Disclaimer: Don't own Mass Effect, don't make any money writing this, yadda yadda yadda.
Written for the masskink meme a long while ago. Just finally decided I wanted credit for writing it. I'm a horrible anon.
"Ah, Shepard, always a pleasure to have you here. What brings you to Rodam Expeditions this time?"
Shepard grinned at Etarn. The turian shopkeeper's enthusiasm was always a pleasant breath of fresh air. Well, it was always just nice to be welcomed by something other than a barrage of gunshots. "Not much. Just looking for some more weapon upgrades."
"That's all well and good, but are you sure I can't interest you in one of our new adventure travel package?"
Before Shepard could even open her mouth to politely refuse, Etarn continued, his eyes glazing over as he lost himself in the fantasy.
"The planet's sun has set hours ago. It's cold and dark. You're low on heat packs. A pack of varren are trailing you and your team… and they're hungry." Etarn ducked behind the counter, imaginary gun cradled against his chest.
Shepard promptly ignored the exasperated sigh coming from Jacob and the impatient tap of Garuss' foot.
Etarn popped up from behind the counter, aiming his imaginary gun at invisible enemies. "The varren are closing in. Every shot counts. You have no time to think. Line up the shot. Blam blam blam!" He holsters his imaginary weapon. "They're down for the count."
Shepard crossed her arms, corner of her lips tilted into an amused smirk. "I'll have to decline. My team and I do enough hunting at work; only difference is that the prey shoots back. I don't know about the rest of my crew, but I'd rather not waste my shore leave away like that."
Etarn crossed his arms, nodding his head. "Point taken. A woman who's seen as much action as you deserves a chance to relax, to be pampered. Perhaps you'd be interested in one of our special adventure packages."
Shepard raised an eyebrow. "Special?"
"Imagine it, human… It's been a long day. You've just taken down a team of ruthless batarian mercenaries. Your muscles are sore. You lay down. You need to unwind."
Shepard stepped back as Etarn hefted himself on top of the counter, lying across the surface languidly. Garrus stopped tapping his foot. Jacob bit the inside of his cheek.
The shopkeeper paid little attention to the odd looks he received. "I come into the room. Pounce on you like a wild animal. Your breathing grows heavy as I slowly undress you, worshipping your body with my hands." Etarn sat up, emphasizing his point by cupping his hands in the air to squeeze at a pair of phantom breasts.
Shepard's eyes widened, face flushed pink as she could do nothing but stare. Jacob's brows furrowed, jaw hitting the floor. Garrus' hand twitched suspiciously close to where his sniper rifle was holstered.
Etarn was far from finished. "You buck your hips, desperate for more. I travel down your stomach, stopping at the juncture between your thighs. I please you in a way no human man could ever dream of." The turian held two talons up in a v-shape, his tongue slithering suggestively between the two appendages.
At this point, Shepard's face went from pink to red, Jacob threw up a little bit in his mouth, and Garrus was shaking like a jackhammer with Parkinson's.
"You're panting, begging for more. I turn you around so you're on your hands and knees. And blam," Etarn delivered an impressive pelvic thrust, "I'm inside you. Slow at first. Then faster… faster." His talons gripped the edge of the counter, his hips moving back and forth at a frantic pace. "Faster… until, BLAM! You're seeing stars." His hips stopped moving, his arms coming back to place at his sides as he calmed down.
Still, Shepard couldn't help but notice the hungry look of a predator in his eyes as he leered down at her.
"And that's what we offer. Not a vacation," his mandibles flared out into a turian grin, "But an experience."
Shepard's mouth felt dry, her cheeks burning. "I'll, uh... consider it."
"Excellent. And remember…" Etarn crossed his arms, looking Shepard up and down appreciatively. "You get a discount for any purchase you make at Rodam Expeditions."
Shepard nodded her head before rushing out the store, not even waiting to make sure her team members followed her.
Jacob quickly chased after her to make sure she was alright. Or to find a bathroom.
Garrus, however, remained behind, eyes narrowed in a death glare at the turian shopkeeper. He stared the other turian down, his talon swiping across his neck in the universal sign of 'I keel you with a knife' before running off to find his squad mates (because he didn't like the thought of Jacob being alone with his commander).