Comparing Lovers
By Deanna Kranz

Disclaimer: Characters, ships, and jargon belong to Paramount. The story belongs to me.

His quarters were neat, average, and at first glance nothing seemed out of the ordinary. But she knew otherwise. She had been in them more times than she could remember over the past years. This time they were different. Her things were there. Not too many, but she noticed them: her hair ribbon on his desk, her throw on his couch, her lab coat over his chair. They had been taunting her over the past few hours and she wasn't sure how she felt about it.

"That's it, we're done," said Commander Riker with a sigh of relief.

"Yes," replied counselor Troi. "I thought we were never going to finish in Ten Forward."

"Trying to do crew evaluations with a party in the background was more difficult than I thought it was going to be."

Deanna stood up and headed for the replicator with her glass, but stopped after only taking a few steps.

"Will, can I get more water?" she asked him.

"Of course," answered Will and she continued to the replicator. He felt confused by her question. "You know you don't need to ask to use my replicator," he told her.

"Thanks," she answered with a smile as she returned to the couch.

"Is something wrong?" he asked her when she sat down.

"No, why do you ask?"

"You've never asked to use my replicator before, and you weren't going to. Why did you?"

"It's just been so long since the last time I was here."

"Really?" he said, thinking about the last time she was there. "You were here two weeks ago, remember? You came by so we could go to the briefing together."

"But that was different. I was here for only a few minutes."

There was an uncomfortable silence while Deanna stared down at the PADDs they had just worked on and Will looked at her, waiting for something. He wasn't sure what it was, but he knew there was something off. Deanna knew Will was looking at her, waiting for her to explain why she was acting strangely. She felt strange, like an intruder. She knew there was no reason to feel that way. She glanced up to meet his questioning gaze, but not ready to respond, she looked away. Her eyes, however, gave her away. When she looked away, instead of returning her eyes to the PADDs on her lap they went to the lab coat over the chair across the room and lingered there for a few seconds. Will, who was still waiting for something, was quick to notice.

"Is it Beverly?" he asked surprised.

"No," she said simply but didn't say anything else. She didn't know what else to say. She wasn't bothered by their relationship, but something did bother her.

"Deanna," he began, gathering her hands in his, "you are very important to me and I don't want to strain our friendship. Please, tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing is wrong, Will."

"Then why are you suddenly uneasy?"

"I'm not sure," she whispered, still unable to look him in the eye.

"But it does have something to do with Beverly, doesn't it? With my relationship with her."

"No, Will, no. I am happy for both of you, believe me. I guess that I'm still not used to it, used to you two together," she said, knowing that at least that was the truth. Even though there was something else bothering her, that bit of truth should have convinced him that everything was alright. But it didn't.

"Deanna, we've been together for several months now. And you were the one who encouraged me to pursue a relationship with her. I know you better than to believe that this sudden uneasiness is simply because you aren't use to the situation."

Deanna sighed. He was right. Though she was still not completely used to the idea of her previous lover and best friend being together, it didn't bother her. At least not enough to warrant the uneasiness she was feeling. She took a moment to look deep inside herself. She didn't want to ruin this friendship either. It was important that she figured out what was bothering her. But what was it? As she dug deeper into the feelings she was experiencing she realized she kept coming back to the same question. But did she really want to know the answer? And why was it so important that she know? Why did she want to know in the first place? And most importantly, did she have the courage to even ask?

Will looked at Deanna, her hands still in his, her head still bowed. He knew she was contemplating their current situation and was more than willing to give her all the time she needed to figure it out. He needed her to figure it out, for the sake of their friendship. As he looked at the top of her head, he relaxed his thoughts the way she had showed him to do. Even though they were no longer lovers, and had not been for a very long time, the bond they had created all those years ago was still there. And though he could no longer hear her thoughts as clearly and as often as he was able to at the time, he could still feel her emotions if he tried. If he tried hard enough, he could feel a little more too. He opened his mind and began to feel the rush of emotions, like a damn being opened and a flood of emotions flow through. She felt confused and concerned, about their situation he assumed. But there was something that came coming back, a question. Or was it several questions? He wasn't sure, but there was something she wanted to know but did not want to ask. After feeling the question come back up to the surface more times than he cared to count he decided to be the one to initiate the question.

"What is it? What do you want to know?" he asked her, kindness and compassion in his voice. But she simply shook her head softly, and he saw a tear drop down onto her lap. With her hands still in his, he lifted his hands and nudged her chin upwards so that their eyes would meet and he wiped away the trail the tear had left on her cheek. Then he pulled her hands towards him, pulling her along with them, so that there were only a few inches between them.

"Do you wonder if we could have ever gotten back together?" he asked her, his voice still calm and gentle. She closed her eyes, letting two more tears fall, and shook her head again.

"We were perfect for each other at the time," she said, pausing for a moment before continuing. "But now we are at different stages in our lives. We want different things, and I understand that. I agree with that. I am happy with the relationship we have, our friendship."

"Are you worried about our friendship? How we will maintain it? How you fit in my life now?"

She was silent. She hadn't really thought about those things, he had done a good job at fitting her into his life that she hadn't noticed a difference in their friendship since their relationship started. But that was right now. How would she fit into his life in the future?

"You are very important to me, Deanna. I have tried to make as much time for you as I did before my relationship with Beverly. If that is not enough, tell me now. I don't want you to feel like you are being left out or replaced."

She smiled at him. It was a small smile, but it made him feel better knowing that he had eased her fears.

"I actually hadn't thought about it. You have been very good at continuing our friendship as it has been for a long time that it hadn't occurred to me that things could change. Thank you for letting me now I'm not loosing you."

Her words were reassuring but that wasn't what had been bothering her. He thought about just accepting her response and moving on, but he knew that if something bothered her now, it would keep bothering her until it was resolved. No, he wasn't going to let her off that easy, he decided, and pushed further.

"No, you are not loosing me. So whatever it is that you want to know, just ask me. It won't change what we have."

Deanna looked unsure and she thought for a moment about how, if she got the courage to, to ask what she was wondering about.

"Beverly and I have always been very open with each other about our relationships. We discuss everything. But she hasn't told me any real details about you two and I somehow don't feel right asking since it's you, someone we're both close to…"

"You want to know what our relationship is like?" he asked, a little surprised. He never imagined that such a question would cause her so much anxiety. She had always openly asked him about his relationships and he had always told her what she wanted to know. It had not occurred to him that having a relationship with a friend of hers would change that. But her response just confused him further.

"No… Well, yes, kind of."

Will felt a surge of embarrassment come from Deanna as she responded and blushed deeply. She wanted to know, he concluded, about their intimate relations. This made him laugh softly as he gently squeezed her hands in reassurance before putting them on her lap. He put his hands on each side of her face and pulled her head towards him, giving her a kiss on her forehead. When she retracted her head, she met his eyes, amusement written all over them.

"You want to know about our sex life?" he asked her with amusement in this voice.

His actions had put her at ease, he did not feel like she was invading their privacy or over stepping her bounds. He wanted to answer whatever question she had and she could sense all the affection he had towards her, making her feel safe to ask what she wanted to know.

"In a way, yes," she said with a little more confidence than she had been conveying in her voice since they had finished their work.

"Do you want to know anything in particular or do you just want me to give you all the details?"

"I can coax details out of Beverly if I try hard enough," she said with a teasing smile.

"Then…?"

She took a deep breath before speaking.

"I was just wondering, not that it really matters, but I still wonder. I mean, just to know, not that I would feel like I'm better or worst or rub it in her face or…"

"Deanna!" he interrupted. "I've never seen you avoid a question like this before. What is it?!"

Deanna simply sighed and looked down at her PADDs once more. Then, in a soft voice she asked, "Will, is she better than I was?"

Will laughed hysterically at her question. He stood up and continued laughing as he paced the room back and forth once, leaving her feeling a little confused. Was that a yes or a no? After a few minutes of laughter, he returned to the couch and took her hands once more and kissed them.

"Deanna, I am not comparing you twoanswering that for one very simple reason: no matter what I answer I will end up in trouble with at least one of the two most important women in my life."

Deanna pulled away; putting some distance between them on the couch, crossed her arms and gave a small pout. "You said you'd answer my question!" she said with annoyance in her voice.

"I know better than to answer that question."

"If you really want to know," came Beverly's voice as she came out of Will's bedroom, "we can swap stories. I had not brought it up because I thought you wouldn't want to talk about it."

"How long have you been in there?" asked Will as she walked towards them and sat on the couch between them. She gave Will a kiss on the lips and curled up into his arms.

"I worked a double shift in sickbay and at the end of my second shift I came to check up on someone with the flu on this deck. Since I was tired I decided to come take a nap knowing you two were in Ten Forward working. I heard you come in but went back to sleep. I woke up with the laughter."

"You really don't mind talking about it?" Deanna asked Beverly a little surprised.

"Why should I? I've always told you everything. Besides, I'm curious myself."

"You want to know too?" asked Will with disbelief.

"Sure," she said casually.

"So, who has a better body?" asked Deanna, curiosity all over her face and body language.

"Wait a minute," interrupted Beverly, "it won't be a fair comparison if he hasn't seen you naked in so many years," she said with a tease. She always became playful whenever they discussed their love lives and was being encouraged by her friend's tone and body language.

Being with Beverly always put Deanna in a playful mood as well, especially when they talked about their relationships. And knowing that Beverly didn't have a problem with her knowing further fuelled her playfulness as she responded:

"Then maybe I should make it a fair comparison," and stood up and reached for the zipper of her uniform.

"Hold it you two!" said Will, letting go of Beverly and standing up. "I will not be led into a trap that will only get me in trouble."

"Well," started Deanna, "give us something."

"Risk free," added Beverly. "We won't get mad no matter who is better."

Will considered what both women wanted from him: their score cards. He definitely had them both scored in all aspects and had spent much time comparing the two, all in his head, of course. He never even dared to think about telling either of them how they compared to the other. He was a smart man and knew enough about women to know that if one knew she was better than another she couldn't keep it to herself. And if one was worst than another… well, that was just too messy for him to want to deal with. But if he didn't give them some sort of answer they were going to corner him and "torture" an answer from him. Deanna still had the zipper between her fingers, though she had not pulled it down… yet. I am Will Riker, he thought, I have gotten out of tough spots on countless of occasions. If there is one thing I am good at is fluffing up some truth to steer away from the actual request. But I can't lie; Deanna will know the moment I lie.

"Look," he started, looking at Deanna, "we were together so long ago, and it was so special, that all I have are good memories. If anything went wrong, if anything wasn't right or perfect, I shoved those things out of my mind long ago." He then turned to Beverly. "I have not had a relationship with an absolutely wonderful woman since I was with Deanna. The newness of our relationship and my love for you blinds what I see. All I see is perfection in everything you do. If you have made any mistakes, fumbled, had any awkward moments, I haven't seen them." He went to Beverly, who was still on the couch, and reached out his hand. She took it and he pulled her up to stand. Walking over to Deanna, with Beverly by the hand, he reached his other hand out to Deanna and letting go of the zipper, she took it. "Now, who is more beautiful?" he asked and looked at Beverly and then at Deanna as if he was drawing a conclusion to his question. "Who is the better girlfriend? That's really what you both want to know, isn't it? Who makes me happier? Well, which is better: a bowl of ice cream or an ice cream shake? Depends what you're in the mood for: a spoon or a straw. When I was on Betazed I was much younger and what I wanted and needed was very different from today. When I was on Betazed, Deanna was perfect, exactly the kind of woman I wanted. I would have never dated an older woman with a teen son. But today, I want someone more mature, someone who is ready to settle down, who is willing to follow me on my journey. I don't want to be with someone who still wants to explore relationships, someone who is not ready to settle into a long term relationship. You see, you are both the best I've had. You were just at different stages of my life and I really can't compare the two of you."

He gave them a confident smile, and saw them both smile back at him. They bought it! He thought triumphantly as Deanna said, "Aww, Will, that is the sweetest thing I've ever heard!"

"Alright," added Beverly with a sweet smile, "I'll buy that, for now."

Will pulled Deanna close and gave her a kiss on her cheek. When she pulled away, he pulled Beverly against him and wrapped his arms around her, their lips only a few inches away from each other.

"It seems I have some convincing to do," he said softly.

"I can be easy to convince," she replied and he kissed her.

"Maybe I should leave you two alone…" Deanna added as she gathered her PADDs.

Beverly pulled away from Will and told Deanna, "Why don't you join us for dinner. I'm hungry."

"Yes," added Riker, "I would be the envy of the whole ship if I were to have dinner with the two most beautiful women on the ship."

They all laughed at his comment as they made their way out of his quarters.

"And I'll take you up on your offer," said Deanna to Beverly. "I'd love to swap some stories."

Will just gave a nervous chuckle knowing he would end up being asked the same question again.