that all systems in his body shut down, he'd ceased to exist.

Yet, there he was...existing.

"Yagami Raito," a slow, emotionless voice sounded from nowhere. "Welcome to-"

The genius sat up immediately, not bothering to wait for the answer. "Is this Mu? If all humans go to Mu when they die, why am I alone? If Mu means nothingness, why am I conscious?"

"As I was saying!" The voice snapped, cutting him off. "No, this is not Mu. You have been transported somewhere else."

"Well why wasn't I-?"

"You have been transported somewhere else! If you're done giving me the third degree, I'll explain everything." The voice huffed, taking a moment to regain its calm composure. Light waited, tapping his foot impatiently. "There has been a change of plans. Instead of being transported straight to Mu, you will have to travel there yourself."

Light's face fell flat. What the hell was this?

"You will have to journey through the nine circles of-"

"Hell?" The brunette asked, arching an eyebrow.

"No, fanfiction."

Fan...fiction? Oh dear god, anything but that! Not fanfiction! Wait...

"And what is that exactly?"

If the disembodied voice had a physical form, it would have undoubtedly been face-palming. "It's a nice place for aspiring writers to practice their craft. It's a horrible, perverted cesspool of trolling and pure sadism."

"So...?"

"So in order to get to Mu, you will have to go through the nine circles, representing the most hellish, god-awful monstrosities that haunt this place. You will face bad writing, poor grammar, senseless plots-"

Light's face contorted in sheer horror. Couldn't they have just sent him to hell? "This is just as senseless!" He said, fighting the urge to pull his own hair out. "Why would I have to pass through some writing site to get to Mu? How the hell did I just know it was a website? Who are you supposed to be, and where is this?"

"Your logic...it hurts!" The voice muttered something that sounded suspiciously like 'I need an aspirin'. "Refer to me as Narrator, and I'll be guiding you through here. And...and...I don't know! I'm just doing what the script says, okay? And apparently, I'm supposed to help you get through the first circle."

"Why bother? Why not just stay here?"

"Stop making sense!" The voice barked. "Either way, what's coming next is..."

I: Obnoxious Authors

Light looked up as the solid black letters floated over his head. "That won't be happening often, will it?"

"Every chapter or so."

It figured. Light sighed, stretching and dusting off his pants. He looked around at the empty white space that (apparently) was Purgatory. "So, are you ready, Narrator?"

"Mhm. Yeah."

Light held his breath, watching as the first chapter literally opened before his eyes. Well...it couldn't be that bad right? Surely these aspiring authors were sensible people who would try their best with these stories, right?

Fuck.