Title: Just A Man
Summary: How do you move on from the love of your life?
Pairing: Shawn/Hunter, Shawn/Rebecca
Notes: Shawn's POV.
I remember as a kid, wanting something so badly that when I went to sleep at night, I'd pray to a God I didn't really believe in to have it.
I don't think the praying helped, having my parents helped in getting most of what I wanted.
Prayings not helping me now either, and I'm too old to go to my parents any more. I am a parent myself now.
Two kids with a wife who knows what it's like to be pushed to her limits. Her husband wasn't a good man when she married him and he's no better now. The last few years of my life feel like a sham. The beautiful wife I have, who I don't love in the right way, and who tolerates me because of the kids.
And those kids. God, I love them. So much. I'd do anything for them. Which makes me sadder when I think about Rebecca because I'm sure I'm supposed to feel the same about her. I'm not sure I ever did.
I never told her the truth about me and Hunter. It was too complicated to explain. There were the boys, and then everyone else. If you weren't in the biz, you didn't know. Rebecca might have been a dancer in WCW, but that's not the same. She didn't travel every night on the road. She didn't perform in front of fans on the level we did. She certainly didn't know what it was like to hear the fans turn on you, didn't know how that made you feel. Hunter always said that it was that turn that made me change. I guess I didn't notice it at the time, but he saw it. As the ratings dropped and I was pointed at as champ it became my burden to bare. And mine alone. Suddenly no one else worked for the company but me.
It was fine, I didn't care. I was that good I didn't need to care. The fans still liked me.... for a while.
1996's Survivor Series is where everything changed. The fans hated me, booed the heck outta me. They despised my character. Maybe because I never felt like there was a lot of difference between me and my character, I didn't take it that well. Going backstage was the worst bit. Seeing those guys who you know hated you with those cocky grins because I didn't get over with the crowd.
They didn't dare say anything but they didn't need to. I was hated by the fans, the boys. Everyone. Even Vince didn't like me, not really. He had no choice but give me the title really. He kept the belt on me because it was better to leave the blame on one guy rather then try and change things and make the whole company look like it was trash- just me would do. Sure I might be the main guy at that time, but when someone else came along, he could beat me, ratings soar and I'd be their scapegoat.
I went to the dressing room, everyone cleared out after I got there. Half because they didn't like me and the others so the could talk about my humiliation in the ring.
What did I care really?
I shouldn't have cared. But I was always too stupid to realise it really didn't matter either way. I didn't know that people just liked to hate the top guys sometimes. They certainly did with me anyway. I didn't care, so I pulled off my boots and threw them across the room.
That's when Hunter came in. He didn't say anything as he saw the boots laying across the other side of the room. Or the fact that the place was deserted.
He didn't even mention the fact that I'd pretty much been humiliated out in the ring. He just came and sat next to me.
I guess I needed him more than I thought I did. My one friend in the company. The only guy who wanted to stand by me through this crap, when everyone else left and walked out on me, he was still there. By my side.
I leaned against him. "Glad you're here." I whispered.
**
Have you ever been accused of something that you didn't think was fair? I have. More than once.
It's strange that even now as I sit here with Rebecca, the tear's still staining her face, I'm not thinking about her. My minds always somewhere else. Anywhere but here.
I remember the day when I met Vince at the hotel in San Antonio. We were talking about my future. I wasn't happy, not at all and he knew it. I wanted out. My dad came with me. He's a great father- unlike me. I try and emulate him, but always fall short. However, that's not what matters. We went there because of an altercation I'd had with Bret and now I didn't want to go back. A move was on the horizon. I felt that I could convince Vince to let me out of my contract.
But Vince was a dirty player. So before I got a chance to say anything he threw a drug accusation at me. What could be more humiliating? Saying something like that in front of my Dad. Bastard. I denied it, even knowing I'd downed pills before coming here. He'd never get anything over me. I'd never allow him to catch me screwing up.
If only I knew.
A quiet sob next to me brings me back to here and now. Rebecca crying.
We've been sitting in the same room, and she started crying a few minutes ago, silently, and I never said anything. I look at her and she catches my gaze. I stay neutral, say nothing. Her eyes are pools of sadness that go so deep I could drown in them. That's why I look away.
She gets up, mumbles something about going out and I let her leave. Relieved that she's gone.
I hear the front door shut after a few minutes. She's gone out somewhere. The kids are at school. I'm home alone.
I guess Vince gets the last laugh in this whole situation. He doesn't know it yet, but he has. When I came back all those years ago he was publicly welcoming, but when we were alone, he told me a leopard never changes it's spots and I'd just end up screwing my life up and the life of my wife and son.
So it hasn't happened yet, but the wheels are in motion of the wreckage that'll become me. No one knows. Just me. Well, Rebecca knows I guess.
She spent enough time married to a man who was on drugs to see the tell-tale signs of him slipping back into those bad habits again. Praying wasn't helping this time. I wasn't out of control, not like I used to be, but I could feel the momentum gaining all the time. And I didn't want to stop. The meltdown of Shawn Michaels will be the wake up call. It'll be what opens some people's eyes.
It'll be what brings Hunter back to me.
