Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto
Unrequited
You watch for ages. It's unhealthy, but you can't help how he calls out to your heartstrings. No, it's really not your fault, you try to reason. This has been going on for too long. Since preschool, was it? You need to move on. Really, you do. But you can't. After all, you are just another girl falling in love.
You grow up together. He is part of your essential make up. As the days transform from ones of the swing set to the crowded halls of high school, you can't help but smile. Nothing can tear you apart, you think. Maybe today he'll return your feelings. You are hopeful.
Until you see her. She is the new girl everyone has been talking about. She has flaxen hair, porcelain skin, and wide, doe-like eyes. She is the definition of beauty. She is kind; selfless and compassionate. She is perfect. Nothing hurts more than unrequited love. So it breaks your heart when he falls for her.
The two have become inseparable. Your chest constricts when you think about what used to be. No matter what agony it puts you through, hate is the furthest thing in your mind. She never meant to be his angel. It wasn't intentional. And he… he is the one you can't keep away from. He is your one and only.
You become almost invisible. You're a body without a soul. You're living and well. You should be happy. You should be carefree. Most of all, and you know this, you should be over him. But there's a line between living and alive. No longer do you feel the searing pain in your chest; the only thing that remains is a hollow numbness. A heart so mangled, it shouldn't even still be beating.
You put on a fake expression to make it through the day. You are completely obedient; never putting so much as a toe out of line. You're a well-oiled machine – too well-oiled, perhaps. You feel the stares boring at you, increasing in numbers as the year progresses. You need this, though. It's the only thing that tells you that you're still here.
The days are hazy. Your mind has long been distracted. Your grades stay perfect. Working hard has become your escape. A world you can be totally engulfed in. It's your only way out.
Four months pass. The two are so obviously designed for each other. Your first year of high school is coming to a close. He walks up to you on your birthday. Maybe, finally, you'll catch a break. No, in fact, you don't. He plans to propose to her after you graduate – in three years. He has a life all figured out for them. He's already so in love with her.
You throw your arms around him. At least, you want to. Instead, you swallow your tears, and smile as best as you can. How could he not see what agony he's causing? I love you! You want to scream at him, but you keep your lips sealed.
He walks away with a huge grin in place. You blink rapidly; not allowing a single tear to fall, lease he turn around and see. Eventually, you feel strong enough to stand. Eventually, your emotions get under your wavering control. Eventually, you accept that this is your reality.
Two months until the year is gone. You are sick of crying. Your eyes won't stop pelting the troublesome liquid, though. You hide in a bathroom. This is too much for you to handle. This can't be happening. But it is. Two hours pass before your tears slow to a trickle. You emerge from the stall, splash your face with cool water, and leave the building.
Your breathing stops when you see the hunched-over figure that can only belong to him. You can't stand to see him in pain. You need to find out why. He looks so broken, just sitting down and staring blankly at the ground. His eyes are brimming over with tears. Is this how people saw you? She said it was over, he tells you. You should be bouncing off the walls with joy. This was what you wanted, wasn't it?
Instead, the wind is knocked out of you by this tortured expression. Your knees give way, and you fall forward. You wrap your arms around his shaking frame. He doesn't move his from where they lay limp at his sides.
You try whispering words of reassurance in his ear. I know. You held back sobs. I know. You tell him, to have it all gone. I know, I know, I know.
His mood changes quick as lightning. He's now furious. He asks what you know about what's he going through. He stands. With your arms still around him, you rise, too. He makes your relinquish your grip. He yells that you've never been in love then had it all ripped away.
Yes, you have. Wasn't this what had happened to you? You've been feeling this for months and months. Maybe it's even been years. You try to tell him. But he cuts you off, swinging a hand forward. He slaps you across the cheek with enough force to make your head spin. His eyes are still swimming, but the fury is undeniable. Without any more said, he turns.
The small piece of your heart that is still alive shatters and dies as you watch him walk away.
The next day is a nightmare. People already know what happened between them. The rumors fly in all directions. They seem to not know the most prudent piece, though. Why? Why would she break up with the boy who was so noticeably head-over-heels for her? You find yourself wondering the exact same thing.
She walks up to you at the end of the day. Heads turn. What's the most beautiful girl doing by talking to a broken soul? You still can't bring yourself to hate her. Her eyes take you in for a moment. She smiles sadly. She asks if you really do love him.
You should wonder how she knows. Your jaw should be slack, mouth gaping open in shock, eyes bulging. At least someone notices, you think, instead. Your jaw stays put, your mouth is in a neutral line, and your eyes remain in their sockets. You swallow, take a deep breath through your nose, and slowly nod.
She, too, nods. She takes your hand into hers. She tells you to go get him, and then walks away. You shake your head; you can't do that. You don't know how.
Three years pass. As quickly as things went downhill, they start to go back up. She has become a friend. You're surprised how effortlessly you two got to know each other. She is so sorry about what she did to him, but her reasons remain unknown to anyone. He won't talk to anyone about what happened, either. The first months were the hardest, and you hated how you could do nothing to help him out of his hurting. You could only standby and watch. At least he's gotten better. He has control over himself.
He isn't the same, though. He must have really loved her deeply. A part of him is missing now, you can tell. His shoulders slump just a little more. His eyes are just a little dimmer. His smiles are just a little smaller. And every part of him that's different makes you love him more. You want to be the one to heal him completely.
But you're more broken than he is, so how can you? True, some of your heart's pieces have returned, but you're still nothing like how you were. Damaged beyond repair, is it? You manage a real smile, on occasion. Even some of the walls that you built up have come down. But you need him to feel whole. And you're not going to have him.
Your final year of high school is drawing to an inevitable ending. You have only a few weeks until the graduation ceremony. You cry when you think of what his plan for that day was. How he may never get his happiness again. But he's bound to fall for someone again; someone that will never break him. He'll find his one and only.
But you push these ideas away. It's only what's happening now that matters. He apologizes profusely for raising his hand to you all that time ago. You accept it without hesitation. You're best friends again. And you're happier. You'll smile for him.
Your college essays, which were sent out ages ago, have persuaded many schools to send acceptance letters. You choose to stay close to home. You'll be attending Konoha University in the fall. You hope to be a doctor. You'll find the cures for so many diseases; maybe you'll even find the one for a broken heart. You tell yourself that his attendance to the school had no affect on your decision, but you can't lie. He's the reason. You want to be able to see him day in and day out.
The Big Day is right around the corner. You cry some more. The majority of these people will never be seen again. You hug everyone. But some, you know, you're not going to give up. The loud blonde that you've been friends with since the Academy will be going to KU, too. The shy and painfully sweet girl who's been supporting you since middle school is also going. She, though, is going to Suna College. She says it will be easier for everyone. You're going to miss her so much.
The day comes. You're dressed in the crimson robes, the funny square hat with a golden tassel atop your head. Your name is called. You rise and walk onto the stage. You accept your high school diploma from the principle and shake multiple hands. You walk off. It's done. You've made it. Another piece of your heart returns. Maybe you can get through this. You smile at everyone who's looking at you. He is included in that group. Your heart, once so dormant, skips a beat when he smirks back.
People mill around after everyone gets their little scroll of parchment. You hug your mother and father. They tell you how proud they are of you. Your father goes off to talk to a friend. Your mother pulls you into another hug. You can't wait forever she tells you. She lets go, and wonders off to find your father.
You stand there, shocked. Was she talking about him? Why is everyone telling you to do something so crazy? You can't go and get him. You just can't. Your eyes drop to the floor, as does your heart. So, this is how it was…
A large hand takes hold of your upper arm. You jump is surprise. You whirl around and relax when you realize it's only him. He gives you a crooked smile. He tells you that he didn't mean to startle you. You get lost in his never-ending eyes. He tugs you towards a secluded area under a blooming cherry blossom tree.
You just sit there in complete silence for the longest time. You aren't bothered, though. His presence makes it hard to come up with a coherent thought. It's been so long since he's held your hand; you indulge in the simple warmth. You feel like, if the world was to end this very moment, you'd be content enough for it to happen. Not fully healed, but happy.
He, eventually, pulls away. He stares at the hand that you held. It's like he's trying to figure out some ancient language. He asks you if it's true. You don't want to know if he's figured it out. Not now. Not when everything was so good. He takes your silence as a yes. He says that he thought so.
You ask how long he's known. Since your freshman year is his response. She told him. He says that that opened his eyes. He felt stupid for not noticing earlier. He was so sorry to put you through that. He was so sorry, but that didn't mean he loved you, either. You nod. It's all your robotic brain can handle right now. You, slowly, rise. He looks at you, confusion in his onyx eyes.
You want to hold back your tears, but you can't. They overpower your senses. He's startled at the liquid that trickles down your cheek. He stands quickly and wipes it away with the pad of his thumb. You don't love me, you whisper. You don't… You'll never…
He stares at you for a moment. A smirk, but it's so soft, crosses his lips. He leans down towards you. You're trapped between his body and the tree trunk. He whispers that he does. That he has since the days at the swing set. He tells you that he went out with her because he didn't want the feel of unrequited love. He was so sorry. He whispers that he loves you. He loves you.
You break down. He wraps his arms around your waist, murmuring reassurances in your hair. It's so much like when he was the broken one. You won't walk away from him, though. No, you'll cling to him with your all. Now that he's yours. Your tears dry. You look up into his eyes.
He leans his face into yours. Your foreheads are touching. Your lips meet for the first time. And all the pieces of your shattered heart come flying back. You're whole again. The feel of his lips on yours is scorching. You want to prove how much you love him. This may be your only chance. You kiss back fervently. Your hands go around his neck to get a better hold.
When you separate for air an eternity later, you're both panting heavily. You look at his face. His cheeks are flushed a light crimson. His lips are slightly bruised-looking. He's so beautiful. He says he loves you again. You're elated when, now, you know it's true. You return the three words that mean so much.
He brings you in for another kiss. Your heart flutters blissfully. It felt the sting, the hurt, the rejection, the brokenness of unrequited love. Now, finally, it's soaring high, bringing you along with it.
Author's Note
Thank you for reading. Reviews would be lovely :)
xo, Katie
