A/N Hey everyone and welcome to the first chapter of Broken Insanity. This idea has been bugging me for quite awhile now and I have finally started to write it. This chapter is just setting up the themes, characters and issues of the story. I have never written a Kenshu fanfic before and there is not enough of it out there. So if you give it a read, I hope you enjoy it.WARNINGS: Mentions of Suicide, mental illness, swearing, violence, yaoi and smutt (In later chapters though)

Chapter 1

Shuuhei POV

My head is spinning and I am not quite sure where I am. I can feel pain travel all throughout my body as people gather around talking urgently about something. I cannot make out the words and my mind cannot focus enough for me to listen. The lights keep flashing causing my head to ache even more. There is movement from all sides but can't keep my eyes still to see what is going on. The walls are moving fast around me and it makes my head spin even faster. I try to speak but when I do there is a horrible pain causing me to cringe. My throat feels like it is on fire. I try to keep my eyes open and keep them trained on the roof but the roof keeps moving too and the lights just won't stop flashing. Why is everything moving?

I tried to move my arms but they barely work. I grip onto whatever is under my hand and I think it is a bed. I just want it all to stop. There is so much pain. I try my best to focus again and I notice that I have no idea who these people are. Everything is so blurry and all I can make out is white. These people are wearing white coats. I try to speak again but I am met with more severe burning pain in my throat. Someone puts a hand on my shoulder but I cannot make out who it is.

"Don't worry buddy, we are almost there. Just hold on a little longer." A male voice says. His voice is all muffled and I cannot recognise it.

Almost where? Am I moving? Where am I?

Someone leans down and speaks to me but I cannot focus on a thing this person is saying. Something about a hospital? I'm in a hospital? What the fuck! I feel the need to vomit but I don't think my body could take it. I suddenly move involuntarily and a huge wave of pain spreads throughout my body, especially around my neck. I think I have stopped moving. The walls and roof have stopped moving but my head is still spinning. Oh fuck. Everything starts to go black. Am I dying? I fucking hope so.

I can hear voices around me but I can't will myself to open my eyes. The voices are hardly audible and I can only make out a few words. I try my best to drown out the voices but it seems that I cannot. The pain is still going through my whole body but it is less severe than it was before. I must have passed out. How long have I been asleep for? A couple of hours at most I think. The voices in the room start to become a little louder.

I just want to go back into unconsciousness. I don't want to remember how I ended up here or the events that led me to do something so drastic. I just don't want to be here. The voices start to become a little bit clearer and I realise they both belong to males. I continue to try and drown out what they are saying but I catch one word that one of them says that makes me open my eyes in panic. Suicide.

"Shuuhei?" One of the men says with concern. I look at the man who is speaking and recognise him straight away. Kisuke Urahara, my legal guardian. My heart sinks and I look away. There is no way I could look him in the eye after what I did. Kisuke is one of the only people I care about… Well now the only person I care about. "Shuuhei look at me."

I force myself to look at him which was a mistake. His eyes are full of pain. Pain that I caused. It is too much to bear. I can feel tears well up in my eyes and are threating to spill. Kisuke walks to the side of the hospital bed that I am laying in and hugs me tight. The pain in my body flares up but I don't push Kisuke off. I owe him that much. Kisuke pulls back and I can see there are tears welling up in his eyes. He turns away for a second to compose himself and then turns back to me.

"Why, Shuuhei?" he asks in a shaky voice. "Why would you think that would be the answer? I know you have been struggling but why didn't you come to me for help instead of trying to…" Kisuke stops talking for a second and runs his hands through his sandy blond hair while he thinks for something else to say. I just lay there hopelessly with a feeling of emptiness inside me. "You know I care for you like my own son, don't you? Just why… why would you do that?"

I open my mouth to speak but no words come out. There is nothing I can say that would take away the pain that Kisuke is feeling right now. I never wanted to hurt him. I just wanted to make the pain finally stop. I can no longer handle the pain and suffering anymore.

As if on cue, the other man in the room walks up to Kisuke and puts a hand on his shoulder. "Can I speak with you outside?" The man asks in a low voice. Kisuke nods and exits the room with the man who I presume to be a doctor. The door is left open so I can hear everything the two are saying.

"I don't know what to do Isshin." Kisuke says in a tired voice.

"Look, the best thing right now is for you to let him recuperate. Situations like these are never easy for anyone. We just have to wait until he feels like speaking." Isshin says with a careful tone.

"That's the problem. He hardly ever speaks. Ever since the incident 5 years ago, he has barely had a conversation with me."

"That is very common with victims like him. There are just too many things going through their heads and they just don't know how to communicate with others for many other reasons."

"Maybe if I was more caring towards him, then this would never have happened."

"Thinking like that is going to do no one any good. What is important now is that he is alive and will recover."

"Yeah I know. Sorry… I just don't know what to do with him. I don't want him to suffer more than he already has."

"Look, here is what we are going to do. We are going to get him assessed by a professional and depending on what they say, it might be best for you to send him to an institution and before you say anything, I know an excellent place for him to go."

My blood runs cold at the word institution. My whole body freezes up and I can feel a slight panic flow throughout my body. I am not going to some fucked up institution. I'm not crazy and I don't need to be locked up in some loony bin… Well at least I think I don't.

Before Kisuke can reply to Isshin, a woman's voice appears that I recognise and the panic in my body slowly turns into anger. What the hell is she doing here?

"Kisuke, is Shuuhei alright!? The woman asks with worry and panic.

"Yes he is fine Rangiku, he is just resting." Kisuke says warmly.

"Oh thank god!" Rangiku says with relief. "Can I see him?"

"Yes you can but only for a little bit." Isshin says.

"Okay, thank you! I got him something. I'll just go and grab it."

I hear her walk off down the hall and I can only pray that she doesn't come back at all. Rangiku is one of the last people on earth that I want to see right now… or ever again. The memories come rushing back to me. The memory of me walking into her room and finding her naked in bed with my best friend keeps replaying in my mind, causing me to grab at my hair to try and make it stop.

"Who is that girl?" Isshin asks.

"That's Shuuhei's girlfriend, Rangiku." Kisuke replies with warmth in his voice.

I feel like I'm about to vomit hearing those words. I can hear Rangiku's footsteps coming back and I just want to scream.

"That's good. It will help him a lot to have those he cares about around him."

"Is he awake?"

"He is just inside there."

"Okay thank you!" I hear footsteps walk towards me and I keep my eyes shut. I don't want to see her face. "Shuuhei?"

I open my eyes and immediately regret it. Rangiku is standing at the end of the bed with flowers in her hands and tears in her eyes. My stomach turns at the sight of her. Why is she doing this to me?

"Oh Shuuhei. I am so sorry! I never meant for any of this to happen. This is all my fault!" A steady stream of tears is falling down her face. I look at her and all I feel is hurt, anger and pain. She walks to the side of my bed and puts the flowers down on the side table. "If I could take it all back I would. I was drunk and hurt and Izuru was there to comfort me when you weren't. It meant nothing!"

"Get out." My voice is raspy and full of pain. My voice sounds nothing like my own.

"W-what?" Rangiku says and steps back a bit. "S-Shuuhei, I am so sorry. I know you must hate me but I really do mean-"

"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!"

Rangiku stumbles back a bit and puts her hands to her mouth. More tears start to fall from her eyes and a look of fright is planted on her face. Kisuke and Isshin come in to see what is going on. Kisuke goes over to Rangiku and puts a hand on her shoulder which she brushes off. She runs out the door and her footsteps slowly fade away to nothing. Kisuke opens his mouth to say something but then looks at my face decides not to. The anger on his face turns to sadness.

My tears have finally started to fall and I cannot stop them. My throat is on fire and my head is aching. I never wanted any of this. It's… too… much. Maybe I would be better off gone.

"I-I'm sorry…" I say shakily through the sobs. "I'm so sorry."

Kisuke walks over to me and grabs my hand. He looks at me and gives me a sad smile.

"I know you are. We are going to get through this and you are going to get the help you need. Now get some rest, okay?" I nod my head in agreement. Kisuke drops my hand and gives me one last smile before going with Isshin outside. "So what is this institution you were talking about?"

I roll over in my bed and put the pillows over my ears. I don't want to hear anymore. I lay like that for who knows how long. Eventually my mind goes blank and I drift off into dreamless sleep.

Two Weeks Later

In the car, my mind keeps replaying the events that got me into this situation. If I am being entirely honest, it's not just the last two weeks that got me into this situation. I have been 'mentally unstable' (as the psychiatrist called it) for several years now and should have been put into a facility a long time ago. Kisuke keeps talking to me but I don't even hear him. I am stuck in my own mind.

The session with the psychiatrist keeps popping into my head. I had to have Kisuke with me to do most of the talking. When the incident that happened five years ago came up in conversation, I zoned myself out. There is no way I could sit there and listen to that again. I dug my nails into my palms until they started bleeding. By the end of the session, I was deemed a danger to myself and others and now I am on my way to a Psychiatric Hospital that is run by a man named Sosuke Aizen.

I just want to jump out of the moving car and run away. I can't think straight. There is so much in my head and I don't know how to let it out or deal with it. It's slowly killing me. There hasn't been a night where I haven't cried myself to sleep. I just don't know what to do. Everyone says that they understand but how could they possibly understand. It's lonely. I look over at Kisuke and he is still talking. He looks nervous and I feel pang of hurt creep into my heart. How could I possibly do this to him? The one person that has tried their best to be there for me and I have caused him nothing but pain. I don't think I could ever make up for what I have done to him.

"Look, this is the best thing for you. I know that you don't want to go but you have no choice in the matter." Kisuke says while not taking his eyes off the road. "This the best thing for you and I have been assured that this one of the best places you could go to."

I nod my head in agreement. He is right. I have no choice about going to this place. I would be scared but I just don't seem to care anymore. There is no way out of this and who knows how long I will be in there for. It hurts. Everything hurts. Make it stop.

"I never wanted any of this." I mutter. "I never wanted to hurt you or anyone else."

"Shuuhei, none of this is your fault." Kisuke says as he puts one of his hands on my shoulder. "What you have been through is enough to drive even the strongest man to insanity. You are so strong and I am so proud of you. Just focus on getting better."

I don't say anything more. I have no idea what to possible say. I would cry if I had any tears left. Today seems like it has been going on forever and that's the way the pain inside me feels. It feels like it will last forever. I rub at the scars on the right side of my face. I do that when there is too much going on in my head. I hate those scars but I'd rather have them then those numbers on the other side of my face. Those numbers are a constant reminder of what I have been through. They are the reason I can no longer look in the mirror or even take a photo. Those numbers will be there for the rest of my life.

The car suddenly stops and I am brought back to reality. I look around to see that we are in a car park. I look forward and see a massive building staring down at us. This must be the place where I will live in a new kind of hell for god knows how long. I am shocked at the size of the building. When I think of Psychiatric Hospitals, I think of dark, castle like buildings that make you want to vomit. This building however is nothing like I thought. This building just looks like a normal hospital but a lot bigger. The outside walls a light shade of yellow and look incredibly smooth, there are so many windows on each floor that there would be no way you could count them and the whole building looks like it goes on forever in every direction.

"Holy shit."

The next several minutes are a complete blur. I can barely remember hugging Kisuke goodbye. The routine check-ups and searches went by so quickly that I don't remember any of it. At this very moment I am being guided down a hall way by a darked-skin woman with purple hair. She has been talking to me this whole time but I have no idea about anything she said. Everyone I walk past can't help but stare at me. I can't tell if it is because of my face or if it is just because they are crazy… well now it's 'we are crazy.'

We continue walking for what seems like a very long time until finally we come to a stop in front of an empty looking room. She gestures for me to go in and I hesitantly walk into the room. The room itself is quite spacious. There is a bed, some empty shelves and some cabinets that are also probably empty.

"This is where you will be staying for the time being. It's not much but you'll get used to it." The lady says with a smile. "I've already told you all the rules and what to do and not do, so I'll just leave you to get settled in. If you need anything, you know where I'll be."

The lady walks off before I can say anything. "Shit." I was not listening to single thing she said. I could go after her but I just don't care enough. I walk over to the bed and sit down on it. Well at least it is comfy. I lie down and stare at the ceiling, not knowing what to do with myself. I feel numb. My mind is blank.

I honestly have no idea how long I was laying there for but when I get up there is woman at my door just staring at me. She has long green hair and childlike eyes and it looks as though she is analysing me. I don't know what to do so I just stare back. She begins to walk closer to me and I automatically move backwards.

"C-Can I help you?" I ask, still moving backwards.

"Umm… no" she says, her voice rather high and childlike. She then smiles at me and holds out her hand. "Hi, I'm Nel." I don't know what to do so I just stand there and stare at her. "C'mon, shake it." I shake her hand and then she pulls me into a hug. I try to push her off but this girl is surprisingly strong. She pulls back and gives me a goofy grin. "What's your name? Why are you here? What's that stuff on you face? Oh, sorry. I am asking too many questions. I'm Nel. Wait. I already said that." She begins to laugh and I just stand there with an open mouth. "I'm sorry, sometime when I speak, I just keep going and don't stop and then I get mixed up with what I am saying and then I say something weird or insensitive and then it just turns into a giant mess. So what was your name again?"

"Shuuhei" I say slowly. I feel like this girl could attack at any second.

"Well it's nice to meet you Shuuhei" she says as she puts out her hand again. "Oh, wait. I already did that. Sorry."

"It's okay."

"You look familiar." She says as she sits down on my bed. "Why is the number 69 on your face? Is that your favourite position or something?" She begins to giggle. I just want her to leave. Now. "Wait a second… are you that kid that was on the news years ago? You know, the one that was kidnapped and-"

There is a loud noise that suddenly comes from the speakers, causing me to jump. My heart is pounding incredibly fast. How does this girl remember something from the news that happened five years ago? She better not say anything to anyone else. I feel like I am about to have a panic attack. Before I can say anything, she gets up and grabs my hand.

"C'mon, it's lunch time" she says as she drags me out of the room. I try to get my hand free but Nel has a really strong grip on me. This isn't normal is it? I feel like I am about to freak out at any moment now. "You are gonna love lunch here. It's my favourite part of the day. Well besides all my other favourite things of course."

"Neliel! What are you doing?" The woman from before calls out. Oh thank god. Please save me lady.

"I'm just taking my new friend, Shuuhei, to lunch, Yoruichi!" Well at least I know her name now.

Yoruichi looks at the both of us for a second with a serious look and then lets out a laugh. "Okay, Neliel. Don't forget to teach him how lunch works around here."

"Okay, sure thing boss lady!" Nel waves bye to her and then continues to drags me along the corridors. "So you will obviously be sitting with us. I can't wait for you to meet the rest of the group!" I don't think I can handle a whole group of Nel's. Just thinking about it makes me want to find the nearest flight of stairs and jump down them. One Nel is all I can handle. I am starting to think that she harmless and I start to calm down a bit. This still isn't normal though.

I am eventually dragged into a large cafeteria and I cannot believe how many people there are here. It's a bit overwhelming. There are about 50 people here. Well to other people it would look like there weren't many people but to me it seems like a lot. Neliel waves at a group of people at the other end of the cafeteria and then drags me towards them.

"Guy's this is our new friend, Shuuhei!" She yells in excitement. "Shuuhei, this is Grimmjow, Ichigo, Riruka and Lisa."

All of the people at this table are rather unique looking. Grimmjow his bright blue hair and a tattoo on his jaw of his jaw bone? Ichigo is a ginger haired guy with the most miserable look on his face, Riruka has bright pink hair and a look that could kill and Lisa has the coldest eyes I have ever seen in my life. I feel as though this is where my life is going to end but I just don't seem to care anymore.

"I was wondering where you were." Grimmjow says with a laugh and then turns his gaze towards me. "Let me guess, she kidnapped you?" I don't know what to say so I just nod. Grimmjow grins and I swear it's the scariest fucking grin I have ever seen.

"Don't worry, Neliel is harmless." Ichigo says with a blank expression.

"Yeah she is harmless." Lisa says without looking at me. "Unless she has a car, then she might just drive it into you house."

"Lisa! I only did that once!" Nel cries and then pouts.

"Well it sounded like the little bitch deserved it." Riruka says while getting out of her chair. "You're kind of cute. Sit down next to me."

"Umm… I-I"

"Oh look Riruka. You've scared him shitless" Grimmjow says with a menacing chuckle.

"Screw you, Grimmjow!"

"You wish!" Grimmjow begins to laugh even harder.

"Can you guys just shut up and eat." Ichigo says emotionlessly. Riruka blushes and sits down and mumbles something under her breath.

"So what are you in here for?" Grimmjow asks me with a shit eating grin. This is too much.

"Thanks for the offer Nel, but I am going to go back and rest" I say quietly. Nel just pouts but nods her head with approval.

"Aww, don't leave so soon. I wanna know about that shit on your face." Grimmjow says as I begin to leave. I don't turn around and I continue walking. I hear an 'ow' from Grimmjow so I am guessing Ichigo must have hit him. As I am about to leave the cafeteria, someone walks in front of me and I bump into them, knocking myself over.

"Would you watch where you're fucking going!" The man shouts. I look up at the man who is standing over me. He has short silver hair, he is well built and he has one of the angriest faces I have ever seen so I look away. I stand up and mumble an apology. "What?"

"I said I'm sorry!" I say feeling rather annoyed now. I turn my head towards him and his eyes widen in shock. What is he looking at? He must be looking at the tattoo. I feel myself go red with embarrassment, even though I never get embarrassed when people stare at me. Strange. "What are you staring at?!"

"Who are you and why the fuck do you have that on your face?!"

Is guy serious!? His face is full with shock and anger. This guy is really getting on my nerves. One of the guards looks over at us and rolls his eyes. "Oi, Kensei, leave the kid alone." So this asshole's name is Kensei. The guard looks away and walks off. He must have to deal with this guy a lot.

"I'm going to go now." I sneer as I walk away. Kensei then grabs my arm and pulls me back. "Let go of me!" I try to rip my arm away from him but his grip is too strong.

"Answer my question!"

I go to throw a punch towards his face but he catches my wrist with his other hand. Oh shit. Kensei then pushes me up against a wall. Oh god he is going to kill me.

"Kensei, let go of him now!" Nel screams from the other side of the cafeteria. Kensei doesn't listen. All he does is stare at me with his chocolate eyes. I can't look away from them. I feel like a deer caught in headlights. At any moment he could strike. All the noise just fades away as I wait for the hit that is coming my way. But nothing comes. He is just staring at me. All I can do is stare back. It feels as though we have been staring at each other for hours.

"Kensei, let go of him now!" The guard from before yells as he runs towards us. Kensei lets go of my wrists and it feels as though he was closing to snapping both of them. He stares at me for a couple more seconds and then walks off. I stand there for a moment trying to figure out what just happened. I stare after him until the guard gets in my way. "Are you okay?" I nod at him and proceed to walk off toward my room. What the hell was wrong with that guy?

This really is a nut house.