A/N: I haven't written any fanfiction in nearly 5 years, so I hope I haven't lost my touch. This fic deals with Sara's thoughts after 11x13 TTMG. I will try to continue as soon as I can. Let me know what you think.

Chapter 1:

That is not a marriage… The words Betty Grissom had signed the previous day were still stuck in her mind like a bad song. She told her mother in law that what she and Gil had was unconventional, and it was. They were happy and it worked for them, at least that is what she kept telling herself. Did it truly work for her, even now after this time?

Coming back to CSI had felt like coming home for her, and she almost couldn't imagine herself doing anything else anymore. There had been times where working at CSI had been hard on her, but she had found a new way to manage the stress. She didn't swallow it all anymore, she talked about it, talked about it with her husband. They talked over Skype, but it was talking nonetheless. Coming back to CSI hadn't been an option for Gil and she respected his decision. His volunteering and occasional work all over the globe made him feel free and allowed him to live his dream. The problem was, it was his dream, not hers. For a long time Sara had been able to put her dreams for a future on a sidetrack, and eventually they started gathering dust somewhere in a corner. They were happy with their life together and there was no reason why she shouldn't continue to be satisfied. That was until Gil's mother shared her worries about their marriage.

Sara let out a deep sigh as she poured herself another coffee in the break room. She was already on her third coffee at the beginning of her shift, which meant it was going to be a long one. She sat down and grabbed the newspaper. It was left open at the sports page and she started reading. Normally she wasn't interested in sports, but right now she would do anything to keep her mind from wandering to her conversation with Betty.

"Look who's reading about baseball," Nick grinned as he walked through the door. "Never thought I'd see the day girl, what's up?"

Sara looked up and gave her friend a small smile. "I uhm… I was just waiting for you to arrive actually so we can get processing our scene that's waiting for us." She got up, rinsed her coffee mug and walked past Nick in the direction of the front door. When she heard his footsteps behind her, she turned on her heel and continued to walk backwards. "Heard we have a possible B&E in Henderson, did Cath fill you in?"

Nick shook his head, "Haven't heard a thing, but I think she's pretty busy at the moment. So, what can you tell me?" He opened the door of the car for her before going around to the driver's side and getting in himself. He buckled up and checked the rear view mirror before pulling out of the parking lot. "Would you program the address for me?"

While Sara put the address in the navigation, she filled him in on their case. "Woman came home to find the front door slightly ajar. She called her husband and waited for him to get home before going in. They went in and found a masked man in their living room, unhooking their expensive paintings from the walls. The man was startled by them and fired two shots. One into the wall, the other hit the husband in his chest. Robber fled the scene, woman called the paramedics, the husband is still in this hospital."

Nick nodded as he pulled onto the 215 Beltway in the direction of Henderson. "Did she get a clear look of his face?"

Sara shook her head, "They did set her up with a sketch artist, but she couldn't get further than his height and the fact that he was Caucasian. Let's hope he didn't watch too many crime shows about leaving trace evidence behind," she grinned slightly to herself. They spent the rest of the car ride in comfortable silence and arrived at their scene only twenty minutes after leaving the crime lab. Detective Vartann was waiting for them at the front door, a notepad in his hand. "How's the husband?" Sara asked.

Vartann gave an apologetic look, "No news, they think they have him stabilized, but the next twenty-four hours are critical. I'm heading over soon to see if the doctors will allow me to take his statement, if he can give it."

Sara nodded and went inside with Nick, her flashlight showing the blood pool on the light carpet. She kneeled down and set her kit next to her. After cutting a piece of the carpet out and bagging it, she looked up at Nick. "He has lost a lot of blood," she commented.

Nick looked up from dusting for fingerprints and looked at the blood pool Sara was kneeled next to. "It would be a miracle if he pulls through," he added to her statement and let out a deep sigh. "So far only partials, let's hope Mandy can work her magic on them anyway." He labeled the fingerprints and put them in his kit before getting up with a small groan. "My knees are killing me, you mind if I take the front door instead of the rest of the floor?"

Sara smiled friendly at Nick, "Of course, no problem. You sure you're okay?" She asked.

"I will be fine, thanks Sar, I owe you one," Nick said and picked up his kit, walking towards the front door. He spoke slightly louder when he did his analysis, so Sara would be able to hear him as well. "Looks as though the robber didn't have to work hard to get inside. No tool marks whatsoever, do you think they always leave the door unlocked?"

Looking around at the expensive paintings and electronic devices Sara shook her head to herself, "No one with such belongings would leave their door open voluntarily," she replied and walked towards the wall where she saw a bullet hole. She took out her tweezers and carefully took the bullet from the wall. ".45 calibre," she called out to Nick.

She frowned as she looked down to her left. A small drawer of a cabinet was opened, the key still placed inside the lock. Carefully she slid the drawer open to reveal dark blue velvet with the outlines of a gun. "Nick? I think the robber might have used their own gun on them," she said before taking a picture.

Nick came back inside and peeked over her shoulder, "He must have known that's where they keep their gun…"

"And not only that, what about the key to unlock this drawer?" Sara wondered.

"Add to that the fact that there weren't any toolmarks on the door…" Nick continued, "they must know their robber."

An hour later Nick and Sara returned from their crime scene. They dropped off their trace evidence, ballistics and DNA evidence at the labs and headed for the locker room, rounding off their day. Nick grabbed his jacket and gave her a smile, "I'll see you tomorrow Sara," he said and was about to head out of the room.

"Nick, wait…" Sara started and shook her head slightly, "you uhm… wanna go grab some breakfast? I would like to pick your brains about something," she admitted and blushed a little bit, feeling silly having to discuss relationship issues with a man. However, he was her closest friend, and that had to count for something.

Nick frowned, "Uhm… yeah sure, where did you wanna go?"

"Doesn't matter to me, whatever you feel like, my treat," Sara replied as they headed towards the door. "As long as there's no bacon," she added with a slight chuckle, "but…"

"I knew that already, yeah," Nick grinned as he opened the car door for her. "What about pancakes? Just traditional pancakes," he asked as he started the car.

"Sounds good to me," Sara replied and wondered if she should tell him already what she wanted to talk about. "Remember we worked at the deaf institution together yesterday?"

Nick nodded, "Yeah, it was so nice to meet your mother in law," he replied as he kept his eyes on the road. "Why? Is something wrong with Mrs. Grissom?"

"No, no it's nothing like that," Sara replied as they arrived at the breakfast café. They sat down in a booth at the window and ordered. "It's something she said to me, it's been stuck in my head and I can't get it out," she confessed.

"Well what is it then?" Nick asked gently.

Sara blushed slightly and pushed her pancake around on her plate, "She said that what Gil and I have… well she said it's not a marriage," she whispered.

Nick was silent for a moment and looked at her, "Sara, what you two have, it may not be a traditional marriage, but you share… so much love and commitment, that's what's marriage to me," he told her and put his fork down. "Why is this bothering you so much, it hasn't before right?"

Sara pursed her lips and shook her head, "I don't know… Maybe it was the disappointment in her eyes, maybe it's just because I'm missing Gil."

"Well, he is coming home this weekend right?" Nick asked. When Sara nodded he continued, "I think it might be a good idea to talk to him about this and see how he feels. But remember, it's about the two of you and not your nice mother in law, right?"

Sara nodded slightly, "I just… sometimes I wonder why I came back, y'know? I was happy with him there, I spent every day with him, waking up together, going to sleep together. And now… now we see each other a weekend a month if we're lucky. And I know that it has made me happy for the past few months and it does seem to work for us, but… what's a marriage if you rarely spend time together?"

Nick wanted to interrupt her, but Sara held up her hand. "Maybe… maybe I should just quit and go back to Gil," she finished. She didn't dare to look up at Nick for a moment, she knew what he felt.

"If that is what you think will make you truly happy, that's what you need to do," Nick whispered, emotion evident in his voice as he grabbed her hand. "You know I love you like a sister, and all I want for you is to be happy Sar," he said, "but promise me one thing…"

Sara looked up at him, "What?"

"Sleep on it for one more night at least," Nick told her and squeezed her hand. He gave her a smile before releasing her hand, "Promise?"

"Promise," Sara replied as she gave him a smile.

To be continued