Again I Go Unnoticed belongs to Dashboard Confessional
Sean and Ellie belong to Degrassi: The Next Generation
"So Quiet
Another wasted night
the television steals the conversation"
We just sit on the couch. Again. It's the same thing. It seems like since Sean's been back from Wasaga, he doesn't want to even discuss the events that led him there in the first place.
"Sean..." I start in. I'm longing just to have a real conversation with Sean Cameron, the boy I love. But before I get any further, he turns the volume up on the television.
"Exhale,
another wasted breath,
again it goes unnoticed."
I sigh. It was worth the shot.
"Please tell me you're just feeling tired
cause if it's more than that i feel that i might break
out of touch, out of time.
Please send me anything but signals that are mixed
cause i can't read your rolling eyes
out of touch, are we out of time?"
I'm sure Sean is just worn out from all this emotional turmoil of the past few months. I hope that's all there is to it. He's just been so quiet lately.
"Maybe he's just tired." I think to myself, "but tired of what? Tired of me?" I try my best to push that thought out of my head.
I would be lying to myself to say that we hadn't been growing apart. But I just can't stand the thought of being without him.
I let my hand fall lightly on his thigh. He rolls his eyes and adjusts his position so my hand slips away.
"Am I the only one who wants this to work?" I think to myself.
"Close lipped
another goodnight kiss
is robbed of all it's passion,
your grip
another time is slack
it leaves me feeling empty."
"Well, I guess I'm going to head to bed then." I say, as I sigh again, and lean in for a goodnight kiss.
He kisses me quickly, his eyes still fixed on the television set.
As I stand up to head to his bed, which he insisted I sleep in during the times when things were good, he reaches for my hand.
I stand there in shock, just holding his hand in mine. I'm think to myself, "Is this it? Is this when the course is going to change?"
In that moment, he realizes what he's done. He let's my hand go. My arm goes limp.
I walk slowly to his bedroom.
"I'll wait until tomorrow
maybe you'll feel better then
maybe we'll be better then.
so what's another day
when i can't bear these nights of thoughts
of going on without you?
this mood of yours is temporary
it seems worth the wait
to see your smile again.
out of the corner of your eye
won't be the only way you're looking at me then."
Hopefully this is only temporary. My Sean will get out of this recent funk he has been in.
Even if it's another day, or week, or even month, I have to put up with this. I know I will, because, I love him. I want us to be forever. He is worth the while.
And right before I open the door to enter the bedroom, I turn back to look at him. I catch him staring at me. He turns away quickly. But in that moment I know, I just know, we'll be just fine.