Disclaimer: How many times must I tell you? I own nothing, NOTHING I TELL YOU!!!

An Disclaimer: I warn you, you read this at your own risk! You will not be able to make sense of this, no matter how long you think about it, ok?!)

(An: This is a story that I have on my main site. As you may be able to tell, I'm revising it so it's in prose form. If you want to read the original, the link's in my bio. Please, if something confuzzles you, point it out, and I will do what I can, honored Sai.

Jazz: Again with the Dark Tower jokes?!

M.A.: What makes you think you're allowed to speak?!)

As the scene opens, we see myself sitting at a desk. I am glaring at my computer. Looking down at my non-moving fingers resting on the keyboard, I shout in exasperation, "DARN YOU!!! MAKE WORDS!!!"

My computer is surround by books and such, and also a cat, who is grinning in an annoying way.

A voice echos out from the shadows. Both cat and I look around wildly. "If you have no idea what's going on," says the voice, "let me fill you in. This is a girl named M.A. She has no life, and therefore sits around at her computer all day writing crappy fics. She is trying to update her uber-crap OC story, "Tree Girl," but is currently experiencing writer's block."

"What the hell?!" I shout. "Who are you and why the HELL are you commenting on my fics?!"

"I'm the narrator for this story, DUH!" replies the voice in exasperation. "I'm just READING THE SCRIPT!!!"

I raise my eyebrows, giving the shadows a skeptical look. "Ooook."

"Anyway, AS I WAS SAYING, she is experiencing writers block."

I am quite shocked to see a double of myself, with a laptop, step out of a shadowy corner. "No," I see myself say, "you were saying she was 'CURRENTLY experiencing writer's block." The author me sticks her tongue out at the corner opposite. The cat and I sit in stunned silence.

The narrator finally steps out of his shadowy corner. He is one of those stereotypical narrator types, old bald dude, you know the kind. "Oh shut up! &!#!" he shouts. He looks very announcery. "Announcery isn't a word."

"It is now," replies the author. (for simplification purpouses, the author will now be referred to M.A., savvy?) "Anyway, this is MY fic. I can do as I please." She steps back into the shadowy corner, muttering about plotting a nasty way to kill the narrator.

The narrator gulps. "Well, anyway, in a few minutes, something AMAZING is going to happen. Enter 'The Great Gazoo', a strange green entity, for all of you who have never seen the Flinstones."

There is a whooshing noise as said Gazoo appears. "I am the Great Gazoo!" he shouts. "Since we're no longer in caveman times, I come from not so far in the future to cause chaos and mess with your dumb-dumb minds!!" He laughs, but it sounds neither evil nor menacing, as he seems to have intended it to.

"WHAT?!" I shout.

Gazoo pays me no attention, just shoves me aside. He hacks into the internet. However, he appears to have no idea of what he's doing, so after a few minutes of furious typing, the computer makes a funny "squewerk" sound and there is a flash of light. The light hits a number of things: A HP book, LOTR: The Fellowship of the Ring, an arbitrarily placed Evo tape, the cat, a plastic penguin (a former muse of mine. Stop looking at me like that!), and a plate of carrot sticks and ranch dip. I get propelled across the room, and there is a nasty crack as my head hits the concrete-covered-only-by-cheap-linoleum floor.

A few minutes later, I come to. I rub my head. "Wha-? I must've hit my head harder then I thought. I thought I heard voi-" I notice a tall guy with laaame red shades bending over by me.

The guy with the shades yells down the hall. "She's still alive! Kurt, I don't think she'll like what you're doing to her couches!"

I snap to attention. "COUCHES?! SHIT!" (My mother takes her red leather couches quite seriously. She'd kill me if anything happened to them.)

"Oh come off it Scott," says a voice from the living room. "It's just a little hair."

The guy with the shades (Scott perhaps?) replies, "Whatever Kurt," and turns back to me. He holds up five fingers. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Five, duh," I respond in a bored tone. "Now can I PLEASE see what that Kurt-guy is doing to my mum's couches?!" I get up, but fall back down again.

There comes a different voice from the living room. "Gerroff me Hermione!"

A female voice responds, "Sorry!"

The first voice speaks again. "Oi! Harry!"

There is a third voice from the room. "Whazzat...?"

I finally get up, grab my hat and shove it on my head like a helmet, and run into the sitting room. "Oh. My. Gawd."

The Scott guy follows me out of the office, where I was a second ago. "Ok guys, let's check who's here. Nightcrawler?"

A blue elf sitting on the couch responds, "Here." He looks a bit embarrased since his inducer's not working and he's getting fur all over the couch.

"Shadowcat?" asks Scott.

A girl sitting on the matching loveseat accidentaly phases through it, and pokes out a hand. "Like, here."

"Rogue?"

A girl with white stripes in her hair that's sitting in the also matching chair, says "Ah'm here." She's looking disgusted and bored.

"Wolverine?"

A reallly hairy short guy that's trying to get the satellite cable to work by furiously pressing buttons, says "Here."

"Storm? ...Storm? I guess she's not here." Scott shrugs. "Whatever. Jean?"

"Right behind you Scott," says that oh-so-familiar and oh-so-annoying redhead.

"...? What the..?" I ask, pointing at the couch.

"What?" asks Kurt.

"Not you! Behind you!" I point at a head that's too short to reach over the couch, that's sticking out from the side. A small man steps out.

"Sam? Sam?" asks the guy. A blond-headed guy joins him.

"Yes?" he says. Two more guys, both dark-headed and the same height as the other two, join them.

I gasp and stare, somewhat like a beached fish. I do an anime-esque sweat drop as a tall, gangly red head stands up. "Sheesh Hermione!" says the red head. "I told you you should have left that spell book alone!"

A girl with bushy brown hair stands up beside him. "It wasn't my fault! I just picked it up!"

A midget with glasses stands up next to the girl. "What was that?!"

Everyone in the room except for me begins talking at once, loudly. This goes on for a few minutes, until I finally come out of shock.

"SHUT UP!" I scream. The room goes silent. "Ok, um, I'm confused as you all are prolly, but could we please keep it down?"

Everyone in the room mutters something like, "Ok, yeah, sure, whatever."

"Um, well, could you all, like, seperate into your little group things and introduce yourselves? 'Cause I'm totally lost." (When I get upset, I talk valley girl. It's heriditary! My dad's from Chicago. I can't help it! -watches sadly as what little respect she'd gathered goes out the window-)

Everyone does so.

"Thank you."

Scott steps forward. "Um, we're the X-men, and we just kind of introduced ourselves."

I nod. "Ok."

The midget with the glasses steps forward next. "My name's Harry, and my friends are Ron and Hermione."

I frown slightly. My brain is still coping with the fact that the X-men and Hp are in my sitting room. Which is a mess. "Uh-huh."

The short dudes mutter among themselves for a moment, but before they can say anything, there is a bang and a flash. There is quite a bit of smoke as well. An old dude steps out of it.

"Gandalf!" shouted one of the short dudes.

"What is going on here?!" asks Gandalf? maybe.

"I believe that's what we'd all like to know," I reply.

Gandalf ingores me, and goes on. "I had to hop eight dimensions to find you! What happened?!"

A cat walks in. It is the selfsame cat that got hit by the flash of light that came from my computer. He sits down and begins to wash himself. When he finishes, he states, "It was a temporal disturbance of course, caused by the narrator's appearance, although I'm not positive about that."

I gasp. "Picattso? You can talk?! KEWL! My lifelong dreams have been acheived! Wehay!" (If you didn't know, my lifelong dreams are to own a talking cat, to have the X-men in my house, and to meet Harry Potter. Oh, and to have a book published, but I'm not holding out for much.)

"Indubidably," responds Picattso, with a nod.

"Anyway, who are you?" I ask the old dude and the short guys.

"We are the Fellowship of the Ring, minuse four for some odd reason," replies Gandalf.

I nod slowly, disbelieving. The whole thing has finally sunk in. "Excuse me for a moment." I walk out of the room, go into my sound-proof bedroom, and scream into a pillow. "Well, I feel better now, anyway." I walk back into the sitting room. "Sorry about that." There is a crash, as something large falls off the ceiling.

There is a voice from the office. "I was wondering how long it would take me to fall off the ceiling."

I walk into the kitchen.

Sitting on the floor is a brunette with wings and a tail. She stands up, manages to regain her composure, and smiles at me.

"Er, hello. My name's Jazz." (Jazz is my troublesome OC.)

"I know THAT," I reply.

Jazz points at everyone else, who are all peering over my shoulder. "Yeah, but they don't."

"Excellent point."

Kurt, from behind everyone, pipes up. "Can we get something to eat? We were just about to at home."

"Erm, ah, yeah, I think so," I reply, jerking my thumb at the hallway. "Just go down that hallway. The kitchen is the room with the ugly, stiff blue carpet. Go ahead, raid it."

The X-men and the HP gang heads down there.

I begin listing all the groups, to get them straight in my head. "X-men: In the kitchen. HP gang: Ditto. Jazz:

"Why are you talking to yourself?" asks the person in question.

"Right behind me," I say, rolling my eyes. "You can't talk," I say to her. "You talk to yourself all the time?"

"No, I talk to the Voices."

"Yeah, but with you I cut them."

"You haven't posted me yet, so there are a few bugs," she replies with a shrug.

I shrug as well. "Okaay.. LOTR:" I peer into the sitting room. "Watching Spongebob." I head for the kitchen. "Did you guys find anything?"

The general response is "Yeah."

"Where are the little dudes?" asks Harry.

"They're HOBBITS. Uh, they're still in the sitting room, being hypnotized by Spongebob."

Everyone in the room nods knowingly.

Frodo walks in. It must have been the epidode "Opposite Day," becuase he's singing, "I'm Squidward, I'm Squidward, I'm Squidward, Squidward, Squidward." Rinse and Repeat.

I look over at everyone else and shrug.

Frodo walks over to the fridge, pulls out a half-empty (I'm a pessimist) milk jug, and asks, "Where do you keep the goblets?"

I, feeling somewhat confused, reply, "Over there." I jerk my thumb at a random cabinet.

Frodo opens the random cabinet and pulls out the collector's goblets from BK. "Hey! These have my face on it!" He walks over to the counter, pours himself a glass of milk, and walks out, trying to sing and drink milk at the same time, with interesting results.

You could just tell that everyone in the room was thinking something along the lines of "What was that all about? Whatever."

I stare after Frodo. "Um, how did he know how to use the fridge?" I ask.

"What's there to know?" replies Scott. "You just open the door and take out what you want."

"But how would he know what it was in the first place?"

"Good point." (I just realized myself is having waaay too much friendly interaction with Scott. Time to break out the good-ole-torture-matic. Let's spin the wheel and see how Jott will die today! Bip bip bip, ding ding ding! Lessee! Wehay! Jott will be eaten alive by a carrot stick!)

"Has anyone seen the narrator?" I ask.

"Who?" responds just about everyone else in the room.

"I guess not then." I walk out, pausing to prod shadowy corners. I enter the sitting room. The LOTR gang is still in there, being hypnotized by the awesome power that is a Spongebob marathon.

"When the LOTR gang get back, what will they remember? Spongebob! The wonder of a modern world! Spongebob marathons!" I mutter to myself.

There is, once again, a bang and a flash as Gandalf reappears. He coughs and waves a hand to rid himself of the smoke. "Well, I hope you're happy! I went dimension hopping to find you, exhausting myself in the process, and I find you watching.. watching.."

"Spongebob?" I supply, attempting to be helpful.

"Spongebob?!" Gandalf thunders.

Sam slowly turns his head to face Gandalf, like that chick in the Exorcist. He sings in a hypnotized way, "Spongebob Squarepants! Spongebob Squarepants!"

There is suddenly a loud crash from the kitchen.

"What in the- oh man!" I yell, and run into the kitchen.

Said kitchen is a chaotic mess. Broken plates, silverware everywhere, just a complete mess. Scott is having a firefight with Harry, who is trying to jinx him. Other such chaos is going on.

I begin to twitch. "What is going on here?!"

I notice that Ron is sitting atop Jean, pulling out each and every one of her hairs. "I-" he pulls one out, "am," he pulls another one out, "the," you get the idea, "RED HEAD!"

I notice that Hermione and Rogue are watching, doing nothing to stop him, and mouth, "GO RON!"

Hermione nods and laughs and Rogue grins.

"I'm gonna need some help," I mutter, and walk out. I go into my bedroom, and discover that Frodo and Kurt are sitting in my loftbed. (A loftbed is basically a wooden thing that holds a mattress about 5 ft. off the ground. It also has an endtable, not that it's much use, covered in my crap as it is.) "What are you two doing in here?!" I ask, somewhat embarassed, since they're looking through my writing notes and crappy sketches.

"Just looking," replies Kurt.

"Yep," says Frodo.

I am still feeling embarrased, since my walls are covered in LOTR posters that I stole from my day calendar, and the end table has all these print out pics of Kurt. "Okay." I reach over and grab a walkie-talkie, and walk out. "Well, that'll be daydream material for the rest of my life," I mutter, and turn on the walkie-talkie. "Blue Anchovy! Blue Anchovy! Do you read?"

A FEW MILES AWAY, CAITLIN HERNANDEZ'S ROOM

Caitlin (a.k.a. Blue Anchovy) picks up her squawking walkie-talkie. "I read Mint-Chip Pyromaniac. What's up?"

"Cait, I need your help. I'm.. er having a house party, but the guests are getting a bit rowdy. Think you could come over and help?"

"Er, yeah, sure." (Now, in the real world, Cait probably wouldn't be able to have stayed long enough to help. But this is fic world remember, and using my magical powers, Cait will be able to stay for the whole thing.)

MY HOUSE

Cait rings the doorbell.

I answer it. "Thank goodness you're here. I've gotta get someone else though. Come on." I walk into the office, and dial my friend Kitty's number. "Kitty, I'm going to need your help." (Ditto for Kit.)

ABOUT TEN MINUTES LATER

I let Kitty in. "What's the emergency?" asks Kitty.

"I'll explain later. Right now, we have to deal with the wierdos in the kitchen. Jazz?"

"Yeah?" asks Jazz, who's been watching Spongebob through all of this.

"We're gonna need your help, ok?"

Jazz shrugs. "Sure."

(So that was the first chapter. This is harder then I thought it would be.)