A/N: Yet another sleepless night and yet another fic. This time, something less distressing than my SW stuff - a personal take on the reasons for which Jane had decided to leave Weller after their pink'n'fluffy reunion in Season 2 grand finale. Seriously, these two final episodes wrecked up my poor twisted brain completely :) Unfortunately, no part of this amazing series belongs to me, I'm just borrowing the characters to mess with them.

Kurt,

I'm so very sorry. When you read this, I'm already long gone. I know that you'll find it being yet another betrayal from me, yet another lie served you in the short time we've known each other. But I can't go on like this forever. I can't pretend I'm suited for beautiful life without everyday's fight to keep myself on the surface. You won't believe this now, and maybe you won't ever believe it, but I truly do this for you, to protect you. I don't want you to suffer even more, and I'm sure you would. I know how much you love me and how it would break your heart - to watch me struggling with reality, day after day.

We're both allowed to be happy, you said some time ago. And we can't be happy, not together, if we don't know who am I. Because, you see, obviously I'm no longer 'Alice' and no longer 'Remi', but now that Sandstorm is out of our way, I don't feel like I'm still 'Jane' neither. 'Jane' never had any idea what 'okay' means, what it means to be normal, and I want to be more than just 'okay' or 'normal' while with you. I want to be happy and to make you happy. I want us to enjoy the life fully, together, for as long as possible. I want to really feel your love, want to give my whole heart to you, just like we promised each other when exchanging our vows and rings. But it turns out I don't know how to do that.

You probably think now I'm a horrible person after all. I must be a horrible person, not being able to appreciate the luck of finding the love or my place in this crazy world. So, I have to become someone better. At this very moment, I don't find myself being worth of you - so I have to go, to find true 'Jane' within myself. I want to become a person you really need, not some messed up wreck of a woman I am now.

As you probably already noticed, there's not much I'm taking with me, not even my wedding band. My baggage is made of the best memories I have: your eyes, your voice, your touch. Hopefully it's enough to keep me strong, so that my longing for you won't stand in my way of learning how to be someone better. You deserve someone better, and I wish it could be me, now. But you, within your admittedly unsteady life, had at least some sense of what 'normal' means. I'm not exactly 'normal' and I have to be: to be worth of you and memories I have of you, and – finally – of turning those memories back to reality.

Please don't try to find me. You are still my starting point and hope one day you may be my ending point as well. No matter where you are, my home is with you and I want to be back, I will be back on my own, just have to learn – how to be truly yours.

'Jane'