Title: Simon Says
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Really, nothing.
Spoilers: None so far. If that changes there will be fair warning.
Setting: Takes place after Reckoning. Doesn't really follow the Smallville plotlines at all though.

A/N:I am still working hard on Chick Flick. I just thought I would post the other Smallville fic that I have started recently. I will try to alternate between updating this and Chick Flick so that neither story gets neglected. Enjoy and please review when you finish!

Also- The song used in this chapter is called Take It Off by the Donnas. As I said in the disclaimer 'I own nothing.'

Simon Says

Chapter 1

The Game Begins

Lois and Clark stared intently at the computer screen waiting impatiently for it to finish loading their search results. As soon as the page appeared, Clark began to speed read through the plentiful hits that appeared about their search topic. He was interrupted by a small chuckle from beside him. He looked down at Lois who had her hand over her mouth trying to suppress a smile from forming on her face. She wasn't succeeding.

"Yes?" Clark questioned curiously.

Lois looked up guiltily and offered an explanation. "It's nothing really. Look at the advertisement at the head of the page. It is an add looking for single Catholic women searching for possible dates. I highly doubt the church would approve of the whole internet speed dating thing." Lois chuckled again.

Clark looked at her and smiled. "You are easily amused Lois."

"What? You don't find Catholic speed dating the slightest bit funny?" Lois asked seriously.

Clark just smirked and continued to skim the page.

After a few minutes of silence, Lois closed the page and sighed. "Remind me again why we're randomly searching the internet?"

"Oh, that would be because you had to make some stupid bet with Chloe about, what was it again? Oh, the outcome of the latest reality show. You lost the said bet, and somehow managed to get the both of us stuck doing pointless research to help Chloe with her latest article for the Planet. Chloe on the other hand, won the bet and gets to stay home watching movies and eating my mother's apple pie. That would be why we are here instead of at the farm with apple pie in our stomachs." Clark replied with irritation.

"You make it sound like you had no part in that bet Smallville. You said you would assist the loser in whatever challenge they would have to overcome in exchange for you being able to change the channel before the next reality show came on. You brought it all on yourself, so stop the whining."

"You brought the subject up Lois. Don't blame me for not having the time of my life searching for temperature variations in Smallville and the surrounding areas while I could be out doing something remotely interesting. Why did Chloe have to give us such a lame and boring punishment? I thought that it would be something like buying her those new, expensive shoes that she has been asking for since last month."

"Oh, since you brought that up, you owe me twenty five dollars for those shoes. I bought them as a birthday gift for her from the both of us. By the way, what could you possibly be doing that would ever classify itself as interesting, Smallville?" Lois inquired hoping that the remark about the shoes would be overlooked.

"Wow, thanks for telling me about them in advance Lois. It was mighty kind of you." Clark replied sarcastically trying hard not to react to her latter statement.

"Oh shut up, you know we would have ended up buying them for her anyway. She keeps giving us hints about how comfortable they were when she tried them on, and how worn and beaten her old ones are." Lois replied with a knowing look.

"Fine, I will give you the money as soon as we get back to the farm." Clark grumbled.

"Good Clarkie." Lois responded with a fake smile.

"I think we've gathered enough information for today. Why don't you head back to the farm and tell Chloe we're almost done with her aggravating research. I'll finish putting all these books away and be home after I finish picking up some things from the store for my mom. Is that alright by you?"

Lois began to rise to her feet and wobbled, since her legs were stiff from hours of sitting and doing research. As she was about to ungracefully fall to the ground, Clark grabbed her arm and steadied her stance. Lois smiled weakly as she extricated herself from his grasp and stood up fully composed. "Uh, thanks Smallville. I guess I'll see you back at the farm. Hopefully my cousin didn't eat all of the pie on us."

Clark watched her as she walked swiftly out of Smallville's cramped, local library. "Well at least she makes sure things are never dull in my life." he muttered to himself as he gathered up the books and files that they had scattered across two small tables. Before he left, Clark went to turn off the computer that he and Lois had been using. To his surprised, an instant message had popped up on the screen.

Simon: Hello Mr. Kent. How is your evening tonight?"

Clark stared blankly at the computer. He had no idea who this Simon person was, and why he would know his name. Curious, Clark typed back a wary reply.

Smallville: Who might you be, and how did you get my screen name?"

Clark waited a few moments and already a reply was posted.

Simon: I am Simon. How I acquired your screen name is irrelevant. How is your evening going Mr. Kent?

Clark quickly typed back his response.

Smallville: I believe that question is also irrelevant Simon. Why do you care so much?

Simon: I was just inquiring because I thought you looked rather bored.

Clark searched across the library to find out where Simon was lurking, but realized that he was completely alone except for the librarian, who was nowhere near a computer. Confusion swept over Clark. He couldn't imagine how this weirdo could see him.

Smallville: Where are you?

Simon: Oh, that doesn't matter. I'm practically everywhere. So, Mr. Kent, are you as bored as you look?

Smallville: I'm tired and I'm ready to go home now. Sorry I can't chat some more, I have better things to do with my time.

Clark sent his reply and was about to shut the computer off when Simon's reply popped up onto the screen.

Simon: Of course you do. Forgive me from preoccupying you. I'm sure you will have a very busy night with the chemical that is being released and all...

Smallville: What are you talking about? What chemical?

Simon: You'll see. You won't be bored for long Mr. Kent. The game has just begun. Get ready to play Simon Says.

Smallville: I'm not much for games. You'll have to play by yourself.

Simon: The game doesn't work that way Mr. Kent. What I say goes. You don't have a choice in the matter.

Smallville: No thanks. I think I will be going now.

Simon: Just wait. The game is just getting started.

Clark yanked the computer plug out of the socket and the screen went black. Whoever this Simon was, he wasn't going to bother him anymore. Clark made a mental note to block the screen name the next time he logged on. Clark gathered his items, glanced around the library one last time to make sure he hadn't overlooked the internet psycho, and strolled out of the library and into the nearby grocery store.

As Lois was pulling up to the farm, Clark had just bought the items his mother had requested before they left for the library that morning. Deciding that he had time to kill before he could show up at home with the groceries, Clark chose to go for a stroll around the fields to get some fresh air. He quickly checked to make sure no one else was around before speeding off down the road.

As he sped through the local corn fields, Clark noticed that everything looked abnormally pink tonight as the sun set against the Kansas sky. It looked as if it was colored like an Easter egg. The sky was illuminated brightly and not one cloud blocked the view of the setting sun. Clark went up to the top of the nearest hill, and sat down to watch the sun finally set. He laid back on the grass and gazed up into the pink sky. Clark couldn't help himself, the calm evening, the fresh air, and the beautiful view drifted him off to sleep. It wasn't until almost two hours later that he woke up with a jolt.

He couldn't believe that he had fallen asleep. His mother, Lois, and Chloe were probably wondering where he was. If it weren't for the nightmare he had just had, he probably would have spent the whole night sleeping on the hill. The nightmare had been a strange one too. In the dream he had sped home to the farm and a scary faceless man was blocking his way. The man seemed to grow until he towered over Clark and started raving about playing Simon Says. Clark could see the faces of his mother, and his friends inside the house and couldn't get past the faceless man. The house seemed to burst into flames as the figure shouted "It's time to play!" At that point Clark had woken up back on the hill.

"Wow, that Simon must have affected me more than I thought." Clark muttered to himself as he stood up from his position on the hill and picked up the groceries. With one last look at the now dark, hazy sky, Clark sped off towards the farm.

As he approached Clark could hear booming music radiating from the house and could see lights on in practically every room. It appeared as if they had decided to throw a party in his absence. "At least they weren't too worried about me." Clark chuckled as he entered the front door.

As soon as he opened the door, the music that was booming inside radiated out into the yard, scaring any poor creature that might have been scurrying about. Clark slowly walked in, trying to grasp what exactly he was seeing in front of him.

Empty alcohol bottles littered the floor. Various brands of wine coolers that Clark had never seem before also were scattered in piles around the room. Anyone would think that it would have taken close to a full bar of people to consume that much alcohol, but in reality it was just four very drunk women and one tipsy Shelby.

I'm on my second drink
But I've had a few before...

Clark's eyes opened wide in astonishment. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. The room had been cleared of most of the furniture and the lights radiated off the floor. In one corner of the room Lana sat in a collapsible chair dressed in a long, bright pink nightie that hung down around her neck exposing way too much cleavage. Lana was swaying to the music while leaning over to another collapsible chair in which Martha Kent sat drinking a berry wine cooler laughing and singing to the music. Martha seemed oblivious to what Lana was doing behind her back. Martha's long red hair was falling gently to the ground as Lana snipped the ends with a sharp scissor. By the time Clark had entered the room, his mother's hair was lying in a pile beneath Lana's chair mixed in with what appeared to be other people's hair. Lana's hair had also been cut jaggedly to her shoulders.

Clark darted over to the women who were oblivious to his presence and continued about their business. Clark grabbed Lana's wrist and made her drop the scissors to the floor. Martha's hair was chopped from it's normal length to close to the bottom of her ears. Stray pieces of the hair drifted down from her shoulders and clung to her yellow nightgown.

"Hey." Lana pouted childishly as she tried to get the scissors from the floor. Instead Lana tumbled off her chair and landed on the ground with a loud thud. She had knocked herself unconscious on the hard floor.

Clark went to see if Lana was alright when he heard smashing coming from the kitchen and noticed that his mother had disappeared. He scooped Lana up into his arms and set her down on the couch in hopes that she would stay there for awhile.

He ran into the kitchen and found that his mother had opened all of the cabinets and drawers along with the refrigerator and freezer. Martha Kent appeared to be making a concoction of chocolate syrup, spaghetti, marshmallows, chicken soup, and frozen pretzel bites, along with vinegar and ginger ale. Things were splattered everywhere and bowls were lying smashed on the floor. "Hi honey, want some pizza?" Martha yelled above the music and smiled happily at her perplexed son.

"Pizza?" Clark gaped.

"It has your favorite toppings." Martha encouraged.

"Mom I think you need to sit down." Clark suggested in hopes to make her stop raiding the kitchen.

"No! I have to cook!" Martha screamed in shock at Clark's request. She then grabbed more spaghetti and plopped it into the mixture causing sauce to splash onto her nightgown and her newly cut hair. This didn't seem to faze Martha and she continued to laugh manically like a giddy teenager.

"Okay, you cook then." Clark spoke slowly as he backed away to assess the rest of the damage. 'At least I know where she is' he thought to himself as he continued through the house.

Thinking things couldn't possibly get any crazier Clark entered the next room to check on Lana. He found Chloe, still with her regular haircut, jumping up and down on the couch where he had laid Lana only minutes before. Now Lana was sprawled half on, half off of the couch still out cold.

Chloe continued to jump up and down on the couch, her long, white T-shirt flying up around her waist, while screaming above the music. "Lana, wake up! Lana, wake up! Lana, wake up! I want a haircut! I want a haircut! Give me a haircut!"

Clark moved to drag Chloe off of the couch, but he was intercepted by the only person he hadn't found yet. Lois.

Lois was dressed in a flowing black dress that clung to her figure. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail (her hair had also been cut by the scissor happy Lana because it was now many inches shorter) and she was dancing barefoot on the floor spinning around watching the bottom of her dress swirl as she spun.

Lois ended spinning right into Clark and he barely caught her before she went crashing to the floor.

"Lois?" Clark asked as she relaxed in his grasp. She smiled at him in a daze and hiccupped, which caused her to giggle with glee.

Clark couldn't understand how she could have possibly gotten so drunk in such a short span of time.

"Hi, Clark." Lois replied as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself closer to his chest. "Dance with me." she commanded seductively.

I'm tryin' hard to think
And I think that I want you on the floor
Uh huh, yeah on the floor!

Lois pulled Clark away from the couch and started to spin and dance with him while staring adoringly into his eyes.

"You're so hot." she giggled.

Clark stared down at her dumbstruck as she continued to spin with him.

"What did you just say?" he asked slowly making sure that he heard what he thought he had heard.

"I said you're so hot." Lois repeated as she pulled at Clark's shirt trying to pull it off of his head.

"Lois, what are you doing?" Clark pushed her away.

"Come on, have some fun." Lois answered and pulled him back into her embrace.

Go on and take it off
Take it off!
You gotta shake it off baby, for me
C'mon and break me off
Break me off!
'Cause I get what I want and I like what I see

"Lois I don't think you are thinking clearly right now. Maybe you should sit down for a little while and tell me what happened while I was gone." Clark pleaded while trying to get her to sit down on a chair.

"No! I must dance!" Lois yelled at him. "I have to dance! Please dance with me Clark."

Clark saw a flash of fear in Lois's eyes that he didn't understand. However, as soon as he saw the flash it disappeared and Lois was again pulling him to the dance floor. He stared at her helplessly trying to figure out what had come over everyone as she swayed sexily around him flashing him her bright smile, and rubbing her hands up and down his body.

Need your love 1,2,3
Stop starin' at my D cup
Don't waste time, just give it to me
C'mon baby, just feel me up
C'mon, just give it up

Clark continued to dance with the intoxicated Lois while Chloe proceeded to jump from the couch to other random furniture that had been scattered around the house. He could still hear his mother clanging around making 'pizza', and Lois continued to caress his chest until she finally ripped his T-shirt right off of him. "Lois!" he shouted as she laughed with glee.

"You are so hot Clark. I love you. Dance with me." Lois swirled around and threw herself into Clark's arms and continued to dance.

Go on and take it off
Take it off!
You gotta shake it off baby, for me
C'mon and break me off
Break me off!
'Cause I get what I want and I like what I see

The room continued to spin and Clark's head spun with confusion about what was going on in his house. Lana had awoken and pulled herself up from the floor. She darted off into the kitchen and came back with more wine coolers. She skipped up to the dancing Lois and Clark and curtsied before pressing one of the bottles up to Clark's lips.

"Drink." she commanded and tipped the bottle back causing the wine to drip down his neck. She became irritated and tried again, this time with more force. "Drink!"

Clark pushed the bottle away but it only seemed to enrage Lana. She began to pout and stamped her feet on the ground. "Drink!"

"Fine." Clark caved in to appease his drunken friend.

Forget the application...
You're the right guy for the task
Let me take you on vacation
Just do it, you don't have to ask!

As soon as Clark finished off the wine cooler Lana scampered away to search for her scissors. Lois was preoccupied trying to lick the wine off of Clark's chest and Clark was trying to push her away.

"What's wrong Clark? Have fun with us. It is all part of the game." Lois looked up at him, her eyes dancing with lust.

The words struck a chord with Clark's mind. "What game Lois?"

"Don't be silly." Lois replied as she continued to lick his chest to get every last drop of the berry wine cooler. "You know the game." Lois pushed him onto the couch and pinned him down. Clark was resisting pushing her off until she finished answering his question.

Go on and take it off
Take it off!
You gotta shake it off baby, for me
C'mon and break me off
Break me off!
'Cause I get what I want and I like what I see
Take it off
Take it off!
Take it off baby, for me

Lois smiled seductively at him as she leaned in to whisper in his ear. "You'll love the game."

"Lois what game is it?" Clark pleaded.

"Shhh!" Lois put a finger to his lips and continued to whisper in his ear. "Simon Says." Lois's lips then crashed into his and she began kissing him fiercely as the music suddenly stopped and all of the lights went black.

Take it off
Take it off!
Take it off baby, for me