Spasmodic Nonchalance

Genre: Tragedy?

Rating: M

Warning: contains language, violence, sexual themes, discussion and use of drugs/alcohol, suicide, rape, murder, reckless endangerment, beastiality, "Your Momma" jokes, and many more...and if you believe all is in here then you're guilible or correct.

Oneshot? Maybe, let's say that this chapter is the whole story and if I do add to it it will be a different story, maybe all of them connected? I don't know XD. Oh by the way, at least this chapter will be told as if the narrarater is telling the story literally, like to other people...mmkay?

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Chapter One: Killer Queen

"She's a devious little bitch. That's the first impression anyone would get if they just met Wendy Testaburger. She's smart, too smart most would think. She's a pretty girl but her sharp features make her more fearful than beautiful. Her quick tongue and sharp wit makes her annoyingly argumentative. She is popular but most kids hate her. She's the embodiment of the devil...

...but my best friend is in love with the banshee.

Stan and Wendy have been going out since freshman year and he's whipped to bend to her every whim. Whether it's abandoning us to go to the mall with her and her clone friends, going to sappy chick flicks and telling his buddies, and completely changing her personality and interests. I, his best friend, is left behind to wallow about while he just skips away with the witch.

Wendy didn't love Stan the way Stan loved her. Stan wanted the American Dream, married with kids and a dog and that other stupid clichéd shit. He was going to propose to her the day we graduated. Wendy knew this but didn't fucking care. She treated him like shit just so she felt better; she's sick.

She killed him

I'm getting ahead of myself. Well, see I never thought the real Stan was ever 'alive' after the succubus has butchered it. I never see him without her and he rarely talks to me anymore. You may think that I'm a tad jealous, and I guess that's true. You may also think that I like the kid and that may be true too but it doesn't matter.

I should tell you about the friend situation before I forget. Kenny is dead; that's just the plainest thing to say about the kid. His father murdered him at the age of thirteen but the fucking prick got his just desserts a week later. Apparently, at this stripper's joint in Denver, the guy died choking on his own vomit. Kenny's mom and brother moved to Georgia I think with some relatives.

Cartman...well I don't want to say too much about the chicken fuck because it would flatter the walrus. He's the same he has been since he was nine. The only difference is that he's two hundred pounds heavier and has a pizza face of zits. As you can tell, I do not like the porker. I'll talk more about him later.

She never loved him like he loved her

It all started the week before graduation. Stan got me out of class and was frantically pulling me through the hallway. We got to the boy's bathroom and he finally stopped. 'Stan..' I said to him but he just looked at me with a gleam in his eye. 'I got the ring...' he whispered excitedly. My eyes widened as he opened up to reveal a small but pretty diamond on a white gold band. I looked at him with dismay. 'A ring? For me?' I say, attempting a joke. He laughed and put it away.

'I'm going to propose to her tonight.' he explained to me. 'Don't you have an away game tonight?' I asked him curiously. He nodded a yes to my question. 'It will be a surprise...I'm going to go to her apartment tonight and propose. I would like you to accompany me if you don't mind.' he looked at me sheepishly. Why would he want me to go with him? 'No, I'll come by later to see if you weren't blown off.' I said sarcastically.

Obviously, Stan didn't catch my sarcasm and his excited expression turned anxious. 'Oh no!' he gasped 'What if she says no? Kyle, what if she does!' I told him to calm down and he did, thankfully. We went back to class and didn't pay attention to the last minute learning taking place.

I should have came with him

Later at night, I looked at my clock to see it is eight thirty. Stan said he was stopping at Wendy's at eight. I decided to take a walk over to the place like a good friend should. It is not far from my house but it is chilly so I took my hat and my winter jacket. I strolled down the street but something told me I should hurry up. I arrived to the apartment building and started up the flight of stairs. I went toward the door but I heard something. I pressed my ear against the door.

'E-eri-c!'

'Yeah you like that bitch!'

'Ooh...ohh!'

'Say my name!'

'Eric!'

My blood ran cold. Wendy is fucking Eric? Oh god, where's Stan! Did he see this? Not only would the image would forever be embedded in your brain how would he take it! Oh god, where the hell is Stan? I didn't know what to do or say. All I could think of was where is Stan. I ran down back the flight of stairs and pushed the door open. The streets were oddly clear. Something is wrong. I heard a noise above me and I looked up to see Stan on the roof. 'STAN!' I screamed up there. He just looked at me.

I ran back up all ten flights of stairs, again, and pushed the door open that leads to the roof. Stan is just standing there. The ring is in his hand. 'Stan...' I said to him and he just smiled to me.

'The sky is so beautiful. It makes you feel...invincible.' he mumbled. I stepped near him. He must be devastated...so much so that his mind has exploded in his cranium.

'Stan, you're not well...let's just go to my house' I suggested to him. Then my eyes averted to something on the ground. It was rope. 'S-tan?' I let out. He walked over to me and embraced me. I felt my cheeks redden as he clutched onto me.

'Sorry...' he whispered in my ear, 'I wish I could change it...' at once he kissed my lips and pushed me hard on the ground. I couldn't say a word. There's a noose around his neck! 'NO! STAN!' I screamed. He stepped up on the ledge. He looked up at the clear sky. 'Wendy...I loved you...please forgive me' and he let himself fall. I ran to the ledge and grabbed his hand. His eyes lit up and looked into my own.

He pushed my hand away.

SNAP!

The funeral was a day before graduation. I saw his parents as that held each other. Shelly, his sister, was here as well and for once I saw her shed a tear. I had to say a word or two about how great Stan was and such. Everyone from school came but no one really knew Stan. Wendy came in with Cartman and the two were sitting up front. Wendy was crying but Eric...he was grinning.

I couldn't think of anything until that moment. I stood up and gazed at his lifeless body. He's so serene. The only difference is the neck. The rope marks, the black and blue marks, and the popped veins makes him look like a monster.

'Ladies and gentlemen, we're hear today to say goodbye to Stan Marsh. He was the star at the high school. He was the perfect son, the perfect friend, and had the perfect life. See, that's what you would say if you didn't know Stan as well as I. People hear cry false tears today; you are all hypocrites. You know who you are, only God can see the stink that you are emitting.

I loved Stan like a brother and seeing him in such a state...it makes you want to throw yourself over as well. There will be rumors, that he's nuts, suicidal, and there will be gossip streaming from this. He doesn't deserve the slander. If you had an ounce of decency you will leave him in peace. Thank you...'

I bumped into Wendy after the burial. 'That was an interesting eulogy, Kyle. I can't believe he's gone.' she cried. How the fuck can she just say that to me! Cartman just glared at me. I bent over toward Wendy's ear.

'The sight of your friend killing over me isn't so much bad, is the fact he killed himself over you makes me want to do unspeakable things right now...' I whispered in her ear. Her pupils contracted and looked up at me. Cartman pulled her away and just shot a look.

I had a hallucination that night...or maybe it was a dream. Whatever it was, I saw Kenny. He looks as if he's my age, although he died young. 'Kenny!' I scream. He just laughed. It was a chilling laugh, almost sinister. 'Missed me much?' he asked. I nodded as my only reply as he came closer. 'Stan is dead now...' I muttered. 'Wouldn't have known...he's probably living it up in heaven or whatever other thing there is...but I can't complain I get to impale my father for all eternity. Pay back is a bitch...heh...' he began.

'W-hy are you here?' I asked him. He looked at me and gave me a grin. 'I'm here to tell you that revenge is best serve cold and you better give that bitch and fat fuck what they deserve.' he hissed.

'W-hat? Like, to kill them?' I asked stupidly.

'I'm not saying that...that's too barbaric for you.' he grinned.

'Don't you want to see that bitch scream in horror? Don't you want her to beg for mercy. Don't you secretly want to see if Cartman will spew out candy if you take a whack at him?'

'Look Kenny, I just can't kill two people...although they clearly deserve it. It's not moral...' I said to the apparition.

'This isn't about right and wrong or black and white, Kyle. This is karma and you're the one that's going to deliver karma in the form of a gun...or knife...whatever you prefer. I'm out, I think my father is actually not screaming...I know you know what to do...'

And in an instant, I woke up. 'Should I kill them for Stan?' I asked myself

That's what friends are for...

I went to Stan's Uncle Jimbo at noon. He looked upset but his friend Ned was keeping him company. 'Hey Kyle, what's up?' he asked me. 'I need to borrow one of your hunting guns...me and my dad are going camping this weekend.' I lied to the man. 'Sure! Go pick one out.' he pointed toward the gun rack. I took the shotgun and some ammo.

'Hey...what are you hunting?' he asked simply.

'A snake and a fat weasel.' I muttered grimly.

I put the shotgun in a duffle bag and put the bag on the outside stairwell on Wendy's apartment. I came back later that night after writing a note to my parents and my brother, Ike. It read simply that I decided to make this decision and don't judge me harshly. I left the note open because they'll find out on the news what I did.

I walked up to the door to hear what I heard before. I slowly turned the knob to find it open...wow they aren't worried about robbers...or killers.

I looked around to see that the bedroom was off to the right I zipped open the duffle bag and put in the cartridges. I held the gun carefully in my hand. I quickly put a knife on my belt if needed. I kicked open the door and I aimed. Wendy's almost naked body was on top of what looked like a tub of flesh-colored dough. She screamed in horror as Cartman was screaming obscenities.

'SHUT UP!' I screamed. She started crying as Cartman was screaming 'Brofloski? What the fuck are you doing you little prick!' or something to that extent.

I loaded the shotgun, making her scream more. Cartman shut his fat lip quickly and started to look around, probably a way to escape. 'You want to get out? Walk out the door and don't tell anyone.' I fed into his want. He looked at Wendy who kept saying 'Don't leave me Eric!' Like the good man that he is, he got up and started to put on his clothes and started slowly out of the door.

He was about to turn the knob as I shot directly into the back of his head. His brains and blood splattered on the walls, door, and even a bit on me. Half of his head was gone. Blood poured from his head and made a pool around the walrus. The carpet soaked up the blood, but now it looks more brown than red. Oh wait...his body just shit itself. Wendy shrilled louder.

'He'll make a good door stopper...the police will have to go through the fucking window...' I said to myself. I even laughed...I laughed! I walked over at Wendy. She kept on pleading with me. 'Why are you doing this?' she cried. 'Why...WHY? I'LL TELL YOU FUCKING WHY?' I screamed. I pushed up against the wall.

'YOU KILLED STAN! HE KILLED HIMSELF BECAUSE OF YOU? YOU FUCKING BITCH! HOW DOES IT FEEL? HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KNOW THAT YOU CHEATED ON THE GUY, YOU ARRIVED TO YOUR LATE BOYFRIEND'S WITH YOUR FAT FUCKING LOVER...TO HIS FUCKING FUNERAL, CRIED FAKE TEARS, AND WENT ON FUCKING WITHOUT A CARE? MUST FEEL PRETTY GOD DAMN GOOD! YOU KILLED HIM, YOU KILLED CARTMAN, YOU KILL EVERYTHING YOU TOUCHED!'

I made her put the shotgun in her mouth. I made her orally pleasure the shotgun. I shoved it in the back of her throat, making her throw up. She started to choke on the vomit and barrel in her mouth. Then I pulled the trigger. The back of her head smeared the wall and bed sheets.

And I laughed...I just laughed. People started knocking on the door, some are pushing at the door in vain. I put the shotgun in the bag and went through the window. I took out the stairwell and made a grand escape."

"So, that's my story on how I got here..." I said to my inmate. "Damn, that's harsh...how long are you in for?" he asked me. "I'm getting out on counts of insanity." I told him grinning, "South Park's finest..." He laughed hoarsely. "Wait, how did you get caught?" he asked me.

"I just walked up to the station and told them..."

If you love her and she does not return it, it's never meant to be. Stan never knew that...and can never again...

End of Chapter One

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HDM: comments, reviews, even art will be appreciated Don't worry, I'm thinking about Burning Butterflies...it's not over yet...