And Don't Forget the Birth Control
When Orihime rang the bell, she'd been expecting the person she was actually hoping to talk to would answer the door. Such was not the case.
Ichigo's father's eyes got very round and very wicked. "You're not Rukia." He observed. She shifted her weight uncomfortably. Was he disappointed?
"No," she agreed, "No, I'm Inoue Orihime, I go to school with him."
The grin he gave her couldn't have been good. "I see. So you're Inoue, huh?"
"Yes," she dragged out the word awkwardly. She felt distinctly awkward. "Is, uh, is Ichigo home—"
"You hurt my son and I'll rip your head off with my teeth." He informed her cheerfully.
"—I was going to give him his math notes—what?!" Orihime blanched. He was still beaming at her quite cheerfully. She took a step back.
"Ugh, Dad," a young girl's voice moaned from inside, "You're only supposed to do that for the girls."
"HAH!?" the man flew around, looking panicked, "But—but—"
"You tell Ichigo," the dark haired girl went on, "Not to get her pregnant."
Something about the shape of her eyes reminded Orihime of Ichigo. This similarity was only further reinforced when the girl caught her eye and paused, then offered a quick, almost shy smile.
His father thought his over. "ICHIGO!" he roared, so loudly and so suddenly that Orihime squeaked, "I NEED YOU NOW!"
"Shut up!" Ichigo's voice bellowed back down the stairs, and Orihime's heart gave a brief flutter, before sinking into dread. She turned towards the man with sudden desperation.
"No, wait, I was just giving him his notes—"
Ichigo's father laid a strong, large hand on her shoulder. The weight of it was familiar. "Don't worry," his teeth gleamed, "I'll set him straight!"
"Oh, good god," Ichigo's sister sighed, and dropped her head into her arms.
"You could just use the stairs and talk to me like a normal person—" Ichigo ranted as he came down, and then drew up short upon glimpsing Orihime. "—Oh. Hi."
"YOU GET HER PREGNANT AND I'LL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF WITH MY TEETH," his father roared. Ichigo swayed slightly, looking confused.
"Sorry," his sister offered. Orihime wiped the flecks of spittle from her face and held out her arms.
In a very small voice, she said, "I, erm, I was just returning your notes…"