Whenever I closed my eyes, I saw those life-changing events in Iran I swore I would never forget again. If anything, it would live with me until my death. I had convinced the President of the United States to let me fly there, in hopes of stopping a coup that two high-level state officials had initiated.
Henry had tried to stop me from going by using what he liked to call the husband card. I had persuaded him that if the coup moved forward and took out the current government, Iran would be a failed state. He charged back at me how many radicals there were that would love to kill me I reassured him it was a secret mission and they wouldn't even know I was there because of the risk we needed to let Iran know we had nothing to do with the coup. He wasn't too pleased with me for that one, especially when I reassured him that everything was going to be okay. I could feel he wasn't okay with this.
Even though I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that in some way I wasn't going to be, I pushed that thought to the back of my mind before pressing that he should wait a year and get remarried if anything should happen to me. The worry was real. My job was and always would be some kind of liability to my family, for however long I was in it. Why not cover all your bases while you can?
In light of going on this trip, I also had to break it to Allison why I wouldn't be there for her sweet sixteen. It broke my heart that I wouldn't be seeing my daughter on her biggest day. Instead, I would be halfway around the world doing what I could to stop a coup.
When I arrived at Javani's home in Iran. I felt safe and knew that I was among friends the minute I walked into his home. I was immediately introduced to his wife Marajel, an architect for the Zarand commercial tower located in downtown Tehran. She was amazingly beautiful and understanding for letting me come secretly.
Then came their two boys, Abdol and Katan. They were sweet and had a good sense of humor joking about American culture. I'm not sure their mother found it very funny, but I sure did. It lightened the mood to the pressing reason I had made this visit in the first place.
We talked for a good half an hour before Javani excused himself to talk to President Shiraz and I called home to wish Allison a happy birthday and made some lame joke to Henry about him modeling the apron au naturel when I got home.
Even that seemed like nothing when a bomb blasted through Javani's home, followed by ricocheting bullets. I watched in terror as my bodyguard Frank scrambled through the wreckage, only to be hit and land on top of me as he was instantly killed. If that weren't enough, I watched as another bullet struck Javani in the back as he tried to reach his eldest son, who only minutes before came into the room to ask his father for help on an algebra problem.
Hs screams for his father were utterly terrifying and heartbreaking as I reiterated his father's words to stay down as he ducked down by the side of the couch. Being a mother, I broke down in tears knowing if those were my kids, I would have done anything to crawl across that room to protect them. Truth was, I couldn't do that now. All I could focus on was how traumatized he was going to be. How Frank had saved my life when really he didn't have to. Even the talk with Henry came to mind when I wondered if one of those bullets would strike me down too. Would I get to see my own family again?
I wasn't sure how long after the bullets stopped flying, I was able to finally push Frank all the way off me. My movements were slow as I used whatever I could to push away the glass and debris, so I could get on my hands and knees. After several minutes, I was able to start making a path to Abdol, who was now slumped against the far wall of the living room, knees drawn to his chest as he rocked back and forth.
"Abdol!" I tried yelling across the room as I pushed the damaged coffee table out of the way, but he didn't seem to hear me. He was in shock and awfully close to a rapidly growing fire just a few feet away from him. It was clear we needed to get out of here and soon before we found ourselves stuck in a fiery inferno. "Abdol...If there's any chance of you listening to me, I need you to listen to me now. There's a fire to the left of us. It's creating thick smoke which is making it hard to breathe. If we don't get out of here right now, we won't make it out."
Raising his head a few feet from his knees, he kept his eyes averted from mine. It was the first sign he had heard me as I continued to push through the rubble to get to him. After a few more pushes, I struggled to take in a breath as I sat next to him against the wall, out of breath and exhausted. "I was young too when I lost both of my parents, but you have a mother and brother who still love you very much."
Glancing up, I didn't expect to see Marajel and Katan actually standing there. She was holding onto Katan tightly, facing him the other direction from the body of his father and my bodyguard, Frank. It was unclear if he had seen his father lying there, but I knew by the heartwrenching look she knew her husband was dead. I knew I was to blame. I couldn't help feeling if I hadn't come-if I had just warned him some other way, or even sooner than I had, maybe both he and Frank would still be alive.
"Abdol. Come, we must go." Marajel stated firmly as she motioned for her son to get up off the floor. Then she gazed up at me as only a mother could, her tone urgent and to be obeyed. "We all must."
Like clockwork, he got up and crossed the room and she hugged both Abdol and Katan to her tightly. I could only watch them from the floor, wishing that were me hugging my kids. There were many times I would like to admit they irritated and drove me up the wall. However times like this, my arms ached to hold them until they couldn't stand to be held any longer.
"Elizabeth." Her voice was more softspoken this time, her hand outstretched the same way she had coaxed her son. "Come. We will find somewhere safe and get you back home." I nodded my appreciation, but somehow I doubted that it was enough after everything that had just happened. I wouldn't be surprised if her generosity wasn't a front so she never had to see me again. I wasn't so sure I wanted to see me right now. As soon as I had deciphered it to be crazy talk, I moved to my knees once again. As I shifted my weight to use the wall for leverage, a searing pain radiated through my back. It disappeared as quickly as it had come, so I didn't think much about it.
After maneuvering myself upright, we all silently moved to the back of the house. I figured with us all feeling emotionally gutted at our losses, we wouldn't have to talk about what happened back there. I hoped I wouldn't have to talk about any of it. I couldn't even make sense of things, other than I had failed to stop a well-planned mission.
