I-I'm going to go to sleep....
…Ve.....I hope.
U-um...Good-night, you two...~
Heh heh...
T-thanks for putting up with me, you know....
....I love you both~ Buona notte…
Feliciano closed the door behind him, trying to wipe Rome and Germania's worried faces from his mind. Don't think about them, don't think about them… He leaned against the wood of the door with a sigh, sliding down until his head rested in his knees. Don't think about them, don't think about them…
He was being selfish again. He was always selfish. What if he hurt them as well? Don't think about them, don't think about them…you'll never be able to do it if you think about them…
Slowly he lifted his head up, eyes devoid of tears even though his heart had been ripped out. His eyes trailed up to the nightstand, a small bottle sitting on the nightstand. Sleeping pills.
Don't think about it, don't think about it…
He had ruined everything. Everything. And for what? A faux feeling of pleasure, a one-night stand? Was that even worth risking everything he and Ludwig had?
He was weak. He was selfish.
He never deserved Ludwig.
Don't think about it, don't think about it…
He found himself slowly rising to his feet, body moving on its own accord. Step after step after step drew him closer to the nightstand, drew him closer to the only escape he could think of.
After all, fleeing was his specialty, right?
You can't think about it, you can't think about it…If you think about it, you won't be able to do it…
His fingers grazed the side of the bottle, unable to force his fingers to wrap around the plastic. He bit his lip, body trembling.
He had lost everything. He had nothing left.
Ludwig didn't even want to see him anymore. He was dead to him.
He was dead to him.
Dead.
Don't think about it! You can't think about it!
The pills spilled out into his hands, some trickling to the ground around his bare feet. He was surprised he could even keep the rest of the pills in his hands with the way his whole body was shaking. His mouth was suddenly dry, his breath hitching in his throat. H-He couldn't do this…
Don't think about it! You can't!
Ludwig.
Ludwig didn't want to see him.
Ludwig had been his everything. He lived for Ludwig. He lived to be able to see him every day, to hear his voice…
Without Ludwig…
Just do it. Don't think about it. Just move.
He ruined everything. He was only a burden.
Ludwig had loved him. And he went and ruined it. He hurt the one he loved.
Do it!
…it wouldn't be painful right? It had to be better than this…
Anything had to better than this…
Just do it!
Swallowing was painful, the pills sticking in his throat, choking him. He pounded against chest, tearing up a bit as the medicine slowly worked their way down until he was able to gasp for breath again.
He sat on the edge of the bed, staring blankly at the empty bottle in his hands.
It…wouldn't hurt, right? H-He didn't like pain. What was it going to be like when he was gone?
…would Ludwig miss him? Would he even care?
…would anyone care?
It's okay…It's for the best.
He stifled a sob as an involuntary shudder traveled up his spine, feeling oddly cold. A yawn ripped itself from his throat, only causing himself to shudder more. This was it.
No one needed you…you were only the burden…They'll do better without you...
He curled up on top of the covers, not even bothering to slip off his shoes. He was scared…he was so scared…
This was the only way.
So scared…he didn't want to die…
Ludwig will be much better without you…
He had ruined everything. Everything.
.
This was for the best.
..
This is what you deserve.
...
He closed his eyes, sleep becoming too strong to resist.
....
This is what you deserve.
.....
........
"……L-Ludwig…"
....................................
A/N: UMM.
UUUUUMM.
OTL
OKAY, OKAY. Jesus. I think I'm like an angst shark...once I get the taste in my mouth, I can't stop...ANYWAYS. This is probably a little confusing anyways. Actually this is from an RP I'm in. I play North Italy. I was kinda worried about playing him though...Ah, nevermind about that.
Anywho, we recently got a Germania. AND JOYOUS TIMES WERE HAD. And we were RPing in the chatbox...and one thing lead to another...Long story short, Italy ended up having sex with Germania. OTL Which lead to Germany breaking up with him. Which lead to this.
...And that's really the only reason for this. OTL I have nothing else to say except sorry, you probably wont get this. Although, the logs from those chats are wonderful~ I love our RPers. 3 I think I may fanfictionize the whole drama into a fanfiction....
But...yeah. OTL The title means "atone for one's sins," which was a phrase given in this Italian dictionary I bought...forcing me to write this. OTL