I was about to die. The destruction that lay on the ground before me was a masterpiece, a bloody masterpiece that I helped paint. My body began to tremble as I stared at my blades, tarnished with red, a constant reminder of what had just transpired. I hurled them down and watched them slowly clatter on the ground. I wouldn't need them where I was going anyway. I closed my eyes and took a deep shaky breath in, trying to calm the adrenaline that was coursing through my veins. After a few moments I opened my eyes again and I looked down at my hands. What I saw made me stumble in utter revulsion. They were covered in blood. I opened my mouth to let out a scream but no sound would come out, and I frantically began to try and wipe them off. However when I looked back down the blood was gone.
I heaved a sigh of relief and tried to calm myself, but I couldn't stop staring at them. I constantly rotated my hands, looking for the blood that I knew no longer covered them, but it was still there. It would always be there, forever reminding me of the sacrifices that had been made, all the lives that had been lost and for what. For this? Nothing could ever be worth this. I clenched my hands as I stared at the pure chaos before me, trying to ignore the stench of death that filled the air. I took a deep breath; if this wasn't hell then I didn't know what was.
There were hundreds of mutilated bodies dispersed on the ground, like a scene out of a horror movie, only this one never ended. I bit down hard on my lower lip and drew in a shaky breath to hold in the scream that was threatening to escape me as I tried not to look at any of the faces in fear that I might recognize some of them.
It was to late for that though, out of the corner of my eye I saw that unmistakable beautiful long black hair that could only belong to one person. The sound that escaped my throat was unrecognizable e to my ears as I fell to my knees and scrambled over to Katia's body. My hands trembled as I reached for the knife jutting out of heart. I yanked the blade out and threw it as far away as I could. Her eyes were wide open and her mouth a silent scream. I stroked my hands over her face and closed her eyes, she was gone. She was seventeen. She was only seventeen years old and she was dead.
The sun began to come up over the horizon, bathing the world in light. I gently closed my eyes as I felt it's soothing warmth wash over me and I let out a sardonic laugh, warm on the outside, but my insides were slowly turning to ice. It made me realize how insignificant we all were, everything was lost to us, everything we had ever hoped for and the world would still go on. The sun was burning me up inside. I could feel it, brimming under the surface and I hadn't the slightest idea how to stop it, how to keep from exploding. It was too much and if I didn't figure out to stop it, I was going to turn to ashes and blow away. Although then again maybe I would just burn and then all the shattered pieces of my soul would melt back together and I would become whole again. But I guess I'll never get the chance to find out.
I stood and turned away from Katia and continued to tread through the sea of destruction when I heard my name being called, so faintly it almost sounded as if the wind was whispering to me, beckoning me to come closer to my fate. I heard it again, louder this time. I closed my eyes and let out a dry, humorless laugh. Even in my downfall life had to be cruel and unrelenting. It was him. I would know that voice anywhere. My upper lip quivered and I blinked back tears as I heard the anguish in his voice as he cried out to me. Every time he spoke my name it was like he was repeatedly stabbing me in my heart with a rusty knife
I glanced back over my shoulder and saw him, about twenty feet away, staggering towards me. He was bruised and streaked with blood, his face covered in dirt and he was clutching his right side. His light brown hair was matted with blood and he was sporting a shiner on his left eye. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on. He was alive.
His grey eyes lit up with life when I looked at him and I died a little more inside. Time stopped as we drank each other in, his body tensed as his eyes raked over my body, looking for any signs of a serious injury. I saw his shoulders relax slightly as he came to the conclusion that I would be all right. The corners of his mouth twitched and a sad grin graced his features though I could tell the effort pained him. He began to whisper my name like it was some kind of prayer, like I was his savior. If only he knew. He reached his hand out to me and I could see that he was trembling. My heart clenched in absolute agony as I forced myself to turn away. I broke into a desperate run and the tears finally broke free as I heard him scream my name, it was a terrifying sound, a scream filled with despair and loss. I longed to erase the sound from my memory. I could hear him trying to run after me, trying to catch me. I ran faster, I couldn't let him catch me, I had to get away. I looked over my shoulder to see if he was gaining on me. He was right on top of me. I cried out as he tackled me to the ground none to gently. As soon as I had caught my breath I looked up at him. His eyes were wide and full of concern and questions, questions I couldn't answer. His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me close to him. He leaned his forehead against mine and his hand tangled itself if my hair. I shuddered as our skin made contact and I closed my eyes and let out a shaky breath.
"When are you going to learn that there is nowhere that you can ever go that I won't follow you. I mean I would have thought that after the little incident we had in Tibet you would've realized by now"
I could hear the smile in his voice and I let out a choked laugh that turned into hysterical laughter and soon became sobs. He sat up and pulled me in his lap and held me tight as I cried.
"Hey I got you, and I always will" he whispered softly in my ear
After a few minutes my body went slack and he continued to rock me back and fourth, whispering nonsense words of comfort in my ear. I took his face in my hands and began to trace his features, committing the feeling to memory. My fingertips ghosted over his lips and his eyes fluttered shut. I dropped my hands and pressed my forehead against his and closed my eyes. I shuddered and prayed that he would one day understand what I was about to do.
"I love you, but I have to do this, where I'm going you can't follow me," I murmured "and I hope you can one day forgive me for what I'm about to do, I'm so sorry." I told him, my voice cracking with every word, begging silently for him to understand.
He pulled back from me, confusion lacing his brow. His mouth opened to question me. I shook my head and his grip loosened just little bit from around my waist. Big mistake. I twisted out of his grip and shot up off the ground, he came up after me but this time I was ready for him. He reached out to grab me but I ducked his arms. I swung my fist trying to make contact with any part of his body. He easily dodged me, he always a better fighter than me. I kept coming at him and he just deflected each of my blows, never striking back. I let out a yell of frustration and delivered a swift kick to his chest that left him winded. I would never forget the look of shock and hurt that crossed his face as he faltered and tumbled down. The bile rose up in my throat and the self-loathing I felt was indescribable. He hit the ground hard and I took off. I heard him bellow my name, could hear the raw desperation in his voice. With every step that I took away from him, my soul became a little more fragmented, a little emptier inside.
But it didn't matter, I couldn't be stopped, I had to do this. In order for him to live, for all of them to live, I had to die.