Meredith lay in bed next to her already dozing husband. Instead of snuggling against him like she normally would, she nudged his foot with hers, and asked "Did you see him before he left?"

His eyes remained closed, but he replied "No, I didn't think it'd make it easier."

"For him or for you?"

"It was the best thing for him. You know that. It was the only thing." Derek fought to open his eyes and look at Meredith as he responded to her challenge, but the pull of sleep was stronger than the pain of arguing.

"Let's not pretend you did this for him. It's just you and me here, Derek. You did this for you. In the choice between surgery and love, you chose surgery. You chose ambition today."

"So did you. You knew he wasn't ready to go back into the OR. But you wanted to do that surgery so badly you were willing to overlook it. We're the same." Sleep finally overtook Derek then, and he willingly went into it.

Meredith lay awake. She was wired. She had wanted to fight. She had wanted to prove her point. But, Derek's last three words had knocked the wind out of her. "We're the same."

She thought back to when she was all dark and twisty. No, her and Derek definitely weren't the same back then. Now that she was in her kind of happy place, they were more similar, but still, damnit, she was right!

She tried to imagine if Derek had grown up in her life, if he could have been the type to have the dark and twisties. Instead, he grew up believing in himself, believing in impossible things like true love and happiness and family. Meredith never believed in those things. She still didn't'.

She paused mid-thought. Wasn't she happy now? Wasn't she truly in love now? Hadn't she created her own little family, dysfunctional as it was? She smiled to herself at thoughts of Cristina, Lexie, Alex, and Izzie. Them and Derek, her family. Despite all their ups and downs, she wouldn't trade them for anything.

As the night began to claim her dreams, she realized that she and Derek *were* the same. She had always believed in true love and happiness and all that crap. She just never thought that she would have it, so she spent most of her life fighting against it. And now, despite all of her preventative measures, she had it. She had happiness. She was growing up.

"Damn," she said aloud, and then snuggled up to Derek and joined him in sleep.