You've never realized how blind and gullible you are until now.
You stood there, frozen with shock and overwhelming hurt, at the doorway of their shared bedroom watching them do something that you foolishly believed should be done just between you and him.
Your heart dropped somewhere down the floor. You don't even bother to look down and see if the red organ is shattered, horribly disfigured or if it left a red stain on the floorboards that Kibum might scold you for, later. You could only care less about those things right now as your eyes are transfixed at what is currently happening on the bed.
Jonghyun is on all fours at the edge of the bed while Minho is roughly fucking him. Moans and grunts filled the air as the two oblivious members continue their activities. You don't seem to realize it but with every moan and every grunt, a tear trickles down your face.
You watched reluctantly knowing that they are both nearing that pleasure-filled peak because they suddenly changed their pace into a frenzied one. They gasped each other's name out as they climaxed and another tear falls down as you think that your name should be what Minho is gasping out. When they came down from their orgasm high they both flopped down on the bed still catching their breaths, sated. Your eyes abruptly widened and your hands flew to your mouth in a feeble attempt to block a small, choked sob from escaping. You are, as usual, a second late and the sound has already floated in the air by the time you covered your mouth.
You tried to turn around and bolt before you release many more sobs. Your head is spinning from all the plans you are suddenly forming; forget about ever seeing this and continue to be the bright SHINee leader they all know—even if it all screamed one big, nasty lie. Lady luck seemed to enjoy watching you suffer though, because right in your moment of escape Minho turned around and saw you.
You take little pleasure in seeing his eyes go ridiculously wide, that defined jaw dropping down in what you assume is surprise. The shame, guilt and utter horror swimming in those doe-like orbs made you want to scream at him, scream all the hurt you're feeling right now. You don't scream though because why would you anyway? You are not Minho's keeper. For him the nights you both spent are merely sex that gave release while you, the lovesick fool, thought more from it. Making love.
The next thing you did was smile. You smiled like you never saw them coming undone just seconds ago. You're not surprised at your action, though. After all, you are the smiling king of SHINee.
Jinki-hyung. He suddenly murmured, shame coating his words.
Minho-ah. You started, smile bright and inviting. You and Jonghyun-ah should go clean up. Dinner is ready.
Right after the words slipped your mouth; you felt your smile falter and you quickly fought to keep it up and bright. Leeteuk-hyung's lessons on leadership sure come in handy, you mused.
You glanced at his side and looked at Jonghyun, who is looking at you with an embarrassed gaze—obviously ashamed of being caught with a dick shoved up in his ass. He opened his mouth to speak, probably to blurt out apologies that you don't want to hear.
Luckily, your ears are spared as a loud and annoyed shout resonated from the kitchen.
Yah! Jinki-hyung! Jonghyun-hyung! Minho-ah! Get your asses here at the kitchen before Taeminnie eats his whole arm! You chuckled, dry and forced at the irony of the word 'asses' and turned around to go be a leader at the kitchen and stop the youngest from losing an arm.
You heard Kibum-ah. Go clean up and eat, okay? You called over your shoulder—pointedly ignoring how your voice sounded so small and vulnerable—before walking out and closing the door softly.
Once outside the door, you took a deep breath then sighed. You need to be composed before you face the always perceptive Kibum. You padded silently towards the kitchen while two sentences swam inside your numb mind.
I am in love with Minho. I made a big mistake.
You never realized you love him until now.
Jonghyun came to you and asked for a favor that he guaranteed will benefit you too. You hesitated at first but upon seeing his desperation you agreed.
As everything turned out, the favor is sex—pure and no strings-attached sex. You suddenly wanted to decline with your mind drawing a blank as to why.
You told Jonghyun of the doubt you felt. He asked you if you're seeing someone and your answer is of course a resounding NO, as far as dating is concerned you are not seeing someone right now.
Your answer seemed to satisfy the older boy as he suddenly pounced on you and did a quick work of removing your clothes. You closed your eyes and just let the other one do what he wants, when all of a sudden a pouting image of Jinki appeared. Startled, you opened your eyes and quickly realized that you just imagined Jinki's pouting face and that your mind is now playing tricks at you.
All coherent thoughts of yours are thrown out the window when Jonghyun gave you an amazing blowjob. You grunted in pleasure and watched as Jonghyun multi-tasked—preparing himself while swallowing your cock. With the fast turn of events, you lost track of the time and you found yourself thrusting into a tight and warm cavern, also known as Jonghyun's ass.
Unaware of the fact that you did not lock the door and that there is a visitor frozen at the doorway, you quickened your pace and a searing heat pooled in your stomach. You released grunts in time with Jonghyun's moans and with a few more thrusts you came with a gasp of Jonghyun's name, shuddering.
It happened when you flopped down on the bed and tried to catch your breath. You heard the unmistakable choked sound of someone holding back a sob. You turned your body over to your side and spotted Jinki by the doorway, cheeks wet and eyes watery. You sat up; realization suddenly dawned on you in three words.
Jinki-hyung saw.
Your heart clenched and you are so sure that your eyes are so wide right at this very moment. You felt the bed shift beside you as you stare at Jinki with the most apologetic gaze you can muster. You held your breath waiting for the angry outburst when Jinki suddenly smiled.
You cringed at the action.
You prided yourself in reading 'The Jinki-smiles' and this one is full of pain, regret and disappointment that you just wished you can't see it. It is so heart breaking to look at and much more because you are somehow the one who caused it.
Jinki-hyung. You started, voice full of shame.
Minho-ah. He answered with a fake smile—so bright and deceiving. You and Jonghyun-ah should go clean up. Dinner is ready. His smile faltered and you could almost hear his thoughts go something like 'smile Jinki, smile'.
He shifted and turned to look at Jonghyun. You frowned and watched as his face steadily withered like paper drenched in water.
A shout from what you assume is the kitchen flitted through the room, broke the awkward and tension-filled air.
Yah! Jinki-hyung! Jonghyun-hyung! Minho-ah! Get your asses here at the kitchen before Taeminnie eats his whole arm! He chuckled dryly and started to head off the room like nothing happened.
You heard Kibum-ah. Go clean up and eat, okay? His feeble voice was the only sound you heard before the bedroom door closed softly.
Guilt seized your heart and you suddenly wanted to run to him and gather him up in your arms, all the while murmuring apologies and promises of happiness. But no, you're frozen with guilt at the foot of the bed, still very much naked and reeking of sex.
That is definitely not the reaction I'm expecting I was thinking along the lines of passing out. Jonghyun mumbled beside you, but you paid him no attention. Your head is spinning from the biggest realization summarized in just two sentences.
I love Jinki-hyung. I made a big mistake.