Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I am not the brilliant mind of Andrew Marlowe, just a fan who may or may not be a little too dedicated to Castle. If you see a name, chances are it's not mine. Also, 'Stay' is entirely the property of the amazing band Hurts.
A/N: So, this is my second story, which came to me in a lack-of-Castle induced depression brought on by the stunning realization that 'Headhunters' didn't, in fact, air on Monday but instead will be on on April 16th. While listening to 'Stay' I realized that this song could quite possibly be one of the best Caskett songs I have ever heard, especially when you do what I did and think about it from Kate's perspective. I'd also like to add that after sitting in front of my TV in a haze for five minutes while the rerun of Kill Shot started playing, I promptly got up, turned off the infernal device, and cried myself to sleep.
Stay
Kate Beckett watched her partner – sorry, now ex-partner – strut out of the precinct, a look of shocked disbelief on her face. He was staying with Detective Slaughter and the gang unit. After they had gotten him stabbed in the arm on a takedown gone wrong, after they had snubbed herself and her entire team, even after Espo and Ryan had pulled him aside and told him that they still wanted him here.
Suddenly furious, she shoved her things into her purse, leaving her end-of-case paperwork scattered on her desk. "I'm going home," she called over her shoulder to the boys, who waved at her half-heartedly before silently turning back to their own papers.
Kate ducked into the elevator, riding it down to the parking garage where she slid into her police-issued Crown Vic with a practiced ease. Sneaking her way into traffic, her mood steadily worsened with the cacophony of honking taxis, shouting pedestrians, and the pounding of the steadily worsening rain, which had been falling since she'd gotten up that morning. The precipitation battered her windshield despite her rapidly moving wipers, and for whatever reason, her inability to keep the window clean irked her to no end.
Not wanting to let herself linger on thoughts of the writer who had been shadowing her for the better part of four years now, Kate flicked on her radio. She caught the last bars of some edgy pop song before it faded away, the announcer's voice instead coming through the speakers.
"And now," he said loudly, "here's Hurts, with their new hit single, 'Stay'!"
The first notes filtered out, Kate nodding slightly in time with the music as her car crept through traffic. Maybe listening to a few songs would get her mind off of things.
My whole life
Waiting for the right time
To tell you how I feel
So much for "getting her mind off of things". That sounded exactly like her when it came to Castle. She'd known she had feelings for him the moment he'd walked into the precinct back when he was the Page Six playboy. Hell, even the daughter of one of their victims had, to some degree, picked up on it.
And though I tried to
Tell you that I need to
Here I am without you
I feel so lost, but what can I do?
Every time they were having a moment – in the freezer, in the tent after going into the radiation zone inn that storage unit, in his hotel room in L.A., even in the damned hospital after she'd been shot. And every time she wimped out. Or, in the case of the freezer, passed out. And Good God was it getting frustrating.
She had been trying so hard to let go out her worries about her mom's case, about the sniper, about everything. And just when she thought she had done it, he went and…gave up? Left her? Stopped waiting? What, exactly, did he do?
More importantly, what was she supposed to do?
The song kept playing, but its deeper meaning struck a chord in her heart. Half-heartedly attempting to pay attention to the slowly moving traffic, she focused a little more on the lyrics.
'Cause I know this love seems real
But I don't know how to feel
Kate knew she cared for Castle – hell, she knew she loved him. But what was she supposed to do now that he had left her, Ryan, and Espo for Jacinda the Flight Attendant and Detective Slaughter's band of merry men?
We say goodbye in the pouring rain
And I break down as you walk away
Stay! Stay!
'Cause all my life, I felt this way
But I could never find the words to say
Stay! Stay!
As these words, the storm broke, both in the sky and in her heart. Lightening flickered through the sky, thunder boomed, and inside her chest the dam burst, sending a heaving sob shuddering throughout her whole body.
Stay. That was all she wanted Castle to do. He didn't have to love her back – she realized he probably didn't, judging by his recent actions. She just wanted him back. Slaughter was bad news, she knew from previous experience (mainly him hitting on her and she telling him to get the hell out of her precinct).
Unlike him, she was no wordsmith. She wasn't a novelist who could whip up tales at the wave of her hand. Unlike him, she had never been able to say just the right thing. In fact, she tended to do the exact opposite. And there were times, like now, when they words she so desperately wanted to say – "I want you back" "I want you" "I love you" – just wouldn't get spit out.
Alright, everything is alright
Since you came along
And before you
I had nowhere to run to
Nothing to hold on to
I came so close to giving it up
Before he'd started shadowing her, Kate was still, to some degree, drowned in her mother's murder case. Once he'd hopped on, though, she refocused her excess energy onto keeping him from getting his writer ass shot off. And telling him about the killing, for whatever reason, kept her from wanting to fall back down that rabbit hole. The only times when she'd looked back into the case, she'd had Castle at her side. Even when she pushed him away, he came right back.
And she'd been such an idiot not to try to get him back when she first realized he was pulling away.
The chorus' melody rose up again, the ebb and flow of the music symmetrical to that of her heart. A few errant tears leaked out of her eyes, blurring her vision as a wave of untamed emotion washed over her. She could feel her tough, 'nothing-Castle-does-will hurt=me' façade crumbling as she continued to drive. Her hands tightened on the wheel as she changed course, taking a quick left, then a right, her new course nearly automatic after having traveling it so many times.
So you change your mind
And say you're mind
Don't leave tonight
Stay!
She could not let Castle leave. She didn't know what she was going to do, or how she was going to do it. All she knew was she had to keep him at the 12th.
The final chorus was her soundtrack as she squealed into a parking spot, the music wrapping up as she threw open her car door. Waving a quick greeting to Castle's doorman, Ernie, while subsequently brushing tears out of her eyes, Kate hurried across the lobby.
The last bars of the song on the radio, 'Stay', beat a furious tempo in her head as she pounded up the stairs, too nervous and impatient to wait for the elevator.
Stay with me
Stay with me
Stay with me
Stay with me
Stay
Stay
Stay
Stay
Stay with me
Bursting out of the stairwell onto the correct floor, she skidded to a stop in front of his all-too-familiar front door. Kate took a deep, slightly steadying breath, and then pounded on the wood.
Once, twice, three times.
Tears stung her eyes as her knocks went unanswered. She turned away, prepared to leave, when the door swung open.
"Detective Beckett," Castle said, surprised. Whether it was at her appearance – her hair disheveled, eyes red, cheeks bearing glimmering tear tracks – or the fact that she was standing in front of his door in the first place, she didn't know.
All she knew was that this was her last chance to say what she needed to. There wouldn't be another chance, another coffee in the morning, another always to keep them together.
While he gazed at her, perplexed, she uttered the three words that would either make or break their partnership.
"Please, Castle," she practically begged, her wall lying in broken chunks at her feet.
"Stay."
A/N: So that's that! As of right now, this is a complete one-shot, but I may or may not be continuing the fic, as it seems to have grown on me as I was writing it. I think that Kate will need to show her vulnerability if she's got any chance of getting Castle back. But enough of my opinions! What did all of you think? Please, write me a review and tell me what you thought, so I can make my work that much better.