All content and characters in South Park belong to their respective owners Matt Stone and Trey Parker.
Life has many choices. Choices that can lead you to a path of love, loss, and sorrow or anger, happiness, and envy. Basically, there's gonna be a lot of emotions involved no matter what choice you make. I'm not sure what I felt when my body turned into cardbord or when I saw the sign, but I knew I made a made a major choice. To this day, I still don't know if it was a mistake to stay in this hick town.
Let's take a huge step back to when I was seven. My parents left me with a babysitter named Andrew Sheetman, a good friend that I eventually lost touch with. He was a decent babysitter and tucked me in at around seven o'clock. It was his second week with me, and I had eaten some delicious kit-kats with raw sugar, and I was really high (what I called hyper until the age of 11). I stood up from my bed and peeked down from the second story of my house to see Andrew watching something.
On the television, I spotted four kids one with a red poof ball hat, one with a yellow poofball hat, one with green hat and one with an orange jacket. Each week he came by and each week I watched the episodes. All the cursing, all the adventures and all the comedy. I watched him run marathons and see new episodes back and forth. It took me two weeks to find the name of the show I so enjoyed: South Park.
Now that I've told you with how I discovered and memorized each episode of this show, some introductions are required. My name was John Allister, a nine year old kid who wasn't bullied, did actually have friends, and was not socially awkward like every main character. I had stark white hair and a mildly milky face and now black pupils. My attire consisted of a white scarf and black jacket matching my hair. Sadly the 20th season of South Park had ended, giving me nothing to look forward to. I had lived in Chicago my whole life and my parents decided it was time for a change of pace. What they meant by a change of pace was to move to a crazy redneck, hick town.
"Now son, don't give me that disappointed look, this town is gonna provide us with a friendly environment," my dad stated noticing my lack of enthusiasm while he was driving. "This is only because we don't want you to get hurt or do something you'll regret like join a gang or do drugs like Bill Henderson. It's a nice place where everybody knows each other and I think you'll fit in just fine. It's this place called South Park,".
I'm pretty sure I choked on my McDonald's hotcakes when I heard that. By the way, had I mentioned I had hotcakes because I did. It was a basic da fuq moment with hotcakes.
"Wait, what did you say?" I asked completely bewildered by what he just said.
"South Park, it's a nice quiet mountain town" he repeated not noticing my stunned expression."It's pretty much snow all year round, but you'll get used to it," he rambled on about it and their cheap houses and serenity and their nice weather, but I obviously was not listening. I mean an actual town named South Park, what are the odds.
My dad kept driving with my mother sound asleep right next to him. My was a hard worker and had a job for nightshift, so she probably felt wasted. We continued driving while I was still thinking how funny it was that there was actually a town called South Park.
" Okay, I think we've arrived," he said pointing to a sign. Well, that was funny, the sign looked just like the one from the show. I thought it was just a tribute to the show, so I didn't say anything. Then, in a single blink everything changed. My heart dropped as everything changed to construction paper. Houses, parents, my hands and feet, everything changed in a flash. I passed out a few moments later.
"Sweetie, answer me!" said a soft but alarmed voice. I opened my eyes to find myself in an all too familiar hospital room. I seated in a hospital bed with my heart rate being monitored. No IV packets were linked to me, I was just resting quietly with my mom squeezing my hand tightly.
"Great job doofus, you stressed her out," I silently said to myself as I saw my mother's worried face and my dad kinda panicking.
As as soon as my mother saw my eyes flutter open, she lunged at me. She and my dad were both rapidly asking questions I didn't listen to since I was exhausted. They probably understood how I felt, so they let me rest for about half an hour.
Then, the doctor came in to most likely ask me some questions. He asked if I was feeling dizzy or nauseous when it happened. Finally, he asked me a question that took me by surprise: Why did I pass out? I looked at my parent's and realized something. Everyone's made out of fucking construction paper, and why am I the only one freaking out. I took one long glance at my parents and then turned back to the doctor.
"When can I leave," I asked finally deciding to just go with it for now.
"Immediately, we hope to see you again," the really stupid doctor said not even realizing my irritated expression.
"Well let's get going. I want to see the new house I'll be living in.
"Okay sweetie but don't do that again" she nagged, but I knew she was relieved to see me.
As I exited the building and entered the car, I looked back to the snow covered hospital. Hell Pass Hospital to be specific.
"Son, your mom and I are sorry this didn't end up being a day filled with happy memories," he said.
It was already nightime and I was awake as shit. Let's review: I passed out for a few hours, everyone's construction paper, and I had the worst day already and I haven't even met Stan, Kyle, Eric, or Kenny. As a fan you'd think I would enjoy this, and I do but living in South Park... yah?
Look out South Park, John Allister is coming and he knows the future!
This story takes place around the fifth season of South Park. There will be cannon episodes, but they will be altered since Allister knows the future. I will also switch between seasons to alter the stories of my favorite episodes
Criticism is allowed for the sake of me getting better at writing.