I was going to add a story a while back but life got ahead of me and my muse ran away, I tried to get her back but she didn't want to. Well good news she is back sort of so hopefully be posting some stories soon. I want to give a big thanks to Calleigh Logan for patiently editing this and listening to me talk probably wouldn't have posted this without someone pushing me.
Disclaimer: Don't own a thing and never will!
It sat there mocking her. It wasn't moving or anything but it was mocking her silently. It didn't need to speak to make her feel bad. No, it being there made her feel bad inside. It made her want to throw it out but she knew she couldn't live without it. How could something that started off as fun stress reliever turn her life in a living hell?
How could that little orange bottle cause her so much pain? There it sat on her dresser just sitting next to her make-up. Every day she tells herself the same thing. That today will be the last day she takes one more. The lie helps with some of the guilt that comes with taking the pill.
Tomorrow, she thinks as the pill slides down her throat. Maybe tomorrow will be the day she finally asks for help. Or maybe tomorrow her mom will come home and see something is wrong. Deep in her mind she knows that both of those options most likely won't happen. Her mom could care less what she does as long as it doesn't make her look bad.
As she puts her make-up on she notices how pale her skin is. It's almost translucently pale, and the bags under her eyes are getting worse. Yet almost no one seems to care anymore. She doesn't cry anymore. She has grown up knowing no one will care about her. It was something that most people would think is horrible for a teenager to think but that's how her life has been since day one.
When she is done with her make-up she slips some dark clothes on and a couple bracelets. She used to wear the bracelets to cover the scars from her dad. He was gone now but she was in the habit of putting them on, in the vain hope of someone who cared enough.
Her alarm went off, telling her that she had to leave for school. Lately school had become somewhat of an escape for her. Normally she hated schools because being in another foreign county with kids who thought less of her because she was different, could wear down on anyone. Now she was back in America and school wasn't easy but at least now she didn't stick out as much.
This school was different though, she actually had friends here. Having friends who actually liked her for her was something she wasn't used to. She had people in her past that said they were her friends but then they just wanted to use her for something or other. Not now, now she had a group who actually made getting up in the morning worthwhile. She wasn't like the other girls she didn't care if she had a bunch of friends, she just cared for the ones she had.
She walked out of her house without a word to her mom, who was still asleep in her room. They didn't even really speak anymore, it was like they weren't related, it more like they were just two people living in the same house. Her walk to school wasn't a long one and it seemed like a better option than riding the bus. She learned a public bus in any busy city was a place that a girl traveling alone should stay away from.
The cold breeze of fall wind hit her face reminding her she forgot her coat at home. She didn't walk back home, instead she just keep walking. Right now her brain barely even registered the cold, it was still buzzing from the pill.
"Princess, wait!" A voice called from behind her. She didn't have to look back to know who the voice belonged to. A dark skinned boy ran to her side with an extra sweatshirt in his hands. "I knew you would forget." He smiled. His smiles always made her feel better.
She nodded, grabbing the sweatshirt and breathing in his scent, "Thanks, Derek." He was one of the only people that really cared for her.
"No problem. Can't have you freezing to death, then I would be sad," He silently slipped his arm around her waist.
"I don't have practice after school. Will you wait for me?" he asked as they walked their normal route through the Chicago streets.
"Sure." She really liked Derek, but she wasn't going to admit it. Last time she told a guy she liked him he got her pregnant and left her to deal with it.
After school she placed her books back into her locker, not really bothering to pretend she will be doing her homework and grabbed Derek's sweatshirt. Derek came running up to her locker smiling, "Sorry, I had to run an extra lap for talking."
"So you didn't even change out of your gym clothes?" she asked, wrinkling her nose.
"I was running really late," He shrugged and opened his locker, grabbing his coat then shutting it quickly.
"You know I will wait if you want to change," she said looking over his smelly gym clothes.
"Nah, girl, I'm good. I'll shower when I get to the youth center." Derek's voice changed as it always did when he talked about the youth center. She never knew exactly why he would get sort of sad sounding when the building in general would come up, but she had her ideas why.
"Do you have a game coming up there? I could really use an excuse of getting out of the house, mom's new boy-toy is kind of weird." The teens exit the school and walk the same path down the streets that they did in the morning.
"We have a game next week, but you can always come watch us practice. Is he hurting you?" Derek was always protective of her but she didn't mind, she found it sweet.
"No, just giving me weird vibes that make me want to spend no time with him." She chuckled slipping closer to Derek to block the cold winds blowing.
"If he tries anything….." His sentence trailed off as he wrapped his arm around her waist.
"Yeah, yeah, I'll tell you and you'll beat him up. Then what? My mom will have you thrown in jail?" She hated her mom at times and she wouldn't put throwing Derek in jail when he was trying to protect her underneath what she would do.
"Do you want to come over for dinner? Mama said she was going to make your favorite." His mom had always been very welcoming of her whenever she came over. It was nice to have someone who cared.
She nodded and tucked herself farther into his side for comfort. The two walked for a while longer in silence until they were in seeing distance of the youth center he spent most of his time at. She could feel his whole body tense up when he saw the owner of the center teaching some young boys how to throw a football. He slowed his pace as they approached so it would take him longer to get there. She hated seeing him like this, so afraid of this man but not willing to admit it. She knew he had helped Derek get away from the streets and even erase his arrest record but she couldn't help but wonder at what cost to Derek.
"Derek, I thought you might not show today!" The older man shouted as he jogged up to the teens.
"Was running late after school," Derek shrugged, squeezing her tighter to his side as Carl came closer.
"Well, why you don't go help the younger boys right now and later we can run threw some new plays. You can stay if you want." He directed the last part at her.
"I should probably get home for a bit," She pulled away from Derek's grasp but stayed right in front of him, blocking Carl from him. "I'll meet you here at six?"
Derek grabbed her hand, gently squeezing it, "Yeah, I'll make sure I shower." She slowly backed away, not wanting to let go of his hand.
She came back at six exactly, knowing he wouldn't be done for a bit anyways. She loved to see him practice, he would get so lost in the game it would be like nothing else mattered. Since they became friends she had went to all of his games to support him, knowing his mom was busy working full time and his sisters were busy working or in school. They had sort of become each other's support whenever they needed it. Neither would say what was really bothering them, but it always seemed as if the other one knew.
Derek came running out of the building with fresh clothes on. He ran up to her and smiled slightly. "Not too late today," he remarked, grabbing her around the waist like he did whenever they walked.
"Getting better and you showered." She patted his chest lightly.
"Only for you, princess," His normal nickname for her always brought a small smile to her face even when she thought it was impossible to smile.
"Why do you do it?" She blurted out, not meaning for the words to actually come out of her mouth.
"Do what?" She normally was not one to make him confused. They always seemed to be thinking the same thing, but not now.
She didn't speak for a bit. Instead she looked up at his face and stopped walking. He stopped to look at her with a confused look. "Why do you go there day after day if it hurts you?" Her voice cracked on the last word.
"I…I don't know what you mean." Derek was always good at putting up walls to defend him against people getting too close.
"You do too!" She steps closer, grabbing his hand. "I see the way you are after weekend fishing trips or the late night practice sessions. I don't know exactly what he is doing, but he is hurting you, Derek!"
"What does it matter to you?" Derek shouted back, grabbing his hand away from hers, putting up his walls again.
"Because it hurts me too, Derek, I hate seeing the pain in your eyes. That bastard should rot in prison for what he is doing to you!" Instead of fighting it, she lets the tears fall for the first time in a long time.
"It's not that easy. He is my ticket out of here. He is the way to make sure I get into college and make something of myself." Derek stepped closer to her again. His one hand gently went to her face to wipe away the tears. "Why do you keep using?"
His question wasn't much of a surprise to her. He hated that she went to drugs for an outlet but he didn't have to live with the guilt she did. "They help me forget the pain."
Without another word he pulled her into a hug. "Everyone has pain, Princess." He mumbled as his hand ran up and down her back. "Just don't do anything too stupid. I couldn't live without you." Derek said into her hair.
"As long as one day you tell on that bastard." She didn't care if they were in the middle of the street, she didn't want to ever leave this position they were in.
"After I'm in college, I promise," He knew it was a lie and maybe so did she but it was a lie he told himself repeatedly just to get through the day.
At the end of the day the two teens really didn't have much aside from each other. They both were fine with that. As long as the other was still breathing, their lives would go on as normally as possible. And maybe when they get older he will tell people what his so called mentor did to him during those weekend fishing trips. And maybe she will forgive herself for the mistakes of a scared fifteen year old her. But that day still seemed far away. Until that day they had each other. In a cruel world, there isn't much more to ask for.