3. Making Good on One's Promises
Yumi is leaning against Sei at the lighted bus stop. There is no one but them, and they are quiet. Yumi is filled with the most confusing mass of thoughts. The only thing anchoring her at this time is Sei's arm around her shoulders. After saying good night to Youko, they are here. An island of light in the darkness. They can see their breath plume as the night is a cold one. Snow is definitely on the way. Yumi is cold and hot at the same time. She is attempting to push Sachiko out of her mind, and focus on the woman beside her. Tomorrow, she will deal with it. Tonight, it is all about Yumi and Sei. Yumi needs to talk to Sei about this. Sei has been so quiet since Youko left. She is holding her, but she is not here.
-Sei?
Yumi feels Sei take a deep breath.
-Are you sure you don't want me to take you home?
It is the second time that Sei has asked. Yumi pulls on the lapel on Sei's gabardine, getting her attention. Sei looks at her, her face wearing that remote expression again. What are you hiding with that face, Sei?
-Tell me.
Yumi states baldly. She has been shaken enough for one day, she needs Sei to be open with her now. This girl she is sharing her body with. Yumi is feeling very young at this point. Young and naïve. Yumi feels it is her right, now, to ask this of Sei, and ask her this way. Sei is still not smiling. She reaches around with her other arm, and pulls Yumi into a hug, burying her face in Yumi's hair. Sei says her name, an indescribable tone to her voice. It is full of longing, full of desire. Yumi reaches her own arms around Sei's waist, pulling her in, her face in Sei's neck. They stand, leaning into each other, so much to say, so much need, too few words known to them to articulate all that is in their hearts.
-I want you with me, Yumi. I want you with me, and no one else.
Yumi hears a new timbre in Sei's voice. It is a sound between anger and sadness, if that is possible.
-I thought you knew about Sachiko's feelings and chose me anyway. You really didn't know, Yumi. Sachiko wants you. What are you going to do? How will you act on it? She is your Onee-sama.
Yumi can feel the weight of Sei's worries. Can feel a pressure, feels torn inside. Yumi leans further into Sei. There are no words in Yumi for this situation. Jealousy. This is yet another first. Yumi knows, in a distant way, what this is. She feels she should reassure Sei, deny any actions on her behalf. But the words will not come, not the comforting ones she knows she should supply. Part of her feels like she has already shown Sei her decision. That night in the Rose Mansion, today in the greenhouse. It is not enough, Yumi realises. Yumi can hear the bus approaching. They break apart, and Sei is looking at her. There is trepidation, there is anger, there is fear. Yet she is being careful. Careful, careful not to scare Yumi. Yumi is aware of the balancing act being performed by Sei. Yumi is going to have to show Sei again. And again. Gently, treading softly around the finely constructed walls of Sei's heart.
-Do you want me, Sei?
The bus is coming to a stop, the doors snapping open. Yumi is leaving this decision to Sei. Yumi cannot make this happen. She just needs a way in.
Sei finally smiles, her eyes glinting in the light from the bus. She grabs Yumi's hand, and starts toward it.
-What a question to ask, Yumi-chan. You make me weak at the knees.
Yumi stumbles slightly at this admission, which makes Sei chuckle. And Sei does not let go of Yumi's hand for the duration of their trip. Sei is fully into entertainment mode. Yumi genuinely finds Sei funny, even though she has always been advised not to encourage Sei. But when Sei is on form, there is nothing to do except enjoy the ride. Yumi knows that Sei is distracting them. She knows that this issue is not settled. However, in line with her original intention, she wants tonight to be about them. There is a resolve growing in her. A fire in her belly, a twitch in her hands. Yumi is studying Sei's mouth, the way it moves when she whispers, the easy smiles. Absent-mindedly, she reaches out and runs her fingers across the lips. She knows how they feel pressed against hers. She shivers as she recalls them on her neck, her shoulders, her breasts.
Sei is quiet. Yumi's fingers leave Sei's lips, to stroke the soft skin of Sei's cheek. Continuing on, she reaches the curve of her ear, and on into the soft hair. Holding onto a lock, she runs the length of it through her fingers, twirling it, until she runs out of hair. Yumi looks up, meeting Sei's eyes. Sei looks slightly dazed. Yumi knows how she feels. They are in a no where land, a place that does not exist outside of them. They could be on a bus, a roller coaster, a space shuttle. They could be anywhere. There is only now, a world of now, a universe of yes.
-As if it could be anyone but you, Sei.
Yumi whispers, trying to put everything she is feeling into those words, asking with everything she has, that Sei believe it. With those simple yet honest words, she is trying to convey the depth of her many chambered heart. That she is discovering that there is room for so much inside her. That she gave herself to the one person she can trust without reservation. That yes, Satou Sei can throw her off balance, has entered her life and expanded it within a few short months. That within the space of three days, she has been taken apart, and Sei has the parts to rebuild her. She is trying to say, I want everything you have to give. She is trying to say: Trust me, now.
She lifts Sei's hand, and kisses the back of it. The only thing she can think to do on this bus moving through the night. The scenery familiar even in the dark. She can see buildings passing by in her periphery, a backdrop to Sei. Sei who is breaking.
The bus is making its final turn into the train station. It shudders to a halt, and the two girls are drawn from their contemplation of each other. Hand in hand, they depart the bus. Hand in hand they make their way into the station, which is practically deserted at this hour. They pass through the turnstiles, and Yumi goes to the opposite platform to her usual one. She is suddenly overcome with curiosity. She is going to see Sei's house. Sei does not talk about her family much. The only things Yumi knows for certain is that she is an only child, her father is a CEO of something, and that her parents appear to be away a lot. Tagging onto the end of that thought is the idea that Sei might be lonely. Before she can pursue that with Sei, Sei is handing Yumi her cell phone.
-They will be worried.
Sei says, a wicked smile curving her lips.
-What are you going to tell them Yumi-chan?
Sei is looking forward to this, Yumi thinks, as she has forgotten that her family might be worried. Swept away in the moment, everything else simply does not exist. The mundane things, like eating and worried mothers.
-Are you going to tell them truth? That you are going to spend the night committing crimes against nature with one of you seniors? Hmmmm?
-You make it sound so nasty. I am going to tell them a version of the truth. If I'm with you, Mom won't mind too much. You're a Rosa, and to be trusted completely. If only they knew what you're really like.
-I'm wounded!
Yumi mouths 'good' as the call connects. Sei laughs, a real laugh.
-When nobody is watching, hmm, Yumi-chan?
Yumi waves Sei away. She spends the rest of the waiting time explaining why she is spending the night with Rosa Gigantea. All parents of Lillians students hear the word 'Rosa' and never question what their daughter may be doing. Most of their mothers or aunts had attended the school, and they will allow almost anything. Yumi, being a member of the vaunted Yamayurikai itself, could spend the week away from home if she wanted to. Her own Onee-sama is tantamount to royalty, if such a thing still existed in Japan. Sei, by virtue of this connection, and the fact that she has spoken with her parents before, receives the same treatment. She disconnects after promising to make it to school on time, and get something to eat.
Handing Sei back her phone as the train pulls up, they clasp hands again. Their carriage is empty, so there is no need for whispering. Yumi informs Sei that she is to feed her and get her to school on time, by the way. Yumi laughs at the face Sei makes. Sei mutters that Yumi may just turn out to be too much work and that, from the bottom of her heart, she hopes Yumi is worth it. Yumi leans over and kisses Sei. She is feeling bold, the carriage is empty, and Sei is asking for it. This is how they pass the time on their way to Sei's neighbourhood. Joking and laughing, kissing and flirting. They are relaxed and happy. They are alone, with no reason to hide. They are brimming with excitement, they are shining. Each exchange is a confirmation of their specialness to each other. These are golden moments in their lives. Some things change, and some things do not. Time is a river, love is a boat. There will be many ports, many new places visited, but this time, this now, will be captured, a photograph that will hang in their minds. When we were young, when we shone.
Yumi is not paying attention to the stations being announced, but finally, Sei stands up, taking Yumi with her. They come out onto the platform, Sei leading the way. They are through the turnstiles, and out into a neighbourhood Yumi has never visited. It is slightly more affluent that hers; the houses a little bit bigger, more garden space. Ultimately, though, it is like her own, the same grid pattern of suburban Tokyo. Sei, it turns out, does not live far from the station. A cold ten minute walk later, and Sei is unlocking a gate to a large house, that is dark, clearly nobody home.
Yumi feels curiosity rising in her again, warring with some complex emotions made up of some parts fear, some parts excitement. I am actually here, is the predominant thought in her slightly feverish mind. I am actually at Satou Sei's house, and I am going to spend the night with her. Yumi has never actually slept with another person, in the platonic sense. She has spent the night in friend's homes, but never slept in the same bed with them. I am unprepared for this, is the other thought that floats to the surface. Considering what Sei and Yumi have already done, she feels a little foolish for thinking this, but there it is.
Sei is locking the gate behind them, and they are now at the front door. Sei rushes in to the sound of beeping, and turns off the alarm system. Yumi waits on the door step, her manners will not allow her to enter without a formal invite. Which Sei gives her over her shoulder, turning on lights as she does so. Yumi steps in, closing the door behind her. Sei takes Yumi's gabardine, hanging it with her own on a coat stand. Removing her shoes, she follows after Sei, the house, stage by stage being illuminated.
They arrive at the kitchen, Sei pointing out that she has to attend to her first duty of feeding Yumi. Laughing at this, Yumi pulls her lunch box out of her bag, saying it would be a shame to waste it. After peering into the depths of a large fridge, Sei agrees. Yumi offers some to Sei, who declines, preferring instead to make tea. Sei informs Yumi that cooking is not her thing, tea however, is something she truly loves. Yumi delves into her lunch, as Sei goes about making tea. Yumi is feeling surreal. Satou Sei in her home environment. Watching Sei walk around her kitchen, Yumi is struck by how out of place she is. This house is like stage set, Yumi thinks. No body really lives here. She has to ask.
-Sei, where are your parents? You so rarely speak of them.
Sei pauses, standing by the kettle.
-We have a bit of an odd situation here, Yumi-chan. Father is a CEO, I'm sure I have told you that before. In fact, he is the CEO of a few companies. But not in this prefecture. For the most part, Mother and him live there, leaving this house here for me until I graduate. When I move out for college, they will sell the house, and live there permanently.
-So you are all alone here? All the time?
-Yup. They come for a visit now and again, to make sure the house is ok. I threatened to sell it once. We talk on the phone a lot. Regular deposits into my bank account. They have taught me to be independent.
-How long? You did what?
-Just this last year. I threatened to sell the house. I wanted a car. Which I got.
There is a smirk on her face. It is bitter. And Yumi feels badly for Sei. She could not imagine having her family away from her. A genial father, a loving mother. Everything ordinary. A protective, if sometimes confused brother, whom thankfully she gets along well with. Everything so different. Sei really does live in a different world to her. It is not Sachiko different, but related. Perhaps this is why Sei has so much time for Sachiko. Tea is made, and Sei places it in front of Yumi. Sei sits beside her.
-Don't feel sorry for me Yumi. I really don't mind. I have a lot of freedom for someone my age.
-The price of freedom is what freedom brings.
Sei looks at her, shocked.
-What? I can read too, you know.
-You are full of surprises, Yumi-chan.
-I think I should be offended.
Sei laughs, as does Yumi.
Yumi finds that her appetite is not really that great after all. She pushes the remains to one side, and pulls the tea towards her. Sei is sipping from her own cup, her eyes bright over the rim. She is studying Yumi. Yumi cocks her head to one side, asking what the matter is. Sei laughs, an easy, sexy laugh, sending shivers down Yumi's spine.
-I can't believe you're here. It's very strange, looking at you, sitting in my kitchen, drinking tea.
Yumi wholeheartedly agrees with this. How odd it is, to be in Sei's house, not just as a friend, but as her lover. Yumi pauses again at that, like she did earlier today. Lover. I am a lover. A word she has only read in books, never even heard in everyday conversation. Not a friend, but not a girlfriend. An in between state of being. What are they to each other? Yumi is about to follow that train of though, when Sei calls her back.
-Where did you go, Yumi?
Yumi shakes her head, and smiles at Sei. Sei asks her if she wants a tour of the house. Yumi declines, not wanting to see the rest of this big empty house. What she really wants to see is Sei's bedroom. She wants to see something of Sei, as nothing so far holds any connection to her. Actually, Sei in this house makes no sense. Sei is lively and energetic. This place is cold. Sei is not cold. Or empty. Yumi wonders what Sei's parents are like, to produce such a child. Or did Sei turn out Sei despite them? Yumi reaches across the gap separating them, sliding over the table, touching her fingertips to Sei's. They both look down at their hands.
-I'll let you in on a secret, Yumi. I'm scared too.
Sei's voice is quiet in the large empty kitchen. It almost disappears in the space. Yumi looks to Sei's face, but Sei is still looking at their hands.
-My Onee-sama said to me before she graduated, that when I found something I really liked, I should take a step back. I did that with Shimako. I intentionally kept my distance from her. You know, it turned out to be the right thing to do.
Sei uses her other hand to brush her bangs out of her eyes. She leans in, and with the same hand, pulls Yumi's chair toward her, turning it, until her knees are either side of Yumi's. With one hand she grasps Yumi's hand, with the other, the back of Yumi's neck, pulling her gently to her, her lips by Yumi's ear.
-But Yumi. I couldn't keep my hands off you. How could I keep my distance? I'm trying, trying to give us both space to breathe. Yumi, I can't. Everyday I look at you, I touch you. I can't leave you alone.
Yumi shudders at the feeling of Sei breathing in her ear, telling her secrets. This is a first for both of them. Sei being scared is one thing, admitting it is another. Sei is so serious now, so open and honest. There is nothing but Sei now, and Yumi can nearly touch her, touch what is inside of the other girl. Yumi feels as if she is holding Sei, the essence of Sei in her hands. Yumi has felt Sei moving inside of her body, has been spread and open to her, naked before her, but this is a level of intimacy Yumi has never felt before. There is no flirting, no laughter. Sei cannot even look at her to say this. It is an offering to Yumi, to do with what she will. Sei is trusting her. And Yumi promises to do right by that. She makes an oath in her head, that no matter what happens with them, she will try to do right by them. That she will honour this feeling, this trust, this intimacy.
Again, Yumi cannot find the words to equal the honest feelings Sei is entrusting to her. There are any number of things she can say at this point, but they can never be enough, cannot begin to describe what is passing through her mind. Yumi decides to stay quiet. She decides to show Sei. The words will come later, for now they have later. They have hours of later. Yumi pulls her head back, and kisses Sei, moulding her lips to hers. She is hard against Sei, pushing into her, pushing her feelings into her. And she can feel it, feel Sei respond to her, push back, answer her unspoken question.
They are kissing, connecting. There is magic here, as everything else falls away in the heat of this kiss. They are opening further to each other, peeling back layers, finding their way through the maze of another person. This is how they learn to be strong and weak. This is where they learn the meaning of those words, and how to apply them. Their minds grappling with the impact of growing up, growing out, their bodies maturing faster than their emotions, hormonal surges swirling through them. And this kiss, this kiss will undo them, will make all the good intentions fall away, burn up in the scorching, gorgeous kiss. Yumi loves the way Sei's lips feel on hers, loves the wetness, the feeling of Sei opening her up to slide her tongue into her mouth.
Sei is standing, bringing Yumi with her. Yumi reaches around Sei's waist, pulling her in, Sei is pushing into her. They are breathing heavily, the empty kitchen alive with the sounds they are making, echoing slightly. Their hips are rocking together, a seamless intimate dance. They know the bodies they are touching. They know what to touch and where. They are continuing on from where they left off today, they are picking up a train of thought derailed by real life and obligations. Now they are alone, in an empty house, they are going to take advantage of no prying eyes, or concerned friends. Yumi is here with Sei, and the real world is forgotten for the one that is turning between them, the one that is setting them to yearning.
Sei breaks the kiss. She pulls back and cups Yumi's face in her hands, her breath comes fast, her pupils dilate. She is looking hard into Yumi. Yumi hopes that her face that has given her away in the past, is giving her away again. She hopes that everything she feels for Sei is showing, that she is ready for this, that she wants this. All Sei has to do is say yes, say: now. Sei's serious face breaks into a smile, that is a mask. She is scared, Yumi feels it, and it resonates in her. Sei's hands slide down her arms, and grasp her hands. She is squeezing gently, and turning now from Yumi, letting go of one hand, and leading her. They move in silence through the house, up a short flight of stairs, and to Sei's bedroom. Sei pushes open the door and they stand at the threshold, each girl leaning against a side of the frame, looking at each other.
This is the last wall, Yumi thinks. This is the final step to Sei. Excitement is filling her, and like the first time, she takes the step. She is sure, and she knows, absolutely, that Sei is sure. Yumi moves off the door frame, and reaches out to Sei. She catches the knot on Sei's sailor collar, and pulls it loose. Slowly, she pulls down the zipper, exposing Sei to her once again. Down goes the zipper, and her breath catches, as once again she sees the creamy skin come into view. Sei watches what Yumi's hand is doing. Yumi wants to see what she saw today. Wants Sei to forget herself, take the leash off her desire. She wants to see Sei's eyes darken with want, her face wild, her hands sure. She wants Sei to take control of this. To be Sei. Yumi's arousal is mounting, an ache between her legs, a tingle in her lips.
She is opening the uniform now, pushing it off Sei's shoulders, down her arms. Freeing Sei's arms, she takes hold of her hands, and pulls them toward her, pulling Sei toward her, placing Sei's hands on her breasts, directing them, and that is all Sei needs. Her eyes snap up, onto Yumi's and there she is, Yumi rejoices silently. The want is evident. The hesitancy is gone, and Yumi's heart jumps into overdrive. And Sei is against her, her hands unwrapping Yumi, her mouth, hot and sure, her kiss loving and confident, her touch lustful and gentle.
You are many things, Satou Sei, Yumi thinks, as she feels her bra being undone. You are strange and complicated, she thinks, as her uniform falls to the floor. You are mostly misunderstood, her mind continues, as Sei's lips move over her neck, trailing fire, her own hands pushing Sei's uniform off over her hips. You are wise and whimsical, Yumi's mind is streaming words, as her hands reach for Sei's bra strap, Sei's lips are moving further down her body, she is on her knees in front of Yumi. You are so many things, Satou Sei, you are a paradox, as she feels her panties being gently pulled down her legs, her hands tangling in the soft tawny hair. So many things, to so many people, but tonight, you are just mine.
Sei's mouth is roaming over Yumi's belly, her hands clasping the backs of Yumi's thighs. Yumi's hands fall from Sei's hair to her shoulders, as the strength leaves her knees, she slumps onto Sei's lap. She is caught by warm arms, encircling her, a hotter mouth on her breasts. Sei's hands move down her back, down to cup Yumi's backside, tipping her forward onto Sei. Yumi's groin is pressing against Sei's belly, the pressure causing her to moan. Sei leans back against the door frame, and takes one of Yumi's nipples into her mouth, sucking her, her tongue flicking over it. Yumi cries out at this, her fingers digging into Sei's shoulders. Sei moves to her other breast, repeating what she did with the other nipple. Yumi is moaning, loud, her pelvis moving of its own accord, a mind of its own, as she pulses against Sei, feeling her own wetness there.
-I'm going to lose my mind, Sei.
She whispers, grasping Sei by the hair, pulling her back, kissing her hard, hard and hungry. Sei gently pushes Yumi back, and looks up at Yumi, her face serious and sensuous, her lips red and full. And Yumi is caught up in the wonder of Sei again, the wonder of them, together, like this. That she should look at Yumi this way, that she, Yumi, should cause such emotion to ripple through Sei. They are so close, their chests and bellies tight to each other, sharing air, Yumi can once again feel Sei's heartbeat. Can feel the thumping of it just below her breasts, is suffused with a crystalline awareness of Sei's skin, her warmth, her aliveness, her thereness. We are here, Yumi thinks, a small amount of awe trickling through her thoughts. Looking at Sei, and the face she knows so well, the face that never bores her, she is full of one thought. Yumi wants to know what Sei feels like inside. She wants to enter her, like Sei did for her. She wants Sei to know what that feels like, to be filled by another, to have that pleasure.
A slow smile spreads on Sei.
-Lets go to bed, Yumi.
She urges Yumi up with her hands. Yumi stands, and holds her hand out to Sei. Holding hands, they move to Sei's double bed. Sei turns on a side lamp, illuminating the room in a soft warm glow. Sight seeing will have to wait, Yumi thinks, as Sei is pulling back the covers, is slipping under them. Randomly, Yumi wonders at the difference between lying on a bed, and getting into bed. She wonders this, as she slides into bed with Sei, into the warm embrace, and has the covers drawn up over her. She keeps wondering about the gulf of difference between the two states, and the thought fragments and blows away as she realises that she is in bed with Satou Sei, and that she is kissing and touching Yumi, and they are naked together, in bed, and that this is making love. This is what it means to make love. That they have the whole night to themselves, and that this is not a table in a school council room, nor is it a bench in a greenhouse. This is Sei's bed, where she thinks and rests, sleeps and dreams, hides and cries. This is her room, her bed, her world, and Yumi is in all of it.
Sei is kissing Yumi again, is holding her so close. She can feel the entire length of Sei, from her lips to her ankles. Yumi rolls onto her back, and Sei moves on top of her, never breaking the kiss, her thigh sliding between Yumi's legs, pressing against her groin. Yumi wraps one arm around Sei's neck, and another around her waist, and pulls her in as tight as she can, hazy in her perceptions, drunk on the feel and smell of Sei so close to her, her tongue licking at Sei's. She can feel her, so close, so warm, one of Sei's hands behind her head, cradling her, her other hand on her leg, encouraging her to drape it over Sei's hip. And the kiss goes on, deep, intense. Her groin is moving on Sei's smooth thigh, the feeling overwhelming her, as they are naked and this is not something that has to be done in a hurry. Even in the Rose Mansion, there was the sense of urgency, the obligation to leave and go home. But not this time.
And Sei is moving, her mouth leaving Yumi's, over her chin, to her neck, her hand massaging the back of Yumi's neck. She moves down Yumi's chest, touching lightly with her lips, moving her body on top of Yumi, opening Yumi's legs, moving between them, going lower. She relinquishes her hold on Yumi's neck, caressing Yumi and she moves lower still. Sei seems set on kissing every part of Yumi. The response from her own body is still so surprising, though she expects it. The soft strength of Sei's hands making themselves known on her breasts, her ribs, her hips. The ecstasy of Sei moving on top of her. And that is what it is, an ecstasy. The sensation of her legs being spread further apart as Sei moves lower still, her hands still trailing on Yumi's body, still touching and exploring, as Sei's tongue does the same, as she writes on Yumi with it, as if a secret code is being burned into her skin, as if there is something of desperate importance to be said, and can only be understood this way.
And Sei is going lower again, and that is when Yumi comes a little to her senses, enough to question where Sei is going.
-What...
Sei stops and looks up at Yumi, lifting her head enough to rest her chin just above where Yumi's pubic hair starts. There is a lost look on Sei's face, her eyes hooded with lust, a look Yumi recognises instantly. Her bangs are falling into her eyes, her hair dishevelled, begging to be touched, the whole picture exciting Yumi to the point of near overload. Just how sexy can one person be, she wonders, regarding the woman between her legs. Sei is asking her, has been asking her, can she do this? And Yumi suddenly does not care what happens next, Sei can do what ever she wants now, ask anything of Yumi, and Yumi will give it, will surrender. And she does. Reaching out a slightly trembling hand, she brushes Sei's bangs off her face, and leaving her fingers entwined in her hair, she applies some pressure, pushing Sei down to where she needs her.
Sei does not smile, but her features shift subtly, her expression becomes something else, something Yumi cannot identify, but her heart breaks a little. This whole experience has been a lesson in the delicacy of her heart. She is beginning to picture it like the safety glass in a car, something that can develop little cracks and stars, yet remain serviceable. She is also discovering the depth of her heart, that the events that break it are not necessarily bad, that sometimes breaking is good, as it allows feelings in, new feelings, as well as letting them out. And this expression, this two way surrender, is causing a crack, that will reach far into Yumi, something she will look back on and think: this is where I found heart and soul. This is where I found meaning in action.
And Sei's face in now in Yumi's most intimate place, her eyes still locked on Yumi's. Her tongue is on her clitoris, a wet, sublime softness. Yumi moans and bucks at the contact, her mind unravelling as Sei does it again, harder, her tongue moving against her, travelling around it, under and over it, then back to a place that makes Yumi whimper. And she stays there, having found the place best for Yumi, and licks, a hard and steady movement of her tongue. Yumi feels like crying, this new sensation is almost too much. It is an odd combination of gentle and hard, to think that such a small movement would cause such a large reaction in her.
She now has both her hands in Sei's hair, she is lifting her hips off the bed and is pressing herself into Sei's face, the act unconscious on her behalf. Her body knows what it wants, and it wants this, wants all of this. Sei is holding onto her hips, stroking them, squeezing them, anchoring Yumi is place, as her tongue pushes Yumi, and within minutes, Yumi feels the build of her orgasm, feels the extraordinary pressure of it in her clit, in her head. She feels herself reaching her breaking point, and no longer being able to keep her eyes open, she comes, the last image she sees is of Sei's grey eyes, sharp and intent on her face. She comes hard, colours exploding behind her eyelids, as she grips Sei's hair tighter, pushing her harder against her groin. Then she relaxes, and lets her hands drop to her sides. She keeps her eyes shut, as all her muscles relax after being wound so tight.
Sei is kissing her inner thighs. The sweetness of this is what opens Yumi's eyes again. She gets Sei's attention by running her fingers through her hair. Sei looks up at her and is smiling, a soft expression on her face. Yumi can feel her own face matching it, and her heart feels very full. Wondering briefly if it will sustain another crack before this night is over, she urges Sei to come up, wanting to kiss her so badly, she is feeling a little frantic. Yumi tastes herself on Sei's mouth. She can smell herself now, and it is strange thing indeed, to taste herself on someone else. Another first, she thinks, kissing all around Sei's lips and chin, overcome with curiosity. Sei is laughing gently, trying to catch Yumi's lips for a proper kiss, which she gets.
Yumi is holding Sei to her, loving the feel of her there. Loving the feel of Sei's cheek rubbing against hers. It would be easy to stay this way, but there is something Yumi wants to do. Something she is desperate to do. She wants to please Sei. She wants to show Sei what she has been doing to Yumi. Why this feeling is so addictive, so all encompassing. Stretching out, she gently pushes Sei off her, and onto her back, rolling with her, she is now straddling Sei. Sei wears an apprehensive expression. It is slight, but noticeable to Yumi, who knows her face so well. She kisses Sei again, and again, and can feel her relax into the kiss.
And Yumi is struck again by the enormity of what they are doing, can feel the threads of their lives plait together, knowing that this is one of the most important actions she will ever take. She kisses Sei, sliding her groin against the rough hairs of Sei's centre, feeling the readiness build in her again. The ebb and flow of Sei's hands as they glide over her back, her shoulders, feeling Sei's hips lift off the bed and press against her. Yumi is unsure how to continue, and wonders how Sei knew how. She wonders how Sei knew about what she just did to her. Questions for another time. Yumi definitely wants to know the answers, though, and will not forget to ask.
Yumi breaks the kiss, and sits back, the covers falling down, and pooling around her hips and Sei's legs. Carefully avoiding Sei's questioning look, she needs to take a breath. She looks down the length of herself, to where her groin meets Sei's, and up along the soft whiteness of Sei's body. Her bellybutton, her nearly visible ribs, her breasts, her flushing chest. Her collarbones, her shoulders, the arms that are slightly raised, the hands that are resting on Yumi's thighs. Which brings her back to where they meet. The soft glow of the bedside lamp casts them in a gentle, surreal light. And Yumi feels out of her depth. She is going to have to be the aggressor here. She is going to be the one to make this go well for Sei. She feels a great responsibility. I am older, now, she thinks, her hands resting on top of Sei's. We are older, we have changed.
Finally raising her eyes to Sei, she meets loving regard. For an infinity, they hold this moment. And all that passes between them, all the things that words cannot convey, all the meanings that hide behind words, are in this moment, that no matter what happens, this is what they are to each other. Love is an idea they are exploring, and lust is a reality they are confirming with their bodies. A combination of both is what is binding them together. This concept cannot wear words, as it is instigated by glances and condoned by touches. The sound of it is flesh meeting flesh, of moans and sighs. It is in the silent roar of surrender, and the grateful, surprising laugh of satisfaction. This has no words, this has nothing any language can describe. It the universal, writ small, a microcosm, pulling down from the darkness of night, imploding, the germ of a realisation in a sixteen year old girl's head, bleeding out into reality, as brown eyes meet grey, and Yumi leans in to kiss Sei again, manoeuvring her knees between Sei's, and gently easing them apart.
Sitting back to smooth her hands along Sei's thighs, she sees Sei for the first time, looks right at another woman, and Sei chose the right word last night. Beautiful. As is the blush that appeares on Sei's face. Yumi fights her own face on this, but a smile breaks through nonetheless. Of all the things she thought she would see, a blush on Satou Sei was never one of them.
-Don't laugh!
Sei is laughing now too. Yumi delights in the sound of it.
-You're blushing. I never thought I would see that. Ever. If only I could take a picture.
-Don't do that, for god's sake!
-Should I call Tsutako-san, see if she is free?
-To take a picture of what, exactly? You're not looking at my face any more, Yumi.
Yumi finds that she can blush now too, and laugh at the same time, an unusual and heady mixture of feelings, as she reaches out her hand, and caresses Sei's groin, and the laughter tapers off. Yumi touches Sei's clitoris, lightly, dipping lower into the wetness of Sei. Sei gasps Yumi's name. Yumi slowly brings her fingers back to Sei's clit, and focuses on it, making Sei groan. Oh, there is a power in this, Yumi thinks, and it scares her a little, seeing that lost look on Sei's face again. I could ask anything of you, anything at all, and you would give it. She pushes this thought aside.
Placing her free hand beside Sei's head, she leans down, she dips her head to kiss Sei's taut belly, feeling the heat of her skin, the flexing of her muscles, and the excitement of Sei transmitting through Yumi's lips. She keeps her fingertips on Sei, marvelling at the hardness of her clit, the silky wetness. She kisses further, creating an unhurried path up Sei's body, stretching herself out, lifting herself and straddling Sei's thigh. Drawing her tongue along Sei's sternum, making her way to the column of Sei's neck, all the while learning what makes Sei's breath ragged, her fingers busy on Sei. She kisses up the side of her neck, over the defined jaw, finishing at Sei's lips. Her free hand slips under Sei's neck, and Yumi anchors her hand on Sei's shoulder, pulling her closer.
Sei's hand is in her hair now, her other hand around her waist. They are so close, tight against each other, Sei's thigh between Yumi's legs, Yumi's hand between Sei's. Their skin is hot, they are sweating, they are moving, their friction igniting them. Sei is jerking her hips, pressing herself hard against Yumi's fingers, and she is wetter now, Yumi can feel. So is Yumi, creating a slick rhythm against Sei's thigh, as Sei is choking out half cries of pleasure, as her body dances under Yumi's ministrations, Yumi cannot help but respond. Sei pulls her head back slightly, her eyes open, pleading.
Yumi does not ask what she wants, as she knows. She begged last night, pleaded to be finished, to be completed, and Sei gave that to her. Now it is her turn. And she is honoured. Moving her fingers from Sei's clitoris, she feels her way to her opening. She finds it, and stops. She holds Sei's wet groin in her hand for a moment, her fingers resting against her, this last barrier. She locks eyes with Sei, and takes a deep breath.
With two of her fingers, she pushes into Sei, meeting slight resistance, but she pushes on regardless. Sei's eyes show surprise, then they are wincing. Yumi empathises with her. She buries her face in Sei's hair, and begins murmuring. Small words, but strong, softly spoken, as she finds a meter with her fingers that Sei matches. She thrusts into Sei, each time causing Sei to cry out, softly, to call her name, her hands spasmodically squeeze Yumi, digging her fingers into her flesh, as Yumi thrusts repeatedly, feeling the inside of another person, feeling things she never would have imagined had she spent any time contemplating the inside of another woman.
Sei is so wet, so hot, so many things. Yumi can feel her own body getting ready, can feel the pressure, that unbelievable, delicious pressure. Sei is louder now, her grip tighter. Yumi is running out of words, and finds herself saying Sei's name over and over, as she feels Sei's vagina tighten around her fingers, but she goes on, not stopping, harder and faster. Time feels as if it has stopped. Sei clenches again on her, her grip painful on Yumi, the hand in her hair releases, and grips the headboard. Sei's hips are off the bed, meeting the thrusts of Yumi, driving herself onto Yumi's fingers, Sei's thigh pressed hard against her, Yumi grinds down on it.
Yumi can feel the build of Sei's orgasm, recognises the loss of control, the wildness in her movements, but this is so different, she can feel it from the inside. She feels the source of the wetness she has only felt against her skin, now she is feeling it with her sensitive fingers. Sei is clenching again, but differently this time. Sei's cries are loud and desperate now. Yumi raises her head and fixes on Sei's face, the open vulnerability of it, the redness of her effort, the slight sheen of sweat, something she can feel on herself. Sei is not looking at her. Her eyes are closed, she is completely in her body now, she is racing towards her climax, trusting Yumi to take her there, to finish what they have started. And Yumi does.
There is a pause, a blink of an eye when they stop, and Sei releases, crying out her pleasure, flooding Yumi's hand. Yumi pushes again into her, wanting to hear that sound again, the sound of Sei's orgasm, the sound her actions caused. And she does, until Sei's hand lets go of the headboard, and the other falls from Yumi's waist. With great care, Yumi slowly removes her fingers from Sei, bringing whimpers from Sei. Yumi reassures her with nonsense words, words one would use on a child.
Yumi buries her face back in Sei's hair, her grip tightening on Sei's shoulder, pulling her in. Her other hand is on Sei's hip, and she uses this to bring their bodies closer, as she melts into Sei. She is feeling many things now, as her breathing returns to normal, as she feels Sei calm down. It pleases her that she is the one to do this with Sei. It pleases her beyond measure that this is always something she will share with the other woman. It saddens her that they cannot stay this way. With this incredible event that they are sharing, they will forever have to justify it. Sachiko floats momentarily through her mind. Sei's arms come back, and tighten around her, and all thoughts of Onee-sama drift away, dissipating in the nearness of Sei, in the shelter of her embrace. Sei moves her head back, and moves them around, pushing Yumi onto her back, kissing her. Yumi does not know she is crying until Sei is wiping her tears away.
Sei is cupping her face, shifting on top of her, between her legs, and she is greeted by Sei from lips to groin, and she has never felt so close to another person. Has never felt this peace and completeness with anybody else. She is full of Sei, she even smells like her. Sei is kissing her, is moving her hand down between their bodies, is finding Yumi's centre, is entering her. Yumi cannot help her reactions to Sei's touch, cannot help but be moved by her all over again. She is still crying, but she is not sad, neither is she happy. She has moved beyond such mundane descriptions of her feelings. There is a world of their own creation here, there is a universe of love and understanding, of just them, just Yumi and Sei, in a girl's bedroom in the suburbs of Tokyo, two girls moving to the rhythm of their flesh, developing a new language.
As Sei thrusts into Yumi, slamming Yumi to orgasm once again, Yumi feels like the top of her head is coming off. She is moaning, and Sei moans with her, so in tandem are they. And this movement is so sweet, so unplanned. The choreography of their sex is synced, like their breathing, like their thoughts, like their intent, they are opening a path to one another again, in this one perfect moment, when Yumi comes, and it is massive. It is huge this feeling of release, bigger than before, as she is swearing allegiance to all the promises she has been making over the last few days.
She cries out, long and loud, letting go of anguish, letting go of worry. So they may not be able to stay this way forever, but she can try to make the time that they have count. She will make her decisions, she will stand by them. Sei is swallowing her cry, is taking it from her, this older girl, this girl who desperately wants to be a protector, but Yumi does not want that. She knows what Sei will do. She knows she will take the blame for what happened between them. The realisation comes like finally figuring out algebra. So obvious, she wonders how she missed it in the first place.
Her body is shaking with the aftermath of her orgasm, and she is relaxing, and Sei is there, still on top of her, still moving against her, her fingers leaving her. Yumi will not let her go yet, and wraps her arms around Sei's shoulders, holding her in place, the smell of her sweat now so familiar to her. The softness of the skin on her back and the nape of her neck, all so familiar. It sends a shiver through Yumi. I know you completely, she thinks. Your body at least, she amends, a smile bending her lips. But I think I know you better on the inside too. In fact, I think I know you better than anyone, so much have I watched you since I met you. You, who I never noticed until that day in the Rose Mansion, as I was chasing after Sachiko. I still did not notice you until you made me notice you. And I studied you, Sei. I took notes too. Yumi holds her tighter, her tears dry up, as something deep and fundamental falls into place, with the feel of Sei breathing on top of her, and the smell of her surrounding her.
Sei has nothing to be ashamed of. And neither does Yumi. They exist in a small world at this point in their lives, and they have people they need to explain themselves to. People who care. They are just two people who have an attraction to each other, as simple and as complicated as that. Yet it is more, is it not? Yumi turns this over in her mind, as she holds Sei close to her. She thoughtfully strokes Sei's hair, thinking about what she said to Youko this evening. Sei has yet to comment on it, as it got swept away in the situation regarding Sachiko. Yumi thinks she is falling in love with Sei. Does she still think it, or does she know it? Is she in love, is that what this feeling is? This fierceness in her heart, this possessiveness? Yumi is thinking in terms of owning Sei. She saw the jealousy in Sei earlier, and she feels it in herself. She thinks of a hypothetical situation of somebody touching Sei, of diverting her attention, and she feels a small measure of grief. Is this the way to measure love?
Her brain is alive with these swirling thoughts, these questions that she hopes to be able to answer.
-I can hear you thinking, Yumi.
Sei whispers in her ear. She slides off Yumi, and rests beside her, her hand propping up her head, her arm draped across Yumi's belly. Her face is soft in the glow of the lamp, her expression inquisitive. Her lips are set in a small half smile, her eyes gentle. Everything about her is a study in relaxation. She is so calm, Yumi can feel it. It is coming off her in waves. Sei is here. This is Sei at rest. Another first. How many things will she discover about this enigmatic girl, she wonders, her mind quieting under the influence of Sei's energy.
-Tell me?
Sei asks, her voice still a whisper in the quietness of the house, the night. Yumi gazes at Sei, thinking: I am losing myself in you.
-Do you love me?
Yumi is taken aback with her own question. She has no idea she would say that. Of all the things she might ask, and that is what comes out first. And her voice is embarrassing her. It sounds so weak. There is a quiver in it that she despises. Her face is giving her away again, because Sei is moving, touching her, reassuring her, and the words come from Sei, the words she needs to hear, and she believes Sei. She believes in her. The stream of words, all the things Sei has been holding back. Sei is a talker, she shields herself with words. She entertains and distracts with her words, communicating is a skill of Sei's that Yumi knows she will never match. So many words are pouring out of Sei now, a monologue of expression, trying to put words onto everything she feels. Yumi finds comfort in the sound of Sei's voice, in the vibration in her throat as Sei's speaks. I can hear you, she thinks. I can even hear what you are not saying. Yumi reaches to Sei, and stokes the softness of her breast. The stream of words dry up.
-Do you love me, Sei?
If you say a simple yes, it will mean more than anything else you could say. Yumi is a very smart woman, but she likes simplicity. She likes succinctness. Sei can get lost in her words, Yumi needs to pull her back. She has seen Youko do this with Rosa Gigantea when she is in full flow about something. Sei, whether playing the part of a Rosa, or being herself, she talk and talks. Yumi wants to know the answer to something very simple, that will change the course of their lives. So she calls to Sei, using her body, different from what she does with Sachiko, but from the same book.
-Yes, Yumi. I love you. I love you, now.
Yumi is still stoking Sei's breast, and can feel desire rise up in her again, wanting to touch more of Sei. She can now, she can touch anywhere on Sei, because Sei will allow her, will give her access to anything, now. And Yumi lets go of the last trace of anxiety that is weaved into her thoughts. Unwinds it, and lets it drift away. Sei is looking her dead in the eyes, her smile gone. Her body is moving back to Yumi's and her face coming closer. Their lips meet, and they breathe into each other. Breathe out, breathe in, and they are lost. This is both ways, Yumi finds it in herself to think.
The night deepens, darkens yet further, as does the connection between the two women. The world is turning, turning its face from the sun, the moon holding dominion, the winter cold and unforgiving. This part of the world is quiet. The slide of skin on skin is a whisper in the world inside this room, generating heat to power the light in hooded eyes, keeping the cold at bay. The brief punctuations of laughter, the resting of a hand on a hip, the comfortable caress of a back or a face. Gentle conversation, about each other, to each other, about what is in their lives, knowing each other, becoming sure of each other. Finding their way with each other, via each other, because of each other. They are growing older in this bed, they are expanding. Being here, tangling up in the warmth of each other, they are equals in this adventure. Here they know first love and lust, they touch the idea of divinity resting in the core of each person. Some call that idea god, others call it love. Yet others call it being alive.
They make love, they have sex, discover that sexual appetite can appear to be endless, especially when it is new. They touch and reform their perspectives on life together, deep into the night, until finally, Sei turns off the light, and the added dimension of darkness in their environment, gives Yumi the first glimpse of living a life with someone. The first time she will lie naked with another person, fall asleep in their arms, fall asleep with most of her touching another living being. They give meaning to words again, under the covers of Sei's bed, in the cosy, secret darkness, they feel more intimate, more special.
Yumi has completely forgotten about anything not here and now. She is cresting a wave of want and need, and is coming down the other side, she is coasting into love, into craving the touch of Sei. All of this and more passes through her mind in its own Yumi way, as she feels sleep steal upon her. Before she loses consciousness, a brief thought, like a snapshot from adult Yumi comes to her: we may take different voyages, float down different rivers, find different ports to call home, but with every breeze of every new place, you will be there, Sei. As you are now.
A/N Sorry, AblatedCrayon, I just could not use quotation marks! I hope you enjoy it regardless.
Thanks again to the folks who reviewed and favorited the stories so far. My appreciation of your input is boundless. Thank you to the folk who point out mistakes as well. I believe that this makes me a better writer. If you spot anything as you read, pease let me know.
SaTT
