He remembered the times when it had been easier, when he had his Cas. Those days when it had been easy to lose Cas in a simple sarcastic statement. Those days when he had to remind Cas that personal space was important to him. Those days when Cas would do anything to help him.

Now they were long gone. As he lay on the couch in Bobby's house, he felt tears trickle down his face. Sam and Bobby were both upstairs sleeping off the wounds they had earned fighting the last battle against the angel they trusted; Dean's angel.

Turning over on the couch, Dean sucked in a breath and tried to forget about Castiel, but he couldn't. No matter how bad he wanted to forget him, Cas was a part of him forever. His hand print leaving a faint scar on his arm and the mark hiding him from angels would always remind him.

Groaning quietly, Dean stood from the couch and grabbed his bottle of alcohol and gun for protection before heading outside. He walked around the junkyard while drinking from the bottle. At one point he rammed into the side of a car before hastily grabbing the car's roof to keep from falling.

He hung there for a few moments before feeling the tears cascade down his face and he lost the battle. His grip loosened and he fell into the dirt on his knees. Taking in deep breaths, he tried to calm himself down, yet failed.

A few minutes later, after the sobs had ceased to dull deep breaths, he shouted to the sky, "Are you happy now?"

Wiping his face to rid it of the tears, he shouted again, "Are you happy Cas? Are you?" he took another deep breath and whispered sadly, "Are you?"

It had been a few weeks since the whole ordeal with Castiel in his new God like trance. They had two hunts that were stupid ghosts that hadn't passed on and were angry and wanted revenge, blah blah blah. Dean could honestly care less if the ghosts were angry because quite frankly, they had nothing to complain about until they felt everything he had.

Sam had begun to notice how Dean changed and acted angry a lot of the time. He also noticed how he drank way more than he should have, ever had. And when he was alone, Sam prayed to the real God. He prayed that his brother would snap out of it, he prayed that the world wouldn't end and when he was about to finish, he would pray that Castiel would be saved.

"Sam, ya got another ghost problem. Get Dean would ya?" Bobby's voice drawled out of the office area.

Sam made a noise in acknowledgment and went outside looking for Dean. As he rounded the garage area, he saw it, then he heard it.

Dean was on his knees with a bottle hanging from his left hand. His head was turned up towards the sky and from what Sam could see, his face was wet. Dean was crying. "Cas, why? Why, why, why, why?"

Dean started talking quieter and Sam couldn't hear him. turning around, he walked back to the house, where Bobby was. "Bobby, I don't think we can do the hunt," Sam rubbed the back of his head in frustration.

"And why the Hell not Boy?" Bobby sneered.

"It's Dean," Bobby's face relaxed and turned into a look of sadness. "I think he needs some time to work through his thoughts. Hell, he is out there crying for Cas!"

"What?"

"Not like he wants him to come back, well, I think he does, but he is asking why and crying and shit I don't know how to deal with that. Usually he just beats things up and takes it out on the hunts but this is different. I think Cas doing what his did really messed him up."

They stared at each other in silence before sighing loudly. Dean opened the front door a few minutes later, making them both jump. He raised an eyebrow at their motions and shrugged heading up the stairs after throwing the bottle into the recycling tub. "See what I mean?" Sam sighed when he heard the bathroom door shut.

"So how are we going to fix this?" Bobby asked.

"I don't know," Sam admitted before plopping down in a chair.

As he showered, Dean tried to mull through his thoughts and figure out where everything went wrong. He couldn't though. Every time he remembered Cas just until that moment, Cas was his normal self with only a few emotions. Sure, he had been helping the wrong people but he seriously thought that he was just confused like the Angel he was.

When he looked into Cas's eyes right after he declared he was the new God, Dean froze in fear. Not of Castiel, but for Castiel. It was like that time when Cas was dragged back to heaven and Jimmy as left in his place. Fear wrecked his mind for days and when Castiel finally appeared and acted like nothing was wrong, Dean nearly shoved the Angel blade into him.

Didn't Cas realize what had happened?

Taking in a deep breath, Dean laughed quietly. "That was the first time it should have been obvious to me." He sat down in the small tub and put his head in his knees as the water pelted against his skin. "I loved him before that, but that was the moment it should have come out."

Shaking his head, he crawled out of the shower and dried off before dressing in clean clothes. Stepping out of the bathroom, he walked downstairs and grabbed a sandwich off Sam's plate. Taking a bite, he stopped mid-chew and stared at Sam and then at Bobby confused. "What?"

He thought it was strange that Sam didn't protest and the way they were both looking at him freaked him out a little bit. "Nothing," they both mumbled going back to eating and Sam making a new sandwich.

Dean shrugged and walked back outside to work on the car more, only he was met with someone he hadn't expected to see. Someone he wanted to see.

Thanks for reading! I just felt like writing some sadness and while watching Supernatural episodes in the last hour, it sort of turned into a weird mixture of emotions. hopefully it isn't too hard to follow. Anywho~ I don't usually write male pairing fan-fictions but somehow these two just scream sexual tension XD

Review? Favorite? :D