disclaimer: I do not own agents of s.h.e.i.l.d.
An;just something I whipped up when sleep was evasive, general spoiler warnings if you're not up to date. Ensia
Not Again Never Again
His heart beat loudly in his ears. His head hurt. A lot. He couldn't figure what exactly he felt. A part of him wanted to cry, another to throw up and yet another to yell and scream until something was fixed. But he knew none of that would work. Fitz might have been damaged but damn it he wasn't broken. He could figure this out. Thoughts rushed through his head faster than he could have comprehended, even before the coma. He just wanted it all to stop.
Skye was different. No that wasn't right. Skye was Skye, of that much he was certain. No change in DNA or blood could possibly make him think otherwise. She was still the girl he knew, his friend, someone who he had watched grow from a loner with authority issues and trust issues etc. to an agent of S.H.E.I.L.D., someone he respected, someone he loved. But if he loved her, then why did he run? He was afraid. The question of what still hung in the air. Not of her, never her, her powers maybe. The memory of the light shattering in a hail of sparks and glass burned behind his eyes. But then another fact hit his already aching head, the lamp didn't shatter because she was angry or because she truly wanted it to, she was afraid. Of him. Fitz had seen Skye scared before, for a girl who liked to keep her pain close to her chest, he had seen it. It made his heart ache for her. He had seen her scared around him, even for him, but he had never seen her scared of him. He tried taking a deep breath to ease the pain, but he choked on it.
It was no mystery why she was afraid of him. After all, Jemma had made no secret about her views on Raina and other gifteds. They had to be eradicated, killed, murdered. Skye thought he agreed, that he would just hand her over to the gallows because of a change in DNA. Who could blame her? Nearly everyone she had ever known had turned their back on her when she needed them. She had been betrayed too many times to really convince herself of anything else. Fitz knew this and damn it he still ran from her. Heck, he knew how it felt to be changed and have everyone look at him as though he was going to explode at the slightest provocation. He knew how it felt to have someone he considered a friend turn her back on him and leave when he needed her. He knew how it hurt and he still left. The corners of his eyes burned and he fell back into a nearby chair as his knees failed him. He cradled his aching head in his hands. He couldn't do this, but he didn't know what he was supposed to do.
The only consistent thing that he could grasp was the thought, "I should never have left her alone." It only served to make his breathing more erratic, his vision to blur and his eyes to burn all the more fiercely. He had been here before. The last time he left her to go alone. The cold air wasn't what froze his heart, it wasn't what sucked the air from his lungs. The coppery smell of blood that he should have been used to considering Jemma's fascination with dissection and their general line of work suddenly became unbearable because it was hers and it wasn't where it was supposed to be, staining her clothes, bathing her hands and pooling on the floor. It was so red and she was so pale. Skye had tan skin, it should never have been white. All he could remember was that it had happened because he had let her go in alone. And in a waiting room, sometime during the hours Skye fought a battle she would never win without a miracle, Fitz swore to himself that should she live he would never leave her again.
And yet, here he was. After everything he did to ensure that he could keep his unspoken promise to her, he left her. And what would be the price of his failure this time? Pain and suffering would come, he was sure of it. Could he even hope that she would be given time for the wounds to scar this go around? Or would she die because he couldn't afford another miracle for her? Fitz doubted there even was the miracle he needed in the world regardless of whatever he was willing to pay for it. And he knew he would pay dearly if such a miracle did exist. All for her. Because he loved her and deep down he knew nothing could change that. No amount of powers or physical changes could ever dissuade him from that.
But what of the others?
Not too long ago he would have believed without a doubt in his mind that none of them would turn their back on Skye, but more recent events proved to him that the world was often unfair and he wasn't as good a judge of character as he once thought. And if they had proved one last thing together, Fitzsimmons proved that people change, and drastically so. He didn't know her and he wasn't sure if he even knew himself anymore.
Before his aching head could even comprehend his actions, Fitz stood up. Somewhere down the line he had made up his mind. He made a mistake once and he got left with a warning permanently written on his friend's abdomen. Not again, never again. This time he was going to stand by her, consequences be damned, he wasn't going to let her figure whatever this was alone. He'd die before he let someone hurt her while he stood safely from the side lines.
Fitz worked as quickly as his damaged hand and throbbing head would allow him. And without breaking a sweat, he lied thoroughly and completely to the girl that at one point had been his best friend, his only reason for living, his only reason for dying. It should have fazed him. It didn't. But that was a problem for another day. It didn't matter much anyway because Fitz knew it was the right choice the second he saw her eyes shift from fear to gratitude and affection or it might have been love. And as he held her, he knew he would do whatever it took to help them figure this out and to keep her safe. Because that's what people do for those they love. He would never leave her alone. Not again, never again.