Positively Perky and Other Stories
Transfiguration class
The sun came up slowly, rising over the mountains and streaming into the valley. Birds fluttered and chirped happily, reminding sleepy humans that the day had begun. Oh, and what a marvelous day it was to be! The leaves on the tree were turning from green to golden brown and red, and the air was crisp and sweet. Underneath the willow was a small cluster of rabbits…'
Minerva McGonagall looked up from the parchment and at her class. They were quietly studying and preparing for their next test while she graded the essays they'd just turned in.
"Mister Malfoy." Draco looked up from his text and smiled.
"Mister Malfoy, care to explain your essay?" Draco's smile was replaced with a look of confusion. Minerva pressed on.
"Mister Malfoy, do you know what the subject was for the essay?" By now the whole class had turned their attention towards Draco, who slowly shook his head 'no'. Minerva leaned back into her chair and folded her hands on her lap, frowning.
"It was about the dangers of transfiguring ones self into water-" Hermiones hand shot up into the hair. When she wasn't called upon directly she began waving her hand about frantically, and made a slightly constipated face.
"That wasn't a question Miss Granger." Hermione ignored the first part of the sentence, deciding to only hear her name. She stood and began to recite her essay.
"In the late 1700's the wizard Stephen Grugen put down on parchment in ink the first known spell to turn a wizard into water-"
"Miss Granger, please-"
"He introduced it to the wizarding world at the Witch Craft and Wizardry annual Convention. The magical population immediately embraced the spell, not knowing the evils that it harbored-"
"Miss Granger-"
"The obvious dangers of turning into water were ignored and the spell was placed in every standard text book, and taught in schools. Although there had been a few complaints to the ministry about mishaps, but they were more or less ignored, blaming the mishaps on the wizards incompetence and the newness of the spell-"
"Potter, Weasley, please, try to stop her."
"Actually, when she gets like this, it's really best just to let her finish, that way no one gets hurt or a lecture." Ron said. Harry nodded in agreement.
"The dangers finally became apparent when it was taught to a third year transfiguration class. The students practiced the spell a few times before turning themselves into water. However, when they reversed the spell, and turned back to humans, they found that they had lost or gained various body parts-"
"Arrrrrrrrrrgh!"
"This was due to the fact that water is a free flowing liquid, and when transformed into a free flowing liquid there is no guarantee that all of you will stay in one place. Your fingers may slip through a crack in the floor or someone else's leg may-"
At this point Minerva had a moment of clarity, and a light from heaven shone down upon her. She got an idea.
"Miss Granger, if you do not stop at once, I'll be forced to fail you!" Hermione's mouth clamped shut and she sat down immediately. The class let out a collective sigh and Minerva continued with Draco.
"Now, Mister Malfoy, what did you write your story about?" Draco's eyes lit up and he smiled in an excited manner.
"It is a children's story about rabbits!" He breathed excitedly, his hands balled in excited fists. Minerva raised an eyebrow.
"You took your medicine today, didn't?"
"Yup, and then some!" Draco chirped happily, pulling his legs underneath him.
"Why didn't you do the assignment?"
"What assignment? Oh, you mean the essay, I did that, but I didn't turn it in. Did you get to the part where Floppy and Dandelion are in the farmers garden and the cat comes?"
"No, not yet. Why didn't you turn in the essay?"
"It was to personal."
"You mean the reason you didn't turn it in is personal?"
"No, the essay itself is too personal." Draco's tone was serious. "Did you see the illustration at the end of page four?" But the tone didn't last long. Minerva shook her head and sighed.
"Perhaps you should lower your dosage."
Hallway
"Heeeeey, Roooooon!" Seamus ran up to the red head with his arms flaying. When he finally caught up with Ron, he leaned down, with his hands on his knees.
"Just….let…me…catch…my….breath." Ron crossed his arms over his chest and tapped his foot impatiently.
"What do you want Finnegan?"
"Hermione, she's, like stuck, or something!"
"Stuck?" Seamus flayed his arms some more as he explained.
"Yeah, like, her brain froze or something and know the only thing she can do is recite things from text books! At first, when she started in on Hogwarts History, we all thought it was routine, but she just kept going and going!"
"Not unlike the energizer bunny."
"Yeah-huh? Oh never mind! We have to go, I fear you are the only one who can save her!" And with that Ron and Seamus ran down the hall towards the Gryffindor tower.
Professor Sprouts Class
"Oh, what a glorious day!" Draco flung the door open and twirled around, his hands above his head. As he turned to face the rest of the class, who were sitting on the floor, white doves flew from his outstretched arms. As the doves flew, white flowers floated down to the students below. The doves circled the room twice, then left through an open window, leaving a trail of flower behind them. Professor Sprout smiled and clapped her hands together.
"What a wonderful spell, Draco!" Draco took a bow and sat down. Sprout patted his head and ruffled his hair.
"You've been so wonderful since you've taken those pills!" She said cheerily, to which Draco replied:
" Mr. Sun-Shine is happy, and Mother Nature has a smile on her face! Zip-a-dee-do-da Zip-a-dee-da!" Professor Sprout smiled, and moved to the front of the class. Her and Draco had never gotten along before; their personalities were too contradictory. But now they could be happy and perky together.
"Alright class, today we're going to learn about the Spring-plant. Does anyone know about the Spring-plant?" The class stared at her in silence, the Ravenclaws scribbled down the word 'Spring-Plant' on their parchment, and the Slytherins ignored her, well, except one Slytherin who had his hand in the air.
"I knooooow!" Sang Draco, waving his hand at the teacher.
"Yes, Draco?" Draco stood, and swayed back and forth in excitement.
"It's, it's, it's this plaaaaaant, and it only grows in the tropics, aaaaaaaand if you eaaaaat it by itself you'll die! But when mixed with the proper ingredients it makes healing potions, and, and, and flying potions!" The Slytherin's had gotten used to Draco's positively perky attitude by now, but it was shocking to the Ravenclaws, who still hadn't gotten over his enterance. Professor Sprout clapped and then hugged Draco, awarding him ten house points. A Raven claw leaned over towards Pansy.
"What's wrong with him? He seems so, so…"
"Happy, I know, isn't it terrible. The Professors got tired of his cold, mean, and depressing attitude and got him Prozac, Celexa, Zoloft, Paxil, and a bunch more and shoved them down his throat. It's so sad, I'm in mourning." Pansy cried softly. Blaise put a comforting arm around her.
"We all are." He explained, "To us, the real Draco has died."
"And he's never coming back! The happy pills killed him!" Pansy sobbed. The Ravenclaw scooted away slowly.
The Gryffindor Tower
"Ron's here!" Seamus announced as the two boys barreled into the common room. Hermione was standing erect in the middle of the room, her mouth was moving, but nothing was coming out.
"She isn't saying anything." Ron said, scratching his head.
"We put a silencing spell on her, she was reciting her potions book word for word!" Dean explained, dragging Ron closer to Hermione. Harry was sitting in an armchair with a book of spells perched on his lap. He looked up and gave a sigh of relief when he saw Ron.
"Thank god you're here! We've tried everything, even had Fred and George take a go at her." Ron stroked his chin with his hand and walked around her, studying her careful.
"What about trying what McGonagall did earlier? Just tell her she's failing something." Harry shook his head.
"We tried that already."
"How about tearing pages out of books and then burning them in front of her?"
"No good. We all did that to our potions books already."
"What about-"
"And our History of Hogwarts."
"Oh." Ron rubbed his temples in concentration. "Fondling her?"
"Yeah, didn't work."
"Really, 'cause I'd have thought…"