A/N: This is the untold story of a seventeen year old named Jackson Stewart. The first chapter is of angst, while the next can be described as disturbing. The rating now is not M but that may change later.
NO SUICIDE is involved. Please enjoy and Review!
Failure has always been a friend of mine. If disappointment had a face it would be mine. I'd like to think there was a time when I accomplished something great, but I don't remember it. Or I realize it had been a dream.
I've always stood in the shadows of others. Ive never been in the spotlight, had others think Im incredible. To be in the spotlight you have to be extraordinary and Im only mediocre at best.
I know what what eminence is. I've witnessed others succeed. I have watched them from afar celebrate their success. I see crowds of strangers eveyday who look at Hannah Montana in awe. Fanatics would pay to see her, stand next to her, possess items that was once hers. I have seen my sister proudly smile in that glory.
The power in which people esteem or adore you for being you. I have only experienced it vicariously. Unfortunately its not something I have experienced first hand. Ive never been able to touch greatness let alone be great. That doesn't mean I haven't tried.
All my life I have toiled and strived for fame, recognition, success, whatever it took so that for one moment I, Jackson Stewart, would be a cut above the rest. I have done many things to gain not only approval from other people, but hope that for a minute they believe themselves to be inferior compared to my supremacy.
Yet I find my efforts have been in vain. My efforts have been meaningless. I keep pushing and straining a rock up a hill only to helplessly watch it roll back down. It is depressing to acknowledge that my labor does not accomplish anything. Every shot I have ever took have failed miserably. And I have admit that Im so tired of trying.
I remember dad would sit and play his guitar. I never really was into music, but Miley always was. Four years old Miley and dad were pretty tight. He was proud of her cause she unlike me had a liking to music like "her old man".
They would sing lazily some afternoons while mom cooked in the kitchen smiling at what she heard. I wanted dad to look at me the way he did Miley so I started banging on mom's guitar. My parents weren't too happy. The lack of attention I used to received became looks of anger and disapproval. I'd rather be invisible than a bother.
Being insignificant compared to the soon-to-be Hannah Montana in my parents eyes instilled in me a need to be exceptional in some way to others. If I couldn't gain attention with talent that I lacked, an epiphany came to me. I could gain attention by being eccentric or as Miley mutters "weird".
It was fine at first being known as strange and gross, but when I became fifteen years old it was crushing me socially. That kind of reputation doesn't make you popular or powerful. No girl wants a freak for a date. Sure I was getting noticed by my dad and my peers. However no one expected much from me. No one thought me capable of high expectations.
Its hard to be optimistic, to give myself a pep talk. I used to tell myself that surely someday I can triumph at something, anything. It seems that day will never come. Reminding yourself "there's always tomorrow" begins to sound like a "there's always never gonna happen".
At first I only wanted to succeed at little things like love, trust, family, get an A, or anything. The voice in my head would exasperately say "just don't screw this up". I couldn't seem to even do that right.
Because I failed at the little things I now find myself wanting to accomplish something greater. Getting a date for the night or a pat on the back for a day seemed to small. My hungry heart desired something bigger: a name in history books, a face people would recognize in an instant.
I don't want to be able to remember what failure feels like. I want to look at my face and see not a trace of disappointment in myself. I don't wanna be that guy who hasn't come close to greatness. Im tired of seeing it in the distance. I am gonna do something great and surmount. I am going to be significant. Ill be famous for my crowning achievement, and my days fumbling as the joker will be forgotten.
AN: I don't recall if the show ever said if Miley's mom was a musician, but I portrayed her as one. That's why she had a guitar.
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