Evening was approaching as Nynaeve and her companions were traveling along the main road, getting closer to the small town of Malon, where they hoped to finally spend a night in the beds of an inn. As usually Nynaeve distributed her scowls evenly among her traveling companions. Lan, insufferable and gorgeous on his warhorse Mandrab, completely ignored her. Apparently, this was his new tactic. He had tried to persuade Moiraine to send Elayne and her back to the White Tower, but Moraine insisted on bringing them along. Well, he didn't completely ignore her, he acknowledged her existence, but gave no indication that there had ever been anything more between them, that there was something more between them. She gritted her teeth. This was all Moiraines fault. And then there was Elayne. She should have been on Nynaeves side, but this girl insisted on provoking her constantly, just to spite her.
As they came closer to Malon, they saw a neat set of wagons parked in a field. A large tent was being set up. It all seemed horribly familiar to Nynaeve. Squinting, she tried to make out the name written in large letters on one of the wagons. Luca's grant travelling show. Nynaeve suppressed the panic rising in her. Lucas people were busy with setting up the show. Nobody would pay attention to passing travelers and Moiraine would hardly stop to speak to mangerie performers.
"Look Nynaeve, it's Master Lucas traveling show. What a wonderful coincidence to see everybody again." Nynaeve shot a furious glare in Elyanes direction, who didn't even try to mask her malicous grin. "Master Luca will be excited to see us again, especially you". Color heated Nynaeves cheeks. She would strangle this fool girl later. For now, all that was important was to pass Luca unnoticed. "Don't be silly Elayne," Nynaeve was glad to hear her voice calm and steady, "we need to reach Malon before nightfall. Nobody is interested in idle chitchat with traveling performers." Nynaeve saw Lan giving her a quick glance, but continued to look straight ahead. "This is the show you traveled with on your way to Salidar?" Moirane made the question sound like a statement. "It is," Elaye said, "and we had such a good time, didn't we Nynaeve?" Nynaeve said nothing, but pulled her hood up to hide her face. Of course, Elayne did nothing of the sort. Oh yes, she would strangle this girl with her own hands.
As they approached the wagons a figure in a bright red jacket with a ridicilous matching cape stepped from the wagons. "Oh Light" she thought, "don't let him recognize me". But as they approached, Valan Lucas eyes swepped over Moiraine and Lan. Already starting a deep bow, he saw Elayne and recognition lit his eyes. Finishing his bow quickley, he stepped closer to peek under Nynaeves hood and cried out. "Nana my heart, the Light be praised, you have returned to me."
Blood shot into Nynaeves cheeks, yet she calmly lowered her hood. The worst had happened. He had called her my heart in front of Lan. She tried to make out his face from the corner of her eyes. He had gone very still, his face even more expressionless then usually. "No, Master Luca, I assure you I have not. I am afraid this meeting is purly coincidental." "There are no coincidences to the Weaving of the Wheel", Luca exclaimed. "I always knew that fate would bring us back together". Nynaeve was certain her face shone bright red by now. She tried to make out Lans expression without glancing at him. His face was calm enough to shame an Aes Sedai, but his eyes spoke of murder. "Master Luca, as I told you when we were parting-" Nynaeve got no further, as Luca cut in. "What about this betrothed you told me about? Has he married you?" If Nynaeve had thought she could not be any more embarrassed, she was proven wrong. "No, he has not, but-". "But then he is a fool", Luca exclaimed in his best performers manner, "if he makes a woman like you wait-".
Luca did not get any further. In a blink of an eye Lan had jumped off Mandrab, graped Luca by the throat and hurled him against the side of a wagon. His face was expressionless no longer and echoed the murder that shone in his eyes. "Lan, release him immediately", sounded Moiraines voice loud and clear. For a moment Nynaeve thought Lan would disobey, but he released Lucas throat as if he had burned himself. "Lan, ride into Malon and arrange bed for us." Moiraine ordered in an icy voice. Her face showed perfect Aes Sedai serenity, but her eyes flashed dangerously. In another moment Lan was on his horse again and was galloping as hard towards Malon as if a horde of Trollocs was chasing him. "My apologies to you, Master Luca", Moiraine said. "I hope you are well. May I offer you Healing?" "That won't be necessary, Aes Sedai,", Luca said with a deep bow while clutching his throat. "If you will excuse me.." he bowed again and then, not waiting for an answer, he took off between the wagons, just short of running. "Moiraine, I-", be silent you fool girl," Moiraine snapped at Nynaeve, and for a moment, her anger was clearly visible on her face. "You will not speak another word until I tell you to."
In silence they rode towards Malon. Moiraine set her mare to a fast trod. All mirth has been wiped from Elaynes face as well. When they reached the village, they immediately made out the only inn, a comfortable looking three story house with a pained wooden sign showing a blacksmith at his forge. Nynaeve followed Moiraine into the inn as the innkeeper came from behind the counter offering a very deep bow to Moiraine. Lan must have made quite an impression, the man looked ready to fall over his feet for fear. "Be welcome, my Ladies", he said, offering deep bows also to Nynaeve and Elayne. Lan was nowhere in sight, Nynaeve had not expected him to be. "You honor me and this inn with your presence. Master Lan has already arranged rooms for you. The very best rooms, of course, rest assured. If you will follow me." Moiraine simply nodded and let the innkeeper lead then towards the stairs. After he had complimented them into the rooms with many bows and smiles, Moiraine firmly closed the door behind the man.
Moiraine regarded Nynaeve and Elayne coldly for a long moment, before addressing Nynaeve. "Do you have any idea what he is going through?", she coldly asked Nynaeve. "Do you even have any thought for the pain you are causing him?" "I never encouraged Master Luca, I-". "Be silent you fool girl", Moiraine snapped again. Nynaeve could feel her own anger rising up in her. It was hardly her fault that Master Luca was such a fool of a man. "If he is suffering so much, why don't you release him from the bond?" Nynaeve snapped back. If Moiraine was angry before, she was furious now. "How dare you? Lan and I have been together for twenty years. How dare you think you can come between us. You can have him when I am dead, and not a second before that." Nynaeves retort died on her tongue. What did she mean? When she was dead? Moiraine looked like she regretted her last words and her eyes shone as cold as ever. "Now leave me, I don't wish to see your faces again until tomorrow."
Even though Nynaeve wanted to hide under the blankets of her bed, she made herself go down to the common room for dinner, where she shared a quiet meal with Elayne. She kept glancing towards the door every time the door opened, hoping and fearing at the same time that it would be Lan. She did not think that he would come back soon, Mandrab was not in the stable. Lan really had no right to behave like he did. After all, he did not want to marry her. He had rejected her. She firmly silenced the voice in her head which told her that he did not have another choice. She sighed. "I will retire for the night", Elayne rose but turned back to Nynaeve. "You should get some sleep as well".
Nynaeve noticed that her anger at Elayne had gone, and Elayne was clearly plagued by a guilty conscience. Nynave just nodded. Even knowing Lan would not come back soon, she remained in the common room for another hour contemplaining the situation. Reaching a decision, she finally rose and went to her room, where she undressed, washed and finally went to bed.
Nynaeve was woken by soft knocks at the door. She quickly donned her cloak over her shift and opened the door. Lan was standing in the door. Nynaeve did not think his appearance would ever fail to impress her. Tall and broad shouldered with his shoulder long hair held back by the Hadori he was an impressive sight. He looked tired, though she could not remember to ever have seen him look tired before. But his eyes were what truly caught her breath. Sometimes it seemed that there was only darkness behind those eyes, but when he looked at her she thought she saw something more. "I need to talk to you, can I come in?" Again, she felt herself blushing. She had just been standing there like a silly girl staring at him. She stepped aside to let him in and closed the door behind him.
"I can't take this anymore." Lan said as soon as she turned around. He took a step towards her. "I thought I was strong enough to do what is right. I thought I could be happy when you chose another, but-". "What foolishness are you talking, Lan Mandragoran?" Nynaeve placed her left hand at the side of her hip and used her right to grip her braid to shake it at Lan. "So you think I threw myself at the next man I could find? That I lashed my eyes at this Valan Luca? Do you think my word means so little? I told you that I wanted you and I meant it. How dare you suggest that I would chose this baffon?" "Well, he seemed pretty certain in his courting." Lan retorted, a slight anger in his voice.
Nynaeve could feel herself erupting. She reached out for the True Source, she cerainly was agry enough, and considered beating Lan with a club of air, but instead wove a ward to prevent them from waking up the entire inn. Tying off the weave, she let go of her braid to slap Lan as hard across the face as she could. It felt like she had hit stone. She was sure that Lan could have stopped her had had he wanted to, and that made her even angrier. "How dare you, how dare you, Lan Mandragoran? I made fool out of myself confessing my feelings to you, and you threw them back into my face. And now you suggest that I encouraged this fool of a man, even though I clearly said that I have done no such thing. Do you think I have no honor?"
Suddenly, all anger and strength left her and she sat down hard on her bed. She would not cry in front of Lan, oh no, she would not, she'd rather die. All her concentration was needed to fight the tears, so she only noticed that Lan had dropped on his knees in front of her when he reached for her hands. "I am so sorry, my Marishma. My jealousness has blinded me. You are one of the most honorable woman I have ever met. Please forgive me." Nynaeve could only gape at Lan. It was so unlike of him to admit a mistake, the events of this night must have truly shaken him. When she didn't reply, Lan looked up at her pleadingly. "Mashiara? Please say something." Mashiara. Lost love. How Nynaeve hated that word. "Don't call me that, she said softly." Lans head dropped. "Have I finally done it? Have I destroyed all the love you ever had for me? I remember wishing for this to happen, wishing to free you from the curse that I am, but now that this day has truly come, it rips me apart." Seeing him kneel before her with his head dropped, so uncharacteristically weak and broken, almost broke Nynaeves heart.
She gently cupped his face and lifted his head up to her. "You will always have my heart, Lan Mandragoran", she said, before lowering her lips on his. Despite his hard-looking face, his lips were warm and soft. A sound like from wounded animal came deep from his deep inside him as he responded to her kiss. He put his hands on the side of her hips, as he rose to his feet and then pulled her closely towards him. He deepened the kiss and Nynaeve let her hands slide down his muscular chest. This kiss was even more intense then the one they had shared so publicly in front of Elayne and Egwene in the Stone of Tears. She slid her hands back up his chest and around his neck to pull him closer to her. She pressed her breasts against his broad chest and could feel her hardened tips against him, as the sensation shot straight down between her legs. No! She was no lightskirt flinging herself at a men. This would not go any further without having said their vows in front of the Women's Circle, or something equivalent as they were far away from the Two Rivers. This had already gone too far.
She broke the kiss and gently pushed Lan away. As she looked up at Lan, she was shocked to see the unconceiled love and desire for her reflecting to clearly in his face. Lan, who always had an iron hard grip on his feelings, had never looked so open and vulnerable in his life. In that moment, Nynaeve felt like she could look into his soul. However, the moment didn't last long. After a few hearbeats, Lan had pulled himself together and his face was again the so familiar neutral mask, though it seemed softened. It didn't matter though, Nynaeve had seen it, had seen the love he had for her and knew that it was as absolute as hers.
"There will be a time for us, Lan. I know it in my heart." And strangely, it was true. It was not only because of what Moraine had let slip in anger, she truly believed it. "I will be Aes Sedai one day, and you will be my Warder and my husband. I will make it happen, I swear it under the Light and by my hope of Rebirth and Salvation." To her surprise, Lan smiled at her. "I do not doubt it, my love. If you said you will move mountains and oceans, I will believe it." My love, he had finally called her my love, not Mashiara. With a final smile for her and a slight bow of his head, he turned around and left her room. Nynaeve had never felt so exhilerated. One day, she would make him hers.